My first half-year as an Etonian had now expired. Brief as it was, it
has been to me the most portentous period of my existence. I sometimes
feel that my fate, here and hereafter, has hinged upon it--this world
is globular for the same reason that a woman's tear is. Are we the
creatures of the merest chance, or of eternal predestination through
all time, if there be such a thing as time at all? The question is
idle; for as we have never yet solved it, I begin to think we never
shall. The Almighty has willed this obscurity, and therefore it is for
the best.
I sensitively felt that I was launched amid the crowd of a bustling
world, to steer and shift for myself as I best might. Like other boys,
I had a tutor; but, though a thoroughly conscientious man, he was
worse than useless; for he was to be practised on with such facility,
that I, with his other pupils, imposed upon him as we chose.
When I returned for the holidays to the paternal roof, it was only to
be fagged by my elder brethren; for here the fagging system, I regret
to say, was not only tolerated, but carried out to its most deplorable
extreme.
Ever distant then in our days of boyhood, and that, too, while under
the same roof, now that the casualties of after-life have dispersed
us, we are become, to all intents and purposes, entire strangers one
towards the other.
As to my father, he was, of course, wholly engaged in the cares of
providing for so large and expensive a family; and though a man, I am
persuaded, of strong and ardent affection for his children, I can
barely say that I was acquainted with him.
Accustomed to this sort of distant intercourse from my infancy, I was
desirous of no other, until the following occasion, which happened a
year or two subsequent to the present time.
I had been engaged in rather an arduous expedition, and, in
consequence, was laid up a day or two afterwards with a fever, and in
considerable danger of my life. As soon as I could be removed, I was
sent to my father's house. In the evening, as we ranged ourselves
round the fire, the rest of the family, from prudential motives,
removed themselves to a distance. My father drew my chair towards his
own, asserting that in illness one should not desert the other.
By the time that I returned home, I had moreover become a confirmed
"shuffler."
This word bears, indeed, an ominous insinuation; but at Eton it is not
so disreputable as it sounds. The shuffler ever employs what ingenuity
he may be gifted with, in contriving how he may do as little in
school, and as much out of it, with the least possible flogging; and
it is astonishing to what a nicety this calculation can be reduced,
and to what a degree of perfection a boy's powers for it may be
brought, by constant and careful cultivation.
Yet I was, I think, far from being an idle boy. I neglected my
studies, not to become listless and unemployed, but that I might earn
more time for other, and, as most persons would think, less edifying
pursuits, and was therefore invariably devoted to cricket, rowing, and
foot-ball matches.
This, then, was the good or ill effect which resulted from the chance
of circumstance. My father had at once concluded, that send a boy to
Eton, pay the yearly bills, and his education was infallibly insured.
From the moment that I entered the college, I had been carelessly
placed far above my acquirements; and constant flogging was
inevitable, for a year or two at least, until, perhaps, by close
application, I had made myself equal to my daily tasks. But this was a
prospect by far too distant to be entertained by a boy of nine years
old; for it is the ambition of a boy not to be flogged at all--not as
little as possible.
An objection to sending a boy early to Eton is, that should he have
the hardihood to brave frequent punishment, he may be very nearly as
idle as he pleases; and at this early age, too, he has not the sense
to apply himself to study of his own will, and that, too, while
surrounded by so many temptations to the contrary.
One flogging, without the slightest stigma attaching to it, or
reprimand, is the certain penalty of failure in his task. With
hardihood or without it, I then had no chance, though, at all events,
I acquired it, and that too, to such a degree, and I deemed the
penalty so trivial, that I henceforth enjoyed a delightful sense of
freedom and independence in its way.
If I bestowed a thought on the subject at all, it was to be flogged
not more than once in a day, if I could conveniently do otherwise.
Yet, in an irrational mood, I would read--I would frequently steal off
to some quiet spot in the neighbourhood, and employ myself in various
histories, of which reading I was always very fond. My favourite
retreat was up in an old pollarded willow-tree, secure from fagging,
and therefore enjoying the distant voices in the playing-fields,
delightfully contrasting with the quiet splash of the trout leaping in
the river beneath me.
Thus I obtained a respectably accurate knowledge of the Roman,
Grecian, and English histories, and a somewhat precocious insight too
of the characters of their various and prominent actors.
As for the heroes of the fabulous ages, I was completely conversant
with each of their circumstances, and for this reason. I must
acknowledge, that, as the hour approached for punishment, I was apt to
be troubled in mind, similarly to a patient about to undergo a
disagreeable operation; but no sooner had I opened Lempriere's
classical dictionary, than every unpleasing anticipation was
dissolved, and I became totally unconscious of vulgar realities, and
absorbed in its poetical but unequivocal immorality.