THE HOSPITABLE JONES. Yes, we're in the same old place, where you dined
with us last year. By the bye, old man, I wish you and your wife would
come and take pot-luck with us again on the----
_The Impulsive Brown (in the eagerness of his determination never again
to take pot-luck with the Joneses)._ My _dear_ fellow! _So_ sorry! But
we're engaged on the--a--on the--er--on th-th-that evening!
_Poor Jones (pathetically)._ Well, old man, you _might_ have given me
time just to _name the day_.
* * * * *
[Illustration: "WHO PAYS THE PIPER CALLS THE TUNE"
_Johnnie (to waiter)._ "Aw--you're the boss--head waiter, eh?"
_Waiter._ "Yessir."
_Johnnie._ "Ah, well, just--ah--send up to your _orchestra chaps_, and
tell 'em I really can't eat my dinner to _that_ tune."]
* * * * *
[Illustration: A LAST RESOURCE.--A happy and independent bachelor finds
himself suddenly disappointed of his Christmas party in the country; he
has ordered nothing at home, has given his cook and man-servant leave to
invite their friends; his intimate companions are out of town, and, on
arriving at his club, he is informed by the hall porter that "there is
no dinner to-night, as the servants are having a party." Only one
resource, a hotel, or dinner at a restaurant, all alone!]
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE VERY LATEST DISCOVERY.--_Amateur Astronomical Student
(returning home, after attending scientific bachelor dinner, where "the
reported discovery of a new Satellite of Saturn" has been warmly
discussed)._ "Where am I? Letsh shee--(_considering_)--Earth's got one
moon. Mars's got five moo--Jup'tush nine--I shee two moons. Then--where
_am_ I?"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: EFFECT OF GOOD CHEER ON OPPOSITE TEMPERAMENTS
Aspect of Jones and Smith at two different stages of the same sumptuous
repast.]
* * * * *