SOFT TACK, ONE OF THE BEST TACKS, AFTER ALL--THAT LEGS OF MUTTON
SOMETIMES PRODUCE FRIENDSHIPS OF LONG STANDING COMPLETELY PROVED, AS
WELL AS THE VALUE OF GOOD GRAIN BEST ASCERTAINED AFTER IT HAS BEEN WELL
THRASHED.
The next day we anchored in the Downs. Weak, stiff, and ill, I surveyed
myself in my dressing-glass. My battered features presented a hideous
spectacle. But I cared not. I was a prisoner--I should have no
occasion to emerge from the gloom of the steerage. This was truly a
happy return to my native shores.
But I was not altogether left without commiseration--not altogether
without sympathy. Both Dr Thompson and the purser looked in to see me.
The doctor, especially, seemed to feel deeply for my situation. He
told me that he had heard a strange story; but that, as yet, he was not
at liberty to mention any particulars. He assured me that he had
entirely acquitted me of any participation in a series of base
deceptions that had been practised upon an ancient, a distinguished, and
wealthy family. He bade me hope for the best, and always consider him
as my friend. The purser spoke to the same effect. I told them that my
conviction was that it was they, and not I, who were the victims of
deception. I stated that I had never pretended to rank or parentage of
any sort; I acknowledged that everything connected with my family was a
perfect mystery; but I asked them how they could place any faith in the
assertions of a man who was in a mean capacity when I met with him--who
had confessed to me a multiplicity of villainies--and who had
corroborated the truth of his own confessions by his uniformly wicked
conduct whilst on board.
To all this they both smiled very sapiently, and told me they had their
reasons.
"Well," said I, "you are wise, and, compared to me, old men. You cannot
think this Daunton a moral character--you cannot think him honest.
Still, telling me you are my friends, you champion him against me. And
yet I know not how or in what manner. If he should prove my brother,
the world is wide enough for us both; let him keep out of my way, if he
can. Depend upon it, doctor, he is acting upon an afterthought. He has
been forced into a desperate course. You marked his abject cowardice at
the gangway. During the many hours that he was in irons, before that
punishment he so much dreaded was inflicted, why did he not then send
for you, and, to save himself, make to you these important disclosures?
Merely because he did not think of it. By heavens--a light rushes on
me--he is a housebreaker!--he has committed some burglary, and stolen
papers relating to me; and no doubt he has followed me, first, with the
intention of selling to me the purloined secret at some unconscionable
price, and he has since thought fit to change his plan for something
more considerable, more wicked."
"My poor boy," said the doctor, kindly, "you are under a delusion. Let
me change the subject, and puncture you with my lancet under the eyes--
they are dreadfully contused. Well, Rattlin, we are to go to Sheerness
directly, and be paid off. You may depend upon it, the captain will
think better about this arrest of yours, particularly as the two men at
the wheel positively contradict the quarter-master, and affirm that the
helm was put hard a-starboard, and not hard a-port. It appears to us
that it was of little consequence, when the ship was first discovered,
how the helm was put. The fault was evidently on the part of those who
so awfully suffered for it. By-the-by, there has been a change among
the lords of the Admiralty--there are two new junior ones."
"Begging your pardon, doctor, what the devil is a change among the
junior lords of the Admiralty to a half-starved, imprisoned,
blackened-eyed, ragged reefer?"
Much more than I was aware of.
"Now," said I to the purser, "if you wish to do me a real kindness,
change me some of my Spanish for English money, and let the first
bumboat that comes alongside be ready to go ashore in ballast, for I
shall certainly clear it."
My request was immediately complied with; and my friends, for the
present, took their leave.
Those blessed bearers of the good things of this life, the bum-boats,
were not yet permitted alongside. Every five minutes, I sent master
Bill up to see. Great are the miseries of a midshipman's berth, when
the crockery is all broken, and the grog all drunk, and the salt junk
all eaten. But great, exceedingly great, are the pleasures of the same
berth, when, after a long cruise, on coming into port, the first boat of
soft tack is on the table, the first leg of mutton is in the boiler, and
the first pound of fresh butter is before the watering mouths of the
expectants. Aldermen of London, you feed much--epicures of the
West-end, you feed delicately; but neither of you know what real
luxuries are. Go to sea for six months upon midshipman allowance, eked
out by midshipmen's improvidence: and, on your return, the greasy
bumboat, first beating against the ship's sides, will afford you a
practical lesson upon the art of papillary enjoyment.
It is, I must confess, very unromantic, and not at all like the hero of
three volumes, to confess that, for a time, my impulses of anger had
given way to the gnawings of hunger; and I thought, for a time, less of
Joshua Daunton than of the first succulent cut into a leg of Southdown
mutton.
The blessed _avatar_ at length took place. The bumboat and the frigate
lovingly rubbed sides, and, like an angel descending from heaven, I saw
Bill coming down the after-hatchway, his face radiant with the glory of
expectant repletion, a leg of mutton in each hand, two quartern-loaves
under each arm, and between each pair of loaves was jammed a pound of
fresh butter. I had the legs of mutton in the berth, and laid on the
table, that I might contemplate them, whilst I sent my messenger up for
as many bottles of porter as I could buy. But I was not permitted to
enjoy the divine contemplation all to myself. My five messmates came to
partake of this access of happiness. As the legs of mutton lay on the
table, how devoutly we ogled their delicate fat, and speculated upon the
rich and gravy-charged lean! We apostrophised them--we patted them
endearingly with our hands--and, when Bill again made his appearance
laden with sundry bottles of porter, our ecstasy was running at the rate
of fourteen knots an hour.
My messmates settled themselves on the lockers, smiling amiably. How
sorry they were that my eyes were so blackened, and my face so swollen!
With what urbanity they smiled upon me! I was of the right sort--the
good fellow,--damn him who would hurt a hair of my head. They were all
ready to go a step further than purgatory for me.
"Gentlemen," said I, making a semicircular barricade round me of my four
quartern-loaves, my two pounds of fresh butter, and eleven of my bottles
of porter, for I was just about to knock the head off the
twelfth (who, under such circumstances, could have waited for
corkscrews?)--"gentlemen," said I, "get your knives ready, we will have
lunch." Shylock never flourished his more eagerly than did my
companions theirs, each eyeing a loaf.
"Gentlemen, we will have lunch--but, as I don't think that lately you
have used me quite well (countenances all round serious), and as I have,
as you all well know, laid out much money, with little thanks, upon this
mess (faces quite dejected), permit me to remind you that there is still
some biscuit in the bread-bag, and that this before me is private
property."
The lower jaws of my messmates dropped, as if conscious that there would
be no occupation for them. I cut a fine slice off the new bread, spread
it thickly with the butter, tossed over a foaming mug of porter, and,
eating the first mouthful of the delicious preparation, with a
superfluity of emphatic smacks, I burst into laughter at the woebegone
looks around me.
"What," said I, "could you think so meanly of me? You have treated me
according to your natures, I treat you according to mine. Fall-to,
dogs, and devour!--peck up the crumbs, scarecrows, as the Creole calls
you, and be filled. But, pause and be just, even to your own appetites.
Notwithstanding our lunch, let us dine. Let us divide the four loaves
into eight equal portions. There are six of us here, and Bill must have
his share. We will have more for our dinner, when the legs of mutton
make their appearance."
We drank each of us a bottle of porter, and finished our half-quartern
loaves with wonderful alacrity, Bill keeping us gladsome company. My
messmates then left the berth, pronouncing me a good fellow. The eighth
portion of soft tommy and butter, with a bottle of porter, I made the
servant leave on the table; and then sent him again to the bumboat, to
procure other necessaries, to make the accompaniments to our mutton
perfect.
In the meantime, Pigtop, who lay in his hammock, directly across the
window of our berth, had been a tantalised observer of all that had
passed. I crouched myself up in one corner of the hole, and was
gradually falling into disagreeable ruminations, when Mr Pigtop crept
out of his hammock and into the berth, and sat himself down as far from
me as possible.
"Rattlin," said he, at length, dolefully, "you have beaten me
dreadfully."
"It was your own seeking--I am sorry for your sufferings."
"Well--I thank ye for that same--I don't mean the beating--you know that
I stood up to you like a man. Is there malice between us?"
"On my part, none. Why did you provoke me?"
"I was wrong--infarnally wrong--and, may be, I would have owned it
before--but for your quick temper, and that hard punch in the chaps. I
have had the worst of it. It goes to my heart, Rattlin, that I, an old
sailor, and a man nearly forty, should be knocked about by a mere boy--
it is not decent--it is not becoming--it is not natural--I shall never
get over it. I wish I could undo the done things of yesterday."
"And so do I, heartily--fervently."
"Well--that is kindly said--and I old enough to be your father--and
twenty-five years at sea--beaten to a standstill. Sorry I ever entered
the cursed ship."
How much of all this, thought I, is genuine feeling, how much genuine
appetite? I was sorry for the poor fellow, however.
"Rattlin, owing to one crooked thing and another, we have lately fared
miserably. The ship has been a hell upon the waters. I am faint for
the want of something to support me. Is that prog and that bottle of
porter private property?"
"They are my property. I do not offer them to you, because I would not
that you thought that I was aping magnanimity. For the respect that I
shall always owe to an old sailor, I say to you frankly, that, if your
feelings are sufficiently amicable towards me to take it, take it, and
with it a welcome and a wish that it may do you much good--but, if your
blood is still evil towards me, for the sake of your own integrity you
would reject it, though you starved."
"Rattlin, I break bread with you as a friend. I am confoundedly sorry
that I have been prejudiced against you--and there's my hand upon it."
I shook hands with him heartily, and said: "Pigtop, I cannot regret that
I did my best to repel your insult, but I sincerely regret its
consequences. Henceforward, you shall insult me twice, before I lift my
hand against you once."
"I will never insult you again. I will be your fast friend, and perhaps
I may have the means of proving it."
It now became my turn to be astonished. Instead of seeing the hungry
oldster fall-to, like a ravenous dog, he broke off a small corner from
the bread, ate it, and was in the act of retiring, when I hailed him.
"Halloa!--Pigtop--what's in the wind now? My friend, you do but little
honour to my cheer, and I am sure that you must want it."
"No, no," said Pigtop, with much feeling--"you shall never suppose that
the old sailor sold the birthright of his honour for a mess of pottage."
"Well felt and well said, by all that's upright! But, nevertheless, you
shall drink this bottle of porter, and eat this bread and butter--and so
I'll e'en cut it up into very excellent rounds. You sha'n't accept my
friendship without accepting my fare. I like your spirit so well,
Pigtop, that for your sake I will never judge of a man again, until I
have thrashed him soundly."
To the surprise of my messmates, when they assembled punctually to the
feast of mutton, they discovered me and old Pigtop, hand in hand across
the table, discussing another bottle of porter.