“As my mind grew calmer, the visions of Italy again returned with their
former glow of colouring; and I resolved on quitting the kingdom for a
time, in search of the cheerfulness, that naturally results from a
change of scene, unless we carry the barbed arrow with us, and only see
what we feel.
“During the period necessary to prepare for a long absence, I sent a
supply to pay my father’s debts, and settled my brothers in eligible
situations; but my attention was not wholly engrossed by my family,
though I do not think it necessary to enumerate the common exertions of
humanity. The manner in which my uncle’s property was settled,
prevented me from making the addition to the fortune of my surviving
sister, that I could have wished; but I had prevailed on him to
bequeath her two thousand pounds, and she determined to marry a lover,
to whom she had been some time attached. Had it not been for this
engagement, I should have invited her to accompany me in my tour; and I
might have escaped the pit, so artfully dug in my path, when I was the
least aware of danger.
“I had thought of remaining in England, till I weaned my child; but
this state of freedom was too peaceful to last, and I had soon reason
to wish to hasten my departure. A friend of Mr. Venables, the same
attorney who had accompanied him in several excursions to hunt me from
my hiding places, waited on me to propose a reconciliation. On my
refusal, he indirectly advised me to make over to my husband—for
husband he would term him—the greater part of the property I had at
command, menacing me with continual persecution unless I complied, and
that, as a last resort, he would claim the child. I did not, though
intimidated by the last insinuation, scruple to declare, that I would
not allow him to squander the money left to me for far different
purposes, but offered him five hundred pounds, if he would sign a bond
not to torment me any more. My maternal anxiety made me thus appear to
waver from my first determination, and probably suggested to him, or
his diabolical agent, the infernal plot, which has succeeded but too
well.
“The bond was executed; still I was impatient to leave England.
Mischief hung in the air when we breathed the same; I wanted seas to
divide us, and waters to roll between, till he had forgotten that I had
the means of helping him through a new scheme. Disturbed by the late
occurrences, I instantly prepared for my departure. My only delay was
waiting for a maid-servant, who spoke French fluently, and had been
warmly recommended to me. A valet I was advised to hire, when I fixed
on my place of residence for any time.
“My God, with what a light heart did I set out for Dover!—It was not my
country, but my cares, that I was leaving behind. My heart seemed to
bound with the wheels, or rather appeared the centre on which they
twirled. I clasped you to my bosom, exclaiming ‘And you will be
safe—quite safe—when—we are once on board the packet.—Would we were
there!’ I smiled at my idle fears, as the natural effect of continual
alarm; and I scarcely owned to myself that I dreaded Mr. Venables’s
cunning, or was conscious of the horrid delight he would feel, at
forming stratagem after stratagem to circumvent me. I was already in
the snare—I never reached the packet—I never saw thee more.—I grow
breathless. I have scarcely patience to write down the details. The
maid—the plausible woman I had hired—put, doubtless, some stupefying
potion in what I ate or drank, the morning I left town. All I know is,
that she must have quitted the chaise, shameless wretch! and taken
(from my breast) my babe with her. How could a creature in a female
form see me caress thee, and steal thee from my arms! I must stop, stop
to repress a mother’s anguish; lest, in bitterness of soul, I imprecate
the wrath of heaven on this tiger, who tore my only comfort from me.
“How long I slept I know not; certainly many hours, for I woke at the
close of day, in a strange confusion of thought. I was probably roused
to recollection by some one thundering at a huge, unwieldy gate.
Attempting to ask where I was, my voice died away, and I tried to raise
it in vain, as I have done in a dream. I looked for my babe with
affright; feared that it had fallen out of my lap, while I had so
strangely forgotten her; and, such was the vague intoxication, I can
give it no other name, in which I was plunged, I could not recollect
when or where I last saw you; but I sighed, as if my heart wanted room
to clear my head.
“The gates opened heavily, and the sullen sound of many locks and bolts
drawn back, grated on my very soul, before I was appalled by the
creeking of the dismal hinges, as they closed after me. The gloomy pile
was before me, half in ruins; some of the aged trees of the avenue were
cut down, and left to rot where they fell; and as we approached some
mouldering steps, a monstrous dog darted forwards to the length of his
chain, and barked and growled infernally.
“The door was opened slowly, and a murderous visage peeped out, with a
lantern. ‘Hush!’ he uttered, in a threatning tone, and the affrighted
animal stole back to his kennel. The door of the chaise flew back, the
stranger put down the lantern, and clasped his dreadful arms around me.
It was certainly the effect of the soporific draught, for, instead of
exerting my strength, I sunk without motion, though not without sense,
on his shoulder, my limbs refusing to obey my will. I was carried up
the steps into a close-shut hall. A candle flaring in the socket,
scarcely dispersed the darkness, though it displayed to me the
ferocious countenance of the wretch who held me.
“He mounted a wide staircase. Large figures painted on the walls seemed
to start on me, and glaring eyes to meet me at every turn. Entering a
long gallery, a dismal shriek made me spring out of my conductor’s
arms, with I know not what mysterious emotion of terror; but I fell on
the floor, unable to sustain myself.
“A strange-looking female started out of one of the recesses, and
observed me with more curiosity than interest; till, sternly bid
retire, she flitted back like a shadow. Other faces, strongly marked,
or distorted, peeped through the half-opened doors, and I heard some
incoherent sounds. I had no distinct idea where I could be—I looked on
all sides, and almost doubted whether I was alive or dead.
“Thrown on a bed, I immediately sunk into insensibility again; and next
day, gradually recovering the use of reason, I began, starting
affrighted from the conviction, to discover where I was confined—I
insisted on seeing the master of the mansion—I saw him—and perceived
that I was buried alive.—
“Such, my child, are the events of thy mother’s life to this dreadful
moment—Should she ever escape from the fangs of her enemies, she will
add the secrets of her prison-house—and—”
Some lines were here crossed out, and the memoirs broke off abruptly
with the names of Jemima and Darnford.
APPENDIX
ADVERTISEMENT[11]
The performance, with a fragment of which the reader has now been
presented, was designed to consist of three parts. The preceding sheets
were considered as constituting one of those parts. Those persons who
in the perusal of the chapters, already written and in some degree
finished by the author, have felt their hearts awakened, and their
curiosity excited as to the sequel of the story, will, of course,
gladly accept even of the broken paragraphs and half-finished
sentences, which have been found committed to paper, as materials for
the remainder. The fastidious and cold-hearted critic may perhaps feel
himself repelled by the incoherent form in which they are presented.
But an inquisitive temper willingly accepts the most imperfect and
mutilated information, where better is not to be had: and readers, who
in any degree resemble the author in her quick apprehension of
sentiment, and of the pleasures and pains of imagination, will, I
believe, find gratification, in contemplating sketches, which were
designed in a short time to have received the finishing touches of her
genius; but which must now for ever remain a mark to record the
triumphs of mortality, over schemes of usefulness, and projects of
public interest.
[11] Presumed to have been written by Godwin [Publisher’s note].