Deepest Stage of Misery, and Deliverance.
In the evening I came to an inn, where I met a poor tramp who was a
Jewish beggar by profession. I was uncommonly pleased to meet one of my
brethren, with whom I could talk, and to whom this neighbourhood was
pretty well known. I resolved therefore to wander about the country with
this companion, and to preserve my life in this way, though two such
heterogeneous persons were nowhere to be met with in the world. I was an
educated rabbi; he was an idiot. I had hitherto maintained myself in an
honourable way; he was a beggar by profession. I had ideas of morality,
propriety, and decency; he knew nothing of these. Finally, I was in
sound health, it is true, but still of weakly constitution; he, on the
other hand, was a sturdy, able-bodied fellow, who would have made the
best of soldiers.
Notwithstanding these differences, I stuck close to the man, as, in
order to prolong life, I was compelled to become a vagrant in a strange
land. In our wanderings I laboured to communicate to my companion ideas
of religion and of true morality, while he in return instructed me in
the art of begging. He taught me the usual formulas of the art, and
recommended me especially to curse and swear, whenever I was sent away
without anything. But with all the trouble, which he gave himself in the
matter, his teachings would not take any hold on me. The formulas of
begging appeared to me absurd I thought, if a man was once compelled to
beg help of others, he should express his feelings in the most simple
form. As far as cursing was concerned, I could not understand why a man,
who refused another's request, should draw a curse upon himself; and
then it seemed to me, that the man thus treated would be thereby
embittered, and the beggar be all the less likely to attain his object.
When therefore I went to beg with my comrade, I conducted myself always
as if I were begging and cursing at the same time, but in fact I never
spoke a single intelligible word. If, on the other hand, I went alone, I
had absolutely nothing to say; but from my appearance and conduct could
easily be seen what was wanted. My comrade sometimes scolded me on
account of my slowness in learning his art, and this I bore with the
greatest patience.
In this way we wandered about in a district of a few miles for nearly
half a year. At last we resolved to turn our steps towards Poland. When
we arrived at Posen we took up our quarters in the Jewish poorhouse, the
master of which was a poor jobbing tailor. Here I formed the resolve, at
whatever cost, to bring my wandering to a close. It was harvest-time,
and already began to be pretty cold. I was almost naked and barefoot. By
this vagrant life, in which I never got any regular meals, for the most
part had to content myself with bits of mouldy bread and water, and at
night was obliged to lie on old straw, sometimes even on the bare earth,
my health had seriously suffered. Besides, the sacred seasons and
fast-days in the Jewish calendar were coming on; and as at that time I
was of a somewhat strong religious disposition, I could not endure the
thought of passing in complete idleness this period which others
employed for the welfare of their souls.
I resolved, therefore, for the present at least, to go no farther, and,
at all events if it should come to the worst, to throw myself before the
synagogue, and either die there or excite the compassion of my brethren,
and by that means bring my sufferings to an end. Consequently as soon as
my comrade awoke in the morning, began to make arrangements for a
begging tour, and summoned me to the same, I told him that I would not
go with him at present; and when he asked how I intended to sustain life
in any other way, I was able to answer nothing but "God will surely
help."
I then went off to the Jewish school. Here I found a number of scholars,
some of whom were reading, while others took advantage of the master's
absence to pass the time in play. I also took a book to read. The
scholars, who were struck by my strange dress, approached and asked me
whence I came and what I wanted. Their questions I answered in my
Lithuanian dialect, at which they began to laugh, and make merry at my
expense. For this I cared little. But I recollected that, some years
before, a chief rabbi from my neighbourhood had been appointed to the
same office in Posen, and that he had taken with him an acquaintance and
a good friend of mine as his secretary. Accordingly I asked the boys
about this friend. To my extreme grief I learned that he was no longer
in Posen, as the chief rabbi had been afterwards promoted to the same
office in Hamburg, and his secretary had gone with him to that place.
They told me, however, that his son, a boy about twelve years old, had
been left behind in Posen with the present chief rabbi, who was a
son-in-law of his predecessor.
This information saddened me not a little. Still the last circumstance
gave me some hope. I inquired after the dwelling of the new chief rabbi,
and went to it; but, as I was almost naked, I shrank from entering, and
waited until I saw some one going into the house, whom I begged to be so
good as to call my friend's son out. The boy recognised me at once, and
manifested his astonishment at seeing me here in such a pitiable plight.
I replied, that this was not the time to relate all the misfortunes
which had brought me into this state, and that at present he should
consider merely how he might somewhat relieve my distress.
This he promised to do. He went to the chief rabbi, and announced me as
a great scholar and a pious man, who by extraordinary accidents had
fallen into a very miserable condition. The chief rabbi, who was an
excellent man, an acute Talmudist, and of very gentle character, was
touched by my distress, and sent for me to come in. He conversed with me
a while, discussing some of the most important subjects in the Talmud,
and found me well versed in all branches of Jewish learning. Then he
inquired about my intentions, and I told him that I wished to be
introduced as a tutor into some family, but that meanwhile my only
desire was to be able to celebrate the sacred season here, and for this
short period at least to interrupt my travels.
The good-hearted rabbi bade me, so far as this was concerned, to lay
aside all anxiety, spoke of my desire as a small matter, which it was
nothing more than reasonable to want. He then gave me what money he had
by him, invited me to dine with him every Sabbath, as long as I remained
here, and bade his boy procure a respectable lodging for me. The boy
came back soon, and conducted me to my lodging. I expected this to be
only a small chamber in the house of some poor man. I was therefore not
a little astonished, when I found myself in the house of one of the
oldest Jews of the town, and that here had been prepared for me a neat
little room, which was the study of the master, he and his son being
both scholars.
As soon as I had looked round a little, I went to the housewife, and,
thrusting some coppers into her hand, I asked her to get me some gruel
for supper. She began to smile at my simplicity, and said, "No, no, sir,
that is not our agreement. The chief rabbi has not given you such a
recommendation, that you are obliged to have us making you gruel for
money." She then went on to explain, that I was not only to lodge in her
house, but also to eat and drink with them, as long as I stayed in the
town. I was astonished at this unexpected good fortune; but my delight
was still greater, when after supper I was shown to a clean bed. I could
not believe my eyes, and asked several times, "Is this really for me?" I
can say with truth, that never, before or since this incident, have I
felt such a degree of happiness, as when I lay down that night, and felt
my limbs, which for half a year had been overwearied and almost broken,
recovering their former strength in a soft bed.
I slept till late in the day. I had scarcely risen when the chief rabbi
sent for me to come and see him. When I made my appearance he asked me
how I was pleased with my lodging. I could not find words to express my
feelings on the subject, and exclaimed in ecstasy, "I have slept in a
bed!" At this the chief rabbi was uncommonly pleased. He then sent for
the school precentor, and as soon as this man appeared he said to him,
"Go to the shop of ----, and get cloth for a suit to this gentleman."
Thereupon he turned to me and asked what sort of stuff I liked.
Overpowered by the feeling of gratitude and esteem for this excellent
man I could answer nothing. The tears streaming down my cheeks served
for my only answer.
The chief rabbi also ordered for me some new linen. In two days
everything was ready. Dressed in my new linen and new suit I went to the
chief rabbi. I was going to express my gratitude to him, but could
scarcely get out a few broken words. For the chief rabbi this was a
charming sight. He waived my thanks, and said that I was not to think
too highly of him for this, inasmuch as what he had done for me was a
mere trifle not worth mentioning.
Now the reader may perhaps suppose that this chief rabbi was a wealthy
man, for whom the expense to which he put himself on my account was
really a trifle; but I can give the assurance that this was far from
being the case. He had merely a moderate income; and as he occupied
himself wholly with study, his wife had the management of his affairs,
and especially the charge of housekeeping. Actions of this sort,
therefore, had to be done without the knowledge of his wife, and under
the pretext that he received from other people the money for the
purpose. Moreover, he lived a very temperate life, fasted every day
except Sabbath, and never ate flesh the whole week through.
Nevertheless, to satisfy his benevolent inclinations he could not avoid
making debts. His severe manner of life, his many studies and vigils,
weakened his strength to such a degree that he died about the
thirty-sixth year of his life. His death took place after he had been
appointed chief rabbi in Fördet, to which place he was followed by a
large number of disciples. I can never think of this godly man without
being deeply affected.
In my former lodging at the poor tailor's I had left some trifles which
I now went to fetch. The tailor, his wife, and my former comrade in
beggary, who had already heard of the happy change in my affairs,
expected me with the greatest impatience. It was a touching scene. The
man, who three days before arrived in this poor hut, quite debilitated,
half naked, and barefoot, whom the poor inmates of the house regarded as
an outcast of nature, and whose comrade in linen blouse had looked down
upon him with mockery and contempt,--this man (his fame before him) now
comes into the same hut with a cheerful face, and in reverend garb
dressed as a chief rabbi.
They all testified their joy and surprise at the transformation. The
poor woman took her babe in her arms and, with tears in her eyes, begged
a blessing for him. My comrade begged me very affectingly for
forgiveness on account of his rough treatment. He said that he deemed
himself fortunate in having had such a fellow-traveller, but would hold
himself unfortunate if I would not forgive the faults he had committed
in ignorance. I spoke to them all very kindly, gave the little one my
blessing, handed to my old comrade all the cash I had in my pocket, and
went back deeply affected.
Meanwhile my fame was spread through the whole town by the conduct
towards me of the chief rabbi, as well as that of my new host, who was
himself a scholar, and had formed a high opinion of my talents and
learning from frequent conversations and discussions which we had held
together. All the scholars of the town, therefore, came to see me and
discuss with me as a famous travelling rabbi; and the more intimately
they came to know me, so much the higher rose their esteem.
This period was undoubtedly the happiest and most honourable in my life.
The young scholars of the town passed a resolution at their meeting to
make up for me a salary, for which I was to deliver lectures to them on
the celebrated and profound work of Maimonides, _Moreh Nebhochim_. This
proposal, however, was never carried out, because the parents of these
young people were anxious lest their children should be thereby led
astray, and by independent thinking on religion be made to waver in
their faith. They acknowledged indeed that, with all my fondness for
religious speculation, I was still a pious man and an orthodox rabbi.
But they could not rely upon their children having sufficient judgment,
to be able to enter upon this course without passing from one extreme to
the other, from superstition to unbelief; and therein perhaps they were
right.
After I had spent about four weeks in this way, the man, with whom I
lodged, came to me, and said, "Herr Solomon, allow me to make a proposal
to you. If you are inclined merely to solitary study, you may remain
here as long as you like. If, however, you do not wish to withdraw into
such complete retirement, but are inclined to be of service to the world
with your talents, there is a wealthy man here--one of the most
prominent people of the town--who has an only son, and wishes nothing so
much as to have you for his tutor. This man is my brother-in-law. If you
will not do it for his sake, please do it for mine, and to gratify the
chief rabbi, as he has deeply at heart the education of my nephew, who
is connected by marriage with his family." This offer I accepted with
delight. I came therefore into this family under advantageous conditions
as tutor, and remained with them two years in the greatest honour.
Nothing was done in the house without my knowledge. I was always met
with the greatest respect. I was held in fact to be almost something
more than human.
Thus the two years flowed on imperceptibly and happily for me. But
during the time some little incidents took place, which I believe should
not be altogether omitted in this history.
In the first place the esteem entertained for me in this house went so
far, that _malgré moi_ they were going to make me a prophet. My pupil
was betrothed to the daughter of a chief rabbi, who was a brother-in-law
of the chief rabbi in Posen. The bride, a girl of about twelve years,
was brought to Posen by her parents-in-law at the feast of Pentecost. On
the occasion of this visit I observed that the girl was of a very
phlegmatic temperament and somewhat consumptive. I mentioned this to the
brother of my host, and added with a significant look, that I was very
anxious for the girl, as I did not believe that her health would last
long. After the feast was over the girl was sent home, and a fortnight
afterwards a letter was received announcing her death. On this account,
not only in the house where I lived, but in the whole town, I was taken
for a prophet, who had been able to foretell the death of this girl. As
I wished nothing less than to deceive, I endeavoured to bring these
superstitious people to a different train of thought. I told them that
anybody, who had made observations in the world, would have been able to
foretell the same thing. But it was of no use. Once for all I was a
prophet, and had to remain one.
Another incident occurred in a Jewish house one Friday when they were
preparing fish for the Sabbath. The fish was a carp, and it seemed to
the cook who was cutting it up as if it uttered a sound. This threw
everybody into a panic. The rabbi was asked what should be done with
this dumb fish that had ventured to speak. Under the superstitious idea
that the carp was possessed with a spirit, the rabbi enjoined that it
should be wrapped in a linen cloth, and buried with pomp.
Now, in the house where I lived, this awe-inspiring event became the
subject of conversation. Having by this time emancipated myself pretty
thoroughly from superstitions of this sort by diligent study of the
_Moreh Nebhochim_, I laughed heartily over the story, and said, that, if
instead of burying the carp, they had sent it to me, I should have tried
how such an inspired carp would taste.
This _bon mot_ became known. The learned men fell into a passion about
it, denounced me as a heretic, and sought to persecute me in every way.
But the respect, entertained for me in the house where I was tutor, made
all their efforts fruitless. As I found myself in this way safe, and the
spirit of fanaticism, instead of deterring me, rather spurred me on to
further reflection, I began to push matters a little farther, frequently
slept through the time of prayer, went seldom to the synagogue, and so
on. At last the measure of my sins became so full, that nothing could
secure me any longer from persecution.
At the entrance to the Common Hall in Posen there has been, no one knows
for how long, a stag-horn fixed into the wall. The Jews are unanimously
of the conviction, that any one who touches this horn is sure to die on
the spot; and they relate a multitude of instances in proof. This would
not go down with me at all, and I made fun of it. So one day when I was
passing the stag-horn with some other Jews, I said to them, "You Posen
fools, do you think that any one who touches this horn must die on the
spot? See, I dare to touch it!" Horror-struck, they expected my death
on the spot; but as nothing happened, their anxiety for me was converted
into hatred. They looked on me as one who had profaned the sanctuary.
This fanaticism stirred up in me the desire to go to Berlin, and destroy
by enlightenment the remnant of superstition which still clung to me. I
therefore begged leave of my employer. He expressed the wish indeed,
that I should remain longer in his house, and assured me of his
protection against all persecution. But as I had once for all taken my
resolution, I was determined not to alter it. I therefore bade goodbye
to my employer and his whole family, took a seat on the Frankfurt post,
and set out for Berlin.