[_Enter_] MELIPPUS[811]
_Melip._ I had never such adoe to warne schollers to come before a
king! First I came to Crisippus, a tall, leane old mad man, willing
him presently to appeare before Alexander. Hee stood staring on my
face, neither moving his eyes nor his body. I urging him to give
some answer, hee tooke up a booke, sate downe, and saide nothing. 5
Melissa, his maide, told mee it was his manner, and that oftentimes
shee was fain to thrust meat into his mouth, for that he would
rather sterve than cease studie. Well, thought I, seeing bookish
men are so blockish and great clearkes such simple courtiers, I
will neither be partaker of their commons nor their commendations.
From thence I came to Plato and to Aristotle[812] and to divers 10
other; none refusing to come, saving an olde, obscure fellow,
who, sitting in a tub turned towardes the sunne, read Greeke to
a young boy. Him when I willed to appeare before Alexander, he
answered, "If Alexander would faine see mee, let him come to mee;
if learne of me, let him come to mee; whatsoever it be, let him 15
come to me." "Why," said I, "he is a king." He answered, "Why,
I am a philosopher." "Why, but he is Alexander." "I, but I am
Diogenes." I was halfe angry to see one so crooked in his shape to
bee so crabbed in his sayings; so, going my way, I said, "Thou 20
shalt repent it, if thou comest not to Alexander." "Nay," smiling
answered hee, "Alexander may repent it if hee come not to Diogenes:
vertue must bee sought, not offered." And so, turning himselfe to
his cell, hee grunted I know not what, like a pig under a tub. But
I must bee gone, the philosophers are comming. _Exit._ 25
[_Enter_ PLATO, ARISTOTLE, CRYSIPPUS, CRATES, CLEANTHES, _and_
ANAXARCHUS[813]]
_Plato._ It is a difficult controversie, Aristotle, and rather
to be wondred at than beleeved, how natural causes should worke
supernaturall effects.
_Aris._ I do not so much stand upon the apparition is seene in the 30
moone,[814] neither the _Demonium_ of Socrates, as that I cannot by
naturall reason give any reason of the ebbing and flowing of the
sea; which makes me in the depth of my studies to crie out, _O ens
entium, miserere mei_.
_Plato._ Cleanthes and you attribute so much to nature by searching
for things which are not to be found, that, whilest you studie a
cause of your owne,[815] you omitt the occasion it selfe. There 35
is no man so savage in whom resteth not this divine particle: that
there is an omnipotent, eternall, and divine mover, which may be
called God.
_Cleant._ I am of this minde: that that first mover, which you 40
terme God, is the instrument of all the movings which we attribute
to nature.[816] The earth, which is masse, swimmeth[817] on the sea,
seasons divided in themselves, fruits growing in themselves, the
majestie of the skie, the whole firmament of the world, and whatsoever
else appeareth miraculous,--what man almost of meane capacitie but 45
can prove it natural?
_Anax._ These causes shall be debated at our philosophers feast,
in which controversie I will take part with Aristotle that there is
_Natura naturans_,[818] and yet not God.
_Cra._ And I with Plato that there is _Deus optimus maximus_, and 50
not nature.
[_Enter_ ALEXANDER, _attended by_ HEPHESTION, PARMENIO, _and_ CLYTUS]
_Aris._ Here commeth Alexander.
_Alex._ I see, Hephestion, that these philosophers are here attending
for us.
_Hep._ They are not philosophers if they know[819] not their duties. 55
_Alex._ But I much mervaile Diogenes should bee so dogged.
_Hep._ I doe not thinke but his excuse will be better than Melippus
message.
_Alex._ I will goe see him, Hephestion, because I long to see him
that would command Alexander to come, to whom all the world is 60
like to come.--Aristotle and the rest, sithence my comming from
Thebes to Athens, from a place of conquest to a pallace of[820]
quiet, I have resolved with my selfe in my court to have as many
philosophers as I had in my camp souldiers. My court shal be a
schoole wherein I wil have used as great doctrine[821] in peace as
I did in warre discipline. 65
_Aris._ We are all here ready to be commanded, and glad we are
that we are commanded, for that nothing better becommeth kings
than literature, which maketh them come as neare to the gods in
wisdome as they doe in dignitie. 70
_Alex._ It is so, Aristotle, but yet there is among you, yea and of
your bringing up, that sought to destroy Alexander,--Calistenes,[822]
Aristotle, whose treasons against his prince shall not be borne out
with the reasons of his philosophie.
_Aris._ If ever mischief entred into the heart of Calistenes, let 75
Calistenes suffer for it; but that Aristotle ever imagined any such
thing of Calistenes, Aristotle doth denie.
_Alex._ Well, Aristotle, kindred may blinde thee, and affection me;
but in kings causes I will not stand to schollers arguments. This
meeting shal be for a commandement that you all frequent my 80
court, instruct the young with rules,[823] confirme the olde with
reasons:
let your lives bee answerable to your learnings, least my proceedings
be contrary to my promises.
_Hep._ You said you would aske every one of them a question
which yesternight none of us could answere.[824] 85
_Alex._ I will. Plato, of all beasts which is the subtilest?
_Plato._ That which man hitherto never knew.
_Alex._ Aristotle, how should a man be thought a god?
_Aris._ In doing a thing unpossible for a man.
_Alex._ Crisippus, which was first, the day or the night? 90
_Aris._ The day, by a day.
_Alex._ Indeede, strange questions must have strange answers.
Cleanthes, what say you, is life or death the stronger?
_Cle._ Life, that suffereth so many troubles.
_Alex._ Crates, how long should a man live? 95
_Crates._ Till hee thinke it better to die than to live.
_Alex._ Anaxarchus, whether doth the sea or the earth bring forth
most creatures?
_Anax._ The earth, for the sea is but a part of the earth.
_Alex._ Hephestion, me thinkes they have answered all well, and 100
in such questions I meane often to trie them.
_Hep._ It is better to have in your court a wise man than in your
ground a golden mine. Therefore would I leave war, to study
wisdom, were I Alexander.
_Alex._ So would I, were I Hephestion.[825] But come, let us goe 105
and give release, as I promised, to our Theban thralls.[826]
_Exeunt_ [_Alexander, Hephestion, Parmenio, and Clytus._]
_Plato._ Thou art fortunate, Aristotle, that Alexander is thy
scholler.
_Aris._ And all you happy that he is your soveraigne.
_Crisip._ I could like the man well, if he could be contented to 110
bee but a man.
_Aris._ He seeketh to draw neere to the gods in knowledge, not to be a
god.
[_Enter_ DIOGENES.[827]]
_Plato._ Let us question a little with Diogenes why he went not
with us to Alexander. Diogenes, thou didst forget thy duety, that 115
thou wentst not with us to the king.
_Diog._ And you your profession that went to the king.
_Plato._ Thou takest as great pride to be peevish as others do glory
to be vertuous.
_Diog._ And thou as great honour, being a philosopher, to be 120
thought court-like, as others shame, that be courtiers, to be
accounted philosophers.
_Aris._ These austere manners set aside, it is well knowne that
thou didst counterfeite money.[828]
_Diog._ And thou thy manners, in that thou didst not counterfeite 125
money.[829]
_Aris._ Thou hast reason to contemne the court, being both in bodie
and minde too crooked for a courtier.
_Diog._ As good be crooked and indevour to make my selfe straight,
from the court, as bee straight and learne to be crooked at the
court. 130
_Cris._ Thou thinkest it a grace to be opposite against Alexander.
_Diog._ And thou to be jump with Alexander.
_Anax._ Let us goe, for in contemning him we shal better please
him than in wondering at him.
_Aris._ Plato, what doest thou thinke of Diogenes? 135
_Plato._ To be Socrates furious.[830] Let us go. _Exeunt Philosophi._
[_Diogenes moves about with a lantern as if seeking something._]
[_Enter_] PSYLLUS, MANES, [_and_] GRANICHUS.[831]
_Psyllus._ Behold, Manes, where thy master is, seeking either for
bones for his dinner or pinnes for his sleeves. I will goe salute
him.
_Manes._ Doe so; but mum, not a word that you saw Manes! 140
_Gran._ Then stay thou behinde, and I will goe with Psyllus.
[_Manes stands apart._]
_Psyllus._ All hayle, Diogenes, to your proper person.
_Diog._ All hate to thy peevish conditions.
_Gran._ O dogge!
_Psyllus._ What doest thou seeke for here? 145
_Diog._ For a man and a beast.
_Gran._ That is easie without thy light to bee found: be not all
these men?[832]
_Diog._ Called men.
_Gran._ What beast is it thou lookest for? 150
_Diog._ The beast my man Manes.
_Psyllus._ Hee is a beast indeed that will serve thee.
_Diog._ So is he that begat thee.
_Gran._ What wouldest thou do, if thou shouldst find Manes?
_Diog._ Give him leave to doe as hee hath done before. 155
_Gran._ What's that?
_Diog._ To run away.
_Psyllus._ Why, hast thou no neede of Manes?
_Diog._ It were a shame for Diogenes to have neede of Manes
and for Manes to have no neede of Diogenes.[833] 160
_Gran._ But put the case he were gone, wouldst thou entertaine
any of us two?
_Diog._ Upon condition.
_Psyllus._ What?
_Diog._ That you should tell me wherefore any of you both were 165
good.
_Gran._ Why, I am a scholler and well seene in philosophy.
_Psyllus._ And I a prentice and well seene in painting.
_Diog._ Well then, Granichus, be thou a painter to amend thine
ill face; and thou, Psyllus, a philosopher to correct thine evill 170
manners. But who is that? Manes?
_Manes_ [_coming forward slowly_]. I care not who I were, so I were
not Manes.
_Gran._ You are taken tardie.
_Psyllus._ Let us slip aside, Granichus, to see the salutation 175
betweene Manes and his master. [_They draw back._]
_Diog._ Manes, thou knowest the last day[834] I threw away my dish,
to drinke in my hand, because it was superfluous;[835] now I am
determined to put away my man and serve my selfe, _quia non egeo
tui vel te_. 180
_Manes._ Master, you know a while agoe I ran away; so doe I
meane to doe againe, _quia scio tibi non esse argentum_.
_Diog._ I know I have no money, neither will I[836] have ever a man,
for I was resolved long sithence to put away both my slaves,--money
and Manes. 185
_Manes._ So was I determined to shake off[837] both my dogges,--hunger
and Diogenes.
_Psyllus._ O sweet consent[838] betweene a crowde[839] and a Jewes
harpe!
_Gran._ Come, let us reconcile them.
_Psyllus._ It shall not neede, for this is their use: now doe they 190
dine one upon another. _Exit Diogenes._
_Gran._ [_coming forward with Psyllus_]. How now, Manes, art thou
gone from thy master?
_Manes._ No, I did but now binde my selfe to him.
_Psyllus._ Why, you were at mortall jarres! 195
_Manes._ In faith, no; we brake a bitter jest one upon another.
_Gran._ Why, thou art as dogged as he.
_Psyllus._ My father knew them both little whelps.
_Manes._ Well, I will hie me after my master.
_Gran._ Why, is it supper time with Diogenes? 200
_Manes._ I, with him at all time when he hath meate.
_Psyllus._ Why then, every man to his home; and let us steale
out againe anone.
_Gran._ Where shall we meete?
_Psyllus._ Why at _Alae[840] vendibili suspensa hædera non est
opus_. 205
_Manes._ O Psyllus, _habeo te loco parentis_; thou blessest me.
_Exeunt._