_M. Mery._ Custance and Trustie both, I doe you here well finde.
_C. Custance._ Ah Mathew Merygreeke, ye have used me well.
_M. Mery._ Nowe for altogether[558] ye must your answere tell.
Will ye have this man, woman? or else will ye not?
Else will he come never bore so brymme[559] nor tost so hot. 5
_Tris. and Cu._ But why joyn ye with him.
_T. Trusty._ For mirth?
_C. Custance._ Or else in sadnesse[?]
_M. Mery._ The more fond of you both! hardly yᵉ[560] mater gesse[!]
_Tristram._ Lo how say ye dame?
_M. Mery._ Why do ye thinke dame Custance
That in this wowyng I have ment ought but pastance?
_C. Custance._[561] Much things ye spake, I wote, to maintaine his
dotage. 10
_M. Mery._ But well might ye judge I spake it all in mockage?[562]
For why? Is Roister Doister a fitte husband for you?
_T. Trusty._ I dare say ye never thought it.
_M. Mery._ No to God I vow.
And did not I knowe afore of the insurance[563]
Betweene Gawyn Goodlucke, and Christian Custance? 15
And dyd not I for the nonce, by my conveyance,[564]
Reade his letter in a wrong sense for daliance?
That if you coulde have take it up at the first bounde,
We should therat such a sporte and pastime have founde,
That all the whole towne should have ben the merier. 20
_C. Custance._ Ill ake your heades both, I was never werier,
Nor never more vexte since the first day I was borne.
_T. Trusty._ But very well I wist he here did all in scorne.
_C. Custance._ But I feared thereof to take dishonestie.
_M. Mery._ This should both have made sport, and shewed your
honestie 25
And Goodlucke I dare sweare, your witte therin would low.
_T. Trusty._ Yea, being no worse than we know it to be now.
_M. Mery._ And nothing yet to late, for when I come to him,
Hither will he repaire with a sheepes looke full grim,
By plaine force and violence to drive you to yelde. G iii 30
_C. Custance._ It ye two bidde me, we will with him pitche a fielde,
I and my maides together.
_M. Mery._ Let us see, be bolde.
_C. Custance._ Ye shall see womens warre.
_T. Trusty._ That fight wil I behold.
_M. Mery._ If occasion serve, takyng his parte full brim,
I will strike at you, but the rappe shall light on him. 35
When we first appeare.
_C. Custance._ Then will I runne away
As though I were afeard.
_T. Trusty._ Do you that part wel play
And I will sue for peace.
_M. Mery._ And I wil set him on.
Then will he looke as fierce as a Cotssold lyon.[565]
_T. Trusty._ But when gost thou for him? 40
_M. Mery._ That do I very nowe.
_C. Custance._ Ye shall find us here.
_M. Mery._ Wel god have mercy on you. _Ex._
_T. Trusty._ There is no cause of feare, the least boy in the streete:
_C. Custance._ Nay, the least girle I have, will make him take his
feete.
But hearke, me thinke they make preparation.
_T. Trusty._ No force, it will be a good recreation. 45
_C. Custance._ I will stand within, and steppe forth speedily,
And so make as though I ranne away dreadfully. [_Exeant._]
Actus. iiii. Scæna. vii.
R. ROYSTER. M. MERYGREEKE. C. CUSTANCE. D. DOUGHTIE. HARPAX. TRISTRAM
TRUSTY.
_R. Royster._ Nowe sirs, keepe your ray,[566] and see your heartes be
stoute,
But where be these caitifes, me think they dare not route,[567]
How sayst thou Merygreeke? What doth Kit Custance say?
_M. Mery._ I am loth to tell you.
_R. Royster._ Tushe speake man, yea or nay?
_M. Mery._ Forsooth sir, I have spoken for you all that I can. 5
But if ye winne hir, ye must een play the man,
Een to fight it out, ye must a mans heart take.
_R. Royster._ Yes, they shall know, and[568] thou knowest I have a
stomacke.
[_M. Mery._] A stomacke (quod you) yea, as good as ere man had.
G iii _b_
_R. Royster._ I trowe they shall finde and feele that I am a lad. 10
_M. Mery._ By this crosse I have seene you eate your meate as well,
As any that ere I have seene of or heard tell,
A stomacke quod you? he that will that denie
I know was never at dynner in your companie.
_R. Royster._ Nay, the stomacke of a man it is that I meane. 15
_M. Mery._ Nay the stomacke of a horse or a dogge I weene.
_R. Royster._ Nay a mans stomacke with a weapon meane I.
_M. Mery._ Ten men can scarce match you with a spoone in a pie.
_R. Royster._ Nay the stomake of a man to trie in strife.
_M. Mery._ I never sawe your stomake cloyed yet in my lyfe. 20
_R. Royster._ Tushe I meane in strife or fighting to trie.
_M. Mery._ We shall see how ye will strike nowe being angry.
_R. Royster_ [_strikes M._]. Have at thy pate then, and save thy head
if thou may.
_M. Mery._ [_strikes R. again_]. Nay then have at your pate agyne by
this day,
_R. Royster._ Nay thou mayst not strike at me againe in no wise. 25
_M. Mery._ I can not in fight make to you suche warrantise:
But as for your foes here let them the bargaine bie.[569]
_R. Royster._ Nay as for they, shall every mothers childe die.
And in this my fume a little thing might make me,
To beate downe house and all, and else the devill take me. 30
_M. Mery._ If I were as ye be, by gogs deare mother,
I woulde not leave one stone upon an other.
Though she woulde redeeme it with twentie thousand poundes.
_R. Royster._ It shall be even so, by his lily woundes.
_M. Mery._ Bee not at one with hir upon any amendes. 35
_R. Royster._ No though she make to me never so many frendes.
Nor if all the worlde for hir woulde undertake,[570]
No not God hymselfe neither, shal not hir peace make,
On therfore, marche forwarde,--soft, stay a whyle yet.[!]
_M. Mery._ On. 40
_R. Royster._ Tary.
_M. Mery._ Forth.
_R. Royster._ Back.
_M. Mery._ On.
_R. Royster._ Soft. Now forward set. [_march against the house._]
_C. Custance_ [_entering_:]. What businesse have we here? out[!]
alas, alas! [_retires for fun._]
_R. Royster._ Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Dydst thou see that Merygreeke? how afrayde she was?
Dydst thou see how she fledde apace out of my sight? [G iv]
Ah good sweete Custance I pitie hir by this light. 45
_M. Mery._ That tender heart of yours wyll marre altogether,
Thus will ye be turned with waggyng of a fether.
_R. Royster._ On sirs, keepe your ray.
_M. Mery._ On forth, while this geare is hot.
_R. Royster._ Soft, the Armes of Caleys, I have one thing forgot.
_M. Mery._ What lacke we now? 50
_R. Royster._ Retire, or else we be all slain.
_M. Mery._ Backe for the pashe of God, backe sirs, backe againe.
What is the great mater?
_R. Royster._ This hastie forth goyng
Had almost brought us all to utter undoing,
It made me forget a thing most necessarie.
_M. Mery._ Well remembered of a captaine by sainct Marie. 55
_R. Royster._ It is a thing must be had.
_M. Mery._ Let us have it then.
_R. Royster._ But I wote not where nor how.
_M. Mery._ Then wote not I when.
But what is it?
_R. Royster._ Of a chiefe thing I am to seeke.
_M. Mery._ Tut so will ye be, when ye have studied a weke.
But tell me what it is? 60
_R. Royster._ I lacke yet an hedpiece.
_M. Mery._ The kitchen collocauit,[571] the best hennes to grece,
Runne, fet it Dobinet, and come at once withall,
And bryng with thee my potgunne, hangyng by the wall,
[_Dobinet goes_]
I have seene your head with it full many a tyme,
Covered as safe as it had bene with a skrine: 65
And I warrant it save your head from any stroke,
Except perchaunce to be amased[572] with the smoke:
I warrant your head therwith, except for the mist,
As safe as if it were fast locked up in a chist: [_Dob. enters_]
And loe here our Dobinet commeth with it nowe. 70
_D. Dough._ I will cover me to the shoulders well inow.
_M. Mery._ Let me see it on.
_R. Royster._ In fayth it doth metely well.
_M. Mery._ There can be no fitter thing. Now ye must us tell
What to do.
_R. Royster._ Now forth in ray sirs, and stoppe no more. 73
_M. Mery._ Now sainct George to borow,[573] Drum dubbe a dubbe afore.
_T. Trusty._ [_entering_]. What meane you to do sir, committe
manslaughter.
_R. Royster._ To kyll fortie such, is a matter of laughter.
_T. Trusty._ And who is it sir, whome ye intende thus to spill?
G iv _b_
_R. Royster._ Foolishe Custance here forceth me against my will.
_T. Trusty._ And is there no meane your extreme wrath to slake. 80
She shall some amendes unto your good mashyp make.
_R. Royster._ I will none amendes.
_T. Trusty._ Is hir offence so sore?
_M. Mery._ And he were a loute she coulde have done no more.
She hath calde him foole, and dressed him like a foole.
Mocked him lyke a foole, used him like a foole. 85
_T. Trusty._ Well yet the Sheriffe, the Justice, or Constable,
Hir misdemeanour to punishe might be able.
_R. Royster._ No sir, I mine owne selfe will in this present cause,
Be Sheriffe, and Justice, and whole Judge of the lawes,
This matter to amende, all officers be I shall, 90
Constable, Bailiffe, Sergeant.
_M. Mery._ And hangman and all.
_T. Trusty._ Yet a noble courage, and the hearte of a man
Should more honour winne by bearyng with a woman.
Therfore take the lawe, and lette hir aunswere thereto.
_R. Royster._ Merygreeke, the best way were even so to do. 95
What honour should it be with a woman to fight?
_M. Mery._ And what then, will ye thus forgo and lese your right?
_R. Royster._ Nay, I will take the lawe on hir withouten grace.
_T. Trusty._ Or yf your mashyp coulde pardon this one trespace.
I pray you forgive hir. 100
_R. Royster._ Hoh?
_M. Mery._ Tushe tushe sir do not.
Be good maister to hir.
_R. Royster._ Hoh?
_M. Mery._ Tush I say do not.
And what shall your people here returne streight home?
_T. Trustie._ Yea, levie the campe sirs, and hence againe eche
one,[574]
_R. Royster._ But be still in readinesse if I happe to call,
I can not tell what sodaine chaunce may befall. 105
_M. Mery._ Do not off your harnesse sirs I you advise,
At the least for this fortnight in no maner wise,
Perchaunce in an houre when all ye thinke least,
Our maisters appetite to fight will be best.
But soft, ere ye go, have once at Custance house. 110
_R. Royster._ Soft, what wilt thou do?
_M. Mery._ Once discharge my harquebouse
And for my heartes ease, have once more with my potgoon. H i
_R. Royster._ Holde thy handes else is all our purpose cleane
fordoone.
_M. Mery._ And it cost me my life.
_R. Royster._ I say thou shalt not.
_M. Mery_ [_making a mock assault_]. By the matte[575] but I will.
Have once more with haile shot. 115
I will have some penyworth, I will not leese all.