theater for instance, or they may meet there for dinner or luncheon. If
the affair takes place at a hotel, the guests assemble in a public
parlor. Where the host is a man, a young woman should go under the
charge of her mother or other chaperon. It is bad form for a young girl
to take any meal at a restaurant with a young man alone. When a woman
has reached the age of thirty and is still unmarried, the strictness of
this rule is slightly relaxed in her favor. Custom permits her to lunch
or take afternoon tea with a young man who is her relative, or a friend
whom she knows well. But she must neither dine nor sup with him. At some
restaurants ladies are not admitted after a certain hour without a male
escort. Quiet, middle-aged women wishing to dine at some establishment
of good reputation in New York have been justly indignant when refused
permission to do so. The existence of this regulation shows us how
careful young women must be about the places where they dine. There are
quiet restaurants connected with family hotels where they can get their
dinner without exciting any remark.
At a ladies’ lunch the hostess leads the way to the dining-room, taking
with her the oldest or the most distinguished woman present. The entry
is without formality, as in the case of a luncheon in a private house.
At a dinner or supper the host goes in advance of his guests. If the
party consists of young people under the charge of a chaperon, he asks
her to sit at his right hand or opposite to him. If it consists of
married couples, he requests the eldest or the most distinguished lady
to take the place at his right. A woman does not stay alone at a hotel
unless she is no longer young, or unless she is in some business which
makes this necessary. She should endeavor to choose a quiet hostelry,
and to so dress and act as to avoid attracting attention. At some
hotels, ladies traveling without trunks are not received. The clerk at
the desk is usually a man of good judgment and experience. He “sizes up”
the persons asking for rooms, and if they seem to him undesirable
inmates for the hotel, they will be informed that everything is engaged.
The feminine guest, when traveling alone for the first time, may feel
some trepidation as she approaches a country inn or city hotel. She will
be reassured when she remembers that it is the business of the landlord
to entertain strangers, and that the living of every one in the
establishment depends upon his giving good service to the traveling
public. In a city hotel, there are hall-boys at every turn to show her
just where to go.
She enters the hotel by the ladies’ door, if there is one, and proceeds
at once to the desk. Here she inquires about rooms and prices, mentions
how long her stay is likely to be, and registers her name in the hotel
book. If she is a young woman, she receives any gentleman that may call
on her in the public parlor or reception-room, and avoids being out late
in the evening as much as possible. While all guests have a right to
complain of imperfections in service, etc., it is bad form to find fault
constantly about trivial matters. Some persons fancy that behavior of
this sort gives them an air of importance, whereas in reality it shows
that they are either selfish and querulous or lacking in experience. The
courteous traveler is a bit philosophical. He knows that delays will
sometimes occur and that every one cannot be waited upon first. He will
not allow himself to be imposed upon without making a remonstrance, but
he will not continually assert his rights. A lady traveling alone needs
to be especially careful about the manner in which she makes complaints
at a hotel. To hear a woman scold is unpleasant even in the family
circle, but in a public place it is lamentable. There voice and temper
alike must be kept under strict control.
Young girls do not, of course, stay at a hotel in the city or country
unless accompanied by mother or chaperon. At summer resorts they are
sometimes thoughtless about loud talk and laughter in the corridors and
lobbies of a hotel, and about sitting on the veranda in the company of
an agreeable youth until an unduly late hour. They are so carried away
by their high spirits, and are having such a delightful time, that they
forget how censorious the world is. They forget that in a public place
it is necessary to be quieter and more reserved in manner than in a
private house, and thus show that one understands and respects the laws
of good-breeding.
When staying at a hotel, one should be dressed well but not in a
conspicuous way. Ladies may wear their hats or not, as they find
convenient. Thus, if one were going out immediately after breakfast, one
would come down in a simply made street costume. Matinées and tea-gowns
are very charming in the privacy of home, but their informality makes
them inappropriate at a hotel. In summer, pretty tub dresses, which
please the beholder by their freshness and simplicity, are especially
becoming to young women. Older ladies wear gowns of the same material
made in a style suitable to their years, or appear in foulards, voiles,
or other thin stuffs. Elaborate costumes are not appropriate for the
morning. In winter a lady may come down to breakfast at a hotel in a
morning dress made all in one piece, or in a skirt of woolen stuff with
waist of silk, chiffon, or other thin material either white or of the
same color as the skirt.
For the afternoon a lady may retain her street suit, or she may put on a
handsomer one. If she is not going out she may prefer to wear a house
dress of more expensive material, and made in a more elaborate style,
than would be suitable in the morning. According to the present fashion,
such a gown would be cut down at the throat, with half-length sleeves.
Whether the sojourner at a hotel changes or does not change her gown in
the afternoon, she should do so for late dinner, since morning costume
would not then be appropriate. As we have already seen, a variety of
dress is permissible at these public places of entertainment, because
guests are arriving, departing, or going out for engagements of all
sorts. The general rule, however, to which there are some exceptions,
prescribes evening dress for the evening. At large and fashionable
hotels in New York, many of the women wear décolleté gowns. A lady
invited to a dinner party at one of these places would dress as she
would at a private house. In smaller cities, and at quieter hotels,
low-necked dresses are not so often seen.
If a lady intends to take an evening train she may, if she pleases,
appear at dinner in traveling hat and dress. If she is going to the
theater, opera-house, or concert-hall, she will wear the kind of costume
described in Chapter XII.
Correspondents sometimes ask what the proper dress is for Sunday evening
at a hotel. Opinions on this subject vary in accordance with people’s
religious views or inherited traditions. While the old-fashioned strict
observance of the Sabbath has been much relaxed both in England and in
America, the Puritan view of the day still strongly influences the
manners and customs of the country at large. Those who hold to it prefer
to dress quietly and to eschew low-necked gowns on Sunday evening. They
appear in costumes suitable to wear at church, even if they have no
intention of going there. There are many other people, especially in a
cosmopolitan city like New York, who hold no such view of the observance
of Sunday, and dress then as they would on any other day of the week.
Ladies always retain their hats in the daytime at a restaurant or
roof-garden. They remove their gloves on sitting down to table, and
throw back or take off their outer wraps. It is usually possible to
check these, but many people object to the delay involved. Women of good
taste prefer to dress quietly if they attend a dancing-tea at one of
these places, and thus avoid attracting special attention. At certain
restaurants an effort is made to compel all guests to wear evening
dress. This is merely copying an English fashion ill-suited to a
democratic country. At the Hotel Savoy in London they enforce such a
rule. An American lady who had reached the half-century limit, and did
not care to appear in public in a low-necked dress, went not long ago to
the restaurant there with a party of young friends. She wore a new and
expensive Paris dress and her handsomest jewels. The young people were
all in evening dress, but because the chaperon did not have on a
décolleté gown they were refused admission to the restaurant, and were
obliged to content themselves with dining in the grill-room! At the best
hotels in New York, such as Delmonico’s, the Astor, and the Plaza,
ladies may wear costumes with hats or full evening dress, as they find
most convenient. For afternoon dances at hotels and roof-gardens, men
usually come in business suits. After six o’clock evening dress is the
proper costume. The dinner-jacket, or informal evening dress, as it may
be called, is often worn for dancing at roof-gardens, because it is more
comfortable than the long-tailed dress-coat. It is also used for
unceremonious occasions at hotels and restaurants, as it would be
elsewhere (see Chapters IV and XII).
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XII
THEATER, OPERA, AND CONCERT-HALL
Arrangements for Formal and Informal Theater Parties—The Supper—The
Bachelor and His Duties as Host and as Guest—Dress and Behavior at the
Theater, Opera, and Concert-hall.
AN informal theater party may be an impromptu affair got up at short
notice. It may either be a Dutch treat, where every one pays for
himself, or one or more persons may act as hosts and invite the others
to go at their expense. If a gentleman and his wife ask another lady to
accompany them, they should either call for her or invite her to dine
with them. At the conclusion of the performance they should take her
home, or the husband alone could do so. It is not necessary to have a
carriage if the street-cars are near at hand. If two ladies living in
the same house are invited, the tickets may be sent to them, asking them
to meet their hosts at the theater. Unless they are very young women, it
will be proper for them to go together, whereas for a lady alone it
would not be quite pleasant to do so. When the concert or play is over,
the host will see them to their carriage or to the street-car. If the
hour is late, he will offer to escort them home. If they assure him that
they are not afraid to go alone, he will not insist upon doing so,
unless he believes this necessary for their protection. Two young and
pretty women are liable to annoyance from rude passers-by at a late hour
in the evening.
If a man wishes to take a young lady to the theater he must invite her
mother or other chaperon to be of the party. This is a safe and
excellent rule to follow, and few exceptions should be made to it. In
the case of cousins or old friends it is sometimes broken, especially if
the lady is not in her first youth. But young women should remember
that, as the world is very censorious, one who broke this rule often
would be the subject of unfavorable comment. A girl may, of course, go
to the theater with her brother. The gentleman may invite a married lady
to matronize the party, or he may ask the girl to choose her own
chaperon. He calls for both his guests; first for the matron, then for
the young lady. At the close of the performance he escorts them both to
their houses, leaving the younger woman first at her residence, and then
the elder one at hers. Where the chaperon has been provided by the girl,
the man may, if he prefers, send them the tickets and meet them at the
theater or concert-hall, waiting for them in the lobby. He would
certainly offer at least to escort them home, unless they were going in
a carriage. In this case he would content himself with asking the man at
the door to call it, or going to find it himself, should this be
necessary, and putting them safely into their own conveyance. He should
endeavor to find a sheltered place for them to stand pending the arrival
of the vehicle, and keep a sharp lookout himself lest the carriage lose
its place in the line and so make the ladies wait for an undue length of
time.
For a large and formal theater party, it is usual to invite the guests
to dinner, or to supper after the play or opera. In either case they
assemble at the house of the hostess, who provides an omnibus,
automobile, or other conveyance to take them to and from the playhouse.
She must name an hour early enough to enable the party to reach the
opera-house or theater in good season. If she asks her friends to dine
with her, she should for the same reason avoid a long bill of fare. The
guests should be careful to come punctually. Should any of them be
detained, they should telephone and ask the hostess not to wait for
them. To fail to keep an engagement for dinner is considered one of the
gravest social sins. How much worse it is to spoil a theater party in
addition by remaining away after promising to come!
The affair is more likely to go off well if the hostess introduces those
guests who do not already know one another. Wholesale introductions are
now thought awkward and undesirable; hence it is better to make the
presentations gradually, one or two at a time. Those who are to sit next
each other should certainly be introduced. It is well to plan beforehand
the seating of the guests. If the hostess has a party of young people
and is quite at a loss as to their preferences, she may like to consult
one of them beforehand on this important matter. To each man should be
handed two tickets. These may be inclosed in an envelope, with a card
bearing the name of the lady who is to sit next him at the theater. She
also receives an envelope containing the name of her theater partner.
This arrangement is convenient where many people go together. If the
party were to sit in a private box it would be unnecessary. There the
ladies sit in front, the gentlemen behind. The older women are offered
the best seats, but usually prefer to let the younger ones take the
places where they can see and be seen. At the close of the performance
the theater-carriage conveys all to their homes, leaving the women
guests first, the hostess next, the men last of all, although the latter
often choose to walk.
If there is to be a supper, it may be either at the house of the hostess
or at a restaurant of unblemished reputation. The meal may be simple or
elaborate. A course supper is very much like a dinner or luncheon,
except that it is less formal and the bill of fare is lighter and
daintier. Few people care to eat a heavy meal late in the evening. Raw
oysters or Little Neck clams, bouillon in cups, an entrée of some sort,
salad with or without game, ices, fruit, bonbons, and black coffee may
be served in the order named by those who care for a full menu. For a
theater party it is not necessary to offer such an elaborate bill of
fare. Oysters, cold chicken with salad, and ices are quite enough for
the hostess to provide. A chafing-dish supper produces much fun and
jollity among young people, or among those who know one another well. It
is not to be recommended for all sorts and conditions of men, however.
An informal meal of this sort would jar upon the taste of those persons
who like to have everything done according to conventional methods and
in a stereotyped fashion. The chafing-dish sets and stands now furnish
every convenience for preparing readily one or more hot dishes. Welsh
rarebit, oysters, lobster, eggs, and mushrooms are all excellent cooked
in this way, to say nothing of the more complicated dishes which require
an expert to handle successfully. Where the supper is given at the house
of the hostess, their maids call for the young ladies there, and it is
not necessary for her to send them home.
If a bachelor wishes to give a theater party, and to invite young women
to be his guests, he must engage some married lady of good social
position and of a certain age to act as chaperon. A young married woman
is sometimes as full of fun and high spirits as a girl. No one objects
to her natural gaiety if she keeps it within due bounds. But it is not
considered quite the thing for a woman of this sort to matronize young
girls. A chaperon should have the dignity which years and experience
bestow, though she need not be dull and stupid. The guests all meet at
the residence of this lady, the bachelor host arriving a little earlier
than the rest in order to receive his friends, to introduce them to the
chaperon, and to make such other introductions as the occasion demands.
People of moderate means go to the theater in the street-cars if the
evening is pleasant. The more elegant method is to provide a
theater-carriage; but not every bachelor can afford so much expense as
this would involve. He should, however, pay his guests’ fare, and for
this purpose it is well to buy car tickets beforehand. Otherwise another
man of the party may reach the ticket-booth first and purchase them
before the host has an opportunity to do so.
At the theater or concert-hall the ladies are permitted to pass through
the wicket first, the host standing on one side and showing the tickets.
He precedes the rest of the party going down the aisle to the seats, in
order to point out to all where they are to sit. It may be arranged to
have the chaperon go in first and take the innermost seat, or she may be
placed next the host, who sits nearest the aisle.
Our bachelor may take the party to a restaurant for supper, to his club
if this possesses a dining-room for ladies, or to his own apartment or
studio, should this be large enough and conveniently located. In either
of the first two cases the table should be engaged and the menu made out
beforehand. If supper is to be given in his own rooms, he should have
one or more competent persons to set the table, do any cooking that may
be necessary, and have all in readiness on the arrival of the party.
There should also be one or more servants to wait on the table, unless
the affair is an extremely informal one. The host leads the way to the
dining-room, all following without ceremony. The chaperon sits at his
right, or on the opposite side of the table. When supper is over he may
escort her, together with the young women, to her house, or the
theater-carriage may leave them at their houses, provided the matron of
the occasion is of the party and remains with it until all the young
girls have been taken to their respective residences. The host gets out
first, assists each of his fair guests in turn to alight, opens the door
for her with the latch-key or rings the bell, and does not leave her
until she has been admitted to the house. Where the theater party is
given by a lady, the gentleman sitting nearest the door of the
conveyance performs this service, unless there is a footman in
attendance.
Evening dress is the proper costume for men at all performances at the
opera, theater, and concert-hall that take place in the evening. This is
_de rigueur_ for a theater party, and at the grand opera under all
circumstances. For English opera and informal excursions to the theater,
the dinner-jacket is often worn. Indeed, our countrymen are very
independent in these matters and claim the right to dress as they
please. In Europe the rules are stricter. A gentleman of my acquaintance
once went to the opera in Paris, in the days of the old régime, wearing
an ordinary black coat. He was refused admission on the ground that
evening dress was necessary. Being a Yankee of an ingenious turn of
mind, he went out, procured a paper of pins, fastened up the offending
coat-tails into the required shape, and again presented himself at the
opera-house. The authorities, arguing doubtless that he had fulfilled
the letter of the law, admitted him, so admirable is the logic of the
Frenchman!
The proper costume for women at the theater and opera is evening dress.
At the grand opera in New York and other large cities, many ladies wear
décolleté gowns, together with a great deal of jewelry, although, as we
have said elsewhere, this is by no means a universal custom. All who sit
either in the boxes or in the orchestra seats appear in handsome
toilettes and wear long white or black kid gloves. A long evening wrap
made of silk, satin, or other expensive material forms an important part
of opera costume. One sees only a sprinkling of low-necked gowns at the
theater, American ladies usually preferring to appear there in dresses
either high-necked or only slightly cut down. Many wear a pretty,
light-colored, dressy waist with a dark skirt, since the latter shows
little, unless one is sitting in a private box. For a concert the
costume is the same as for the theater. Something will depend on the
season of the year, the nature of the occasion, and the locality. For a
special performance, with high-priced tickets, the costumes would be
more elaborate than for one with an ordinary programme.
Good form demands that we should always be mindful of the rights,
comfort, and pleasure of other people when we attend a theatrical or a
musical performance. The persons composing the audience have paid for
their seats, in the great majority of cases at least, and it is
extremely ill-bred to interfere with their pleasure by talking or
laughing. The men and women who fancy that it is smart to do so show
themselves lacking in true politeness. One should endeavor to be
punctual, in order not to disturb one’s neighbors after the curtain has
gone up or the music has begun. Some one has to come last, of course,
and the earlier arrivals should stand up and allow the seats of their
chairs to fold back in order to allow people to pass by them with as
little discomfort as possible. A man sitting next the aisle should step
into it when a lady is about to pass in. It is courteous but not
obligatory for the latter to do the same thing. Those who arrive after
the performance has begun should remove their wraps before they go to
their seats, in order not to obscure their neighbor’s view of the stage
while they are doing so. They must also be careful not to disturb the
latter by rising or bustling about toward the end of the play. The going
in and out between the acts is rather trying to those who are obliged to
rise constantly in order to let others pass by. Hence, unless one has an
aisle seat, it is best to go out only once in the course of the evening.
Where a large number of the audience do so, as at the opera, the case is
different. The walking up and down the foyer and the corridors, the
consuming of ices and lemonade, are often a part of the regular
programme. One should be careful to return to one’s seat when the
warning-bell rings.
It is now thoroughly understood that all ladies should remove their hats
at the theater, opera, and concert-hall. Occasionally they are kind
enough to do so at a lecture. A man who is with a party of ladies may
excuse himself for a short absence, if he sees some one to whom he
wishes especially to speak. But if he should do so often, he would be
thought neglectful and lacking in courtesy by the members of his party.
If he is acting as escort to one lady, he should not leave her in order
to speak to any one else, unless another man should come to talk to her,
in which case he could excuse himself, but should return before the
curtain rises again.
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● Transcriber’s note:
○ Missing or obscured punctuation was corrected.
○ Typographical errors were silently corrected.
○ Inconsistent spelling and hyphenation were made consistent only
when a predominant form was found in this book.