hostess belonging to the older generation sometimes offers her guests
Rhine wine—a light, white wine—or, if there are men present, sherry or
claret. In this case a wine-glass is set beside the water-goblet at the
right of each place, and a decanter is placed on the sideboard.
Wine-cup, fruit-punch, and similar beverages are served from a glass
pitcher, lemonade cups or small tumblers being substituted for
wine-glasses. Slender, narrow tumblers are also used for Apollinaris and
other effervescent waters, which are often served instead of wine. At a
formal lunch the service is all from the side-table, no dishes being set
on the dinner-table with the exception of the ornamental ones mentioned
above. At an informal luncheon or dinner, the carving may be done by the
head of the house, in accordance with the pleasant old custom. Many
people prefer this method, thinking it shows more hospitality than the
service _à la Russe_.
An experienced waitress or butler can attend to the wants of six
persons; but for a formal lunch-party it is usual to have the assistance
of a second maid or man when half a dozen or more are present. In houses
where there is much entertaining, the parlor-maid or chambermaid is
expected to help the butler or waitress whenever the number of guests
makes this desirable. In all large cities and in suburban towns of good
size it is easy to hire a cook or a waitress for the day. The correct
dress for the latter is a plain black-stuff dress, white apron with
bretelles, a plain linen collar and cuffs. To this a little white cap is
added, unless the maid objects to wearing it on the ground that it is
too much like a livery. In a free and democratic country no man or woman
should be obliged to wear the latter. That it is a badge of servitude,
Thackeray long ago demonstrated in his inimitable manner. Where a butler
is employed he wears morning costume at luncheon—that is to say, black
coat and waistcoat, dark trousers, and black necktie.
The hostess should make out her bill of fare in good season, as some of
the dishes—the soup, for instance—will need to be cooked on the day
preceding the luncheon. A bride may be tempted by the alluring
advertisements bidding her to “add hot water and serve.” The older
matron knows that the stock prepared at home from fresh meat makes soup
that is much superior to the ready-made article. In a large city one can
procure many excellent dishes at the confectioner’s and pastry-cook’s.
For a large buffet luncheon, as for a ball supper, the hostess should
issue her order to some reliable firm of caterers. For a lunch-party of
smaller size, she should endeavor to have the dishes cooked in her own
kitchen. Almost every one now prefers home to hotel cooking, if the
former is all that it should be. We should advise the young hostess,
therefore, if she or her maid has a fair understanding of the culinary
art, to have the main staples of her bill of fare prepared at home.
Certain articles it is usual to order from the caterer, such as
patty-shells and ices. Home-made ice-cream composed of real cream is the
best of all, but it takes time and trouble to prepare. It is well to
test the excellence of a recipe in the privacy of the family before
offering it to guests.
The bill of fare for a luncheon is usually briefer now than formerly,
the emphasis being laid on the quality of the food rather than on the
quantity. Fruit, soup, fish, chicken or chops, salad, a sweet course,
and coffee make a menu that is amply sufficient for most people. It may
be extended by the addition of an entrée—sweetbreads creamed or
mushrooms, perhaps—between the fish and the meat course. The fish may be
omitted, or it may “suffer a sea-change” and become oyster soup. A
delicious bill of fare recently offered at a lunch for six ladies
consisted of grape-fruit, oyster soup, fricasseed chicken served with
sweet potatoes and string-beans, lettuce salad, brandied peaches
surrounded with whipped cream, coffee, little cakes, and candies. The
bill of fare may be varied in a great many ways, and lengthened or
shortened to suit the tastes and circumstances of the hostess and the
season of the year. A lady entertaining two or three friends at lunch
very informally could offer them simply two or three courses with coffee
or chocolate. These would be soup, chicken or some other form of meat
with vegetables, and a sweet dish. When the weather becomes warm in the
spring, the soup would be replaced by salad served after the meat.
In summer cold dishes are popular, but it is always well to have one or
more hot courses. Certain old-fashioned hostesses still serve tea at
luncheon, pouring it out themselves, and perhaps making it at the table.
The prevalence of the afternoon tea-drinking habit has resulted in
banishing the “cup that cheers but does not inebriate” from the noonday
meal in many houses.
The hostess wears a pretty house gown or street dress, as she prefers.
She will choose the latter if she is going out as soon as her friends
leave. She does not, however, wear a hat. The guests come in street or
reception costume, brocades being much worn at the present time by older
women. They are invited to leave their outer wraps in the hall, the
reception-room on the ground floor, or up-stairs, as the hostess may
find most convenient. They keep on hat and gloves, however, the latter
being removed when they sit down at the table. These may be turned back
at the wrist should it be inconvenient to take them off altogether.
Guests should arrive at the hour named or within five minutes afterward.
It is usual to wait a quarter of an hour for a late-comer. To delay
longer might interfere with the engagements of the other guests, besides
spoiling the food. If the hostess has inefficient servants or only one
maid, she may find it necessary to excuse herself in order to inspect
the arrangements of the table at the last moment. In this case it is
well to have a friend who will take the place of the hostess during her
brief absence.
The luncheon is announced in the same way as dinner (see Chapter IV).
The entrance to the dining-room is informal, the hostess leading the
way, taking with her, perhaps, the oldest lady or the guest of honor.
The others follow without special order, save that married women precede
young girls. If there are men present they come last. Usually a relative
or familiar friend of the hostess takes the foot of the table opposite
the latter. The guest of honor sits at the right of the lady of the
house; the other places of distinction are at her left and at the right
and left of the assistant hostess. Unless the occasion is a very formal
one, however, a hostess will pay more attention to seating her guests
beside congenial neighbors than to arranging them with strict regard to
precedence. It is now usual to serve coffee in the drawing-room at the
conclusion of the luncheon in order to avoid the fatigue of sitting too
long at table.
The guests depart soon after the conclusion of the meal, as the hostess
may have other engagements to fulfil. In New York the whole lunch-party
may vanish in ten or fifteen minutes. If the ladies are not in haste or
are having a very pleasant time, they remain longer. In the country they
would be very apt to do so. At a formal luncheon the guest of honor
should be the first to take leave. A lady who has some pressing
engagement may excuse herself without waiting for the former.
A buffet luncheon is served from the sideboard or from the dining-table,
the guests sitting about the room. It is a convenient form of
entertainment where many people are to be provided for, or where it is
uncertain how many will be present. The bill of fare should consist for
the most part of articles that do not require cutting up, since it is
difficult to manage this with a plate resting upon one’s knees.
Sandwiches, salads, oysters, croquettes, and bouillon are all
appropriate, with coffee, ices, cake, and bonbons. At a simpler
luncheon, jellies or other sweet dishes may be substituted for the ices.
Terrapin, cold salmon, and other expensive dainties may be added to the
bill of fare if the host desires. If only a small number of persons are
present, so that all can be seated at the same time, guests have
everything passed to them by the servants in attendance. The fashion of
the moment is to use little squares of soft, embroidered linen for
luncheon; but these do not afford enough protection for the dress where
one eats from the lap, and larger napkins are to be preferred for this
purpose at a buffet lunch. Where no servants are present the lady of the
house, assisted by one or two friends, waits on the guests. It is less
formal, however, when the hostess asks all to help themselves. If there
are men present they wait upon the ladies. This method of service is apt
to be extravagant, however, since the amateur waiters often give
portions that are unduly large. It is better to have some one possessed
of knowledge and experience to help to the various dishes at the table,
the gentlemen then passing the plates to the ladies.
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IV
DINNERS FORMAL AND INFORMAL
Invitations and How to Answer Them—Telephone Invitations—Hints for the
Young Hostess—Dress for Men and for Women—Entering and Leaving the
Dining-room—Etiquette of the Formal Dinner—When to Arrive and When to
Leave—Dressing-rooms—Dinner-calls.
AN engraved card is now used for the invitations to a formal dinner,
spaces being left blank for the day, hour, and name of guest, as for
instance:
_Mr. and Mrs. George Hazleton
request the pleasure of
Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Allen’s
company at dinner
on Thursday, April the ninth, at eight o’clock
Thirty-three Hamilton Place_
The invitations are given in the name of husband and wife. A widow
living with a grown-up son would add his name, as a widower would that
of a daughter in society.
Dinner invitations may be written in the third person, or for an
informal occasion in the first. Small sheets of perfectly plain white
note-paper of the best quality, with envelopes to match, are always good
form. In a democratic country crests are in questionable taste, although
some persons use them, embossed in white. The address is often engraved
in small and simple lettering at the top of the page.
In the gay season in a large city, invitations to a formal dinner are
sent out two weeks or more beforehand. In Washington the guests are
sometimes invited a month in advance. For an informal occasion a week or
less suffices. Invitations by telephone are now extremely popular, but
they have some decided disadvantages. The person invited, being suddenly
held up at the point of a gun, as it were, is likely to forget some
other engagement for the same day and hour, or she may feel constrained
to accept when she would prefer to decline. As she has no written record
of the invitation, it may slip her memory. Hence hostesses who are very
exact send a note, in addition to speaking to their friends over the
telephone. It is, of course, extremely convenient to do this when
engagements must be made at short notice. A hostess desiring to arrange
a dinner or other occasion in honor of a certain guest, may ascertain
over the telephone whether he can come on a certain evening, and then
invite other friends to meet him.
The answer to an invitation to dinner should be sent as promptly as
possible, within twenty-four hours at the latest. As husband and wife
are always invited together, except to a stag dinner, so both must
either accept or send regrets. It is not good form for one to go without
the other, unless to the house of a near relation or an intimate friend.
An exception is sometimes made to this rule in the case of a married
couple of widely divergent tastes. Thus a literary man who is fond of
society may have a wife who does not like to dine out, or whose health
does not permit her to do so. If he is a very agreeable and popular
person, it soon comes to be understood among their friends that he will
accept invitations while his wife cannot. Although this dispensation is
occasionally granted to men and women of unusual charm and ability, the
average citizen is expected to adhere strictly to the rule given above.
The answer to a dinner invitation must also be definite and exact. If
Mrs. Jones is uncertain whether or not she or her husband will be able
to attend the dinner, she must send regrets for both. The answer should
correspond in form with the invitation. “Mr. and Mrs. Samuel Jones
regret very much their inability to accept the kind invitation of Mr.
and Mrs. Lloyd Griswold for dinner on April eleventh,” or “regret
extremely that a previous engagement prevents their accepting,” etc. The
day and hour should be repeated in an acceptance, to guard against
possible mistakes.
A dinner engagement must never be broken except in case of sickness or
death. Should one fall ill or be obliged for any imperative reason to
withdraw the acceptance of the invitation, the hostess should be
notified at once in order that she may if possible fill the place left
vacant. For men the proper costume for late dinner (at six o’clock or
after) is regulation evening dress—_i.e._, black swallow-tail coat, with
trousers to match, low-cut white waistcoat, white dress-shirt, white
lawn tie, pumps or patent-leather shoes, and black socks. Some men,
especially those of the older generation, still follow the earlier
fashion which prescribed a black waistcoat. The latter is also worn with
mourning costume. At stag dinners and small informal occasions the
dinner-jacket replaces the swallow-tail coat and is accompanied by a
plain black-silk tie. This must be freshly fastened whenever worn. A
“made” tie of any sort is considered among men to be in direct violation
of all rules of social decorum. We do not pretend to understand why, but
it is one of the unalterable laws of masculine etiquette. A white
waistcoat is never worn with a dinner-jacket. For a formal dinner the
proper costume for women is a low-necked evening gown, with sleeves
either very short or of the length required by the fashion prevailing at
the moment. It is by no means necessary that the bodice should be
extremely décolleté. Long gloves, white or delicately tinted,
dress-slippers, and silk stockings complete the costume. The foot-gear
may match the dress or it may be white or black. Ornaments may be worn
in the hair, varying with the fashion of the day. Elderly women often
substitute a dress cut out slightly at the neck, with elbow or
transparent sleeves, for the regulation décolleté gown. Those who catch
cold very easily have their dresses cut accordingly.
For an informal dinner the usual costume in America is of the sort just
described. Young women select light colors as a rule. Velvets, heavy
brocades, and similar materials appropriate for matrons are out of place
in the toilette of young girls. Those who follow the English fashion
wear décolleté costume whether they dine at home or abroad. The custom
is by no means general in this country, however.
One should arrive at the hour named in the invitation or five minutes
later. In the city it is a decided mistake to come earlier, as the
hostess may not be ready to receive her friends. Doubtless she should
be, but the fact remains that in the rush and hurry of town life she
sometimes does not descend to the drawing-room until the last moment.
Guests coming from a distance may find it difficult to calculate exactly
the time required to make the trip to the house of the hostess. In this
case, a lady arriving before the time would explain the matter to the
person opening the door. She might say: “Please do not disturb Mrs.
So-and-so. I know that I am too early, and will wait in the drawing-room
until she is ready to receive her friends.” In the country, where people
do not have so many engagements and where the means of communication are
slower and less certain, guests often arrive a little before the hour
named, thinking this better than to risk being late and so causing the
hostess inconvenience.
A dressing-room should be provided for the ladies. This should contain a
mirror and dressing-table furnished with brush and comb, pins,
hair-pins, and other small accessories of the feminine toilette. A maid
is usually in attendance to assist in the removal of wraps. A second
room may be arranged for the men, or they may leave their coats and hats
in the hall. They also will need a mirror, and a man-servant may help
them to take off and later to put on their overshoes and greatcoats. At
a formal dinner each man receives a diminutive envelope containing a
card with the name of the lady whom he is to take in to dinner. This may
be handed to him on a salver by the butler or the waitress when he
arrives, or he may find it in the dressing-room. According to a novel
method, the envelope is omitted and a square card made to double into a
long shape is used. On the inside are engraved the words:
_Will you kindly escort_
........................................
_to dinner?_
The hostess fills in the name of the lady and puts that of the gentleman
on the outside.
Mr. Ward McAllister tells us in his book that this is a Boston fashion,
and that the New York hostesses of his day were returning to the old
method “of assigning the guests in the drawing-room.” While the
last-mentioned way is to be preferred for small and informal dinners,
cards are convenient for ceremonious functions. A bashful young man
suggests to us that they have the advantage of giving the gentleman a
few minutes to think over what he shall say to his dinner-partner before
he goes up to speak to her.
It is no longer the custom to enter the drawing-room arm-in-arm. A
gentleman waits until the ladies of his party appear at the door of
their dressing-room, and then follows them into the drawing-room. Here
the host and hostess should be standing in readiness to give their
guests a cordial welcome. The gentleman very soon seeks the lady whom he
is to take into dinner. If he is not acquainted with her he asks the
host or hostess to present him. On a less formal occasion there would be
no cards, the lady of the house asking each man to take in a certain
lady.
The cook should be told beforehand at what hour the dinner will be
served. This is usually fifteen minutes after that named in the
invitations. The butler or waitress should also be informed of the
number of guests expected, in order that he or she may not announce
dinner until all have arrived. The hostess herself must decide whether
to wait beyond the quarter of an hour for a tardy guest or to order
dinner served. In justice to the friends already assembled she will not
in any event delay long.
When all is in readiness the butler or waitress advances a little way
into the room, saying in a low voice, “Dinner is served.” If the
dining-room is next door, it suffices to draw the portières or open the
folding-doors. At a formal dinner the host offers his right arm to the
wife of the guest of honor, and with her leads the way to the table. The
other couples all follow arm-in-arm, the hostess coming last with the
most distinguished man present or with the one for whom the dinner is
given. In official circles in Washington, as in European society, the
question of precedence is a very serious one. The hosts must arrange
with great care the procession to the dining-room, in order that each
person may have his proper place. In other American cities and towns the
rules are much less strict. The younger make way for the older, and
married women take precedence of single ones.
If the guests are invited to meet a married couple, the host will take
in the wife, seating her at his right, and the hostess will go in with
the husband, who will sit at her right. A bride is usually awarded the
place of honor, a clergyman and his wife receiving similar recognition.
A hostess sometimes enters the dining-room with the man who is to sit on
her left—the second most honorable place. Each gentleman assists in
seating the lady under his charge, unless this office is performed by a
servant. If a clergyman is present he is usually asked to say grace. On
sitting down at table the ladies remove their gloves and endeavor not to
drop them upon the floor. Since a silken lap is very slippery, it is
difficult to prevent this. Men, however, rather dislike being obliged to
dive head foremost under the table in order to recover fan,
handkerchief, or gloves for the thoughtless fair. The large
dinner-napkin is partially unfolded and spread out over the knees, not
tucked into a buttonhole.
The table is covered with a white damask cloth of the best quality.
According to the present fashion, the centerpiece should be white. It
may be of lace or embroidery, but never of a material that will not
wash. A lace or lace-trimmed cloth showing the bare table around the
edges is sometimes used for dinner. The arrangement and decoration are
much the same as at a lunch-party. Since dinner is the most formal of
all meals, the hostess uses her handsomest silver, glass, and china, as
well as an abundance of beautiful flowers.
Bread-and-butter plates are banished from the table. At a formal dinner
butter does not appear, the theory being that the flavoring and sauces
make it unnecessary. If it is used it should be passed from the
sideboard, and a small individual butter-plate set at the left of each
place. Here also are two or three forks, with the tines turned up. At
the right are laid a dinner-knife, a silver fish-knife (if one will be
required), a tablespoon or soup-spoon, and a tumbler or goblet. The
napkin, containing a roll or thick piece of bread, is put on the empty
or “place” plate or at the right. The little fork for raw oysters is put
here also instead of on the left with the other forks. If wine is to be
served the glass or glasses are set beside the water-goblet.
The publication by the insurance companies of tables showing that even a
moderate use of alcohol tends to shorten life has given additional
impetus to the temperance movement. The great growth of this is damaging
to the interests of the dealers in wine. It is amusing to find that
certain Frenchmen regard it as a dark conspiracy formed in the interests
of the dealers in mineral waters. Whether this charge is true or not, it
is certain that the use of wine at dinners has greatly diminished in the
United States. Cocktails are sometimes offered in the drawing-room as a
substitute for wine at dinner. If ladies are among the guests, these
should be made very mild. It is perfectly proper to decline them, or
indeed wine in any form. Where this is not served, whiskey and water may
be offered to the men. To foreigners who are accustomed to taking wine
with their dinner, it is a privation to go without it. A host who is
entertaining foreign guests should bear this in mind, even if he himself
is a teetotaler. A nice question of ethics here arises. If a man thinks
it wicked to offer wine to any one, should he feel obliged to place it
on his table? Each person must answer this according to the dictates of
his own conscience.
According to the old rule, sherry is the wine served with soup, claret
and champagne with the roast. Some hosts offer their guests hock or
sauterne with the soup, and champagne later in the meal. Others give
claret or champagne alone. The last-named should be cooled on ice. A
napkin is fastened around the neck of the bottle, since this is apt to
be wet. Claret and Burgundy sometimes need to be warmed slightly, as
their temperature should approximate that of the room. Sherry, Madeira,
port are always, and claret usually, put into decanters. It was formerly
the custom to set these on the table; but at ceremonious dinners wine is
now served from the sideboard.
No menu-cards are used at private houses. A name-card is set at each
place. According to present fashion, this should contain no ornament
except the crest or initials of the hostess done in gold, with edges to
match. At a recent dinner at the house of a bishop the device on the
name-card was a miter. Decorative designs are reserved for anniversary
dinners and other special occasions. Celery, olives, radishes, and other
_hors d’œuvres_ are usually relegated to the side-table at a formal
dinner.