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GOOD FORM FOR ALL OCCASIONS
A Manual of Manners
Dress and Entertainment
for Both Men and Women
by
FLORENCE HOWE HALL
Author of
“Social Usage at Washington”
[Illustration: Publisher’s Logo]
Harper & Brothers Publishers
New York and London
MCMXIV
------------------------------------------------------------------------
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HARPER & BROTHERS, NEW YORK
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Copyright, 1914, by Harper & Brothers
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Printed in the United States of America
Published June, 1914
CONTENTS
CHAP. PAGE
I. THE COUNTRY HOUSE 1
Etiquette and Dress for the Week-end
Visitor—Duties of the Host—The Neglectful and
Over-zealous Hostess—Bread-and-butter Letters.
II. AFTERNOON TEAS AND RECEPTIONS FOR THE 18
DÉBUTANTE—“THÉ DANSANT”
Dress and Behavior of Guests—Dress and Etiquette
for the Hostess and Her Assistants—Formal and
Informal Occasions—Who May Send Flowers.
III. BREAKFASTS AND LUNCHEONS 36
How to Give Them and What to Wear—Etiquette of the
Buffet Luncheon—Entertaining Distinguished
Strangers.
IV. DINNERS FORMAL AND INFORMAL 52
Invitations and How to Answer Them—Telephone
Invitations—Hints for the Young Hostess—Dress for
Men and for Women—Entering and Leaving the
Dining-room—Etiquette of the Formal Dinner—When to
Arrive and When to
Leave—Dressing-rooms—Dinner-calls.
V. BRIDESMAIDS’ LUNCHEONS, BACHELOR DINNERS, AND 74
WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES
Guests to be Invited—Etiquette and Dress for
Bridesmaids’ Luncheons—Etiquette and Dress for
Bachelor Dinners—Things to be Done and Things to
be Avoided—Wedding Anniversaries—The Right and the
Wrong Way to Celebrate Them—Form of Invitation.
VI. HOUSE AND CHURCH WEDDINGS 95
Dress for Bride, Bridegroom, Bridesmaids, Ushers,
and Other Members of the Bridal Party—Dress of
Guests—Gifts and How to Present Them—Etiquette of
House and Church Weddings—Wedding Breakfasts and
Receptions—Entertaining Out-of-town Guests.
VII. PUBLIC DINNERS AND RECEPTIONS 135
Luncheons of Women’s Clubs—Duties of Dinner and
Reception Committees—Arrangements in Suburban
Towns—The Courteous and the Discourteous
Guest—Evening Dress and Demi-toilette.
VIII. BALLS AND DANCES 154
Dinner and Subscription Dances—Roof-garden
Dances—Reciprocal Duties of the Chaperon and Her
Charge—How to Enter and How to Leave a
Ballroom—Objectionable Styles of Dancing—The Stag
Line and the Dance Programme—The Hostess and Her
Assistants—The Host—Introductions at Public and at
Private Dances—Duties of Floor Committee—Supper
Etiquette—Dress for Young Girls and Married
Women—Dress for Men.
IX. AUTOMOBILE TRIPS 175
The Automobilist as Host—Provision for Comfort of
Guests—Duties of Guest—Dress and
Luggage—Automobile Picnics—Entertainment of
Chauffeur—When a Visit becomes a Visitation.
X. BRIDGE PARTIES AND EVENING RECEPTIONS 189
Arrangement of the Card-tables—Playing for
Prizes—Good and Bad Manners at the Card-table—Why
Certain People are not Asked—Duties of
Hostess—Card Parties for Charity—Dress and
Etiquette of Evening Receptions.
XI. HOTELS, RESTAURANTS, AND ROOF-GARDENS 200
How to Entertain a Guest at a Hotel in the City
and in the Country—Etiquette for the Guest in
Hotels and Restaurants—Dress for Morning,
Afternoon, and Evening.
XII. THEATER, OPERA, AND CONCERT-HALL 215
Arrangements for Formal and Informal Theater
Parties—The Supper—The Bachelor and His Duties as
Host and as Guest—Dress and Behavior at the Opera,
Theater, and Concert-hall.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
GOOD FORM
FOR ALL OCCASIONS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
GOOD FORM
FOR ALL OCCASIONS
I
THE COUNTRY HOUSE
Etiquette and Dress for the Week-end Visitor.—Duties of the Host.—The
Neglectful and the Over-zealous Hostess.—Bread-and-butter Letters.
THE special trunks now readily procurable for week-end visits remind us
not to burden our friends with heavy or excessive luggage. The visitor
may have difficulty in deciding what costumes to carry. Hence a
considerate hostess often mentions in her note of invitation what the
out-of-door amusements are likely to be. If a tennis-court, golf-course,
skating-rink, or toboggan-slide is available, she does well to say so. A
host who lives by the seaside will perhaps take his guests out in a
canoe or a motor-boat or offer them the pleasures of surf-bathing.
If the week-end guest receives no friendly hints about the wardrobe
needed, she must be guided by a knowledge of the tastes and habits of
the household she is to visit. If she is in ignorance of these, she will
take into consideration the age of her hosts and the kind of place in
which they live. Thus, if Doris is invited to stay at Newport or some
other gay and fashionable watering-place, she will need handsomer
costumes and a greater variety of them than would be appropriate at a
quiet spot in the real country. In the same way, if her entertainers are
rich people whose mode of living is very expensive and who invite many
guests, she will require her best clothes.
Three changes of costume should ordinarily suffice—a short, plain skirt,
suitable for walking or out-of-door sports, with body of the same
material or separate shirt-waist either white or of corresponding color,
an evening gown, and one for afternoon or church wear. The last named
will suffice for the evening also if Doris is staying with friends who
live quietly in the country. An old but extremely convenient arrangement
is to have the afternoon costume made with a removable yoke, thus
serving two purposes. The English fashion of wearing a décolleté
toilette for late dinner is popular with the smart set in our large
cities, but is by no means general in America. It is a pretty custom for
young girls, and many follow it, wearing simple frocks of white muslin
or similar material in their own homes. For a visit in the country one
should always take rubbers or stout shoes. For tennis, rubber soles are
necessary, as those of leather tear up the court. While some country
hostesses are very thoughtful about providing extra wraps, a wise guest,
especially if she is inclined to be chilly, will carry a warm coat or
cloak.
An older woman would appear in the evening in a dress cut out somewhat
at the throat, or with a lace yoke or jabot if her health did not permit
the exposure of her neck. She would choose silk or some handsome
material made up in a dressy way, with a train longer or shorter
according to the fashion. Short dresses are much worn at the present
moment. Doris should take a pair of long white gloves for the evening,
as she will need them if there is to be a formal dinner, also a pair of
dress slippers, with stockings to match.
For a week-end visit in summer a young man would carry a pair of
white-flannel trousers, a soft shirt of flannel, silk, Madras, linen, or
other material, and golf or tennis shoes. He would also take for evening
wear a dinner-coat, with trousers and waistcoat to match, a black tie,
patent-leather pumps or low shoes, and a couple of dress-shirts. During
the heat of midsummer great latitude is allowed in the matter of evening
dress. Thus, at the informal weekly dances of the Rumson Country Club,
at Seabright, near New York, hardly a dress-coat is to be seen, the men
all wearing dinner-coats. Many of them substitute a white belt for a
waistcoat, white-duck trousers for the usual black ones, and soft white
shirts or those with narrow plaits for the regulation stiff-bosomed
dress-shirt.
In winter the week-end visitor with out-of-door tastes would take a
sweater and a toboggan-cap for skating or coasting. At either season of
the year he would travel in his business suit, and would wear this to
church should his hosts take him there on Sunday. Formal afternoon dress
(see Chapter VI) is the correct attire in which to appear at church; but
business suits are often worn and are permissible for the week-end
visitor, because he cannot conveniently carry many varieties of costume
in a suit-case.
If the hostess has named a particular train, the visitor should always
take that. Should she be delayed, she should telephone or telegraph
saying when she will arrive. A host living in the country usually sends
a conveyance to the station for his guests or comes to meet them
himself. If the carriage or car is a hired one, the visitor offers to
pay for it, but does not insist upon doing so. Where the trip to the
friend’s house is made in a trolley-car, the guest is seldom allowed to
pay his own fare. Sometimes the latter arrives and there is no one to
meet him. For a man it is usually easy to hire a cab or take a
trolley-car. For a young girl traveling alone the situation may be
awkward, especially if the place is unfamiliar to her. After waiting a
little while for her friends, it is perfectly proper for her to call
them up over the telephone and ask for directions.
It is usual to tell a guest soon after her arrival the hours for meals.
Should this be forgotten and should the lunch or dinner hour be
approaching, Doris may make the necessary inquiries. In a very formal
household she would ask one of the maids. Should one of the latter offer
to unpack Doris’s trunk or suit-case the young girl may accept or not,
as she pleases. There has been some effort made to import from
aristocratic countries the custom of having a valet or maid attend to
this duty and assist the guest in his or her toilette. The good-natured
fun made of these usages by recent writers reminds us that they are
inappropriate in a democratic country. It is true that for certain
styles of costume, such as a dress that fastens in the back, the fair
wearer needs a little assistance. But as a rule the American spirit
makes us prefer to be independent, whether of kings or of lackeys.
Self-reliance is almost indispensable in a land where fortunes are lost
as well as made with such speed and frequency.
A guest should be punctual at all meals and on all occasions. With
regard to breakfast a diversity of customs exists, the family assembling
for the meal at most houses, while many people prefer to take it in
their own rooms. A guest will endeavor to conform to the usage of the
household. If the hostess proposes to have his breakfast sent up, he may
accept the offer, unless he has reason to suppose that this will be
inconvenient. In the evening he will be careful not to keep his hosts up
beyond the hour when they ordinarily retire for the night.
For a week-end visit a guest places his time at the disposal of his
entertainers and does not usually make any engagements elsewhere. Should
it happen, however, that he wishes especially to call on friends in the
neighborhood, he should mention this soon after his arrival, so that the
trip may be arranged for an hour that will not interfere with the plans
of his host. The agreeable guest falls in readily with these. He tries
to have a pleasant time himself and to contribute to the pleasure of
others, even if some of them are tedious people. He will enjoy talking
with the most interesting person present, but will not try to monopolize
the lion of the occasion. If an excursion is proposed to see something
he has seen many times before, or to do a thing he especially dislikes,
he will not say: “Oh, I know that place by heart!” or “What a bore!” but
will make the best of the situation. Should he have any “parlor tricks,”
such as the ability to sing, recite, or tell fortunes, he will be ready
to display these at an opportune moment. A guest, however, should follow
rather than lead. It is the province of the host to make the programme
and arrangements. The visitor must be careful not to behave as if he
thought it was his party!
While, as we have said, he will join in the amusements, he will not
overstep the limits prescribed by good-breeding. It sometimes happens
that a group of young people, carried away by the contagion of high
spirits, will behave like boisterous school-children. The manners of our
day are much less formal than those of an earlier generation, but they
impose of necessity a certain degree of restraint. Our girls and young
men must remember that it is always easy to relapse into the barbarism
from which mankind has emerged by a slow and tedious process. As the
cultivated apple-tree tends always to return to the wild crab, so does
our civilization, if it is not vigilantly guarded, incline to revert to
the savagery of the primitive man. A guest should never feel obliged to
join in anything which he considers wrong. Thus, if it is proposed to
play cards for money he should simply say, “Can’t we arrange another
table? I always play for coffee-beans,” or make some other half-jesting
remark. In a word, while he quietly maintains his own opinions, he
should avoid saying anything in criticism of those who differ with him.
If he thinks it wrong to drink wine or beer, or does not care to do so,
he should place his open hand palm downward against the side of the
glass when the servant offers to fill this. Should it be filled by
mistake the guest need not feel compelled to drink the wine. Among
well-bred people his failure to do so would cause no comment. It is only
very young and inexperienced or extremely timid persons who fancy that
it is necessary to behave like the proverbial sheep blindly following
the leader. A girl who should undertake to smoke a cigarette simply
because those around her were doing so would clearly demonstrate, not
her good manners, but her lack of backbone. In the opinion of most
people there is nothing wicked in the use of tobacco. But the great
majority of Americans consider it in bad taste for women to smoke,
especially in public.
Doris should inquire in good season about the trains and ascertain to
which one it will be convenient to send her. She should never stay
beyond the time for which she was originally invited, unless under
exceptional circumstances. A week-end visit is supposed to terminate on
Monday morning, or a business man may find it necessary to leave on
Sunday evening.
The out-of-town hostess does well to select her guests from those who
enjoy out-door sports or who are fond of the country and its amusements.
Of course, such a choice is not always possible, and in the heat of
midsummer every one likes to have a breath of fresh air and to escape
from the noise and dust of the city streets. For a house-party it is
best to ask persons of more or less congenial tastes, who will therefore
be likely to enjoy the same things. While the affair will be more
successful if some of the guests are already acquainted with one
another, an agreeable stranger may add a pleasant variety. People who
see one another constantly in the city may find it tiresome to meet at a
week-end party.
If neither the hostess nor her deputy goes to meet the guest at the
station, some member of the family should be on hand to welcome the
latter on her arrival at the house. The guest-rooms should be well
aired, made warm in winter and cool in summer. Unless the hostess has
servants who are thoroughly reliable, she should visit these apartments
before the arrival of her friends and make sure that all is in order,
with everything provided for the comfort of her guests. There should be
plenty of bed-clothes suitable for the time of year, a supply of
stationery and sewing-materials, a few good books, a well-lighted
dressing-table, some bureau and closet space, and ample washing
facilities. At night the visitor should always find a pitcher or glass
of drinking-water in her room and a few crackers.
As we have already said, the hostess arranges the programme for the
visit. She should not, however, insist too strenuously on its strict
fulfilment. The entertainment must be fitted to the guests; they should
not be expected to fit exactly into it, as if they were so many pegs in
a cribbage-board. The plans must be elastic; a wide margin should be
left for the tastes and preferences of different individuals. The
hostess does well to think out beforehand, perhaps to write down on
paper, a provisional programme for each day. But if every one is happy
playing tennis, she will not drag the players out in a motor-car simply
because her schedule says, “Tuesday, 5 o’clock, all ride in automobile”!
Her social experience has probably shown her that two people may talk so
long together as to become utterly bored. With an anxious eye she sees
that Jack Quarterback has been talking for half an hour to Ida Vergil,
the clever young Latinist from Vassar. She bears down upon them,
dragging reluctant in her wake Thomas Pundit, a prize-winner from the
verdant shades of Princeton. Now in breaking up this particular
tête-à-tête, the châtelaine is making the mistake of her life. Ida has
been listening with the deepest interest to Jack’s story of how he stood
X—— on his head and made the famous end-run that saved the day for Yale.
At this moment her indifference to all the classic authors is supreme.
She greets Pundit as coldly as if he were indeed a Latin lexicon instead
of a fairly good-looking young man. In this magical hour the glitter of
his prizes is as nothing to her.
The over-zealous hostess perceives she has made a mistake, though she
played the game according to her rules. If either party had shown signs
of distress, if Ida had yawned behind her fan or Jack had cast furtive
glances around the room indicating a desire to escape, Mrs. Anxious
would have been justified in her manœuver. A certain hostess who lived
not a hundred miles from the Hub used to irritate her guests very much
by breaking up the conversation at the expiration of what she considered
the time-limit. She entertained so charmingly in other respects that
people enjoyed going to her house. But they disliked very much her habit
of interrupting a talk. Most persons prefer to direct their own affairs.
The guiding hand of the hostess should be felt rather than seen.
While her guests may rebel at the social maternalism which hampers their
freedom of action, they prefer Mrs. Anxious to the inert or cold and
formal house-mistress who seems quite indifferent to their welfare. The
neglectful hostess may be lazy or inexperienced, or she may lack the
true spirit of hospitality. In the first case her guests will forgive
her if she is trying to do her best. Since laziness is a form of
selfishness, the woman who takes no pains to provide entertainment for
her friends is seldom popular. The worst offender, however, is the
hostess who is so much occupied with her own amusements that she has
neither time nor thought to bestow on other people. The question
naturally arises in their minds, “Why did she invite us? Was it simply
to show us her finely appointed household?”
During the morning hours the lady of the house may reasonably ask to be
excused. She may be in the habit of breakfasting in her room, while
later letters and household cares will occupy her time. If she does not
expect to appear until the luncheon-hour, however, she should inquire
overnight whether there is anything she can do for her guests in the
morning. Although these will usually occupy themselves and amuse one
another in the forenoon, their entertainer will have some plans probably
for the afternoon and almost certainly for the evening. It is wise to
arrange the night before, or betimes in the morning, the programme for
the day, so that the guests will know what to expect. If these are all
young people and the hostess an older woman, she will hardly take part
in the more active out-of-door amusements. Where there is neither son
nor daughter of the house, as deputy in the sports, it often happens
that a young friend acts for the lady of the house.
The hostess should, if possible, be on hand to receive the adieux of the
departing guests. If these are to leave in the morning and forget to
inquire overnight about the train service, the hostess may with perfect
propriety ask at what time they would like to start. She should do so in
a tactful way, and might say, for instance: “At what hour are you
obliged to be in New York, Miss Y——? I should like to let the chauffeur
know to-night, so that he may be ready in good season to take you to the
train.”
A “bread-and-butter letter” thanking the lady of the house for her
hospitality should be written within a few days of the visit. If the
guest is a young girl she should write very promptly, in order to let
her hostess know of her safe arrival at her destination. Such a note
need not be long, but it should show a cordial appreciation of the
kindness received.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
II
AFTERNOON TEAS AND RECEPTIONS FOR THE DÉBUTANTE—“THÉ DANSANT”
Dress and Behavior of Guests—Dress and Etiquette for the Hostess and Her
Assistants—Formal and Informal Occasions—Who May Send Flowers.
AFTERNOON teas maintain their popularity because they present the
simplest and easiest way of receiving one’s circle of friends and
acquaintances. Like the magic cloak of fable, they expand or shrink to
suit the requirements and resources of every hostess, whether she be
rich or in modest circumstances, whether she wishes to ask several
hundred persons to a stately city mansion or half a dozen friends to a
quiet country villa. For presenting a young girl to society they are
especially convenient. All the old family friends will appreciate the
opportunity of seeing the débutante and welcoming her to her new sphere,
without going to the trouble and expense of buying a new ball-dress and
hiring a carriage. To many elderly people, evening dances, with the late
hours, indigestible suppers, and fatigue necessarily involved, are very
distasteful.
The guest can judge of the nature of the afternoon occasion by the style
of the invitation. For a large and formal reception, it is usual to send
out some little time in advance engraved cards of generous size. The
name of the débutante is placed beneath that of her mother, followed by
the statement that they will be at home on such and such a day and hour,
at number so-and-so in a certain street. For a smaller and less
pretentious occasion, or for a series of teas, the hostess uses her own
visiting-cards, on which her daughter’s name may also be engraved. The
day or days and hours are sometimes written in and sometimes engraved.
Neither of these forms of invitation requires any answer, except that
those who are unable to attend the affair send a visiting-card in time
to reach the house the same day or the day after. If there are two
hostesses (the débutante and her mother, for instance), a lady should
send two cards. A gentleman sometimes sends three, the third being
intended for the master of the house. No comments should be written on
these. If one desires to express especial regret to a hostess whom one
knows fairly well, a note may accompany the visiting-card.
The question is sometimes asked by correspondents, “Is it obligatory to
attend a series of teas or receptions to which an invitation has been
received?” Courtesy demands that we shall, if possible, go to one of the
occasions. Only an intimate friend or a person especially invited would
attend all of them. Should one be unable to go, it is not necessary to
send cards of acknowledgment until the last of the afternoons. Persons
who are in deep mourning, or who are prevented by some other reason from
accepting the invitation, sometimes send their cards soon after it is
received and so signify their inability to be present.
The proper dress for guests at an afternoon tea or reception is street
or reception costume. The latter, according to present fashion, consists
of silk, brocade, velvet, or other handsome material if the wearer is a
married woman or a single one who is no longer in her first youth. It
should not be very light in color nor very showy if it is to be worn in
a public conveyance. The woman who appears in a very handsome toilette
should take a carriage, since it is in bad taste to make oneself
conspicuous in train or trolley-car. Or she may cover up her dress with
a long outer garment—called “Cache-misère” by the French. A young girl
eschews brocades and other rich fabrics. Her reception costume may be of
woolen or silken stuff, but it should preserve the simplicity of style
which is at once appropriate and becoming to young people. White gloves
are demanded by the present fashion, although some ladies wear black
ones, while the shortness of the skirts makes dainty footgear very
desirable. It is offending against good taste as well as against common
sense, however, to walk through the streets in the wintry season clad in
slippers so thin and stockings so transparent that they make the
beholder shiver. They look as much out-of-place as heavy furs in the
heat of summer.
For teas in the country greater informality is permissible, some young
and pretty women appearing in golfing or skating costume, with red
sweater and cap to match. Such a dress is not to be recommended for
general wear, however, few persons having the air and distinction
necessary to carry it off.
The conventional costume for men at an afternoon reception is “formal
afternoon dress”—_i.e._, black cutaway or frock-coat, black or fancy
waistcoat, dark, striped trousers, patent-leather shoes, and an Ascot or
four-in-hand tie. A dark-gray cutaway suit (coat, waistcoat, and
trousers all being of the same material) may also be worn. It must be
confessed, however, that men now appear in a diversity of costumes on
these occasions. At tea-dances they dress as they find convenient.
The lady of the house wears a gown of silk, satin, velvet, or other
handsome material made with a train, and either high or somewhat cut out
in the neck. Bare throats are much in vogue at the present moment, but
it is thought in better taste to reserve the full décolleté dress for
late dinner and evening wear. Some hostesses put on gloves for a formal
reception, others do not. The ladies who pour tea or assist in receiving
the guests arrive early and appear in a costume similar to that of the
hostess. They usually remove their hats, although the older women
sometimes prefer to keep them on. A white frock of a thin, transparent
material, made simply and with little trimming, is the prettiest costume
for the débutante. According to the present fashion this is often cut
almost as low in the neck as an evening dress. The young friends who act
as her assistants wear similar gowns of some light color. If they choose
silken fabrics, these should be of light weight.
On arriving, the visitor should leave her cards on the hall-table,
unless the person opening the door carries a salver for them. At a large
tea there is usually a dressing-room, where the guest may leave her
outer wraps, with the exception of her hat. This she always retains.
When she reaches the door of the drawing-room, a man-servant may ask her
name for the purpose of announcing it to the hostess. At a large
reception, where many people may be present whom the lady of the house
knows very slightly, such a reminder is very convenient. In a small
country place or suburban town, where all are acquainted, it would
obviously be out of place.
If a guest hears her own name bawled out in stentorian tones, it reminds
her that her first duty on entering the drawing-room is to find the
hostess and shake hands with her. While the present tango craze lasts
this will sometimes be difficult. With old and young spinning about the
room like so many dancing dervishes, the visitor must thread her way
warily between the couples, lest she be run down as by a motor-car. In
order to prevent such a catastrophe, the New York hostess who is giving
a tea-dance receives her guests in the tea-room; or if she does so in
the drawing-room she arranges to have the end where she stands kept
clear of dancers.
On the left of the hostess stands the débutante, who is presented to the
women guests by her mother, the men being introduced to her. There may
be assistant hostesses in the receiving-line, or they may be scattered
about the rooms doing the honors of the house. The visitor would
probably like to have a little chat with the lady of the house before
passing on, especially if she knows few persons in the room. If she
arrives at the crowded hour when a stream of people are entering, she
must only delay for a moment. It is usually possible by watching one’s
chance to return later when the crowd has entered the dining-room and
the hostesses have a little leisure to chat with those who really wish
to see them. A courteous person is careful to pay due attention to the
lady of the house and to have some talk with her should opportunity
offer. If the guest finds any acquaintances, she will enjoy the
occasion; if she does not, she may agree with the masculine verdict that
“Teas are a bore.”
It is the pleasant province of the assistant hostesses—usually young
friends of the daughter of the house—to look after the welfare of the
guests, especially of those who appear to be strangers. The
conversation, it is true, is brief and perfunctory. It is limited
usually to an invitation to go into the dining-room, the visitor
mumbling an acceptance and moving in the direction indicated. To be thus
made welcome, however, by a young girl of gracious manners gives a
personal touch of hospitality that is very agreeable. The assistant
hostesses address in this way persons whom they do not know, as well as
friends and acquaintances.
Arrived at that Mecca of afternoon teas, the dining-room, one does not
on a formal occasion remove one’s gloves, albeit it seems rather a
foolish fashion to hold sandwiches with fingers clad in white kid. Here
the young girls who assist in waiting upon the guests have the
advantage, as they may remove their gloves if they please. The
dining-room is the center of attraction on these occasions, not only on
account of the refreshments, but because it usually seems brighter and
gayer than the other apartments, unless dancing is going on elsewhere.
The guests should resist the temptation to linger there, however, as the
room is apt to grow hot and overcrowded. Since there is not usually room
for all at the same time, evidently one should take one’s turn.
It is not necessary to stay long at an afternoon tea. During the height
of the season in a large city, many of these affairs take place on the
same afternoon, the guests going from one to another. It suffices to
remain from a quarter to a half hour. At a small and friendly “tea” or
at a house where one feels much at home, people stay longer if they are
amused. One should take leave of the hostess, unless she is so
surrounded with people as to make this difficult.
At a large reception, the coming and going of a constant stream of
guests makes it necessary for the lady of the house to remain in her
place or very near it throughout the afternoon. She usually stands in
the drawing-room near enough to the entrance to be readily accessible,
and yet far enough away to prevent the blocking of the doorway. A crowd
would be apt to form there if the guests stopped at once to speak to the
hostess. She should shake hands cordially with all. The débutante does
the same, although she may, if she prefer, simply bow or courtesy to the
gentlemen. She remains beside her mother throughout the afternoon, or
certainly until all the guests have arrived. At a small tea the hostess
feels at liberty to move about more freely. She may even enter the
dining-room late in the afternoon, although she must be careful to
return to her position should there be late-comers.
For a large and formal occasion in the city, a carpet for the sidewalk
is provided, and usually an awning. A man is stationed at the curbstone
to open the doors of the carriages and to give checks to the guests and
the drivers or chauffeurs. A servant, usually a man, stands at the front
door, opening it as soon as a guest appears. One or more maids are in
the dressing-room ready to assist the ladies. If a great many guests are
expected, there are checks for the coats. We have already said that a
man-servant should be stationed just outside the door of the
drawing-room, if the names are to be announced. In the dining-room two
or more caterer’s assistants or expert waitresses will be needed to wait
upon the guests.
The pouring of the tea is such a characteristic and pleasant feature of
these occasions that it is seen often, although not always, at large and
formal receptions. For smaller affairs the tea-table is indispensable.
An assistant hostess usually presides at each end of the table, one
pouring coffee, chocolate, or bouillon, the other tea. In summer cool
beverages, such as lemonade, fruit-punch, or wine-cup, may be used; but
where older people are present, tea, either iced or hot, is almost
indispensable. Whatever the season of the year, if the day is cold and
wet a warm drink should be provided. Sandwiches of many kinds, little
cakes, bonbons, and salted nuts are the usual refreshments, to which
ices are often added, and occasionally salads and oysters. The latter
are more appropriate for a reception to which men are asked than to a
tea.
The young friends of the débutante should keep a watchful eye on the
guests to see that all are served. They themselves often act as amateur
waitresses. It is very charming to see a young and pretty girl seated
behind the tea-urn. Candor compels us to admit, however, that the
quality of the beverage is more likely to be satisfactory when a person
of some experience officiates. We do not forget that fair and blooming
Hebe was the cup-bearer of the gods, and we are delighted to have her
modern representative serve in that capacity. But why, oh why, was she
removed to make room for Ganymede? In the absence of precise
information, it is our opinion that she attempted not only to pour out,
but to concoct, the nectar of Mount Olympus. Being young and giddy, she
presumably gave honey to some gouty old deity to whom all sweets were
forbidden, hence lost her position.
It is not a very difficult thing to make a good cup of tea, but it needs
a little practice and undivided attention. Since most persons now like
the beverage very weak, there should be a large supply of hot water, and
this should be frequently replenished. Little wire contrivances can be
purchased to take the place of the silver tea-ball; or a number of small
bags may be made by tying up a few spoonfuls of the dry leaves in a
piece of cheese-cloth. Boiling water is poured over the tea, or the
latter is immersed for a moment in a cup which has just been filled with
hot water. It should be withdrawn very quickly, in order to avoid the
unpleasant and unwholesome taste produced by allowing the leaves to
steep in the hot fluid.
For large and formal receptions, music of a rather subdued character is
sometimes provided. A stringed orchestra of three or four pieces may be
stationed in a convenient nook or corner, partially screened from view
by tall plants in pots or other variety of greenery. This convention
makes one smile, because the stout German musicians are plainly visible
among the foliage, their spectacled faces and rotund figures contrasting
curiously with the sylvan groves in which they are immured. Doubtless
the arrangement conduces to their comfort, however, and protects them
from the careless feet of passers-by. If a costumed band is employed, it
is placed where it can be seen and admired. If there is to be dancing,
the music is of a louder and more pronounced character. According to the
fashion of the moment, there is such a beating of drums as would delight
the heart of the simple savage in his forest wilds.
The floral decorations may be few and simple or elaborate and profuse,
as the taste and means of the hostess dictate. At a reception for a
débutante, the drawing-rooms may be filled to overflowing with bouquets
and cut flowers sent by friends and admirers. It is now the fashion to
greet the young girl in this charming way, strewing her path with
fragrant blossoms, figuratively speaking. Many of these come, doubtless,
from the family connections, but any friend or acquaintance is at
liberty to send flowers in moderation. Obviously, it would not be in
good taste for a young man who was only slightly acquainted with the
débutante to order a very large and expensive bouquet for her coming-out
reception. In a large city it is possible to engage the services of a
florist for an hour or two, in order to arrange the floral gifts quickly
and to the best advantage. Otherwise the family may be overwhelmed by
the sudden avalanche of sweet blossoms, and the supply of vases
available may give out early in the day.
For a formal reception in winter artificial light is ordinarily used,
the shutters being closed or the shades drawn down. At an informal tea
it is pleasant to have the daylight as long as it lasts; but one should
turn on the electricity or the gas before the rooms begin to grow dim
and gloomy. As the season advances and the days become longer, most
people find it refreshing to let in the sunlight.
For a small and informal tea it suffices to have two maid-servants in
attendance. The waitress removes the cups and spoons as soon as they
have been used, brings in fresh supplies, and assists in passing tea and
cake to the guests. The other woman opens the door, washes the
tea-things in the butler’s pantry, and helps wherever she is needed. At
a studio or an apartment house in the city, or in a quiet village in the
country, the hostess and her friends sometimes attend to all these
duties themselves. The dish-washing must, of course, be conducted in a
separate room, or in case of necessity it may take place behind a
screen. The young girls slip on big aprons for this task and make merry
over it. Tea-biscuits, little fancy cakes, and bonbons are the
refreshments usually provided. Sandwiches are very popular, but they are
rather troublesome to make and expensive to buy because of the labor
involved. A “curate’s assistant” is a convenient adjunct for a small
tea. Cake, buns, muffins, and buttered toast may be passed on this
little three-storied stand.
A reception for a débutante is often followed by a dinner or a supper
for the young friends who have assisted her. Young men may be asked to
this, and there will perhaps be an informal dance afterward. A supper is
found by experience to be better than a dinner, because the consumption
of sandwiches and other viands at the tea takes the edge off every one’s
appetite.
It must be said that the _thé dansant_ has taken the place of the
ordinary afternoon tea to a considerable extent. Alas for the elderly
dowagers who found the latter so enjoyable! There is no room for them at
the dancing-tea, and they are not invited because they would be sure to
come if they were! These affairs are held at Ladies’ Clubs or at private
houses. A number of young girls come without their hats and act as
hostess’s assistants. They mingle with the guests and help in
introducing partners to the young women. As has been said elsewhere in
this chapter, the hostess usually receives in the tea-room on these
occasions.
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III
BREAKFASTS AND LUNCHEONS
How to Give Them and What to Wear—Etiquette of the Buffet
Luncheon—Entertaining Distinguished Strangers.
IN the days of our grandmothers it was the custom in this country to
dine in the middle of the day or in the early afternoon. Children then,
as now, carried bread-and-butter, cookies, or some light refreshment to
school. The members of the family who remained at home either ate
nothing between breakfast and dinner or took a light lunch if the
interval were very long. It must be remembered that the old-fashioned
heavy American breakfast stayed the pangs of hunger for a considerable
period of time. We are shocked in these days at the idea of eating
heartily in the early morning. We must not forget that in the middle of
the last century the light evening tea or supper, as it was called, was
much less satisfying than our modern late dinner. Hence every one was
quite ready and hungry for breakfast.
Luncheon as a formal meal was then almost unknown in America. People who
wished to entertain friends early in the day, and who were familiar with
English customs, occasionally gave a breakfast. With the adoption of the
late dinner the evolution of luncheon as a midday repast naturally
followed. Lunch-parties have long been extremely popular in this
country. They have completely overshadowed their older sister, the
“breakfast,” so that the latter term is not often applied to midday
entertainments, except under certain circumstances. Thus we speak of the
collation served at a morning wedding as a “breakfast,” and the word is
also used to describe club festivities. The lunch-party being usually a
ladies’ affair, it is sometimes said that the presence of men changes
the function to a breakfast. For the rest, the two forms of
entertainment are very much alike save that the earlier meal, in order
to deserve its name, should take place not later than twelve or soon
after, and should be simpler and less formal in its appointments than
the later one. Thus, plain linen napery would be more appropriate than a
cloth trimmed with lace. A breakfast usually begins with fruit, and
includes a course of eggs served in some form. Otherwise the bill of
fare is very much like that of a lunch, save that it is shorter, and
ices and wines are not served except at large and formal functions.
Occasionally some enterprising hostess invites a few friends to a
breakfast that really deserves its name, the hour being nine or
half-past nine o’clock. Travelers of distinction whose time is much
occupied may still be open to engagements in the early morning. A meal
of this sort must necessarily be brief and informal. Oranges, melons, or
whatever fruit is in season, cereal with cream, eggs and bacon or
omelette, broiled chicken, toast or muffins with orange marmalade or
some other kind of jam would make a good menu. Indeed, the chicken could
be omitted where only one or two guests were expected. The lady of the
house should preside over the tea and coffee equipage, thus giving the
personal touch of hospitality which is not possible at a more
ceremonious meal. Chocolate also may be served. Breakfast plates of good
size should be used, and in winter these should be warmed for the hot
course or courses.
The hostess may wear a pretty morning gown or street dress (with the
exception of the hat), if she expects to go out after breakfast. The
guests leave soon after the meal is over. The women wear a simple street
costume; or, if they are about to take part in some sport, they may
appear in tennis, shooting, or other special dress. They do not remove
their hats. There was an attempt made recently in New York to introduce
the dancing-breakfast, the guests leaving the table and executing the
hesitation waltz or the one-step between the courses. The experiment
does not seem likely to be repeated.
Luncheon is, in theory at least, always an informal meal. Hence the
invitations are usually conveyed in the form of a friendly note or given
over the telephone. Some hostesses use a partly engraved card for their
invitations to luncheon, filling in the date, hour, and name of guest.
For a club or similar function the invitations are usually engraved. The
guests may be few or many, as the hostess pleases. She must take into
consideration, however, the size of her dining-table and of her rooms.
There must be space enough for the attendants to pass around the former
without crowding the guests.
The young and inexperienced house-mistress may need a word of caution
about her china and glass. Unless she wishes to invest in new dishes,
she should take an inventory of them before issuing her invitations. It
is awkward to ask eight guests and then find your best dessert-plates
are a half-dozen set. While plates, forks, etc., may be washed, and so
be used a second time at the same meal, it is better to have enough on
hand for the entire luncheon. Washing delays the service, a thing now
considered very undesirable. For the woman who possesses a handsome
dining-table it is customary to use a centerpiece and place doilies,
thus showing a portion of the polished wood. A white linen table-cloth
is always in good style, however, no matter what the fad of the moment
may be.
The centerpieces for the bare table now come of generous size, being
virtually miniature lunch-cloths. Some are composed entirely of lace,
and some have a border of that material. The accompanying place doilies
should have a pad or a piece of canton flannel beneath them, to protect
the table from the heat of the dishes. A vase, rose-bowl, or loving-cup
filled with flowers is placed in the middle of the table. If this is set
on a silver salver it adds to the decorative effect. Two or four smaller
vases of corresponding shape and material may be placed in such a way as
to form a hollow square around the central one, standing at some
distance from it. A handsome dish of fruit makes an effective
centerpiece, or two dishes may form part of the decorative scheme, one
being placed on either side of the table. If artificial light is to be
used, two candelabra or four single candlesticks may be set in the
spaces between the vases. The shades of these should correspond in color
with the flowers. Where there is good daylight, however, it is in the
opinion of the writer greatly to be preferred.
Little dishes of olives, radishes, celery—_hors d’œuvres_, as they are
called—small fancy cakes, bonbons, and fruit, either fresh or dried, add
to the decorative effect. A salt-cellar and pepper-pot may be put at
each place, at each corner of the table, or on the edge of the
centerpiece or lunch-cloth, where it is sufficiently large to bring them
within easy reach. A bread-and-butter plate, with miniature silver
knife, is provided for each person. It should stand at the left, where
two or three silver forks—as many as will be needed before the sweet
course—are also placed. At the right there should be a goblet or
tumbler, a napkin with a roll or piece of bread folded in it, and one or
more knives as occasion may require. If the bones are left in the fish,
a silver knife should be provided for it, and one is sometimes put on
for the salad. Since at luncheon soup is eaten out of cups with two
handles instead of from plates, a dessert-spoon or large teaspoon is set
at the right or at the top of each place. If there is grape-fruit, a
fruit-spoon or teaspoon will also be needed. One finger-roll, or two
rolls if they are very small, may be put in each bread-and-butter plate,
instead of in the napkin.