"Eh?"
"But I don't think you had better see my niece just yet. She's just
having a nap."
"Oh, in that case...."
"Seems a pity to wake her, doesn't it?"
"Oh, absolutely," I said, relieved.
"When you get the influenza you don't sleep at night, and then if you
doze off in the morning, well, it seems a pity to wake someone, doesn't
it?"
"Miss Platt has influenza?"
"That's what we think it is. But, of course, you'll be able to say. But
we needn't waste time. Since you're here, you can be taking a look at
my knee."
"Your knee?"
I am all for knees at their proper time and, as you might say, in their
proper place, but somehow this didn't seem the moment. However, she
carried on according to plan.
"What do you think of that knee?" she asked, lifting the seven veils.
Well, of course, one has to be polite.
"Terrific!" I said.
"You wouldn't believe how it hurts me sometimes."
"Really?"
"A sort of shooting pain. It just comes and goes. And I'll tell you a
funny thing."
"What's that?" I said, feeling I could do with a good laugh.
"Lately I've been having the same pain just here, at the end of the
spine."
"You don't mean it!"
"I do. Like red-hot needles. I wish you'd have a look at it."
"At your spine?"
"Yes."
I shook my head. Nobody is fonder of a bit of fun than myself, and I am
all for Bohemian camaraderie and making a party go, and all that. But
there is a line, and we Woosters know when to draw it.
"It can't be done," I said austerely. "Not spines. Knees, yes. Spines,
no," I said.
She seemed surprised.
"Well," she said, "you're a funny sort of doctor, I must say."
I'm pretty quick, as I said before, and I began to see that something
in the nature of a misunderstanding must have arisen.
"Doctor?"
"Well, you call yourself a doctor, don't you?"
"Did you think I was a doctor?"
"Aren't you a doctor?"
"No. Not a doctor."
We had got it straightened out. The scales had fallen from our eyes. We
knew where we were.
I had suspected that she was a genial soul. She now endorsed this view.
I don't think I have ever heard a woman laugh so heartily.
"Well, that's the best thing!" she said, borrowing my handkerchief to
wipe her eyes. "Did you ever! But if you aren't the doctor, who are
you?"
"Wooster's the name. I came to see Miss Platt."
"What about?"
This was the moment, of course, when I should have come out with the
check and sprung the big effort. But somehow I couldn't make it. You
know how it is. Offering people money to release your uncle is a scaly
enough job at best, and when the atmosphere's not right the shot simply
isn't on the board.
"Oh, just came to see her, you know." I had rather a bright idea. "My
uncle heard she was seedy, don't you know, and asked me to look in and
make inquiries," I said.
"Your uncle?"
"Lord Yaxley."
"Oh! So you are Lord Yaxley's nephew?"
"That's right. I suppose he's always popping in and out here, what?"
"No. I've never met him."
"You haven't?"
"No. Rhoda talks a lot about him, of course, but for some reason she's
never so much as asked him to look in for a cup of tea."
I began to see that this Rhoda knew her business. If I'd been a girl
with someone wanting to marry me and knew that there was an exhibit
like this aunt hanging around the home, I, too, should have thought
twice about inviting him to call until the ceremony was over and he
had actually signed on the dotted line. I mean to say, a thoroughly
good soul--heart of gold beyond a doubt--but not the sort of thing you
wanted to spring on Romeo before the time was ripe.
"I suppose you were all very surprised when you heard about it?" she
said.
"'Surprised' is right."
"Of course, nothing is definitely settled yet."
"You don't mean that? I thought...."
"Oh, no. She's thinking it over."
"I see."
"Of course, she feels it's a great compliment. But then sometimes she
wonders if he isn't too old."
"My aunt Agatha has rather the same idea."
"Of course, a title _is_ a title."
"Yes, there's that. What do you think about it yourself?"
"Oh, it doesn't matter what I think. There's no doing anything with
girls these days, is there?"
"Not much."
"What I often say is, I wonder what girls are coming to. Still, there
it is."
"Absolutely."
There didn't seem much reason why the conversation shouldn't go on for
ever. She had the air of a woman who has settled down for the day. But
at this point the maid came in and said the doctor had arrived.