_Guzman, after the death of his Wife, wishes to embrace the
Ecclesiastical life, and with that view repairs to Alcala de
Henarés to study. The fruits of his studies._
After having rendered the last duties to my wife, and her dowry to her
father, I still remained in my own house, which was now all that was my
own; and even this was completely stripped, with the exception of one
room, which Don Andrea, out of compassion, had furnished for me with a
few articles of trifling value. Here I was occupied in making
reflections on the past, and in devising means for my future
subsistence.
What now can I possibly do? said I to myself. I fear I shall find no
more Apothecaries, no Banker like that at Milan, no more relations to
trust their jewels to my care. What then is to become of me? O
Sayavedra, my dear confidant, how do I now miss you! Why can you not be
witness of my troubles when I stand so much in need of your address and
advice? Were you now present, we could together devise some scheme for
my relief; but, alas, I have lost you! I ought no longer to rely on your
assistance, which, perhaps, at this moment, you repent sorely having
ever afforded me.
This last thought affected me exceedingly, and I felt so disgusted with
the world that I resolved to quit it. I must, said I, turn my thoughts
to the church. In that asylum I may possibly find that solid happiness
which I have hitherto sought for in vain. How many knaves have made
their fortune in this way? why, therefore, should I not try my luck? I
may become a good preacher; and the pulpit is the road to bishoprics.
Let the worst come to the worst, with the money I may get for my house I
may be able to purchase some chance benefice; and even should I be so
unfortunate as not to meet with one, I can only put my money out at
interest; and if the dividends be not sufficient for me to lead an
agreeable life, I must make up for it by becoming chaplain to some rich
nunnery. Though I already know more Latin than is necessary to fill a
place of that description, yet will I, nevertheless, go to Alcala, and
take one course of philosophy, and another of theology, that I may be
the more worthy of it. And if the condition of a scholar should appear
to me too arduous for a man of my age, I can but at last have recourse
to the good fathers of the order of St. Francis, who, when they have
once heard me sing, would receive me among them, though I could not
read a word.
Thus you see, friendly reader, that persons of wit are never at a loss.
A fine resource, truly! you will answer; to embrace an Ecclesiastical
life with the sole view of enjoying every terrestrial comfort, is not
seeking a very canonical vocation. Agreed, I will not contend with
casuists on this point: but will candidly confess that I consulted
custom more than the Canons, and that, in thinking of becoming priest, I
studied nothing but my own convenience. I communicated my intentions to
my father-in-law, wishing to persuade him that they were the effect of a
thousand moral reflections I had made on the uncertainty of all earthly
blessings; or rather that I was inspired by heaven. As this banker was
not much better than myself, he applauded my resolution, which, he said,
he could not sufficiently praise, were it only for the sake of escaping
my creditors.
It now only remained for me to sell my house, which I very soon did. I
met with a purchaser who gave me almost as much as it had cost me, the
quarter of the town having been much built upon since I bought it. As
soon as I had completed this sale, I carried the money to the bank. It
could bring me in but very little, but in addition to its being there in
safety, I could draw it out again whenever I pleased. After having thus
disposed of my property, procured a proper dress for a student who
aspired to sacred orders, which consisted of a long cloak and cassock,
and after having bid adieu to Don Andrea and my best friends, I set out
for the town of Alcala, where I arrived a few days before the opening of
the colleges. I was at first doubtful where I should take up my lodging;
whether to enter myself in a college, or hire an apartment and board in
the town. I had been accustomed to enjoy entire liberty at my own house,
to live according to my own fancy, to eat what I pleased, without being
subject to stipulated hours, which I must conform to in a boarding
house, where I should dine and sup with the students, the majority of
whom were mere children. On the other hand, when I considered the
expense of an establishment of my own; of keeping a servant who might be
addicted to thieving, gallantry, or wine, or perhaps all three together;
not to mention other inconveniences which are attached to the life of a
young man completely his own master, I decided at last that I would
enter myself at one of the boarding houses, and accordingly agreed with
one which I thought would be most suitable to my age.
I was not long without acquaintances. I was fortunate enough to meet
with some students of about my own age. With these I associated; for I
was ashamed to keep company with the younger ones. I began by applying
myself to the study of philosophy, in which, as I united indefatigable
perseverance with a natural happy genius, I soon made great progress,
and at the end of two years was considered one of the first students in
the university. After having gone through my course of philosophy, I
took my degrees as Master of Arts, in which I got the second place,
though I well deserved the first. This injustice was winked at in favour
of the son of one of our most celebrated professors. I did not murmur at
it; on the contrary, I felt more pride in hearing it said by every body
that I had been unfairly passed over, than I should have felt if justice
had been done to me. I next commenced upon Theology, and continuing to
study with the same ardour, it soon became mere amusement to me, and I
felt, or, at least, fancied that I grew wiser every day.
Although I made it a point of honour never to miss a single lesson, and
was, consequently, much engaged in my scholastic duties, yet I had still
some time for pleasure. As I had been long accustomed to good cheer, and
fared but badly at the boarding-house, I generally gave a little
entertainment twice or thrice a week, by which I acquired the reputation
of a rich and generous man; and what will more surprise you, during
almost four years that I lived in this manner, I formed no sort of
acquaintance with females, even the most modest. I scarcely knew whether
there were any lovely women in the town; in fact, I carefully shunned
every opportunity of hearing any thing about them. I took great credit
to myself for being thus upon my guard against the fair sex; for I knew
by experience how dangerous it was for me, and had the resolution during
almost the whole course of my studies to avoid that rock: happy indeed,
had I completely finished them without at last splitting upon it!
I was now on the point of passing as Bachelor in Divinity; and I was
obliged in the first place to take orders, which are only bestowed on
persons who possess some cure, chapel, or other living, I was greatly at
a loss what to do; for since I had studied at the University I had
consumed the better half of my resources. In this dilemma I bethought
myself of applying again to the father of expedients, Don Andrea. I had
taken care to keep up a correspondence with him, in which I had rendered
him an exact account of my success in my studies, which he had always
professed himself extremely pleased at. I now wrote and informed him of
my present difficulty, and entreated his advice. He answered that he was
much pleased to have it in his power to oblige me; that he would with
that view make over my wife’s portion to me as if to found some chapel,
and that in the deed it should be stipulated, that I should cause a mass
to be said every day for the soul of the defunct. But at the same time,
I was to declare by another deed, that this property was not a farthing
of it my own, and that I would put Don Andrea in possession of it
whenever he thought proper. A false conveyance of this description, made
for religious purposes, so far from appearing to me to infringe the
decrees of the holy councils, did not raise the slightest scruple in my
conscience. I grant you I was a man not to be over nice in the business,
any more than my father-in-law, who I verily believe had never in his
life transacted business less deviating than this from the
Ecclesiastical Canons. Be that as it may, however, not being able to do
otherwise, this was the gate at which I now fully intended to enter the
sanctuary of the ministers of religion.
In the mean time, until I could receive orders, I began to avoid all
sorts of company; and to live more regularly in frequenting places of
worship. One day when the weather was extremely fine for walking, I
quitted the town on a pilgrimage to St. Mary of the valley, an agreeable
hermitage, situate about a mile distant. On my way I overtook a great
concourse of people on their journey to the same spot, and the Chapel of
the Saint was so crowded when I arrived, that there was scarcely room to
kneel down in it. A lady, who sat two or three paces from me, observing
my embarrassment, retired somewhat further back, as if by that action to
make room for me next to her. I was extremely surprised at this polite
attention from a female with whom I was not acquainted, and who, I
thought, could not know me; and in spite of my affected gravity, I could
not help fixing my eyes on her elegant figure, doubting not, from her
dress and demeanour that she was a lady of some consequence.
She carefully concealed her face from me, darting, however, an
occasional glance at me with one eye, which pierced my very soul. I took
possession of the vacant place near her, and wishing to testify my
gratitude in some compliment I said in a whisper: “How dangerous is this
politeness!” “I can scarcely think that you can be afraid of it,” said
she in the same tone. I dared not reply for fear of being overheard by
the ladies who sat by her, and seemed to be of her party. I looked at
them all attentively, and in one of them I recognized the widow of one
Dr. Gracia, a physician, a lady already in years, and who kept a
boarding house in the town. I knew that she had three daughters who were
called the three Graces, as well on account of the name of their father,
as of their lovely persons. I had now no doubt that the lady whom I had
just spoken to, must be one of these three celebrated sisters; and as
report boasted particularly of the beauty and wit of the eldest, I could
not help wishing that it might be her; a wish, however, which I could
not entertain without considerable alarm for my heart. With the
reputation of being extremely pretty, these young ladies had not the
character of being Vestals. This was not much to be wondered at, Doctor
Gracia having left his affairs in such a state as obliged his widow to
take in boarders for a livelihood. If slander does not even spare young
ladies brought up with the utmost severity, how could it possibly
respect our three Graces, who were eternally surrounded with gallants?
their father had been a man of pleasure, and had caused them to be
instructed in music and other accomplishments; more intent upon fitting
them for society, than forming their minds to virtue. I was perfectly
well acquainted with all this; and they on their side knew well who I
was. They had heard that I was well versed in music, that I had plenty
of money, and a peculiar talent in spending it. These excellent
qualities, which they admired in a man, made them extremely desirous to
scrape acquaintance with me, and to induce me to increase the number of
their boarders. This proposal had before been made to me, but I had
rejected it, for fear of involving myself in some fresh intrigue. I had
even made oath to avoid every snare that love might lay for me, and I
did not expect, that in the holy place where I now stood, I should break
this oath. Nevertheless, I felt a sort of agitation which so much
resembled the first emotions of a growing passion, that I was alarmed at
it. “Guzman,” said I to myself, “make not a fool of yourself here. What
God did you come to worship in this church? Let not your heart be taken
by surprise. Can you wish to lose the fruits of so many years study?”
While my reason thus contended with my weakness, the ladies having
finished their prayers, rose to leave the church. There were seven or
eight of them, all of the same party. They passed by where I sat, and I
rose to bow to them. The one whom I had so particularly noticed, and who
was in reality the eldest of the three sisters, managed very adroitly,
under pretence of adjusting her veil, to afford me a view of her
beautiful face. I was so struck with it, that it was with the greatest
difficulty I could restrain myself from following her. An impulse,
however, which heaven only could have bestowed upon me, held me back
from so powerful and dangerous an attraction. I dropped down on my knees
again, to continue or rather to begin my prayer, for I had as yet been
so absorbed in other thoughts that I had forgotten the duty which
brought me to church. I could not, however, divest my mind of the image
of the enchantress who occupied it; and more agitated than a vessel
without sail or compass in the middle of the ocean, I yielded to the
different emotions which possessed my heart.
My extreme uneasiness not permitting me to remain any longer in the
chapel, I left it, not to trace the steps of the beauty who had made so
much impression on me; on the contrary, my wish was to avoid her, and
fearing that I should meet her in the road that led to the city, I took
another route, and turned my steps towards the river, in the hope that
while I walked along its banks, I should insensibly lose all
recollection of this redoubtable personage, whom my philosophy had not
been able to withstand. And perhaps I should have become tranquil after
a little reflection, but my stars willed it otherwise. A voice which I
heard at the distance of ten or twelve paces from me, caused me to turn
my head towards the spot from whence it came, and the very first thing
that struck my eyes was that same Donna Maria Gracia, whose charms I
was so assiduously shunning. She was seated on the grass and singing,
while her sisters and the other ladies in company were preparing an
elegant collation.
At this sight, I was no longer master of myself, but advanced and
saluted them: “You must agree, ladies,” said I, “that fate is most
propitious to me to day, since it has been its will that I should meet
you every where; but to complete my happiness I should be seated by your
side.” Donna Maria replied with a smile, “that it was my own fault only
if I were not; and that it was but just that so many fair shepherdesses
should have at least one shepherd to protect them from the wolves.” This
answer delighted me, and I quickly joined the party, abandoning myself
to all my natural gaiety. The mother and the daughter seemed to vie with
each other in politeness towards me. I thought that I had never spent
many such agreeable moments, and regretted exceedingly that I had
declined the opportunity of associating with so charming a family. The
other ladies were also very gracious; and I told them more than once,
that I thought all the loveliness in Alcala was in my presence. This
compliment, as you may suppose, did not in the least offend them; and to
shew me that there was some justice in my remark, they prepared after
the collation to entertain me with a concert. Two of the ladies played
guitars which they had brought with them, and Donna Maria, and the
others who had voices, accompanied them. A guitar was then presented to
me, and I was entreated to play some airs to dance to, which I did with
much less pleasure than I felt in seeing the ladies trip to it in the
meadow like so many nymphs of Diana.
The eldest sister was the dancer I took most notice of. An air of
peculiar nobleness and grace distinguished her from her companions. It
is not surprising then that a man who took fire so easily as I did,
could not resist such fine qualities. In truth I was so enamoured of
Donna Maria, that I saw nobody but her. When she left off dancing, I
seated myself at her feet, and presenting her with a guitar, entreated
that she would play and sing to it. This request she was willing to
comply with, on condition that I would accompany her. She had heard my
voice praised, she said, and she longed to hear it herself. As I had no
less a longing to gratify her desire, I was easily prevailed on, and
acquitted myself, as I need not tell you, very much to the satisfaction
of the party assembled.
In this manner we continued to amuse ourselves until night, when the
widow Gracia sounded a retreat, and we began to file off towards the
town, Donna Maria and I walking last. It were useless to tell you that
our conversation turned upon love. We were both too intent upon it, to
talk upon any other subject, and accordingly made a reciprocal
declaration, and from that day perceived clearly that we were made for
each other. As the other ladies in company had not so agreeable a
conversation together as we had, they walked rather faster, and Donna
Maria wishing to overtake them, either by chance or intentionally, made
a false step, and must inevitably have fallen, had I not caught her in
my arms. In raising her up I was bold enough to snatch a kiss. No sooner
had I taken this liberty, than fearful that I had offended, I began to
make excuses to the fair one, who, so far from resenting my boldness,
told me in a lively manner, that I had done well in paying myself for
the service I had rendered her, which she might otherwise have been
ungrateful enough to have forgotten.
When we arrived at the widow’s house, she gave me an invitation to walk
in, which I willingly accepted of. I partook of some refreshments, and
prolonged my visit till decency compelled me to take my leave. Before I
retired, however, I obtained the widow’s permission to call occasionally
to assure her of my respect. I then bade adieu to Donna Maria, and was
so transported with love, that instead of returning homewards, I took
the way to the University, and only recognized my error in time to
prevent my knocking at the gates. You will easily conceive that I slept
but little that night, after having passed the day in the manner I have
related.
The following day, I went as usual to the schools of the University,
where my distraction was such, that when I left them I scarcely knew
what subject had been treated of. After dinner I could not resist the
pleasure of visiting Donna Maria, to whom I listened much more
attentively than I had done to the Professor in the morning, and who
detached me so completely from the University, that I soon ceased to go
there at all. I renounced the orders I had been so anxious to obtain;
changed my ecclesiastical for a most magnificent secular habit, and
after having paid my landlord, became a boarder at the widow Gracia’s;
or rather to speak without disguise, I gave myself up to the demon which
possessed me. Every person of sense who was acquainted with me, pitied
my blindness, and even the Rector of the University had the kindness to
remonstrate with me on my change of conduct; but these friendly
endeavours were of no avail. Fate would have it that I should persevere
to my own ruin; or rather, perhaps, heaven could no longer behold such a
subject a minister of the church.