I was quite surprised at the effect which this remark produced. Although
an only daughter, I had never been much caressed at home--I was always
so troublesome that they loved me best at a distance. If I happened to
get into the library with my father, I was sure to upset the inkstand,
or shake the table where he sat writing--or if admitted to my mother's
apartment, I made sad havoc with her work-basket, and was very apt to
clip up cut out articles with my little scissors--which said scissors I
regarded with the greatest affection; in the first place because they
were my own private property, and in the next place, they afforded me
the delightful pleasure of clipping--that great enjoyment of childhood;
but they did so much mischief that complaints against them were loud
and long, and I quite trembled at an oft-repeated threat of taking them
away.
My mother evidently disapproved of Aunt Henshaw's proposal, and my
father drawing me towards him affectionately, said: "I am afraid we
could not part with our little madcap--we should miss her noise sadly."
The idea of being missed, and actually made a subject of argument, was
something quite new to me; and glancing in surprise from one to the
other, I awaited the issue in silence, scarcely knowing whether I wished
to go or stay. But Aunt Henshaw carried her point. She represented so
many advantages to be gained by the change, where I could run about
quite wild, rolling among the fresh hay, and breathing the pure
air--insisting that it must bring a color into my pale cheeks--that my
parents at length yielded.
Now began the delightful bustle of preparation. My mother turned over my
scanty wardrobe with perplexed looks; and an immediate cutting and
clipping took place, by which old gowns of hers were made into bran new
ones for me. Nor was this all--some were bought on purpose for me; and
I had two or three delightful jaunts to the city, to choose the patterns
for myself; and I wondered if anybody ever had so many, new things at
once as I was about to have. I became quite a wonder in the family--a
person whose movements were of the utmost importance; for I was going to
be away from them the whole summer, and it seemed an almost endless
separation. Mammy was not at all pleased at their sending her child away
from her; the old nurse even cried over me, and insisted upon it that I
had always been a paragon of excellence, and that she could not live
without me. My father gave me some money to buy her a present, the
selection of which was to be left entirely to my own taste; and the sum
I expended in a manner perfectly characteristic: I procured a large
bunch of gay beads for Mammy, and presented Jane with the wonderful
history of little Red Riding Hood. Both treasured them as carefully, and
apparently valued them as highly, as if they had been better selected;
and being quite confident that they would prefer them to anything else,
I was much surprised at the disapprobation expressed in the family
circle.
I gave Henry a little pincushion, which I made on purpose for him, and
not knowing what to present Fred with, I allowed him to rip open my
second-best doll, which was still in quite a good state of preservation.
Fred had always possessed an inquiring mind, and an inclination to
inspect the contents of everything, in consequence of which my
possessions often suffered--and this employment now afforded him the
most intense satisfaction; while I, with a certain feeling of curiosity,
and yet scarcely able to repress an effort for the rescue of poor dolly,
stood watching the proceeding. Nothing appeared, however, but saw-dust;
although Fred had positively assured me that he had no doubt we would
find a diamond ring, or a piece of money, at least--as people often did
where they least expected it; and it was partly this consideration that
led me to consent to the dissection, for we had made an agreement to
divide the spoils.
Fred's head was always filled with wonderful schemes of this nature,
and if he had not been so lazy and fond of mischief he would have made a
smart boy; for he was always reading books containing wonderful
researches into the productions of former centuries; and being
particularly interested in the study of minerals and different species
of rock, he often endeavored to explain to me the various forms of
strata which were found below the earth; but my comprehension could not
take it in. He was continually poring over fossil remains, and digging
in the garden for something curious. He one day ran in with his apron
full of stones and other rubbish, and holding up in triumph an object of
various hues, through which a slight blue shade was distinctly visible,
he called out eagerly: "See, mother! I have really found some fossil
remains at last!"
Mamma took the admired treasure in her hand, as Fred desired; and as she
did so, a smile that had hovered about her mouth grew deeper and deeper;
and finally her amusement burst forth in a hearty laugh. Fred seized his
prize indignantly, and after washing it with the greatest care, found
himself in possession of the spout of an old crockery tea-pot. We heard
no more of fossil remains after that; though he still pursued his
researches privately--having, I believe transferred his expectations
from fossil remains to golden treasures. He was hardly more successful
in this line, as he never found anything to reward his toil except a
solitary five-pence, that he mistook for a gold piece, and which
required more rubbing and scouring to make it distinguishable than it
was worth. Having sacrificed my doll on the shrine of sisterly
affection, not to mention the dross of private interest, I concluded
that I had done as much for Fred as he had any right to expect; and
employed myself in arranging sugar-plums in various attractive forms, as
farewell presents to my younger brothers.
The eventful morning arrived on which I was to take my departure. It was
my first absence from home for any length of time, and I had scarcely
been able to sleep at all during the night--my mind being occupied with
the one all-engrossing thought. I scarcely dared to listen at first, for
fear I should hear it rain; but the sun shone brightly in all the glory
of a clear June morning, and springing out of bed, I dressed myself as
expeditiously as possible, for fear that Aunt Henshaw might go off
without me. "What then was my surprise, when after breakfast I saw the
old lady sit down as usual, and after carefully wiping her spectacles,
take up a book she had been perusing, just as if the greatest event of
my life were not about to occur that very day?
"Why, Aunt Henshaw!" said I in a tone of acute disappointment, "Are we
not going to-day?"
"Certainly, my dear," was her reply, "But the stage coach will not be
here till two o'clock, and I have all my things ready."
What could I possibly do with the six intervening hours? I too had all
my things ready; and my spirits were now in a state that absolutely
required excitement of some kind or other. I tried to read, but it was
impossible to fix my thoughts on the subject--even the Arabian Nights
failed to interest me; and after wondering for some time at Aunt
Henshaw, who could view the near prospect of a journey that would
occupy two or three days with the most perfect composure, I proceeded to
my mother's apartment. I had not been there long before I got up a cry,
and felt more doubtful than ever whether I wished to go. But mamma
talked with me for some time; and having clearly ascertained that it was
my parents' wish that I should go, in hopes of benefiting my health by
the change, I comforted myself with the idea of martyrdom on a small
scale.
I put my doll to board with Ellen Tracy until my return, at a charge of
so many sugar-plums a week; with strict injunctions not to pull its arms
or legs out of order, or attempt to curl its hair. I could not eat a
mouthful of dinner, but Aunt Henshaw stowed away some cake for me in a
corner of her capacious bag; a proceeding which then rather amused me,
but for which I was afterwards exceedingly thankful. The time seemed
almost interminable; I threw out various hints on the value of
expedition, the misery of being behindhand, and the doubtful punctuality
of stage-coaches--but Aunt Henshaw remained immovable.
"As to its coming before the appointed time," said she, "I never heard
of such a thing. It is much more likely to leave us altogether."
Dreadful idea! Suppose it should! I stood flattening my nose against the
window-pane in hopes of spying the welcome vehicle; but it did not even
glimmer in the far distance. Full half an hour before the time, I was
equipped in the wrappers which my invalid state required, impatiently
awaiting the expected clatter of wheels. At length it rolled rapidly up
to the door; a shabby-looking vehicle, drawn by four horses--and a
perfect wilderness of heads and eyes looked forth from the windows,
while legs and arms dangled from the top. It was quite full; and several
voices called out, "They can't come in, driver! It's impossible!"
What a blank fell upon my hopes at these cruel words! The people looked
so savage and unpitying, and I thought that after all we must stay at
home--there seemed no crevice of space into which we could force
ourselves; and in silent consternation I surveyed Aunt Henshaw's
substantial proportions. But she was an experienced traveller; and
making her adieus with a degree of composure and certainty that quite
reassured me, she took me by the hand and advanced to the stage as
smilingly as though they had all invited her to enter. The driver's
eagle eye spied out a seat for Aunt Henshaw--a kind-looking old
gentleman took me on his lap--the door was closed, and away we rattled.
Aunt Henshaw, never much given to silence, found a congenial companion
in the gentleman who had given me a seat; they were soon engaged in an
animated conversation on the pleasures of farming, during which I went
to sleep--nor was I aroused until about two hours after, when we found
ourselves landed at the wharf. We went on board the packet, and
proceeded to the cabin, where I was surprised, amused, and rather
frightened at the appearance of the narrow-looking boxes which we were
destined to sleep in. But Aunt Henshaw assured me that there was no
danger; and I found from experience that I could sleep almost as well
there as in my own bed at home.
The wind was unfavorable, and we were almost a week on the water; but
at length we reached New London and proceeded to Waterford. Aunt
Henshaw's family, I knew, consisted only of a daughter--her sons having
married and settled away from her--and to the meeting with this cousin
Statia, I looked forward with some anxiety. It was almost dark when we
approached the house; a real farmhouse, with lilac and syringa bushes in
front, and a honeysuckle running over the piazza. A little dog came out
and barked at us--a sensible-looking cat rested on the porch--and in the
door-way stood Cousin Statia. She kissed me affectionately, and appeared
glad to see her mother; and we were all soon seated around the table,
where fresh cottage-cheese, crimson radishes, and warm tea-cakes looked
invitingly forth.
I was rather disappointed in the appearance of Cousin Statia; I had
expected to see a fresh, smiling-looking country girl, but I found a
stiff, demure-looking young lady, at whose age I scarcely dared venture
a guess. A little colored girl waited on the table, who evidently
surveyed me with a great deal of interest; for I constantly caught the
sharp glances of her little black eyes. She had been christened
Aholibama--a name which she told me was taken out of some story-book,
though I afterwards found that it was in the Bible--but this being too
long an appellation, they had abbreviated it to Holly. During a hasty
glance into the cheerful kitchen, I caught a glimpse of a very
nice-looking colored woman, who, I afterwards found, was Sylvia, the
cook.
Everything looked very pleasant around, though plain; but I was tired
and sleepy, and at an early hour Cousin Statia conducted me to a small,
neat room in the second story, with white curtains; and after
ascertaining that I could undress myself, she left me for a short time,
promising to come and take the candle. I felt the least bit homesick and
wished very much to see them all; but I was also very much interested in
the novelty of a new scene, and anticipated a great deal of pleasure in
examining the premises. Aunt Henshaw had told me that she believed there
were kittens somewhere around, and I determined to search till I found
them; for a little pet kitten appeared to me the sweetest of all
created things.
In the meantime, I began to experience a very uncomfortable sensation
that quickly swallowed up all other thoughts. Cousin Statia had taken
the candle, but it was a bright, moonlight night, and the beautiful
moonbeams that came dancing in and formed a perfect network upon the
floor, made the room almost as light as day. It was not very warm
weather, but I felt the perspiration pouring down, while I trembled in
every limb. My eyes were fixed with a sort of fascination on the
opposite wall, where the shadow of a figure seemed to pass and repass;
and every time it arrived at a certain point, there was a sort of a kick
up, as though with the feet behind. I looked all around, as soon as I
dared to, but everything was still except the tormenting shadow. I
scarcely breathed, but kept watching the queer figure, till I was almost
ready to faint from cowardice. I tried to reason with myself--and called
to mind how my father had endeavored to banish this weakness; how one
night on being afraid to go into the cellar, he had himself gone with
me and examined every corner, to convince me that there was nothing to
fear; and under the impulse of these reflections I sprang out of bed,
determined to investigate the mystery. I went in every part of the room;
I examined the window, the curtains, but nothing was to be seen, while
the figure still continued its movements; and almost sick, I returned to
bed, to lie and watch the shadow. All sorts of queer stories rushed into
my head; I tried to forgot them and think of something else, but it was
impossible. The movement was slow, regular, and punctual.
At last I could stand it no longer; I rushed to the window, determined
to stay there till the mystery was explained, for I felt convinced that
I should find it there. I directed my eyes piercingly to every part of
the curtains; and at length I perceived that the window had been let
down at the top. I closed it, arranged the curtains differently, and
then, in some trepidation, returned to my shadow. It had disappeared;
and I now understood that the formidable figure was merely a part of the
curtain, which, influenced by the night wind, swayed to and fro,
causing the shadow on the wall.
I do not think I ever experienced a cowardly feeling afterwards; that
night perfectly satisfied me that superstition was the most unreasonable
torture that could be inflicted on oneself; and I was ever afterwards
celebrated for my bravery. Even my father praised my conduct, and said
that it was pretty well for a girl of ten years, under such
circumstances--at the same time representing to me how much more
reasonable such a course was, than screaming would have been, to rouse
the household for nothing. I went quietly to sleep, and dreamed neither
of goblins nor ghosts, but of a dear little spotted kitten with a blue
ribbon around its neck.