I think I was about five years old, when one bright May morning my
brother Henry received especial instructions to be careful of me, and
see that I fell into no mischief on the occasion of my first day at
school. The luncheon-basket was packed with twice the usual quantity of
sandwiches, into which Mammy slyly tucked a small paper of sweet things
as a sort of comforter, with repeated injunctions to Henry not to make a
mistake and confiscate them for his own private use. A superfluous
caution--for Henry was the most generous little fellow that ever lived;
and was far more likely to fall short himself than that others should
suffer through him. Both Jane and Mammy kissed me repeatedly. I had on a
new dress of light, spotted calico, and a straw hat, with a green
ribbon, and a deep green silk cape--underneath the binding of my apron a
small handkerchief had been carefully pinned--a small blue-covered book,
and a slate with a long, sharp-pointed pencil tied on with a red cord,
were placed in my hands; and from these ominous preparations, and the
uncommon kindness of every one around, I concluded that I was at last to
meet with some adventure--perhaps to suffer martyrdom of some kind or
other.
Poor Jane! My great passion was for beads, and when she perceived, from
various indications, that I was not exactly pleased with the change, she
ran up stairs, hastily loosened a whole string from a cherished
necklace, and returning quickly, slipped them into my hand. My mother
also came into the nursery to see that I was perfectly neat, kissed me
affectionately as she whispered to me to be a good girl and learn to
read, and with a strange, undefined sensation at my heart, I found
myself in the street with my hand fast locked in that of Henry. It was
that lovely season of the year when the fruit-trees are all in bloom;
and the sweet, flower-laden breeze, the busy hum of human life that rose
around, and the bounding, restless spirit of childhood, made me shrink
from the bondage I was about to enter.
The school-house was a very pretty cottage with a trellised front of
bean-vines and honeysuckle; and when I entered I found, to my great
surprise, that Miss Sewell, the teacher, looked very much like other
people. There were two moderate-sized rooms, opening into each other, in
one of which Mr. Sewell superintended several desks of unruly boys--in
the other, his daughter directed the studies of about twenty little
girls. There were some large girls seated at the desks, who appeared to
me so very antiquated that I was almost afraid to hazard an idea
respecting their ages; and had I been asked how old they were, should
probably have replied 'at least fifty;' although I do not now suppose
the eldest was more than fourteen.
Rather stunned by the buzz and noise of the classes reciting, and very
much puzzled as to my own probable destiny, I began to climb the hill
of knowledge. I said my letters; and Miss Sewell, having found that I
knew them pretty well, (thanks to Mammy's patient teaching), allowed me
to spell in _a-b, ab_, and _b-a, ba_, and set me some straight marks on
my slate. I met with nothing remarkable during my first day at school;
and on my return informed Mammy, as the result of my studies, that two
and one make four. Nor could I be persuaded to the contrary; for,
although I had been taught by the old nurse to count as far as ten, on
being examined by Miss Sewell, either bashfulness or obstinacy prevented
me from displaying the extent of my knowledge--and, while endeavoring to
explain to me how many one and one make, she had said: "There is one, to
begin with; well now, one more makes two," therefore as one made two in
this case, I supposed it did in every other.
I learned to love the mild countenance of Miss Sewell, with her plain
dark hair and soft eyes, and was never happier then when she was invited
to tea; for then I was emancipated from the nursery and placed beside
her at table. I dearly loved to take her fruit and flowers; and white
lilies, roses, honey-suckles, and the most admired productions of our
garden were daily laid on Miss Sewell's table. For rewards we had a
great many wide, bright-colored ribbons, which were tied upon our arms,
that every one might see them as we went home; and she who could boast a
variety of ribbons was known to have been perfect in all her lessons.
Those who had fallen into disgrace were distinguished by a broad band
passed around the head, on the front of which was written in large
characters the name of the misdemeanor.
One morning I had been rather negligent, and, having my suspicions as to
the consequence, told Mammy of my fears, and my dread of the disgrace.
The old nurse's anger even exceeded mine; she declared that her child
should not be treated so, and advised me to snatch it off and tear it to
pieces. I went to school, not having exactly made up my mind whether to
follow this advice or not; but my afternoon lessons fully made up for
the deficiency of the morning, and I escaped the dreaded punishment. I
had gone with several companions to the closet in which we deposited
our hats and shawls, and while engaged in the process of robing, I heard
a very loud voice talking in great excitement, and one which I
immediately recognised. I overheard Mammy exclaiming: "Where is my
child? Has she got that horrid thing on her head? I want to take it off
before she goes home."
Blushing with mortification, as I noticed the tittering of the
school-girls, called forth by the loud tone and strange figure of the
old nurse, who had rushed into the room in her usual attire of
short-gown and petticoat, I came hastily forward, and was immediately
seized by Mammy, who exclaimed in surprise: "Why, I though you said you
were going to have that thing on your head! I was determined that no
child of mine should wear it, so I came after you to take it off."
Mammy was one of the most independent persons I ever saw; she cared for
no one's frown, and poured forth the whole love of her warm Irish heart
upon us--tormenting and troublesome as we were. Sometimes she sung to us
of "Acushla machree" and "Mavourneen," and Mammy's Irish songs were
especial favorites with the young fry of the nursery. When we were
particularly obstreperous, she threatened to go away and leave us, and
never come back again; a threat which always produced copious showers of
tears, and promises of better behavior. Often have I watched her in
dismay as she dressed herself to go out--fearful that she would really
put her threat in execution, especially as conscience whispered that I
deserved it. At such times, nothing pacified me except the deposit of
her spectacles; when once the case was lodged in my possession, I felt
sure of Mammy--knowing that she could not stay long without them.
Sometimes she would tell us of her life in Ireland; but no act did she
more bitterly deplore than her marriage; complaining that the object of
her choice was far from what he appeared to be when she married him--and
further observing that as he turned out a very bad speculation, and
never gave her anything but a thimble, she wisely left him to his own
society, and emigrated to America.
Mammy very often kept the key of the fruit-garden; and as she never
yielded it to our entreaties, the ever-ready Fred formed a conspiracy
one Sunday afternoon, in which, I am sorry to say, I took a very
conspicuous part--the object of which was to purloin the key, and enjoy
at last this long-coveted, forbidden pleasure. Fred actually succeeded
in abstracting it from Mammy's capacious pocket, and in high glee we
proceeded to the garden. It was in the time of peaches; there hung the
lucious fruit in such profusion, that the trees were almost borne down
by its weight. We ate till we could eat no longer; and then, happening
to see two or three men passing along, we threw some over the fence to
them. They, in return, threw us some pennies; and, delighted with the
success of our frolic, we continued to throw and receive, until startled
by a most unwelcome apparition. There, at the foot of the tree, stood
Mammy--her face expressing the utmost astonishment and indignation, and
her hands extended to seize us. She had watched our manoeuvres from one
of the windows, and astonishment at our boldness and ingenuity kept her
for sometime a silent spectator. But Mammy was not apt to be _silent_
long while witnessing our misdeeds; and in an incredible short space of
time she gained the use of both her feet and her tongue. Our companions
caught a glimpse of flying drapery rapidly advancing, and rather
suddenly made their retreat; while we, now trembling, detected culprits,
took up a line of march for the house.
Not so, Fred; defying Mammy to capture him, and laughing at her dismay,
he started off on a run, and she after him in full pursuit. We watched
the chase from the nursery-window; and as Fred was none of the thinnest,
and Mammy somewhat resembled a meal-bag with a string tied round the
middle, it proved to be quite exciting. But it was brought to an
untimely end by the apparition of a pair of spectacles over the fence;
said spectacles being the undisputed property of a middle-aged
gentleman--a bachelor, who, we suspected, always stayed home from church
on Sunday afternoons to keep the neighbors in order. With
horror-stricken eyes he had beheld only the latter part of the scene,
and conceiving the old nurse to be as bad as her rebellious charge, he
called out from his garden, which communicated with ours:
"My good woman, do you know that this is Sunday?--Depend upon it, a
person of your years would feel much better to be quietly reading in
your own apartment, than racing about the garden in this unseemly
manner."
Poor Mammy! she was well aware of this before; flushed, heated, and
almost overcome with fatigue, she looked the very picture of
uncomfortableness; and this last aggravation increased the feeling to a
tenfold degree. At that moment, Fred, unconsciously, stumbled into her
very arms; she looked up--the spectacles had disappeared--and convinced
of this fact, she bore him in triumph to the nursery.
We had all expected personal chastisement, at the very least, but we
were thrown into a greater degree of horror and dismay than could well
be conceived; Mammy placed her spectacles in her pocket, collected her
valuables, and put on her hat and things, to take passage for Ireland.
We hung about her in every attitude of entreaty--acknowledged our
misdemeanors, promised amendment, and an entire confession of all the
sins we had ever perpetrated. I do think we must have remained upon our
knees at least half an hour; never had Mammy seemed so hard-hearted
before, and we began to think that she might be in earnest after all. We
begged her to whip us--lock us up--anything but leave us; and at last
she relented. She told us that she considered us the most abandoned
children that ever were born; and wished that she had two additional
eyes at the back of her head to watch our movements. We promised to
spend the afternoon in learning hymns and verses; and Mammy, having
taken her position in the large easy-chair, with a footstool at her
feet, tied Fred to one of the legs, as he sat on a low bench at her
side, and made us all study. We succeeded pretty well; although
considerably terrified at the sharp looks which Mammy from time to time
bestowed upon us.
In the evening came the promised confession; and both Mammy and Jane
were rendered almost dumb by these dreadful instances of depravity. Such
secret and unsuspected visits to the store-room pantry--such
conspiracies against locks and bolts--such scaling of walls, and
climbing in at windows, were never heard of before. I rather suspected
Fred to have drawn upon his imagination for instances of the marvellous,
for such adventures as he related never could have been met with; but
Mammy and Jane believed it all. At the conclusion, the old nurse seemed
very much disposed to punish us at once for all these united
misdemeanors--and was only prevented by our remonstrating upon the plea
of a voluntary confession.
That night I lay awake, pretending to sleep, and heard Mammy and her
satellite discussing our conduct in all its enormity. Considerably
influenced by their unaffected horror and astonishment, the thought for
the first time rushed upon my mind, that perhaps I might be much worse
than other people. It troubled me considerably; I found it impossible to
sleep, and following a good impulse, I crept softly out of bed, and
falling on my knees before Mammy, whispered to her to pray for me. There
must have been a very different expression on my countenance from its
usual one; for I afterwards heard the old nurse tell Jane that I
reminded her of an angel. I felt utterly miserable; and sobbing
convulsively, I begged Mammy to pray, not that I might have a new heart,
but that I might live a great while. I had begun to fear speedy
punishment for my misdemeanors. The old nurse, (although a really pious
woman), seemed quite at a loss how to proceed; and Jane, coming forward,
took me kindly by the hand, and reasoned with me on my conduct with all
the wisdom of riper years and a higher education. After convincing me
that I should ask, not for an increased number of years, but for a new
heart and temper, she knelt down with me and repeated the Lord's prayer.
The scene is indelibly impressed upon my memory; for although I have
since witnessed scenes containing more stage effect, and quite as
melting, I never in my life remember to have been so affected as, with
Jane's arm around me, and the light of the nursery-lamp shining upon our
kneeling figures, I distinctly heard Mammy's sobs, as she repeated each
word with a peculiar intonation of reverence. I felt a respect for the
young girl ever afterwards; and as I clasped my arms about her neck and
pressed a warm kiss on her cheek, as I bade her good-night, the tone of
my voice must have been unusually tender--for I saw tears come into her
eyes as she asked Mammy if she was not afraid, from my flushed cheeks,
that I had some fever. Although petulant, and even violent when roused,
I had a warm, loving heart, capable of the most unbounded affection; and
from that time forth Jane and I never had a single dispute. She had
appeared to me in a new light on that Sabbath eve; and with my hand
locked in hers, I fell into a sweet, dreamy sleep.