We had a girl named Jane Davis whom my mother had brought up from
childhood. At the period to which I refer, she could not have been more
than fourteen, and as she was always good-humored and willing to oblige,
she became a general favorite. Often, in the early winter evenings, with
the nursery as tidy as hands could make it, (for Mammy, although not an
old maid, was a mortal enemy to dirt and slovenliness) we all gathered
round the fire, while the old nurse and Jane spun out long stories,
sometimes of things which had happened to them, sometimes of things
which had happened to others, and often of things that never did or
could happen to anybody. But I must do them the justice to say, that
although they sometimes related almost impossible occurrencies, they
never, on any one occasion, took advantage of their influence over us to
enforce our obedience by frighful tales of old men with bags, who seem
to have an especial fancy for naughty children. The nearest approach
that Mammy ever made to anything of this kind was to tell us, when we
began to look sleepy, that the sandman had been along and filled our
eyes. On receiving this information, we generally retired peaceably to
bed, without being haunted by any fears of ghost or goblin.
There was a wealthy and fashionable family who lived just opposite,
consisting of a widower, his sister, and two children--a son and
daughter. They lived in most extravagant style, and Jane positively
assured us that the housekeeper had told her with her own lips that
there was no end to Mr. Okeman's wealth, and that he even made his
daughter eat bank-bills on her bread and butter! Whether the son was
exempted from this disagreeable performance we never thought of
inquiring; but our awe rose ten percent, for a girl who was so rich as
absolutely to devour money. On being divulged, this grand secret amused
the inmates of the drawing-room very much, and our parents could
scarcely command their countenances to undeceive us.
Jane Davis remained with us as nursery-maid until she was eighteen, when
my mother, who was always extremely kind to servants and dependants,
placed her at a trade, and supported her comfortably until she learned
enough to support herself. She afterwards married a carpenter, who
always performed for my father those odd jobs that are constantly
required in a house, and they came to live in a kind of cottage at the
end of the garden. They there commenced farming on a small scale, and
often supplied us with milk, eggs, poultry, &c.
Mammy was a firm believer in signs of good and evil import; thus, if, in
dropping the scissors, they stood up erect on the point, she always said
that visitors were coming--a sign that rarely failed, as we were seldom
a day without them. Once I had wished very much for a large wax-doll. My
dreams were beautified with waxen images of immense size, whose china
blue eyes, long flaxen curls, and rosy cheeks, presented a combination
of charms that took my heart by storm. I sat one night, as usual, by the
nursery fire; my thoughts fixed on this all-engrossing subject, when I
ventured to communicate them to Mammy, and ask her if she thought I ever
would become the enviable possessor of such a doll.
"I don't know," replied Mammy at first, "I think it's very doubtful. But
come here," she added, "and let me see your hand."
After an examination, Mammy pronounced with an air of great mystery that
circumstances were propitious, and she was almost convinced beyond a
doubt that ere long the doll would be mine. She then pointed out to me a
small white spot on my left thumb nail, which she said always denoted a
present. I was rather incredulous at first, not conceiving that so
brilliant a dream could be realized; but after a while the doll actually
made its appearance, and I began to regard Mammy as something little
short of a witch, and became far more tractable in consequence of my
increased awe.
Jane's stories, as well as Mammy's always began with "Once upon a time
there were two sisters;" one was represented as plain-looking, but
amiable--the other beautiful, but a very Zantippe in temper. By some
wonderful combination of circumstances, the elder lost her beauty and
ugliness at the same time--when some good fairy always came along, who,
by a magic touch of her wand, made both the sisters far more lovely than
the elder had been. Beauty was always the burden of the tale; people who
were not beautiful met with no adventures, and seemed to lead a hum-drum
sort of life; therefore, I insensibly learned to regard this wonderful
possession as something very much to be desired. I believe I was quite a
pretty child, with dark bright eyes, red lips, and a pair of very rosy
cheeks. I spent considerable time before the glass, and both Mammy and
Jane began to fear the effects of vanity. Often and often would the old
nurse say: "You needn't stand before the glass, Miss Amy--there is
nothing to look at," or when in a bad humor, "Don't make such faces,
child--you have no beauty to spare," and I can very well remember how
both would endeavor to persuade me that I was the most veritable little
fright that ever existed, and quite a bugbear to my relations.
"What a pity," Jane would commence, as she saw me surveying myself with
an air of infinite satisfaction, "what a pity it is that Miss Amy has
such a dark, ugly skin--almost like an Indian, isn't it, nurse?"
I had eyes to judge for myself, and knew that I was much fairer than
either Mammy or Jane; and somebody had remarked in my presence: "What a
lovely neck and shoulders!" therefore I generally remained perfectly
quiet while listening to these inuendoes.
"Yes," Mammy would reply, "a very great pity--but an amiable temper,
Miss Amy, is more than looks; you must try and cultivate that, to make
up for your want of beauty."
"And then," continued Jane, "only see how perfectly straight her hair
is! not a sign of curl, nor even a twist!--and black eyes have such a
wicked kind of a look; they always remind me of cannibals."
Jane's eyes were as blue and bright as glass beads, while Mammy's, I
thought, approached a green, but with my own I felt perfectly satisfied;
for a lady had remarked in my presence what beautiful eyes I
had--adding that "dark eyes were so much more expressive than blue; blue
ones were so very insipid looking." The observation about my hair,
though, was only too correct, and touched me most sensibly. While most
of the other children possessed those soft, flowing curls, so beautiful
in childhood, mine obstinately refused to wave; and was, to use Jane's
expression, "as straight and as stiff as a poker." I had endeavored to
remedy this as far as lay in my power, and one day set my hair in a
blaze, while curling it with a very hot pipe-stem. I was, in
consequence, deemed one of the most abandoned of the nursery inmates;
and found myself minus at least one half of the hair I had hitherto
possessed.
I really believe that both Jane and Mammy sincerely hoped to eradicate
my besetting sin, by such blunt remarks as the former; but no course
could have been less wise than the one which they took. I knew very well
that I was neither a fright, an Indian, nor a cannibal; and the pains
which they took to convince me to the contrary led me to give myself
credit for much more beauty than I really possessed. I also regarded
amiability as a virtue of very small account; and supposed that those
who practised it, only did so because they possessed neither beauty,
grace, nor anything else to recommend them.
A great source of annoyance to me was my dress. As I was an only
daughter, some mothers, with the same means, would have enhanced my
attractions with all the aid of ornament, and established me as a
permanent divinity of the drawing-room, whom all must bow to and flatter
as they entered its precincts. But, although fond of display, and
surrounded with all the appliances of wealth, the taste of my parents
never did run much on dress; and I often felt mortified at my
inferiority to others in this respect. Such articles were then much
dearer, and more in vogue than at the present day, and a blue Circassian
formed my entire stock of gala dresses, and went the rounds of all the
children's parties I attended; my mother seemed to think, (with respect
to me, at least,) that as long as a dress was clean and in good repair,
there was no need of a change--she left nothing to the pleasure of
variety. There appeared to be an inexhaustible store of the same
material in a certain capacious drawer; did an elbow give out, a new
sleeve instantly supplied its place--did I happen to realize the ancient
saying: "There's many a slip 'twixt the cup and the lip," and make my
lap the recipient of some of the goodies provided for us at our
entertainments, the soiled front breadth disappeared, and was replaced
by another, fresh and new--did the waist grow short, it was made over
again--there verily seemed to be no end to the dress; I came to the
conclusion that blue Circassian was the most ugly material ever
invented, and often found myself calculating how many yards there might
be left.
My school hats always looked the worse for wear, and my Sunday ones were
not much better; but once my mother took me to the city, and bought me,
for school, a far handsomer hat than I had hitherto worn for best, and a
still better one for great occasions. Here I, who scarcely ever looked
decent about the upper story, actually had two new hats at once! The
best one, I remember, was a round gipsy flat, then altogether the
fashion; and the first Sunday I put it on I made a perfect fool of
myself by twisting my hair in strings, intended to pass for natural
ringlets, and allowing said strings to hang all around beneath the brim
of my hat. Mamma was sick and confined to her room, and I managed to
appear at church with this ridiculous head-gear. People certainly stared
a little, but this my vanity easily converted into looks of admiration
directed towards my new hat, and perhaps also my improved beauty--and
came home more full of self-complacency than ever.
I have before mentioned that beyond the house there was a large
fruit-garden, respecting which, my father's orders were especially
strict. He expressly forbade our touching any of the fruit unless he
gave us permission; and nothing made him more angry than to have any
gathered before it was quite ripe. It certainly requires a child whose
principle of honesty is a very strong one, to pass every day in full
view of an endless bed of ripening strawberries, whose uncommon size and
luscious hue offered so many temptations. But bad as I was, I think I
was generally pretty honest, and resisted the temptation to the best of
my ability.