Happy the man who brushes up his topper
And sallies forth to call upon a maid,
Knowing his converse and his coat are proper,
That, come what may, he will not be afraid,
Not lose his nerve, and yawn, or tell a whopper,
Or drop the marmalade.
Not such the bard; not thus--but Clotho (drat her)
Was wakeful still, and plied a hostile loom--
I sought Miss Pritt. She mooted some grave matter
And looked for light; my lips were like the tomb,
Sealed, though they say they heard my molars chatter
Up in the smoking-room.
Cold eyes regarded me. My front-stud fretted;
A stiff slow smirk belied my deep unrest;
My tea-cup trembled and my cake was wetted;
My beauteous tie worked round toward the West;
My brow--forgive me, but it really sweated;
I did not look my best.
To Zeus, that oft would make a mist and smother
Some swain beset, and screen him from the crowd,
I prayed for vapours; but his mind was other:
Yet was I answered, though the god was proud,
For, anyhow, I trod on Miss Pritt's mother
And left beneath a cloud.
Not to return. O'er fair free hills and valleys
I can converse and carry on _ad lib._;
On active tennis-courts (between the rallies)
I can be confident, and none more glib;
But not in drawing-rooms my bright star dallies--
I'm not that sort of nib.
We'll meet no more; but I shall send some token
Of what I'm worth outside the world of teas--
A handsome photograph, some smart things spoken,
A few sweet verses (not so bad as these),
And hockey-groups that show me stern and oaken
And nude about the knees.
It may be, though she deemed me dunder-headed,
She'll sometimes take them from her chamber-wall,
Or where they lie in lavender embedded,
And tell her family about them all--
About the gentleman she might have wedded,
Only _he could not call_.
* * * * *
"John William Burrow, of Overton, who is about 16 years old, caught
six salmon in the heave net last week, their respective weights
being 9 lbs., 28 lbs., 5-1/2 lbs., 12 lbs., 22 lbs., 13 lbs., a
total of 89-1/2 lbs. Last season, when between 13 and 14 years old,
he caught three salmon. His record is probably unique for inshore
fisher boys."--_Lancaster Guardian._
Anyhow the rate at which he grows up is.
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE TRIUMPH OF THE VOLUNTARY SYSTEM.
LORD HALDANE. "GROSSLY ILLEGAL AND UTTERLY UNCONSTITUTIONAL!--AS I SAID
THE OTHER DAY AT OXFORD; BUT TO THE HEART OF AN EX-WAR-LORD, HOW
BEAUTIFUL!"]
* * * * *