JANETTA'S FAILURE.
The terrible certainty that Janetta had now acquired of Mrs. Colwyn's
inability to control herself decided her in the choice of an occupation.
She knew that she must, if possible, earn something; but it was equally
impossible for her to leave home entirely, or even for many hours at a
stretch; she was quite convinced that constant watching, and even gentle
restraint, could alone prevail in checking the tendency which her
stepmother evinced. She understood now better than she had ever done why
her father's brow had been so early wrinkled and his hair grey before
its time. Doubtless, he had discovered his wife's unfortunate tendency,
and, while carefully concealing it or keeping it within bounds, had
allowed it often to weigh heavily upon his mind. Janetta realized with a
great shock that _she_ could not hope to exert the influence or the
authority of her father, that all her efforts might possibly be
unavailing unless they were seconded by Mrs. Colwyn herself, and that
public disgrace might yet be added to the troubles and anxieties of
their lives.
There is something so particularly revolting in the spectacle of this
kind of degradation in a woman, that Janetta felt as if the discovery
that she had made turned her positively ill. She had much ado to behave
to the children and the servant as if nothing were amiss; she got her
stepmother to bed, and kept Tiny out of the room, but the effort was
almost more than she knew how to bear. She passed a melancholy evening
with the children--melancholy in spite of herself, for she did her best
to be cheerful--and spent a sleepless night, rising in the morning with
a bad headache and a conviction as of the worthlessness of all things
which she did not very often experience.
She shrank sensitively from going to Mrs. Colwyn's room. Surely the poor
woman would be overcome with pain and shame; surely she would understand
how terrible the exposure of her disgrace had been to Janetta. But at
last Mrs. Colwyn's bell sounded sharply, and continued to ring, and the
girl was obliged to run upstairs and enter her stepmother's room.
Mrs. Colwyn was sitting up in bed, with the bell-rope in her hand, an
aggrieved expression upon her face.
"Well, I'm sure! Nine o'clock and no breakfast ready for me! I suppose I
may wait until everybody else in the house is served first; I must say,
Janetta, that you are very thoughtless of my comfort."
Contrary to her usual custom Janetta offered no word of excuse or
apology. She was too much taken aback to speak. She stood and looked at
her stepmother with slightly dilated eyes, and neither moved nor spoke.
"What _are_ you staring at?" said Mrs. Colwyn, sinking back on her
pillows with a faint--very faint--touch of uneasiness in her tones. "If
you are in a sulky mood, Janetta, I wish you would go away, and send my
breakfast up by Ph[oe]be and Tiny. I have a wretched headache this
morning and can't be bothered."
"What would you like?" said Janetta, with an effort.
"Oh, anything. Some coffee and toast, perhaps. I dare say you won't
believe it--you are so unsympathetic--but I was frightfully ill last
night. I don't know how I got to bed; I was quite insensible for a
time--all from a narcotic that I had taken for neuralgia----"
"I'll go and get your breakfast ready," said Janetta abruptly. "I will
send it up as soon as I can."
She left the room, unheeding some murmured grumbling at her selfishness,
and shut the door behind her. On the landing it must be confessed that
she struck her foot angrily on the floor and clenched her hands, while
the color flushed into her mobile, sensitive little face. There was
nothing that Janetta hated more than a lie. And her stepmother was lying
to her now.
She sent up the breakfast tray, and did not re-enter the room for some
time. When at last she came up, Mrs. Colwyn had had the fire lighted and
was sitting beside it in a rocking-chair, with a novel on her lap. She
looked up indolently as Janetta entered.
"Going out?" she said, noticing that the girl was in her out-door wraps.
"You are always gadding."
"I came to speak to you before I went out," said Janetta, patiently. "I
am going to the stationer's, and to the Beaminster _Argus_ Office. I
mean to make it well known in the town that I want to give music and
singing-lessons. And, if possible, I shall give them here--at our own
house."
"You'll do nothing of the sort!" said Mrs. Colwyn, shrilly. "I'll not
have a pack of children about the house playing scales and singing their
Do, Re, Mi, till my head is fit to split. You'll remember, Miss, that
this is _my_ house, and that you are living on _my_ money, and behave
yourself."
"Mamma," said Janetta, steadily, advancing a step nearer, and turning a
shade paler than she had been before, "please think what you are saying.
I am willing to work as hard as I can, and earn as much as I can. But I
dare not go away from home--at any rate for long--unless I can feel sure
that--that what happened last night--will not occur again."
"What happened!--what happened last night?--I don't know what you mean."
"Don't say that, mamma: you know--you know quite well. And think what a
grief it would have been to dear father--what a disgrace it will be to
Joe and Nora and the little ones and all of us--if it ever became known!
Think of yourself, and the shame and the sin of it!"
"I've not the least notion what you are talking about, Janetta, and I
beg that you will not address me in that way," said Mrs. Colwyn, with an
attempt at dignity. "It is very undutiful indeed, and I hope that I
shall hear no more of it."
"I'll never speak of it again, mamma, unless you make it necessary. All
I mean is that you must understand--I cannot feel safe now--I must be at
home as much as possible to see that Tiny is safe, and that everything
is going on well. You must please let me advertise for pupils in our own
house."
Mrs. Colwyn burst into tears. "Oh, well, have your own way! I knew that
you would tyrannize, you always do whenever you get the chance, and very
foolish I have been to give you the opportunity. To speak in that way to
your father's wife--and all because she had to take a little something
for her nerves, and because of her neuralgia! But I am nobody now:
nobody, even in my own house, where I'm sure I ought to be mistress if
anybody is!"
Janetta could do or say nothing more. She gave her stepmother a dose of
sal volatile, and went away. She had already searched every room and
every cupboard in the house, except in Mrs. Colwyn's own domain, and had
put every bottle that she could find under lock and key; but she left
the house with a feeling of terrible insecurity upon her, as if the
earth might open at any moment beneath her feet.
She put advertisements in the local papers and left notices at some of
the Beaminster shops, and, when these attempts produced no results, she
called systematically on all the people she knew, and did her best--very
much against the grain--to ask for pupils. Thanks to her perseverance
she soon got three or four children as music pupils, although at a very
low rate of remuneration. Also, she gave two singing lessons weekly to
the daughter of the grocer with whom the Colwyns dealt. But these were
not paid for in money, but in kind. And then for a time she got no more
pupils at all.
Janetta was somewhat puzzled by her failure. She had fully expected to
succeed as a teacher in Beaminster. "When the Adairs come back it will
be better," she said, hopefully, to herself. "They have not written for
a long time, but I am sure that they will come home soon. Perhaps
Margaret is going to be married and will not want any singing lessons.
But I should think that they would recommend me: I should think that I
might refer to Lady Caroline, and surely people would think more of my
abilities then."
But it was not confidence in her abilities that was lacking so much as
confidence in her amiability and discretion, she soon found. She called
one day at the house of a schoolmistress, who was said to want
assistance in the musical line, and was received with a stiffness which
did not encourage her to make much of her qualifications.
"The fact is, Miss Colwyn," said the preceptress at length, "I have
heard of you from Miss Polehampton."
Janetta was on her feet in a moment. "I know very well what that means,"
she said, rather defiantly.
"Exactly. I see that Miss Polehampton's opinion of you is justifiable.
You will excuse my mentioning to you, as it is all for your own good,
Miss Colwyn, that Miss Polehampton found in you some little weakness of
temper, some want of the submissiveness and good sense which ought to
characterize an under-teacher's demeanor. I have great confidence in
Miss Polehampton's opinion."
"The circumstances under which I left Miss Polehampton's could be easily
explained if you would allow me to refer you to Lady Caroline Adair,"
said Janetta, with mingled spirit and dignity.
"Lady Caroline Adair? Oh, yes, I have heard all about that," said the
schoolmistress, in a tone of depreciation. "I do not need to hear any
other version of the story. You must excuse my remarking, Miss Colwyn,
that temper and sense are qualities as valuable in music-teaching as in
any other; and that your dismissal from Miss Polehampton's will, in my
opinion, be very much against you, in a place where Miss Polehampton's
school is so well known, and she herself is so much respected."
"I am sorry to have troubled you," said Janetta, not without
stateliness, although her lips trembled a little as she spoke. "I will
wish you good-morning."
The schoolmistress bowed solemnly, and allowed the girl to depart.
Janetta hastened out of the house--glad to get away before the tears
that had gathered in her eyes could fall.
At an ordinary time she would have been equally careful that they did
not fall when she was in the street; but on this occasion, dazed,
wounded, and tormented by an anxiety about the future, which was
beginning to take the spring out of her youth, she moved along the
side-walk with perfect unconsciousness that her eyes were brimming over,
and that two great tears were already on her cheeks.
It was a quiet road, and there was little likelihood of encountering any
one whom she knew. Therefore Janetta was utterly abashed when a
gentleman, who had met her, took off his hat, glanced at her curiously,
and then turned back as if by a sudden impulse, and addressed her by
name.
"Miss Colwyn, I think?"
She looked up at him through a blinding haze of tears, and recognized
the tall, spare figure, the fine sensitive face, the kind, dark eyes and
intellectual forehead. The coal-black beard and moustache nearly hid
his mouth, but Janetta felt instinctively that this tell-tale feature
would not belie the promise of the others.
"Sir Philip Ashley," she murmured, in her surprise.
"I beg your pardon," he said, with the courtesy that she so well
remembered; "I stopped you on impulse, I fear, because I felt a great
desire to express to you my deep sympathy with you in your loss. It may
seem impertinent for me to speak, but I knew your father and respected
and trusted him. We had some correspondence about sanitary matters, and
I was greatly relying on his help in certain reforms that I wish to
institute in Beaminster. He is a great loss to us all."
"Thank you," Janetta said unsteadily.
"Will you let me ask whether there is anything in which I can help you
just now."
"Oh, no, nothing, thank you." She had brushed away the involuntary tear,
and smiled bravely as she replied. "I did not think that I should meet
anybody: it was simply that I was disappointed about--about--some
lessons that I hoped to get. Quite a _little_ disappointment, you see."
"Was it a little disappointment? Do you want to give lessons--singing
lessons?"
"Yes; but nobody will have me to teach them," said Janetta, laughing
nervously.
Sir Philip looked back at the house which they had just passed. "That is
Miss Morrison's school: you came out of it, did you not? Does she not
need your help?"
"I do not suit her."
"Why? Did she try your voice?"
"Oh, no. It was for other reasons. She was prejudiced against me," said
Janetta, with a little gulp.
"Prejudiced? But why?--may I ask?"
"Oh, she had heard something she did not like. It does not matter: I
shall get other pupils by-and-bye."
"Is it important to you to have pupils?" Sir Philip asked, as seriously
and anxiously as if the fate of the empire depended on his reply.
"Oh, most important." Janetta's face and voice were more pathetic than
she knew. Sir Philip was silent for a moment.
"I have heard you sing," he said at length, in his grave, earnest way.
"I am sure that I should have no hesitation in recommending you--if my
recommendation were of any use. My mother may perhaps hear of somebody
who wants lessons, if you will allow me to mention the matter to her."
"I shall be very much obliged to you," said Janetta, feeling grateful
and yet a little startled--it did not seem natural to her in her sweet
humility that Sir Philip and his mother should interest themselves in
her welfare. "Oh, _very_ much obliged."
Sir Philip raised his hat and smiled down kindly upon her as he said
good-bye. He had been interested from the very first in Margaret's
friend. And he had always been vaguely conscious that Margaret's
friendship was not likely to produce any very desirable results.
Janetta went on her way, feeling for the moment a little less desolate
than she had felt before. Sir Philip turned homewards to seek his
mother, who was a woman of whom many people stood in awe, but whose
kindness of heart was never known to fail. To her Sir Philip at once
poured out his story with the directness and Quixotic ardor which some
of his friends found incomprehensible, not to say absurd. But Lady
Ashley never thought so.
She smiled very kindly as her son finished his little tale.
"She is really a good singer, you say? Mr. Colwyn's daughter. I have
seen him once or twice."
"He was a good fellow."
"Yes, I believe so. Miss Morrison's school, did you mention? Why, Mabel
Hartley is there." Mabel Hartley was a distant cousin of the Ashleys. "I
will call to-morrow, Philip, and find out what the objection is to Miss
Colwyn. If it can be removed I don't see why she should not teach Mabel,
who, I remember, has a voice."
Lady Ashley carried out her intention, and announced the result to her
son the following evening.
"I have not succeeded, dear. Miss Morrison has been prejudiced by some
report from Miss Polehampton, with whom Miss Colwyn and Margaret Adair
were at school. She said that the two girls were expelled together."
Sir Philip was silent for a minute or two. His brows contracted. "I was
afraid," he said, "that Miss Adair's championship of her friend had not
been conducted in the wisest possible manner. She has done Miss Colwyn
considerable harm."
Lady Ashley glanced at him inquiringly. She was particularly anxious
that he should marry Margaret Adair.
"Is Lady Caroline at home?" her son asked, after another and a longer
pause.
"Yes. She came home yesterday--with dear Margaret. I am sure, Philip,
that Margaret does not know it if she has done harm."
"I don't suppose she does, mother. I am sure she would not willingly
injure any one. But I think that she ought to know the circumstances of
the case."
And then he opened a book and began to read.
Lady Ashley never remonstrated. But she raised her eyebrows a little
over this expression of Sir Philip's opinion. If he were going to try to
tutor Margaret Adair, whose slightest wish had never yet known
contradiction, she thought it probable that the much-wished for marriage
would never take place at all.