Stover went rushing from the Storys' home, and away for a long feverish
march along dusky avenues, where unseen leaves came whirling against
him. He was humiliated, mortified beyond expression, in a panic of
self-accusation and remorse.
"It's all over," he said, with a groan. "I've made a fool of myself. I
can never square myself after that. What under the shining stars made me
say that? What happened? I hadn't a thought, and then all at once--Oh,
Lord!"
A couple of upper classmen returning nodded to him, and he flung back an
abrupt "Hello," without distinguishing them.
"Why did I do it?--why--why!"
He went plunging along, through the dark regions that lay between the
spotted arc lights that began to sputter along the avenue, his ears
deafened by the rush and grind of blazing trolley cars. When he had gone
breathlessly a good two miles, he stopped and wearily retraced his
steps. The return no longer gave him the sensation of flight. He came
back laggingly, with reluctance. Each time he thought of the scene which
had passed he had a sensation of heat and cold, of anger and of
cowardice. Never again he said to himself, would he be able to enter the
Storys' home, to face her, Jean Story.
But after a time, from sheer exhaustion, he ceased to think about his
all-important self. He remembered the dignity and gentleness with which
the young girl had met the shock of his blunder, and he was overwhelmed
with wonder. He saw again her large eyes, filled with pain, trouble, and
yet a certain pity. He recalled her quiet voice, the direct meeting of
the issue, and deep through all impressions was the memory of the woman,
sweet, self-possessed, and gentle, that had been evoked from her eyes.
He forgot himself. He forgot all the wretchedness and hot misery. He
remembered only this Jean Story, and the Jean Story that would be. And
feeling the revealing acuteness of love for the first time, he said
impulsively:
"Oh, yes, I love her. I have always loved her!" And silently, deep in
his heart, a little frightened almost to set the thought to words, he
made a vow that his life from now on should be earnest and inspired with
but one purpose, to win her respect and to win the right to ask her for
his wife.
With the resolve, all the fret and fever went from him. He felt a new
confidence and a new maturity.
"When I speak again, I shall have the right," he said solemnly. "And she
shall see that I am not a mere boy. That I will show her soon!"
When he came again into the domain of the college, he suddenly felt all
the littleness of the ambitions that raged inside those self-sufficient
walls.
"Lord, what have I been doing all this time--what does it count for?
Brocky is right; it isn't what you do here, it's what you are ready to
do when you go out. Thank Heaven, I can see it now." And secure in the
knowledge that the honors he rated so lightly were his, he added:
"There's only one thing that counts--that's your own self."
It was after the dinner hour, and he hesitated; a little tired of his
own company, longing for the diversion another personality would bring,
and seeking some one as far removed from his own point of view as
possible, he halted before Durfee, and sent his call to the top stories:
"Oh, Ricky Ricketts, stick out your head."
Above a window went up, and a fuzzy head came curiously forth.
"Wot'ell, Bill?"
"It's Stover, Dink Stover. Come down."
"Somethin' doin'?"
"You bet."
Presently, Ricketts's bean-stalk figure came flopping out of the entry.
"What's up, Dink?"
"I'm back too late for supper. Come on down with me to Mory's and keep
me company, and I'll buy you a drink."
"Did I hear the word 'buy'?" said Ricketts, in the manner then made
popular by the lamented Pete Dailey.
"You did."
"Lead me to it."
At Mory's, two or three men whom he didn't know were at the senior
table. Le Baron and Reynolds, prospective captain of the crew and
chairman of the News, respectively, men of his own society, gave him a
hearty, "Hello, Dink," and then stared curiously at Ricketts, whose
general appearance neither conformed to any one fashion nor to any two.
Gimbel, the politician, was in the off room with three of the more
militant anti-sophomore society leaders. The two parties saluted in
regulation style.
"Hello, you fellows."
"Howdy, there."
Stover, sitting down, saw Gimbel's perplexed glance at his companion,
and thought to himself:
"I've got Gimbel way up a tree. I'll bet he thinks I'm trying to work
out some society combine against him."
The thought recalled to him all the increasing bitterness of the
anti-sophomore society fight which had swept the college. There was talk
even of an open mass meeting. He remembered that Hunter had mentioned
it, and for a moment he was inclined to put the question direct to
Gimbel. But his mood was alien to controversy, and Louis, with sidelong,
beady eyes, and a fragrant aroma, was waiting the order.
Ricketts had, among twenty Yankee devices for greasing his journey
through college, a specialty of breaking in new pipes, one of which he
now produced, with an apologetic:
"You don't mind, do you, if I crack my lungs on this appetizing little
trifle?"
"I say, Ricketts," said Stover, trying to keep off his mind the one
subject, "is that all a joke about your breaking in pipes?"
"Straightest thing in the world."
"What do you charge?"
"Thirty-five cents and the tobacco."
"You ought to charge fifty."
"I'm going to next year. You think I'm loony?" said Ricketts.
"I'm not sure."
"Dink, my boy, I'll be a millionaire in ten years. You know what I'm
figuring out all this time? I'm going at this scientifically. I'm
figuring out the number of fools there are on the top of this globe,
classifying 'em, looking out what they want to be fooled on. I'm making
an exact science of it."
"Go on," said Dink, amused and perplexed, for he was trying to
distinguish the serious and the humorous.
"What's the principle of a patent medicine?--advertise first, then
concoct your medicine. All the science of Foolology is: first, find
something all the fools love and enjoy, tell them it's wrong, hammer it
into them, give them a substitute and sit back, chuckle, and shovel away
the ducats. Bread's wrong, coffee's wrong, beer's wrong. Why, Dink, in
the next twenty years all the fools will be feeding on substitutes for
everything they want; no salt--denatured
sugar--anti-tea--oiloline--peanut butter--whale's milk--et cetera, et
ceteray, and blessing the name of the fool-master who fooled them."
"By Jingo," said Stover, listening to this jumble of words, entranced,
"I believe you're right. And so you've reduced it to a science,
eh--Foolology?"
Ricketts, half in earnest, never entirely in jest, abetted by newly
arriving tobies, was off again on his pet theories of business
imagination, disdaining the occasional gibes that were flung at him from
Gimbel's table.
When Le Baron and Reynolds passed out, with curious glances, Stover was
weak with laughter. Later arrivals dropping in joined them, egging on
the inventor.
Stover, who had been busily consulting his watch, left at half-past
eight on a sudden resolve. The farcical interruption that had
temporarily drawn him out of himself, had cleared his head, and brought
him a sudden authoritative decision.
He went directly to the Storys', and, entering the parlor, found a group
of his crowd there, dinner finished, trying out the latest comic opera
chorus.
He came in quite coldly self-possessed, shook hands, and immediately
jumped into the conversation, which was all on the crisis in the
sophomore societies. Jean Story was at the piano, a little more serious
than usual. At his entrance, she looked up with sudden wonder and
confusion. He came to her, and in taking her hand inclined his head in
great respect, but did not speak to her. He had but one desire, to show
her that he was not a boy but a man, and that he could rise to the
crisis which he had brought on himself.
Hunter and Tommy Bain had been arguing for no compromise, Bob Story and
Hungerford were of the opinion that the time had come to enlarge the
membership of the societies, and to destroy their exclusiveness.
On the sofa, the little Judge, a spectator, never intimating his
opinion, studying each man as he spoke, appealed to Stover:
"Well, now, Judge Dink, what is your learned opinion on this situation?
Here is the dickens to pay; three-fourths the college lined up against
you fellows, and a public mass meeting coming. Jim Hunter here believes
in sitting back and letting the storm blow over; Bob, who of course can
regulate it all, wants to double the membership and meet some
objections. Now what do you say? Mr. Stover has the floor. My daughter
will please come to order."
Jean Story abruptly turned from the piano, where her fingers had been
absent-mindedly running over the keys.
"Frankly, I haven't made up my mind just yet," said Stover. "There are a
great many sides to it. I've listened to a good many opinions, but
haven't yet chosen mine. Every one is talking about the effect on the
college, but what has impressed me most is the effect on the sophomore
society men themselves. If the outsiders only knew the danger and
handicap they are to us!"
"Hello," said the Judge, shifting with a little interest.
"What do you mean?" said Hunter aggressively.
"I mean we are the ones who are limited, who are liable to miss the big
opportunities of college life. We have got into the habit, under the
pretense of good fellowship, of herding together."
"Why shouldn't we?" persisted Hunter.
"Because we shut ourselves up, withdraw from the big life of the
college, know only our own kind, the kind we'll know all our life;
surrender our imagination. We represent only a social idea, a good time,
good friends, good figure-heads on the different machines of the
college. But we miss the big chance--to go out, to mingle with every
one, to educate ourselves by knowing opposite lives, fellows who see
things as we never have seen them, who are going back to a life a
thousand miles away from what we will lead." He expressed himself badly,
and, realizing it, said impatiently: "Here, what I mean is this. It's
not my idea, it's Brockhurst's, it's Tom Regan's. The biggest thing we
can do is to reflect the nation, to be the inspiration of the democracy
of the country, to be alive to the fight among the people for real
political independence. We ought to get a great vision when we come up
here, as young men, of the bigness of our country, of the privilege of
fighting out its political freedom, of what American manhood means in
the towns of Georgia and Texas, in the little manufacturing cities of
New England, in the great West, and in the small homes of the big
cities. We ought to really know one another, meet, discuss, respect each
other's point of view, independence--odd ways if you wish. We don't do
it. We did once--we don't now. Princeton doesn't do it, Harvard doesn't
do it. We're over-organized away from the vital thing--the knowledge of
ourselves."
"Then you'd abolish the sophomore societies?" said Hunter, crowding him
to the wall.
"I don't know. Sometimes I've felt it's the system that is wrong," said
Stover frankly. "Lately, I've changed my mind. I think we can do what we
want--at least I know I've gone out and met whom I wanted to without my
being in a sophomore society making the slightest difference. I say I
don't know where the trouble is; whether the whole social system here
and elsewhere is the cause or the effect. It may be that it is the whole
development of America that has changed our college life. I don't know;
those questions are too big for me to work out. But I know one thing,
that my own ideas of what I want here have taken a back somersault, and
that I'm going out of here knowing everything I can of every man in the
class." Suddenly he remembered Hunter's opposition, and turning,
concluded: "One thing more; if ever I make up my mind that the sophomore
society system or any other system ought to be abolished, I'll stand out
and say so."
When he had finished, his classmates began talking all at once, Hunter
and Bain in bitter opposition, Bob Story in warm defense, Hungerford, in
his big-souled way, coming ponderously to his assistance.
Stover withdrew from the conversation. He glanced at Jean Story,
wondering if she had understood the reason of his return, and that he
had spoken for her ears alone. She was still at the piano, one hand
resting on the keyboard, looking at him with the same serious,
half-troubled expression in her large eyes. He made an excuse to leave,
and for the second that he stood by her, he looked into her eyes
boldly, with even a little bravado, as though to ask:
"Do you understand?"
But the young girl, without speaking, nodded her head slightly,
continuing to look at him with her wistful, a little wounded glance.