The next afternoon Stover passed Brockhurst going to dinner.
"Hello," he said, with a cordial wave of the hand.
"Hello," said Brockhurst, with a little avoidance, for he had a certain
physical timidity, which always shrank at the consequences of his mental
insurgency.
"I was a chump and a fool last night," said Stover directly, "and here's
my apology."
"Oh, all right."
"Drop in on me. Talk things over. You've started me thinking. Drop in--I
mean it."
"Thanks, awfully."
Brockhurst, ill at ease, moved away, pursued always by a shackling
self-consciousness in the presence of those to whom he consciously felt
he was mentally superior.
One direct result came to Stover from the visit to Swazey's rooms.
Despite the protests and arguments, he did not report for the
competition for the crew.
"Stay in for a couple of months," said Le Baron. "We want the moral
effect of every one's coming out."
"Sorry; I've made up my mind," said Dink.
"Why?"
"Want time to myself. I've never had it, and now I'm going to get it."
Le Baron of the machine did not understand him, and he did not explain.
Stover was essentially a man of action and not a thinker. He did not
reason things out for himself, but when he became convinced he acted.
So, when he had thought over Brockhurst's theories and admitted that he
was not independent, he determined at once to be so. He began zealously,
turning his back on his own society crowd, to seek out the members of
his class whom he did not know, resolved that his horizon should be of
the freest. For the first time he began to reason on what others said to
him. He went often to Swazey's rooms, and Regan's, which were centers of
discussion. Some of the types that drifted in were incongruous, bizarre,
flotsam and jetsam of the class; but in each, patiently resolved, he
found something to stir the imagination; and when, under Regan's
quickening influence, he stopped to consider what life in the future
would mean to them, he began to understand what his friend, the
invincible democrat, meant by the inspiring opportunity of college--the
vision of a great country that lay on the lips of the men he had only to
seek out.
Dink was of too direct a nature and also too confident in the strength
of his position to consider the effect of his sudden pilgrimage to what
was called the "outsiders." Swazey and Pike, at his invitation, took to
dropping into his room and working out their lessons with him. Quite
unconsciously, he found himself constantly in public companionship with
them and other newly discovered types who interested him.
About two weeks after this new life had begun, Le Baron stopped him one
day, with a little solicitous frown, saying:
"Look here, Dink, aren't you cutting loose from your own crowd a good
deal?"
"Why, yes, I guess I am," Dink announced, quite unconsciously.
"I wouldn't get identified too much with--well, with some of the
fellows you've taken up."
Stover smiled, and went his way undisturbed. For the first time he felt
his superiority over Le Baron. Le Baron could not know what he
knew--that it was just these new acquaintances who had waked him up out
of his torpor and made a thinking being of him. Others in his class,
mistaking his motives, began to twit him:
"I say, Dink, what are you out for?"
"Running for something?"
"Getting into politics?"
"Junior Prom, eh?"
He turned the jests aside with jests as ready, quite unaware that in his
own crowd he was arousing a little antagonism; for he was developing in
such deep lines that he did not perceive vexing details.
All at once he remembered that it had been over a fortnight since he had
called at the Storys' and he ran over one afternoon about four o'clock,
expecting to stay for dinner; for the Judge kept open house to the
friends of his son, and Stover had readily availed himself of the
privilege to become intimate.
Although Bob Story was bound to him by the closest social ties, Dink
felt, nor was he altogether at fault in the feeling, that the brother
was still on the defensive with him, due to a natural resentment perhaps
at Dink's too evident interest in his sister.
When he arrived at the old colonial house set back among the elms,
Eliza, the maid, informed him that no one was at home. Miss Jean was out
riding. But immediately she corrected herself, and, going upstairs to
make sure, returned with the welcome information that Miss Story had
just returned and begged him to wait.
He took the request as a meager evidence of her interest, and entered
the drawing-room. Waiting there for her to come tripping down the
stairs, he began to think of the new horizon that had opened to him, and
the new feeling of maturity; and, feeling this with an acute
realization, he was impatient for her to come, that he might tell her.
It was a good ten minutes before he turned suddenly at a rustling on the
stairs, and saw her, fresh and flushed from the ride.
"It's awfully good of you to wait," she called to him. "I did my best to
rush."
Arrived on the landing, she gave him her hand, looking at him a little
earnestly.
"How are you? You're a terrible stranger."
"Have I been very bad?" he said, holding her hand.
"Indeed you have. Even Bob said he hardly saw you. What have you been
doing?"
She withdrew her hand gently, but stood before him, looking into his
face with her frank, inquiring eyes. Stover wondered if she thought he'd
been a trifle wild; and, as there was no justification, he was immensely
flattered, and a little tempted dramatically to assume an attitude that
would call for reform. He smiled and said:
"I've been on a voyage of discovery, that's all. You'll be interested."
They sat down, and he began directly to talk, halting in broken phrases
at first, gradually finding his words as he entered his subject.
"By George! I've had a wonderful two weeks--a revelation--just as
though--just as though I'd begun my college course; that's really what
it means. All I've done before doesn't count. And to think, if it hadn't
been for an accident, I might have gone on without ever waking up."
He recounted his visit to Swazey's rooms, drawing a picture of his
self-satisfied self descending _en prince_ to bestow a favor; and,
warming out of his stiffness, drew a word picture of Swazey's telling
his story before the fire, and the rough sentiment with which he brought
forth the odd, common little tintypes.
"By George! the fellow had told a great story and he didn't know it; but
I knew it, and it settled me," he added with earnestness, always aware
of her heightened attention. "It was a regular knockout blow to the
conceited, top-heavy, prancing little ass who had gone there. By Jove,
it gave me a jar. I went out ashamed."
"It is a very wonderful life--simple, wonderful," she said slowly,
thinking more of the relator than of the story. "I understand all you
felt."
"You know life's real to those fellows," he continued, with more
animation. "They're after something in this world; they believe in
something; they're fighting for something. There's nothing real in
me--that is, there wasn't. By George, these two weeks that I've gone
about, looking for the men in the class, have opened up everything to
me. I never knew my own country before. It's a wonderful country! It's
the simple lives that are so wonderful."
[Illustration: "'LIFE'S REAL TO THOSE FELLOWS; THEY'RE FIGHTING FOR
SOMETHING'"--_Page 254._]
She had in her hand a piece of embroidery, but she did not embroider.
Her eyes never left his face. For the first time, the rôles were
reversed: it was he who talked and she who listened. From time to time
she nodded, satisfied at the decision and direction in his character,
which had answered the first awakening suggestion.
"Who is Pike?" she asked.
"Pike is a little fellow from a little life in some country town in
Indiana; the only one in a family of eight children that's amounted to
anything--father's a pretty even sort, I guess; so are the rest of them.
But this fellow has a dogged persistence--not so quick at thinking
things out, but, Lord! how he listens; nothing gets away from him. I can
see him growing right under my eyes. He's interested in politics, same
as Regan; wants to go back and get a newspaper some day. He'll do it,
too. Why, that fellow has been racing ahead ever since he came here, and
I've been standing still. Ricketts is an odd character, a sort of Yankee
genius, shrewd, and some of his observations are as sharp as a knife.
Brockhurst has the brains of us all; he can out-think us every one. But
he's a spectator; he's outside looking on. I can't quite get used to
him. Regan's the fellow I want for a friend. He's like an old Roman.
When he makes up his mind--it takes him a long while--when he does, he's
right."
He recounted Regan's ideas on politics--his enthusiasm, and his ideal of
a college life that would reflect the thought of the nation.
Then, talking to himself, he began to walk up and down, flinging out
quick, stiff gestures:
"Brockhurst states a thing in such a slap-bang way--no compromise--that
it hits you at first like a blow. But when you think it over he has
generally got to the point. Where he's wrong is, he thinks the society
system here keeps a man wrapped in cotton, smothering him and separating
him from the class. Now, I'm an example to the contrary. It's all a
question of the individual. I thought it wasn't at one moment, but now I
know that it is. You can do just what you want--find what you want.
"But we do get so interested in outside things that we forget the real;
that's true. Brockhurst says we ought to bring the college back to the
campus, and the more I think of it the more I see what he means. The
best weeks, the biggest in my life, are those when I've realized I had
an imagination and could use it." Suddenly he halted, gave a quick
glance at her, and said:
"Here I'm talking like a runaway horse. I got started."
"Thank you for talking to me so," she said eagerly.
He had never seen in her eyes so much of genuine impulse toward him,
and, suddenly recalled, in this moment of exhilaration, to the personal
self, he was thrilled with a strange thrill at what he saw.
"You remember," he said, with a certain new boldness, "how impudent you
used to be to me, and how furious I was when you told me I was not
awake."
"I remember."
"Now I understand what you meant," he said, "but then I didn't."
She rose to order tea, and then turned impulsively, smiling up to him.
"I think--I'm sure I felt it would come to you; only I was a little
impatient."
And with a happy look she offered him her hand.
"I'm very glad to be your friend," she said, to make amends; "and I hope
you'll come and talk over with me all that you are thinking. Will you?"
He did not answer. At the touch of her hand, which he held in his, at
the new sound in her voice, suddenly something surged up in him,
something blinding, intoxicating, that left him hot and cold, rash and
silent. She tried to release her hand, but his grip was not to be
denied.
Then, seeing him standing head down boyishly unable to speak or act, she
understood.
"Oh, please!" she said, with a sudden weakness, again trying to release
her fingers.
"I can't help it," he said, blurting out the words. "Jean, you know as
well as I what it is. I love you."
The moment the words were out, he had a cold horror of what had been
said. He didn't love her, not as he had said it. Why had he said it?
She remained motionless a moment, gathering her strength against the
shock.
"Please let go my hand," she said quietly.
This time he obeyed. His mind was a vacuum; every little sound came to
him distinctly, with the terror of the blunder he had made.
She went to the window and stood, her face half turned from him, trying
to think; and, misreading her thoughts, a little warm blood came back to
him, and he tried to think what he would say if she came back with a
light in her eyes.
"Mr. Stover."
He looked up abruptly--he had scarcely moved. She was before him, her
large eyes seeming larger than ever, her face a little frightened, but
serious with the seriousness of the woman looking out.
"You have done a very wrong thing," she said slowly, "and you have
placed me in a very difficult position. I do not want to lose you as a
friend." She made a rapid movement of her fingers to check his
exclamation. "If what you said were true, and you are too young to have
said such solemn words, may I ask what right you had to say them to me?"
"What right?" he said stupidly.
"Yes, what right," she repeated, looking at him steadily with a certain
wistfulness. "Are you in a position to ask me to be your wife?"
"Let me think a moment," he said, drawing a breath.
He walked away to the table, leaning his weight on it, while, without
moving, she followed with a steady gaze, in which was a little pity.
"Let me help you," she said at last.
He turned and looked up for the first time, a look of wretchedness.
"It would be too bad that one moment should spoil all our friendship,"
she said, "and because that would hurt me I don't want it so. You are a
boy, and I am not yet a woman. I have always respected you, no more so
than to-day, before--before you forgot your respect toward me. I want
always to keep the respect I had for you."
"Don't say any more," he said suddenly, with a lump in his throat. "I
don't know why--what--why I forgot myself. Please don't take away from
me your friendship. I will keep it very precious."
"It is very hard to know what to do," she said. Then she added, with a
little heightening of her color: "My friendship means a great deal."
He put out his hand and gently took the end of a scarf which she wore
about her shoulders, and raised it to his lips. It was a boyish,
impulsive fantasy, and he inclined his head before her. Then he went out
hurriedly, without speaking or turning, while the girl, pale and without
moving, continued to stare at the curtain which still moved with his
passing.