CONDUCT IN CHURCH.
In entering a church of a different denomination from the one you have
been in the habit of frequenting, ask the sexton to show you to a seat.
It is the height of rudeness to enter a pew without invitation, as the
owner may desire, if her family do not require all the seats, to invite
her own personal friends to take the vacant places. If you are not
perfectly familiar with the manner of conducting the worship, observe
those around you, rise, kneel, and sit, as you see they do. It is a mark
of disrespect for the pastor as well as irreverence for the Most High,
to remain seated through the whole service, unless you are ill, or
otherwise incapacitated from standing and kneeling.
Enter the sacred edifice slowly, reverentially, and take your seat
quietly. It is not required of you to bow to any friend you may see in
passing up the aisle, as you are supposed yourself to be, and suppose
her to be entirely absorbed in thought proper for the occasion. To stare
round the church, or if you are not alone, to whisper to your companion,
is irreverent, indelicate, and rude. If your own feelings will not
prompt you to silence and reverence, pay some regard to the feelings of
others.
Be careful not to appear to notice those around you. If others are so
rude as to talk or conduct improperly, fix your own mind upon the
worship which you come to pay, and let the impertinence pass unheeded.
If there is another person in the same pew with yourself, who, more
familiar with the service, hands you the book, or points out the place,
acknowledge the civility by a silent bow; it is not necessary to speak.
In your own pew, extend this courtesy to a stranger who may come in
beside you, and even if it is a gentleman you may, with perfect
propriety, hand him a book, or, if there is but one, offer him a share
of your own.
Endeavor always to be in your seat before the service commences, and
after it is over do not hurry away, and, above all, do not begin your
preparations for departure, by shutting up your book, or putting on any
article of dress you have removed, before the benediction.
If you are invited to accompany a friend to church, be sure you are
ready in good season, that you may not keep her waiting when she calls,
or cause her to lose any part of the service by detaining her at your
house. If you invite a friend to take a seat in your pew, call for her
early, give her the most comfortable place, and be sure she has a prayer
and hymn-book.
If you are invited to stand as god-mother to a friend's child, be at the
house of the parents in season to accompany the family to church, and
send, the day before, the gift you design for the babe. A silver cup is
the usual present, with your little namesake's initials, or full name,
engraved upon it.
In assisting at a wedding at church, if you are one of the bridesmaids,
wear white, a white bonnet but no veil. If you occupy the first place,
the bride's, it is in better taste to be married in a simple dress and
bonnet, and don your full dress when you return home to receive your
friends. In such ceremonies the wedding-party all meet in the vestry,
and go to the altar together.[A]
[A] For further particulars, see chapter on Bridal Etiquette.
At a funeral, enter the church quietly, and, unless you belong to the
mourners, wait until they leave the church before you rise from your
seat. Never attempt to speak to any of the afflicted family. However
heartfelt your sympathy, it will not be welcome at that time.
If, when entering a crowded church, a gentleman sees you and offers his
seat, acknowledge his civility, whether accepted or declined, by a bow,
and a whispered "thank you." Many, who claim the name of lady, and think
they are well-bred, will accept such an act of politeness without making
the slightest acknowledgement. If the service has commenced, do not
speak; a courteous inclination of the head will convey your sense of
obligation.
Remember, as an imperative, general rule, in whatever church you may be,
whether at home or abroad, conform to the mode of worship whilst you are
in that church. If you find, in these modes, forms which are
disagreeable to you, or which shock your own ideas of religion, avoid a
second visit, but do not insult the congregation, by showing your
contempt or disapproval, whilst you are among them. Silence, quiet
attention, and a grave, reverential demeanor, mark the Christian lady in
church.