EVENING PARTIES.
ETIQUETTE FOR THE GUEST.
Upon receiving an invitation for an evening party, answer it
immediately, that your hostess may know for how many guests she must
provide. If, after accepting an invitation, any unforeseen event
prevents your keeping the engagement, write a second note, containing
your regrets. The usual form is:--
_Miss G---- accepts with pleasure Miss S----'s polite
invitation for Monday next_;
or,
_Miss G---- regrets that a prior engagement will prevent her
accepting Miss S----'s kind invitation for Monday evening._
Punctuality is a mark of politeness, if your invitation states the hour
at which your hostess will be ready to welcome you. Do not be more than
half an hour later than the time named, but if unavoidably detained,
make no apology when you meet your hostess; it will be in bad taste to
speak of your want of punctuality.
When you arrive at your friend's house, do not stop to speak to any one
in the hall, or upon the stairs, but go immediately to the dressing
room. The gentleman who accompanies you will go to the door of the
lady's room, leave you, to remove his own hat and over-coat, and then
return to the door to wait for you.
In the dressing-room, do not push forward to the mirror if you see that
others are before you there. Wait for your turn, then perform the
needful arrangements of your toilette quickly, and re-join your escort
as soon as possible. If you meet friends in the lady's-room, do not stop
there to chat; you keep your escort waiting, and your friends will join
you in the parlor a few moments later.
Avoid all confidential communications or private remarks in the
dressing-room. You may be overheard, and give pain or cause annoyance by
your untimely conversation.
When you enter the parlor, go immediately to your hostess, and speak to
her; if the gentleman attending you is a stranger to the lady of the
house, introduce him, and then join the other guests, as by delaying, to
converse too long with your hostess, you may prevent her speaking to
others who have arrived later than yourself.
If you have no escort, you may with perfect propriety send for the
master of the house, to wait upon you from the dressing-room to the
parlor, and as soon as you have spoken to the hostess, thank your host
and release him, as the same attention may be required by others.
Again, when alone, if you meet a friend in the dressing-room, you may
ask the privilege of entering the parlor with her and her escort; or, if
she also is alone, there is no impropriety in _two_ ladies going into
the room unattended by a gentleman.
While you maintain a cheerful deportment, avoid loud talking and
laughing, and still more carefully avoid any action or gesture that may
attract attention and make you conspicuous.
When dressing for a party, while you show that you honor the occasion by
a tasteful dress, avoid glaring colors, or any conspicuous ornament or
style of costume.
Avoid long tete-a-tete conversations; they are in bad taste, and to hold
confidential communication, especially with gentlemen, is still worse.
Do not make any display of affection for even your dearest friend;
kissing in public, or embracing, are in bad taste. Walking with arms
encircling waists, or such demonstrative tokens of love, are marks of
low breeding.
Avoid crossing the room alone, and never run, even if you feel
embarrassed, and wish to cross quickly.
If you are a musician, and certain that you will confer pleasure by a
display of your talents, do not make a show of reluctance when invited
to play or sing. Comply gracefully, and after one piece, leave the
instrument. Be careful to avoid the appearance of wishing to be invited,
and, above all, never hint that this would be agreeable. If your hostess
has requested you to bring your notes, and you are dependent upon them,
bring them, and quietly place them on the music stand, or, still
better, send them in the afternoon. It is a better plan, if you are
called upon frequently to contribute in this way to the evening's
amusement, to learn a few pieces so as to play them perfectly well
without notes.
Never attempt any piece before company, unless you are certain that you
can play it without mistake or hesitation. When you have finished your
song or piece, rise instantly from the piano stool, as your hostess may
wish to invite another guest to take the place. If you have a reason for
declining to play, do so decidedly when first invited, and do not change
your decision.
If your hostess or any of the family play for the guests to dance, it is
both polite and kind to offer to relieve them; and if truly polite
themselves, they will not take advantage of the offer, to _over_ tax
your good nature.
When others are playing or singing, listen quietly and attentively; to
laugh or talk loudly when there is music in the room, is rude, both
toward the performer and your hostess. If you are conversing at the time
the music begins, and you find that your companion is not disposed to
listen to the performer at the harp or piano, converse in a low tone,
and take a position at some distance from the instrument.
If the rooms are not large enough for all the guests to dance at one
time, do not dance every set, even if invited. It is ill-bred and
selfish.
When you go up to supper, do not accept anything from any gentleman but
the one who has escorted you from the parlor. If others offer you, as
they probably will, any refreshment, say that Mr. ---- (naming your
escort) has gone to get you what you desire. He has a right to be
offended, if, after telling him what you wish for, he returns to find
you already supplied. It is quite as rude to offer what he brings to
another lady. Her escort is probably on the same errand from which yours
has just returned. It may seem trivial and childish to warn a lady
against putting cakes or bon-bons in her pocket at supper, yet it is
often done by those who would deeply resent the accusation of rudeness
or meanness. It is not only ill-bred, but it gives rise, if seen, to
suspicions that you are so little accustomed to society, or so starved
at home, that you are ignorant of the forms of etiquette, or are forced
to the theft by positive hunger.
If you are obliged to leave the company at an earlier hour than the
other guests, say so to your hostess in a low tone, when you have an
opportunity, and then stay a short time in the room, and slip out
unperceived. By a formal leave-taking, you may lead others to suppose
the hour later than it is in reality, and thus deprive your hostess of
other guests, who, but for your example, would have remained longer.
French leave is preferable to a formal leave-taking upon such occasions.
If you remain until the usual hour for breaking up, go to your hostess
before you leave the room, express the pleasure you have enjoyed, and
bid her farewell.
Within the next week, you should call upon your hostess, if it is the
first party you have attended at her house. If she is an intimate
friend, the call should be made within a fortnight.