EVENING PARTIES.
ETIQUETTE FOR THE HOSTESS.
The most fashionable as well as pleasant way in the present day, to
entertain guests, is to invite them to evening parties, which vary in
size from the "company," "sociable," "soiree," to the party, _par
excellence_, which is but one step from the ball.
The entertainment upon such occasions, may vary with the taste of the
hostess, or the caprice of her guests. Some prefer dancing, some music,
some conversation. Small parties called together for dramatic or
poetical readings, are now fashionable, and very delightful.
In writing an invitation for a small party, it is kind, as well as
polite, to specify the number of guests invited, that your friends may
dress to suit the occasion. To be either too much, or too little dressed
at such times is embarrassing.
For large parties, the usual formula is:
_Miss S----'s compliments to Miss G----, and requests the
pleasure of her company for Wednesday, March 8th, at 8
o'clock._
Such an invitation, addressed either to an intimate friend or mere
acquaintance, will signify full dress.
If your party is a musical soiree, or your friends meet for reading or
conversation alone, say so in your invitation, as--
_Miss S---- requests the pleasure of Miss G----'s company, on
Thursday evening next, at 8 o'clock, to meet the members of
the musical club, to which Miss S---- belongs_;
or,
_Miss S---- expects a few friends, on Monday evening next, at
8 o'clock, to take part in some dramatic readings, and would
be happy to have Miss G---- join the party._
Always date your note of invitation, and put your address in one corner.
Having dispatched these notes, the next step is to prepare to receive
your guests. If the number invited is large, and you hire waiters, give
them notice several days beforehand, and engage them to come in the
morning. Give them full directions for the supper, appoint one to open
the door, another to show the guests to the dressing rooms, and a third
to wait in the gentlemen's dressing-room, to attend to them, if their
services are required.
If you use your own plate, glass, and china, show the waiters where to
find them, as well as the table cloths, napkins, and other things they
may require. If you hire the service from the confectioner's or
restaurateur's where you order your supper, you have only to show your
waiters where to spread supper, and tell them the hour.
You will have to place at least four rooms at the disposal of your
guests--the supper room, and two dressing-rooms, beside the
drawing-room.
In the morning, see that the fires in your rooms are in good order; and
in the drawing-room, it is best to have it so arranged that the heat can
be lessened towards evening, as the crowd, and dancing, will make it
excessively uncomfortable if the rooms are too warm. See that the lights
are in good order, and if you propose to have music instead of dancing,
or to use your piano for dancing music, have it put in good tune in the
morning. If you intend to dance, and do not wish to take up the carpets,
you will find it economical, as well as much pleasanter, to cover them
with coarse white muslin or linen; be sure it is fastened down smoothly,
firmly, and drawn tightly over the carpets.
Do not remove all the chairs from the parlor; or, if this is necessary,
leave some in the hall, for those who wish to rest after dancing.
In the dining-room, unless it will accommodate all your guests at once,
have a silk cord so fastened that, when the room is full, it can be
drawn across the door-way; those following the guests already in the
room, will then return to the parlor, and wait their turn. A still
better way, is to set the supper table twice, inviting the married and
elderly people to go into the first table, and then, after it is ready
for the second time, let the young folks go up.
Two dressing-rooms must be ready; one for the ladies, and the other for
the gentlemen. Have both these rooms comfortably heated, and well
lighted. Nothing can be more disagreeable than cold, ill-lighted rooms
to dress in, particularly if your guests come in half-frozen by the
cold of a winter's night, or still worse, damp from a stormy one.
Be sure that there is plenty of water, soap and towels on the washstand,
two or three brushes and combs on the bureau, two mirrors, one large and
one small, and a pin cushion, well filled with large and small pins.
In the ladies' room, have one, or if your party is large, two women to
wait upon your guests; to remove their cloaks, overshoes, and hoods, and
assist them in smoothing their dresses or hair. After each guest removes
her shawl and hood, let one of the maids roll all the things she lays
aside into a bundle, and put it where she can easily find it. It is an
admirable plan, and prevents much confusion, to pin to each bundle, a
card, or strip of paper, (previously prepared,) with the name of the
person to whom it belongs written clearly and distinctly upon it.
Upon the bureau in the ladies' room, have a supply of hair-pins, and a
workbox furnished with everything requisite to repair any accident that
may happen to the dress of a guest. It is well, also, to have Eau de
Cologne, hartshorn, and salts, in case of sudden faintness.
In the gentlemen's room, place a clothes brush and boot-jack.
It is best to send out your invitations by your own servant, or one
hired for that purpose especially. It is ill-bred to send invitations
either by the dispatch, or through the post-office; and besides being
discourteous, you risk offending your friends, as these modes of
delivery are proverbially uncertain.
Be dressed and ready to receive your guests in good season, as some, in
their desire to be punctual, may come before the time appointed. It is
better to be ready too soon, than too late, as your guests will feel
painfully embarrassed if you are not ready to receive them.
For the early part of the evening, take a position in your parlor, near
or opposite to the door, that each guest may find you easily. It is not
necessary to remain all the evening nailed to this one spot, but stay
near it until your guests have all or nearly all assembled. Late comers
will of course expect to find you entertaining your guests.
As each guest or party enter the room, advance a few steps to meet them,
speaking first to the lady, or if there are several ladies, to the
eldest, then to the younger ones, and finally to the gentlemen. If the
new comers are acquainted with those already in the room, they will
leave you, after a few words of greeting, to join their friends; but if
they are strangers to the city, or making their first visit to your
house, introduce them to a friend who is well acquainted in your circle,
who will entertain them till you can again join them and introduce them
to others.
Do not leave the room during the evening. To see a hostess fidgeting,
constantly going in and out, argues ill for her tact in arranging the
house for company. With well-trained waiters, you need give yourself no
uneasiness about the arrangements outside of the parlors.
The perfection of good breeding in a hostess, is perfect ease of
manner; for the time she should appear to have no thought or care beyond
the pleasure of her guests.
Have a waiter in the hall to open the front door, and another at the
head of the first flight of stairs, to point out to the ladies and
gentlemen their respective dressing-rooms.
Never try to outshine your guests in dress. It is vulgar in the extreme.
A hostess should be dressed as simply as is consistent with the
occasion, wearing, if she will, the richest fabrics, exquisitely made,
but avoiding any display of jewels or gay colors, such as will be,
probably, more conspicuous than those worn by her guests.
Remember, from the moment your first guest enters the parlor, you must
forget yourself entirely to make the evening pleasant for others. Your
duties will call you from one group to another, and require constant
watchfulness that no one guest is slighted. Be careful that none of the
company are left to mope alone from being unacquainted with other
guests. Introduce gentlemen to ladies, and gentlemen to gentlemen,
ladies to ladies.
It requires much skill and tact to make a party for conversation only,
go off pleasantly. You must invite only such guests as will mutually
please, and you must be careful about introductions. If you have a
literary lion upon your list, it is well to invite other lions to meet
him or her, that the attention may not be constantly concentrated upon
one person. Where you see a couple conversing slowly and wearily, stir
them up with a few sprightly words, and introduce a new person, either
to make a trio, or, as a substitute in the duet, carrying off the other
one of the couple to find a more congenial companion elsewhere. Never
interrupt an earnest or apparently interesting conversation. Neither
party will thank you, even if you propose the most delightful
substitute.
If your party meet for reading, have a table with the books in the
centre of the apartment, that will divide the room, those reading being
on one side, the listeners on the other. Be careful here not to endeavor
to shine above your guests, leaving to them the most prominent places,
and taking, cheerfully, a subordinate place. On the other hand, if you
are urged to display any talent you may possess in this way, remember
your only desire is to please your guests, and if they are really
desirous to listen to you, comply, gracefully and promptly, with their
wishes.
If you have dancing, and have not engaged a band, it is best to hire a
pianist for the evening to play dancing music. You will find it
exceedingly wearisome to play yourself all the evening, and it is
ill-bred to ask any guest to play for others to dance. This victimizing
of some obliging guest is only too common, but no true lady will ever be
guilty of such rudeness. If there are several members of the family able
and willing to play, let them divide this duty amongst them, or, if you
wish to play yourself, do so. If any guest, in this case, offers to
relieve you, accept their kindness for _one_ dance only. Young people,
who enjoy dancing, but who also play well, will often stay on the
piano-stool all the evening, because their own good-nature will not
allow them to complain, and their hostess wilfully, or through
negligence, permits the tax.
See that your guests are well provided with partners, introducing every
gentleman and lady who dances, to one who will dance well with them. Be
careful that none sit still through your negligence in providing
partners.
Do not dance yourself, when, by so doing, you are preventing a guest
from enjoying that pleasure. If a lady is wanted to make up a set, then
dance, or if, late in the evening, you have but few lady dancers left,
but do not interfere with the pleasure in others. If invited, say that
you do not wish to take the place of a guest upon the floor, and
introduce the gentleman who invites you to some lady friend who dances.
It is very pleasant in a dancing party to have ices _alone_, handed
round at about ten o'clock, having supper set two or three hours later.
They are very refreshing, when it would be too early to have the more
substantial supper announced.
It is very customary now, even in large parties, to have no refreshments
but ice-cream, lemonade, and cake, or, in summer, fruit, cake, and ices.
It is less troublesome, as well as less expensive, than a hot supper,
and the custom will be a good one to adopt permanently.
One word of warning to all hostesses. You can never know, when you place
wine or brandy before your guests, whom you may be tempting to utter
ruin. Better, far better, to have a reputation as strict, or mean, than
by your example, or the temptation you offer, to have the sin upon your
soul of having put poison before those who partook of your hospitality.
It is not necessary; hospitality and generosity do not require it, and
you will have the approval of all who truly love you for your good
qualities, if you resolutely refuse to have either wine or any other
intoxicating liquor upon your supper-table.
If the evening of your party is stormy, let a waiter stand in the
vestibule with a _large_ umbrella, to meet the ladies at the carriage
door, and protect them whilst crossing the pavement and steps.
When your guests take leave of you, it will be in the drawing-room, and
let that farewell be final. Do not accompany them to the dressing-room,
and never stop them in the hall for a last word. Many ladies do not like
to display their "sortie du soiree" before a crowded room, and you will
be keeping their escort waiting. Say farewell in the parlor, and do not
repeat it.
If your party is mixed, that is, conversation, dancing, and music are
all mingled, remember it is your place to invite a guest to sing or
play, and be careful not to offend any amateur performers by forgetting
to invite them to favor the company. If they decline, never urge the
matter. If the refusal proceeds from unwillingness or inability on that
occasion, it is rude to insist; and if they refuse for the sake of being
urged, they will be justly punished by a disappointment. If you have
guests who, performing badly, will expect an invitation to play,
sacrifice their desire to the good of the others, pass them by. It is
torture to listen to bad music.
Do not ask a guest to sing or play more than once. This is her fair
share, and you have no right to tax her too severely to entertain your
other guests. If, however, the performance is so pleasing that others
ask for a repetition, then you too may request it, thanking the
performer for the pleasure given.