Misfortunes seldom come single; upon the back of this hue and cry he
unluckily prescribed phlebotomy to a gentleman of some rank, who chanced
to expire during the operation, and quarrelled with his landlord the
apothecary, who charged him with having forgot the good offices he had
done him in the beginning of his career, and desired he would provide
himself with another lodging.
All these mishaps, treading upon the heels of one another, had a very
mortifying effect upon his practice. At every tea-table his name was
occasionally put to the torture, with that of the vile creature whom he
had seduced, though it was generally taken for granted by all those
female casuists, that she must have made the first advances, for it could
not be supposed that any man would take much trouble in laying schemes
for the ruin of a person whose attractions were so slender, especially
considering the ill state of her health, a circumstance that seldom adds
to a woman's beauty or good-humour; besides, she was always a pert minx,
that affected singularity, and a masculine manner of speaking, and many
of them had foreseen that she would, some time or other, bring herself
into such a premunire. At all gossipings, where the apothecary or his
wife assisted, Fathom's pride, ingratitude, and malpractice were
canvassed; in all clubs of married men he was mentioned with marks of
abhorrence and detestation, and every medical coffee-house rung with his
reproach. Instances of his ignorance and presumption were quoted, and
many particulars feigned for the purpose of defamation, so that our hero
was exactly in the situation of a horseman, who, in riding at full speed
for the plate, is thrown from the saddle in the middle of the race, and
left without sense or motion upon the plain.
His progress, though rapid, had been so short, that he could not be
supposed to have laid up store against such a day of trouble, and as he
still cherished hopes of surmounting those obstacles which had so
suddenly started up in his way, he would not resign his equipage nor
retrench his expenses, but appeared as usual in all public places with
that serenity and confidence of feature which he had never deposited, and
maintained his external pomp upon the little he had reserved in the days
of his prosperity, and the credit he had acquired by the punctuality of
his former payments. Both these funds, however, failed in a very little
time, his lawsuit was a gulf that swallowed up all his ready money, and
the gleanings of his practice were scarce sufficient to answer his pocket
expenses, which now increased in proportion to the decrease of business,
for, as he had more idle time, and was less admitted into private
families, so he thought he had more occasion to enlarge his acquaintance
among his own sex, who alone were able to support him in his disgrace
with the other. He accordingly listed himself in several clubs, and
endeavoured to monopolise the venereal branch of trade, though this was
but an indifferent resource, for almost all his patients of this class
were such as either could not, or would not, properly recompense the
physician.
For some time he lingered in this situation, without going upwards or
downwards, floating like a wisp of straw at the turning of the tide,
until he could no longer amuse the person of whom he had hired his
coach-horses, or postpone the other demands, which multiplied upon him
every day. Then was his chariot overturned with a hideous crash, and his
face so much wounded with the shivers of the glass, which went to pieces
in the fall, that he appeared in the coffee-house with half a dozen black
patches upon his countenance, gave a most circumstantial detail of the
risk he had run, and declared, that he did not believe he should ever
hazard himself again in any sort of wheel carriage.
Soon after this accident, he took an opportunity of telling his friends,
in the same public place, that he had turned away his footman on account
of his drunkenness, and was resolved, for the future, to keep none but
maids in his service, because the menservants are generally impudent,
lazy, debauched, or dishonest; and after all, neither so neat, handy, or
agreeable as the other sex. In the rear of this resolution, he shifted
his lodgings into a private court, being distracted with the din of
carriages, that disturb the inhabitants who live towards the open street;
and gave his acquaintance to understand, that he had a medical work upon
the anvil, which he could not finish without being indulged in silence
and tranquillity. In effect, he gradually put on the exteriors of an
author. His watch, with an horizontal movement by Graham, which he had
often mentioned, and shown as a very curious piece of workmanship, began,
about this time, to be very much out of order, and was committed to the
care of a mender, who was in no hurry to restore it. His tie-wig
degenerated into a major; he sometimes appeared without a sword, and was
even observed in public with a second day's shirt. At last, his clothes
became rusty; and when he walked about the streets, his head turned round
in a surprising manner, by an involuntary motion in his neck, which he
had contracted by a habit of reconnoitring the ground, that he might
avoid all dangerous or disagreeable encounters.
Fathom, finding himself descending the hill of fortune with an acquired
gravitation, strove to catch at every twig, in order to stop or retard
his descent. He now regretted the opportunities he had neglected, of
marrying one of several women of moderate fortune, who had made advances
to him in the zenith of his reputation; and endeavoured, by forcing
himself into a lower path of life than any he had hitherto trod, to keep
himself afloat, with the portion of some tradesman's daughter, whom he
meant to espouse. While he exerted himself in this pursuit, he happened,
in returning from a place about thirty miles from London, to become
acquainted, in the stage-coach, with a young woman of a very homely
appearance, whom, from the driver's information, he understood to be the
niece of a country justice, and daughter of a soap-boiler, who had lived
and died in London, and left her, in her infancy, sole heiress of his
effects, which amounted to four thousand pounds. The uncle, who was her
guardian, had kept her sacred from the knowledge of the world, resolving
to effect a match betwixt her and his own son; and it was with much
difficulty he had consented to this journey, which she had undertaken as
a visit to her own mother, who had married a second husband in town.
Fraught with these anecdotes, Fathom began to put forth his gallantry and
good-humour, and, in a word, was admitted by the lady to the privilege of
an acquaintance, in which capacity he visited her during the term of her
residence in London; and, as there was no time to be lost, declared his
honourable intentions. He had such a manifest advantage, in point of
personal accomplishments, over the young gentleman who was destined for
her husband, that she did not disdain his proposals; and, before she set
out for the country, he had made such progress in her heart, that the day
was actually fixed for their nuptials, on which he faithfully promised to
carry her off in a coach and six. How to raise money for this expedition
was all the difficulty that remained; for, by this time, his finances
were utterly dried up, and his credit altogether exhausted. Upon a very
pressing occasion, he had formerly applied himself to a certain wealthy
quack, who had relieved his necessities by lending him a small sum of
money, in return for having communicated to him a secret medicine, which
he affirmed to be the most admirable specific that ever was invented.
The nostrum had been used, and, luckily for him, succeeded in the trial;
so that the empiric, in the midst of his satisfaction, began to reflect,
that this same Fathom, who pretended to be in possession of a great many
remedies, equally efficacious, would certainly become a formidable rival
to him in his business, should he ever be able to extricate himself from
his present difficulties.
In consequence of these suggestions, he resolved to keep our adventurer's
head under water, by maintaining him in the most abject dependence.
Accordingly he had, from time to time, accommodated him with small
trifles, which barely served to support his existence, and even for these
had taken notes of hand, that he might have a scourge over his head, in
case he should prove insolent or refractory. To this benefactor Fathom
applied for a reinforcement of twenty guineas, which he solicited with
the more confidence, as that sum would certainly enable him to repay all
other obligations. The quack would advance the money upon no other
condition, than that of knowing the scheme, which being explained, he
complied with Ferdinand's request; but, at the same time, privately
despatched an express to the young lady's uncle, with a full account of
the whole conspiracy; so that, when the doctor arrived at the inn,
according to appointment, he was received by his worship in person, who
gave him to understand, that his niece had changed her mind, and gone
fifty miles farther into the country to visit a relation. This was a
grievous disappointment to Fathom, who really believed his mistress had
forsaken him through mere levity and caprice, and was not undeceived till
several months after her marriage with her cousin, when, at an accidental
meeting in London, she explained the story of the secret intelligence,
and excused her marriage, as the effect of rigorous usage and compulsion.
Had our hero been really enamoured of her person, he might have probably
accomplished his wishes, notwithstanding the steps she had taken. But
this was not the case. His passion was of a different nature, and the
object of it effectually without his reach. With regard to his appetite
for women, as it was an infirmity of his constitution, which he could not
overcome, and as he was in no condition to gratify it at a great expense,
he had of late chosen a housekeeper from the hundreds of Drury, and, to
avoid scandal, allowed her to assume his name. As to the intimation
which had been sent to the country justice, he immediately imputed it to
the true author, whom he marked for his vengeance accordingly; but, in
the meantime, suppressed his resentment, because he in some measure
depended upon him for subsistence. On the other hand, the quack,
dreading the forwardness and plausibility of our hero, which might, one
time or other, render him independent, put a stop to those supplies, on
pretence of finding them inconvenient; but, out of his friendship and
goodwill to Fathom, undertook to procure for him such letters of
recommendation as would infallibly make his fortune in the West Indies,
and even to set him out in a genteel manner for the voyage. Ferdinand
perceived his drift, and thanked him for his generous offer, which he
would not fail to consider with all due deliberation; though he was
determined against the proposal, but obliged to temporise, that he might
not incur the displeasure of this man, at whose mercy he lay. Meanwhile
the prosecution against him in Doctors' Commons drew near a period, and
the lawyers were clamorous for money, without which, he foresaw he should
lose the advantage which his cause had lately acquired by the death of
his antagonist's chief evidence; he therefore, seeing every other channel
shut up, began to doubt, whether the risk of being apprehended or slain
in the character of a highwayman, was not overbalanced by the prospect of
being acquitted of a charge which had ruined his reputation and fortune,
and actually entertained thoughts of taking the air on Hounslow Heath,
when he was diverted from this expedient by a very singular adventure.