New wine is being put into old bottles and the wine of life is being
poured out and wasted. The old convention that irregular love is
excusable in the case of the man, but always to be punished in the case
of the woman will never again be accepted, at least not by women. It is
not women's ideas so much that are confused as their emotions, and
wills. Their impulses are not focused to any ideal. They are driven
hither and thither. That is the essential failure to-day. The irregular
unions, now so common, are but the more intimate aspect of a general
attitude toward life. Many women who have entered them, have done so
rather in a mood of protesting refractoriness than from any serviceable
desire; already they find themselves left after transitory passionate
friendships in difficult situations in which there is as yet no certain
tradition of behavior. And in this way, there is left open an inviting
door to those who are weak, as well as to those who are corrupt, to
behave irresponsibly and commit every kind of uncleanness.
Where is this wild love going to end?
These dissatisfied women of strong sexuality, and women of the other
types I have noted, must either marry or must continue lawless careers
of unregulated promiscuity, each one acting according to her own fancy,
curbed only by the will of her lover or lovers, and the circumstances in
which she is placed: there is at present no third course.
Now, the moralist, who does not face facts, would have them all marry.
Certainly this is an easy way to settle the matter, but is it wise? is
it even right? Moreover, even if this were possible and there was no
surplus of women, would this solution be acceptable to these women? I am
doubtful if it would. _Many of them who want a lover do not want a
husband_, they make a surprisingly clear distinction between the two.
There is, as I have before said, a hardly-yet-realized change in woman's
attitude: they are beginning to take the ordinary man's view of these
affairs,--to regard them as important and providing interest and
pleasure, but not to be exaggerated into tragedies. They deliberately
want to keep love light and dread the bondage of any deep emotions.
Now, such an attitude is not good for marriage, and, indeed, there can
be no manner of use in forcing into the marriage bonds those who are
unwilling to accept its duties of permanent devotion. Some other way,
more practical and more helpful, must be found. We shall have, I am
convinced, to broaden our views on this question of passionate
friendships between women and men, to reconsider the whole position of
sexual relationships apart from marriage, in order to decide what may be
permitted, to regulate conduct and fasten responsibility, to open up in
the future new ways of virtue. And in attempting, thus, to face squarely
the difficult situations before us, I can find only one clear simple and
honest way to act.