Is one that sells the devil the best pennyworth that he meets with
anywhere, and, like the Indians that part with gold for glass beads, he
damns his soul for the slightest trifles imaginable. He betroths himself
oftener to the devil in one day than Mecaenas did in a week to his wife,
that he was married a thousand times to. His discourse is inlaid with
oaths as the gallows is with nails, to fortify it against the assaults
of those whose friends have made it their deathbed. He takes a
preposterous course to be believed and persuade you to credit what he
says, by saying that which at the best he does not mean; for all the
excuse he has for his voluntary damning of himself is, that he means
nothing by it. He is as much mistaken in what he does intend really, for
that which he takes for the ornament of his language renders it the most
odious and abominable. His custom of swearing takes away the sense of
his saying. His oaths are but a dissolute formality of speech and the
worst kind of affectation. He is a Knight-Baronet of the Post, or
gentleman blasphemer, that swears for his pleasure only; a lay-affidavit
man, _in voto_ only and not in orders. He learned to swear, as magpies
do to speak, by hearing others. He talks nothing but bell, book, and
candle, and delivers himself over to Satan oftener than a Presbyterian
classis would do. He plays with the devil for sport only, and stakes his
soul to nothing. He overcharges his oaths till they break and hurt
himself only. He discharges them as fast as a gun that will shoot nine
times with one loading. He is the devil's votary, and fails not to
commend himself into his tuition upon all occasions. He outswears an
exorcist, and outlies the legend. His oaths are of a wider bore and
louder report than those of an ordinary perjurer, but yet they do not
half the execution. Sometimes he resolves to leave it, but not too
suddenly, lest it should prove unwholesome and injurious to his health,
but by degrees as he took it up. Swearing should appear to be the
greatest of sins, for though the Scripture says, "God sees no sin in His
children," it does not say He hears none.