Waits at Court, as a dog does under a table, to catch what falls, or
force it from his fellows if he can. When a man is in a fair way to be
hanged that is richly worth it, or has hanged himself, he puts in to be
his heir and succeed him, and pretends as much merit as another, as no
doubt he has great reason to do if all things were rightly considered.
He thinks it vain to deserve well of his Prince as long as he can do his
business more easily by begging, for the same idle laziness possesses
him that does the rest of his fraternity, that had rather take an alms
than work for their livings, and therefore he accounts merit a more
uncertain and tedious way of rising, and sometimes dangerous. He values
himself and his place not upon the honour or allowances of it, but the
convenient opportunity of begging, as King Clause's courtiers do when
they have obtained of the superior powers a good station where three
ways meet to exercise the function in. The more ignorant, foolish, and
undeserving he is, provided he be but impudent enough, which all such
seldom fail to be, the better he thrives in his calling, as others in
the same way gain more by their sores and broken limbs than those that
are sound and in health. He always undervalues what he gains, because he
comes easily by it; and, how rich soever he proves, is resolved never to
be satisfied, as being, like a Friar Minor, bound by his order to be
always a beggar. He is, like King Agrippa, almost a Christian; for
though he never begs anything of God, yet he does very much of his
vicegerent the King, that is next Him. He spends lavishly what he gets,
because it costs him so little pains to get more, but pays nothing; for
if he should, his privilege would be of no use at all to him, and he
does not care to part with anything of his right. He finds it his best
way to be always craving, because he lights many times upon things that
are disposed of or not beggable; but if one hit, it pays for twenty that
miscarry; even as those virtuosos of his profession at large ask as well
of those that give them nothing as those few that, out of charity, give
them something. When he has passed almost all offices, as other beggars
do from constable to constable, and after meets with a stop, it does but
encourage him to be more industrious in watching the next opportunity,
to repair the charge he has been at to no purpose. He has his
emissaries, that are always hunting out for discoveries, and when they
bring him in anything that he judges too heavy far his own interest to
carry, he takes in others to join with him (like blind men and cripples
that beg in consort), and if they prosper they share, and give the
jackal some small snip for his pains in questing; that is, if he has any
further use of him; otherwise he leaves him, like virtue, to reward
himself; and because he deserves well, which he does by no means approve
of, gives him, that which he believes to be the fittest recompense of
all merit, just nothing. He believes that the King's restoration being
upon his birthday, he is bound to observe it all the days of his life,
and grant, as some other kings have done upon the same occasion,
whatever is demanded of him, though it were the one-half of his kingdom.