pillows under me, to give the blank of his aim a more favourable
elevation, and another Under my head, in ease of it; then spreading my
thighs, and placing himself standing betwen them, made them rest upon
his; applying then the point of his machine to the slit, into which he
sought entrance, it was so small, he could scarce assure himself of its
being rightly pointed. He looks, he feels, and satisfies himself: there
driving on with fury, its prodigious stiffness, thus impacted,
wedgelike, breaks the union of those parts, and gained him just the
insertion of the tip of it, lip deep; which being sensible of, he
improved his advantage, and following well his stroke, in a straight
line, forcibly deepens his penetration; but put me to such intolerable
pain, from the separation of the sides of that soft passage by a hard
thick body, I could have screamed out; but, as I was unwilling to alarm
the house, I held in my breath, and crammed my petticoat, which was;
turned up over my face, into my mouth, and bit it through in the agony.
At length, the tender texture of that tract giving way to such fierce
tearing and rending, he pierced something further into me: and now,
outrageous and no longer his own master, but borne headlong away by the
fury and over-mettle of that member, now exerting itself with a kind of
native rage, he breaks in, carries all before him, and one violent
merciless lunge, sent it, imbrued, and reeking with virgin blood, up to
the very hilt in me... Then! then all my resolution deserted me: I
screamed out, and fainted away with the sharpness of the pain; and, as
he told me afterwards, on his drawing out, when emission was over with
him, my thighs were instantly all in a stream of blood, that flowed
from the wounded torn passage.
When I recovered my senses, I found myself undressed and a-bed, in the
arms of the sweet relenting murderer of my virginity, who hung mourning
tenderly over me, and holding in his hand a cordial, which, coming from
the still dear author of so much pain, I could not refuse; my eyes,
however, moistened with tears, and languishingly turned upon him,
seemed to reproach him with his cruelty, and ask him, if such were the
rewards of love. But Charles, to whom I was now infinitely endeared by
his complete triumph over a maidenhead, where he so little expected to
find one, in tenderness to that pain which he had put me to, in
procuring himself the height of pleasure, smothered his exultation, and
employed himself with so much sweetness, so much warmth, to sooth, to
caress, and comfort me in my soft complainings, which breathed, indeed,
more love than resentment, that I presently drowned all sense of pain
in the pleasure of seeing him, of thinking that I belonged to him: he
who was now the absolute disposer of my happiness, and, in one word, my
fate.
The sore was, however, too tender, the wound too bleeding fresh, for
Charles’s good-nature to put my patience presently to another trial;
but as I could not stir, or walk a-cross the room, he ordered the
dinner to be brought to the bed side, where it could not be otherwise
than my getting down the wing of a fowl, and two or three glasses of
wine, since it was my adored youth who both served, and urged them on
me, with that sweet irresistible authority with which love had invested
him over me.
After dinner, and everything but the wine was taken away, Charles very
impudently asks a leave, he might read the grant of in my eyes, to come
to bed to me, and accordingly falls to undressing; which I could not
see the progress of without strange emotions of fear and pleasure.
He is now in bed with me the first time, and in broad day; but when
thrusting up his own shirt and my shift, he laid his naked glowing body
to mine... oh insupportable delight! oh! superhuman rapture! what pain
could stand before a pleasure so transporting? I felt no more the smart
of my wounds below; but, curling round him like the tendril of a vine,
as if I feared any part of him should be untouched or unpressed by me,
I returned his strenuous embraces and kisses with a fervour and gust
only known to true love, and which mere lust never rise to.
Yes, even at this time, that all the tyranny of the passions is fully
over, and that my veins roll no longer but a cold tranquil stream, the
remembrance of those passages that most affected me in my youth, still
cheers and refreshes me; let me proceed then. My beauteous youth was
now glued to me in all the folds and twists that we could make our
bodies meet in; when, no longer able to rein in the fierceness of
refreshed desires, he gives his steed the head, and gently insinuating
his thighs between mine, stopping my mouth with kisses of humid fire,
makes a fresh eruption, and renewing his thrusts, pierces, tears, and
forces his way up the torn tender folds, that yielded him admission
with a smart little less severe that when the breach was first made I
stifled, however, my cries, and bore him with the passive fortitude of
an heroine; soon his thrusts, more and more furious, cheeks flushed
with a deeper scarlet, his eyes turned up in the fervent fit, some
dying sighs, and an agonizing shudder, announced the approaches of that
ecstatic pleasure, I was yet in too much pain to come in for my share
of.
Nor was it till after a few enjoyments had numbed and blunted the sense
of the smart, and given me to feel the titillating inspersion of
balsamic sweets, drew from me the delicious return, and brought down
all my passion, that I arrived at excess of pleasure through excess of
pain. But, when successive engagements had broke and inured me, I began
to enter into the true unalloyed relish of that pleasure of pleasures,
when the warm gush darts through all the ravished inwards; what floods
of bliss! what melting transports! what agonies of delight! too fierce,
too mighty for nature to sustain?... well has she therefore, no doubt
provided the relief of a delicious momentary dissolution, the
approaches of which are intimated by a dear delirium, a sweet thrill,
on the point of emitting those liquid sweets, in which enjoyment itself
is drowned, when one gives the languishing stretch out, and die at the
discharge.
How often, when the rage and tumult of my senses had subsided, after
the melting flow, have I, in a tender meditation, asked myself cooly
the question, if it was in nature for any of its creatures to be so
happy as I was? Or, what were all fears of the consequence, put in the
scale of one night’s enjoyment, of any thing so transcendently the
taste of my eyes and heart, as that delicious, fond, matchless youth.
Thus we spent the whole afternoon, till supper time in a continued
circle of love delights, kissing, turtle-billing, toying, and all the
rest of the feast. At length, supper was served in, before which
Charles had, for I do not know what reason, slipped his clothes on; and
sitting down by the bed side, we made table and tablecloth of the bed
and sheets, whilst he suffered nobody to attend or serve but himself.
He ate with a very good appetite, and seemed charmed to see me eat. For
my part, I was so transported with the comparison of the delights I now
swam in, with the insipidity of all my past scenes of life, that I
thought them sufficiently cheap, at even the price of my ruin, or the
risk of their not lasting. The present possession was all my little
head could find room for.
We lay together that night, when, after playing repeated prizes of
pleasure, nature, overspent and satisfied, gave us up to the arms of
sleep: those of my dear youth encircled me, the consciousness of which
made even that sleep more delicious.
Late in the morning I waked, first; and observing my lover slept
profoundly, softly disengaged myself from his arms, scarcely daring to
breathe, for fear of shortening his repose; my cap, my hair, my shift,
were all in disorder, from the rufflings I had undergone; and I took
this opportunity to adjust and set them as well as I could: whilst,
every now and then, looking at the sleeping youth, with inconceivable
fondness and delight, and reflecting on all the pain he had put me to,
tacitly owned that the pleasure had overpaid me for my sufferings.
It was then broad day. I was sitting up in the bed, the clothes of
which were all tossed, or rolled off, by the unquietness of our
motions, from the sultry heat of the weather; nor could I refuse myself
a pleasure that solicited me so irresistibly, as this fair occasion of
feasting my sight with all those treasures of youthful beauty I had
enjoyed, and which lay now almost entirely naked, his shirt being
trussed up in a perfect wisp, which the warmth of the season and room
made me easy about the consequence of. I hung over him enamoured
indeed! and devoured all his naked charms with only two eyes, when I
could have wished them at least an hundred for the fuller enjoyment of
the gaze.
Oh! could I paint his figure as I see it now, still present to my
transported imagination! a whole length of an all perfect manly beauty
in full view. Think of a face without a fault, glowing with all the
opening bloom and verdant freshness of an age, in which beauty is of
either sex, and which the first down over his upper lip scarce began to
distinguish.
The parting of the double ruby pout of his lips seemed to exhale an air
sweeter and purer than what it drew in: ah! what violence did it not
cost me to refrain the so tempted kiss!
Then a neck exquisitely turned, graved behind and on the sides with
fais hair, playing freely in natural ringlets, connected his head to a
body of the most perfect form, and of the most vigorous contexture, in
which all the strength of manhood was concealed, and softened to
appearance by the delicacy of his complexion, the smoothness of his
skin, and the plumpness of his flesh.
The platform of his snow white bosom, that was laid out in a manly
proportion, presented, on the vermilion summit of each pap, the idea of
a rose about to blow.
Nor did his shirt hinder me from observing the symmetry of his limbs,
that exactness of shape, in the fall of it towards the loins, where the
waist ends and the rounding swell of the hips commences; where the
skin, sleek, smooth, and dazzling white, burnishes on; the stretch-over
firm, plump, ripe flesh, that crimped’ and ran into dimples at the
least pressure, or that the touch could not rest upon, but slid over on
the surface of the most polished ivory.
His thighs, finely fashioned, and with a florid glossy roundness,
gradually tapering away to the knees, seemed pillars worthy to support
that beauteous frame at the bottom of which I could not, without some
remains of terror, some tender emotions too, fix my eyes on that
terrible machine, which had, not long before, with such fury broke
into, torn, and almost ruined those soft, tender parts of mine, that
had not yet done smarting with the effects of its rage; but behold it
now! crest fallen, reclining its half-caped vermilion head over one of
his thighs, quiet, pliant, and to all appearances incapable of the
mischiefs and cruelty it had committed. Then the beautiful growth of
the hair, in short and soft curls round its roots, its whiteness,
branched veins, the supple softness of the shaft, as it lay
foreshortened, rolled and shrunk up into a squat thickness, languid,
and borne up from between his thighs, by its globular appendage, that
wondrous treasure bag of nature’s sweets, which revelled round, and
pursed up in the only wrinkles that are known to please, perfected the
prospect, and altogether formed the most interesting moving picture in
nature, and surely infinitely superior to those nudities furnished by
the painters, statuaries, or any art, which are purchased at immense
prices; whilst the sight of them in actual life is scarce sovereignly
tasted by any but the few whom nature has endowed with a fire of
imagination, warmly pointed by a truth of judgment to the spring-head,
the originals of beauty, of nature’s unequalled composition, above all
the imitations of art, or the reach of wealth to pay their price.
But every thing must have an end. A motion made by this angelic youth,
in the listlessness of goingoff sleep, replaced his shirt and the bed
clothes in a posture that shut up that treasury from longer view.
I lay down then, and carrying my hands to that part of me in which the
objects just seen had begun to raise a mutiny, that prevailed over the
smart of them, my fingers now opened themselves an easy passage; but
long I had not time to consider the wide difference there, between the
maid and the now finished woman, before Charles waked, and turning
towards me, kindly enquired how I had rested? and, scarce giving me
time to answer, imprinted on my lips one of his burning rapture kisses,
which darted a flame to my heart, that from thence radiated to every
part of me; and presently, as if he had proudly meant revenge for the
survey I had smuggled of all his naked beauties, he spurns off the bed
clothes, and trussing up my shift as high as it would go, took his turn
to feast his eyes on all the gifts nature had bestowed on my person;
his busy hands, too, ranged intemperately over every part of me. The
delicious austerity and hardness of my yet unripe budding breasts, the
whiteness and firmness of my flesh, the freshness and regularity of my
features, the harmony of my limbs, all seemed to confirm him in his
satisfaction with his bargain; but when curious to explore the havock
he had made in the centre of his over fierce attack, he not only
directed his hands there, but with a pillow put under, placed me
favourably for his wanton purpose of inspection. Then, who can express
the fire his eyes glistened, his hands glowed with! whilst sighs of
pleasure, and tender broken exclamations, were all the praises he could
utter. By this time his machine, stiffly risen at me, gave me to see it
in its highest state and bravery. He feels it himself, seems pleased at
its condition, and, smiling loves and graces, seizes one of my hands,
and carries it, with gentle compulsion, to this pride of nature, and
its richest master piece.
I, struggling faintly, could not help feeling what I could not grasp, a
column of the whitest ivory, beautifully streaked with blue veins, and
carrying, fully un-capt, a head of the liveliest vermilion: no horn
could be harder or stiffer; yet no velvet more smooth or delicious to
the touch. Presently he guided my hand lower, to that part in which
nature, and pleasure keep their stores in concert, so aptly fastened
and hung on to the root of their first instrument and minister, that
not improperly he might be styled their purse-bearer too: there he made
me feel distinctly, through their soft cover, the contents, a pair of
roundish balls, that seemed to play within, and elude all pressure, but
the tenderest, from without.
But now this visit of my soft, warm hand, in those so sensible parts,
had put every thing into such ungovernable fury, disdaining all further
preluding, and taking advantage of my commodious posture, he made the
storm fall where I scarce patiently expected, and where he was sure to
lay it: presently, then, I felt the stiff intersection betwen the
yielding, divided lips of the wound, now open for life; where the
narrowness no longer put me to intolerable pain, and afforded my lover
no more difficulty than what heightened his pleasure, in the strict
embrace of that tender, warm sheath, round the instrument it was so
delicately adjusted to, and which now cased home, so gorged me with
pleasure, that it perfectly suffocated me and took away my breath; then
the killing thrusts! the unnumbered kisses! every one of which was a
joy inexpressible; and that joy lost in a crowd of yet greater blisses!
But this was a disorder too violent in nature to last long: the
vessels, so stirred and intensely heated, soon boiled over, and for
that time put out the fire; meanwhile all this dalliance and disport
had so far consumed the morning, that it became a kind of necessity to
lay breakfast and dinner into one.
In our calmer intervals Charles gave the following account of himself,
every tittle of which was true. He was the only son of a father, who,
having a small post in the revenue, rather overlived his income, and
had given this young gentleman a very slender education: no profession
had he bred him up to, but designed to provide for him in the army, by
purchasing him an ensign’s commission, that is to say, provided he
could raise the money, or procure it by interest, either of which
clauses was rather to be wished than hoped for by him. On no better a
plan, however, had his improvident father suffered this youth, a youth
of great promise, to run up to the age of manhood, or near it at least,
in next to idleness; and had, besides, taken no sort of pains to give
him even the common premonitions against the vices of the town, and the
dangers of all sorts which wait the unexperienced and unwary in it. He
lived at home, and at discretion with his father, who himself kept a
mistress; and for the rest, provided Charles did not ask him for money,
he was indolently kind to him: he might lie out when he pleased, any
excuse would serve, and even his reprimands were so slight, that they
carried with them rather an air of connivance at the fault, than any
serious control or constraint. But, to supply his calls for money,
Charles, whose mother was dead, had, by her side, a grandmother, who
doated upon him. She had a considerable annuity to live on, and very
regularly parted with every shilling she could spare, to this darling
of her’s, to the no little heart-burn of his father; who was vexed, not
that she, by this means, fed his son’s extravagance, but that she
preferred Charles to himself; and we shall too soon see what a fatal
turn such a mercenary jealousy could operate on the breast of a father.
Charles was, however, by the means of his grandmother’s lavish
fondness, very sufficiently enabled to keep a mistress, so easily
contented as my love made me; and my good fortune, for such I must ever
call it, threw me in his way, in the manner above related, just as he
was on the look-out for one.
As to temper, the even sweetness of it made him seem born for domestic
happiness: tender, naturally polite, and gentle-manner’d; it could
never be his fault, if ever jars, or animosities ruffled a calm he was
so qualified every way to maintain or restore. Without those great or
shining qualities that constitute a genius, or are fit to make a noise
in the world, he had all those humble ones that compose the softer
social merit: plain common sense, set off with every grace of modesty
and good nature, made him, if not admired, what is much happier:
universally beloved and esteemed. But, as nothing but the beauties of
his person had at first attracted my regard and fixed my passion,
neither was I then a judge of the internal merit, which I had
afterwards full occasion to discover, and which, perhaps, in that
season of giddiness and levity, would have touched my heart very
little, had it been lodged in a person less the delight of my eyes, and
idol of my senses. But to return to our situation.
After dinner, which we ate a-bed in most voluptuous disorder, Charles
got up, and taking a passionate leave of me for a few hours, went to
town, where concerting matters with a young sharp lawyer, they went
together to my late venerable mistress’s, from whence I had, but the
day before, made my elopement, and with whom he was determined to
settle accounts, in a manner that should cut off all after reckonings
from that quarter.
Accordingly they went; but by the way, the Templar, his friend, on
thinking over Charles’s information, saw reason to give their visit
another turn, and, instead of offering satisfaction, to demand it.
On being let in, the girls of the house flocked round Charles, whom
they knew, and from the earlyness of my escape, and their perfect
ignorance of his ever having so much as seen me, not having the least
suspicion of his being accessory to my flight, they were, in their way,
making up to him; and as to his companion, they took him probably for a
fresh cully. But the Templar soon checked their forwardness, by
enquiring for the old lady, with whom he said, with a grave-like
countenance, that he had some business to settle.
Madam was immediately sent for down, and the ladies being desired to
clear the room, the lawyer asked her, severely, if she did know, or had
not decoyed, under pretence of hiring as a servant, a young girl, just
come out of the country, called Frances or Fanny Hill, describing me
withal as particularly as he could from Charlie’s description.
It is peculiar to vice to tremble at the enquiries of justice; and Mrs.
Brown, whose conscience was not entirely clear upon my account, as
knowing as she was of the town as hackneyed as she was in bluffing
through all the dangers of her vocation, could not help being alarmed
at the questions, especially when he went on to talk of a Justice of
peace, Newgate, the Old Bailey, indictments for keeping a disorderly
house, pillory, carting, and the whole process of that nature. She,
who, it is likely, imagined I had lodged an information against her
house, looked extremely blank, and began to make a thousand
protestations and excuses. However, to abridge, they brought away
triumphantly my box of things, which, had she not ben under an awe, she
might have disputed with them; and not only that, but a clearance and
discharge of any demands on the house, at the expense of no more than a
bowl of arrack-punch, the treat of which, together with the choice of
the house conveniences, was offered and not accepted. Charles all the
time acted the chance companion of the lawyer, who had brought him
there, as he knew the house, and appeared in no wise interested in the
issue; but he had the collateral pleasure of hearing all that I told
him verified, as far as the bawd’s fears would give her leave to enter
into my history, which, if one may guess by the composition she so
readily came into, were not small.
Phœbe, my kind tutoress Phœbe, was at the time gone out, perhaps in
search of me, or their cooked-up story had not, it is probable, passed
smoothly.
This negociation had, however, taken up some time, which would have
appeared much longer to me, left as I was, in a strange house, if the
landlady, a motherly sort of a woman, to whom Charles had liberally
recommended me, had not come up and borne me company. We drank tea, and
her chat helped to pass away the time very agreeably, since he was our
theme; but as the evening deepened, and the hour set for his return was
elapsed, I could not dispel the gloom of impatience, and tender fears
which gathered upon me, and which our timid sex are apt to feel in
proportion to their love.
Long, however, I did not suffer: the sight of him over-paid me; and the
soft reproach I had prepared for him, expired before it reached my
lips.
I was still a-bed, yet unable to use my legs otherwise than awkwardly,
and Charles flew to me, catches me in his arms, raised and extending
mine to meet his dear embrace, and gives me an account, interrupted by
many a sweet parenthesis of kisses, of the success of his measures.
I could not help laughing at the fright of the old woman had been put
into, which my ignorance, and indeed my want of innocence, had far from
prepared me from bespeaking. She had, it seems, apprehended that I fled
the shelter to some relation I had recollected in town, on my dislike
of their ways and proceedings towards me, and that this application
came from thence; for, as Charles had rightly judged, not one neighbour
had, at that still hour, seen the circumstance of my escape into the
coach, or, at least, noticed him; neither had any in the house, the
least hint of suspicion of my having spoken to him, much less of my
having clapt up such a sudden bargain with a perfect stranger, thus the
greatest improbability is not always what we should most mistrust.
We supped with all the gaiety of two young giddy creatures at the top
of their desires; and as I had given up to Charles the whole charge of
my future happiness, I thought of nothing beyond the exquisite pleasure
of possessing him.
He came to bed in due time; and this second night, the pain being
pretty well over, I tasted, in full draught, all the transports of
perfect enjoyment: I swam, I bathed in bliss, till both fell asleep,
through the natural consequences of satisfied desires, and appeased
flames; nor did we wake but to renewed raptures.