Pat—“Well, Mike, I just saw a doctor about my loss of memory.”
Mike—“What did he do?”
Pat—“He made me pay in advance.”
_Questions and Answers_
=_Dear Breezy Bill_=—“What’s the tallest tree you ever have seen?”—=_Ella
Mental._=
Up at Pequot we have a tree that is so big it takes two men to look at
it; one man looks up at it as far as he can and the other man begins
where the first left off.
* * * * *
=_Dear Captain Billy_=—I often have heard that there are lots of cows
that do not give milk during the summer. Is this true?—=_O. Shoot._=
Yes, in a way, but the next time anyone says such things you just tell
them it’s “bull.”
* * * * *
=_Dear Captain Billy_=—I am a girl fourteen years old and have a dog
named Toddles. Should I let a boy of fifteen hug me?—=_Dot._=
No, go in the house, and take the dog in, too.
* * * * *
=_Dear Captain Billy_=—I met a guy at a dance, he kissed me during the
moonlight waltz. What shall I do?—=_Helen._=
Lay off the moonlight waltzes.
* * * * *
=_Dear Captain Billy_=—Could you tell me when Cuba was discovered?—=_Hi
Drant._=
July 1, 1919.
* * * * *
=_Dear Captain Billy_=—I am a young man only seventeen years old.
My mother says I shouldn’t play with any rough girls. What shall I
do?—=_Percy._=
Do as your mother tells you, you little rascal.
* * * * *
=_Dear Captain Billy_=—I am a boy eighteen years old and am in love
with a bootlegger’s daughter. How can I tell her that I love her—=_Al.
Hambra._=
Send me her address.
* * * * *
=_Dear Captain Billy_=—What are the secrets of success?—=_Harold
Lloydette._=
“Push,” said the button; “Take Pains,” said the window; “Never be led,”
said the pencil; “Be up to date,” said the calendar; “Always keep cool,”
said the ice; “Never lose your head,” said the hammer; “Make light of
everything,” said the fire; “Find a good thing and stick to it,” said the
glue.
* * * * *
=_Dear Old Skip_=—What are goofus feathers?—=_U. N. Omeal._=
The fuzz on a peach.
* * * * *
=_Dear Admiral_=—What is the easiest way to catch a whiffempoof?—=_A.
Fisher._=
Throw a plug of tobacco in the water and hit him on the head with a club
when he comes up to spit.
* * * * *
=_Dear Captain Bill_=—Why is it that flies can’t see in the winter
time?—=_I. C. Fairlywell._=