possession of Ecclesdown.*
* Dunkirk.
When John had got into his castle he seemed like Ulysses upon his plank
after he had been well soused in salt water, who, as Homer says, was as
glad as a judge going to sit down to dinner after hearing a long cause
upon the bench. I daresay John Bull's joy was equal to that of either
of the two; he skipped from room to room, ran up-stairs and down-stairs,
from the kitchen to the garrets, and from the garrets to the kitchen;
he peeped into every cranny; sometimes he admired the beauty of the
architecture and the vast solidity of the mason's work; at other times
he commended the symmetry and proportion of the rooms. He walked about
the gardens; he bathed himself in the canal, swimming, diving, and
beating the liquid element like a milk-white swan. The hall resounded
with the sprightly violin and the martial hautbois. The family tripped
it about, and capered like hailstones bounding from a marble floor.
Wine, ale, and October flew about as plentifully as kennel-water. Then
a frolic took John in the head to call up some of Nic. Frog's pensioners
that had been so mutinous in his family.
JOHN BULL.--Are you glad to see your master in Ecclesdown Castle?
ALL.--Yes, indeed, sir.
JOHN BULL.--Extremely glad?
ALL.--Extremely glad, sir.
JOHN BULL.--Swear to me that you are so.
Then they began to sink their souls to the lowest pit if any person in
the world rejoiced more than they did.
JOHN BULL.--Now hang me if I don't believe you are a parcel of perjured
rascals; however, take this bumper of October to your master's health.
Then John got upon the battlements, and looking over he called to Nic.
Frog.--
"How d'ye do, Nic.? D'ye see where I am, Nic.? I hope the cause goes
on swimmingly, Nic. When dost thou intend to go to Claypool, Nic.? Wilt
thou buy there some high heads of the newest cut for my daughters? How
comest thou to go with thy arm tied up? Has old Lewis given thee a rap
over thy fingers' ends? Thy weapon was a good one when I wielded it, but
the butt-end remains in my hands. I am so busy in packing up my goods
that I have no time to talk with thee any longer. It would do thy heart
good to see what wagon-loads I am preparing for market. If thou wantest
any good office of mine, for all that has happened I will use thee well,
Nic. B'ye, Nic."
POSTSCRIPT.
It has been disputed amongst the literati of Grub Street whether Sir
Humphry proceeded any farther into the history of John Bull. By diligent
inquiry we have found the titles of some chapters, which appear to be a
continuation of it, and are as follow:--
CHAP. I.--How John was made angry with the Articles of Agreement. How he
kicked the Parchment through the House, up-stairs and down-stairs, and
put himself in a great Heat thereby.
CHAP. II.--How in his Passion he was going to cut off Sir Roger's head
with a Cleaver. Of the strange manner of Sir Roger's escaping the blow,
by laying his Head upon the Dresser.
CHAP. III.--How some of John's Servants attempted to scale his House
with Rope Ladders, and how many unfortunately dangled in the same.
CHAP. IV.--Of the Methods by which John endeavoured to preserve the
Peace amongst his Neighbours. How he kept a pair of Stillyards to weigh
them, and by Diet, Purging, Vomiting, and Bleeding, tried to bring them
to equal Bulk and Strength.
CHAP. V.--Of False Accounts of the Weights given in by some of the
Journeymen, and of the Newmarket Tricks that were practised at the
Stillyards.
CHAP. VI.--How John's New Journeymen brought him other guess Accounts of
the Stillyards.
CHAP. VII.--How Sir Swain Northy* was, by Bleeding, Purging, and a Steel
Diet, brought into a Consumption, and how John was forced afterwards to
give him the Gold Cordial.
* King of Sweden.
CHAP. VIII.--How Peter Bear* was overfed, and afterwards refused to
submit to the course of Physic.
* Czar of Muscovy.
CHAP. IX.--How John pampered Esquire South with Tit-bits, till he grew
wanton; how he got drunk with Calabrian Wine, and longed for Sicilian
Beef, and how John carried him thither in his barge.
CHAP. X.--How the Esquire, from a foul-feeder, grew dainty: how he
longed for Mangoes, Spices, and Indian Birds' Nests, etc., and could not
sleep but in a Chintz Bed.
CHAP. XI.--The Esquire turned Tradesman; how he set up a China Shop*
over against Nic. Frog.
* The Ostend Company.
CHAP. XII.--How he procured Spanish Flies to blister his Neighbours, and
as a Provocative to himself. As likewise how he carried off Nic. Frog's
favourite Daughter.
CHAP. XIII.--How Nic. Frog, hearing the Girl squeak, went to call John
Bull as a Constable.
CHAP. XIV.--How John rose out of his Bed on a cold Morning to prevent a
Duel between Esq. South and Lord Strutt; how, to his great surprise,
he found the Combatants drinking Geneva in a Brandy Shop, with Nic.'s
favourite Daughter between them; how they both fell upon John, so that
he was forced to fight his way out.
CHAP. XV.--How John came with his Constable's Staff to rescue Nic.'s
Daughter, and break the Esquire's China Ware.
CHAP. XVI.--Commentary upon the Spanish Proverb, "Time and I against
any Two;" or Advice to Dogmatical Politicians exemplified in some New
Affairs between John Bull and Lewis Baboon.
CHAP. XVII.--A Discourse of the delightful Game of Quadrille. How Lewis
Baboon attempted to play a Game Solo in Clubs, and was bested; how John
called Lewis for his King, and was afraid that his own Partner should
have too many tricks; and how the Success and Skill of Quadrille depends
upon calling a right King.
End of Project Gutenberg's The History of John Bull, by John Arbuthnot