between them. *
* Private negotiations about Dunkirk.
I think it is but ingenuous to acquaint the reader that this chapter was
not wrote by Sir Humphrey himself, but by another very able pen of the
university of Grub Street.
John had, by some good instructions given him by Sir Roger, got the
better of his choleric temper, and wrought himself up to a great
steadiness of mind to pursue his own interest through all impediments
that were thrown in the way. He began to leave off some of his old
acquaintance, his roaring and bullying about the streets. He put on
a serious air, knit his brows, and, for the time, had made a very
considerable progress in politics, considering that he had been kept a
stranger to his own affairs. However, he could not help discovering
some remains of his nature when he happened to meet with a football or a
match at cricket, for which Sir Roger was sure to take him to task.
John was walking about his room with folded arms and a most thoughtful
countenance. His servant brought him word that one Lewis Baboon below
wanted to speak with him. John had got an impression that Lewis was so
deadly cunning a man that he was afraid to venture himself alone with
him. At last he took heart of grace. "Let him come up," quoth he; "it is
but sticking to my point, and he can never over-reach me."
LEWIS BABOON.--Monsieur Bull, I will frankly acknowledge that my
behaviour to my neighbours has been somewhat uncivil, and I believe you
will readily grant me that I have met with usage accordingly. I was fond
of back-sword and cudgel-play from my youth, and I now bear in my
body many a black and blue gash and scar, God knows. I had as good a
warehouse and as fair possessions as any of my neighbours, though I say
it. But a contentious temper, flattering servants, and unfortunate stars
have brought me into circumstances that are not unknown to you. These
my misfortunes are heightened by domestic calamities. That I need not
relate. I am a poor old battered fellow, and I would willingly end my
days in peace. But, alas! I see but small hopes of that, for every new
circumstance affords an argument to my enemies to pursue their revenge.
Formerly I was to be banged because I was too strong, and now because
I am too weak to resist; I am to be brought down when too rich, and
oppressed when too poor. Nic. Frog has used me like a scoundrel. You are
a gentleman, and I freely put myself in your hands to dispose of me as
you think fit.
JOHN BULL.--Look you, Master Baboon, as to your usage of your
neighbours, you had best not dwell too much upon that chapter. Let it
suffice at present that you have been met with. You have been rolling a
great stone up-hill all your life, and at last it has come tumbling down
till it is like to crush you to pieces. Plain-dealing is best. If you
have any particular mark, Mr. Baboon, whereby one may know when you fib
and when you speak truth, you had best tell it me, that one may proceed
accordingly. But since at present I know of none such, it is better that
you should trust me than that I should trust you.
LEWIS BABOON.--I know of no particular mark of veracity amongst us
tradesmen but interest; and it is manifestly mine not to deceive you at
this time. You may safely trust me, I can assure you.
JOHN BULL.--The trust I give is, in short, this: I must have something
in hand before I make the bargain, and the rest before it is concluded.
LEWIS BABOON.--To show you I deal fairly, name your something.
JOHN BULL.--I need not tell thee, old boy; thou canst guess.
LEWIS BABOON.--Ecclesdown Castle,* I'll warrant you, because it has been
formerly in your family. Say no more; you shall have it.
* Dunkirk.
JOHN BULL.--I shall have it to my own self?
LEWIS BABOON.--To thine own self.
JOHN BULL.--Every wall, gate, room, and inch of Ecclesdown Castle, you
say?
LEWIS BABOON.--Just so.
JOHN BULL.--Every single stone of Ecclesdown Castle, to my own self,
speedily?
LEWIS BABOON.--When you please; what needs more words?
JOHN BULL.--But tell me, old boy, hast thou laid aside all thy
equivocals and mentals in this case?
LEWIS BABOON.--There's nothing like matter of fact; seeing is believing.
JOHN BULL.--Now thou talkest to the purpose; let us shake hands, old
boy. Let me ask thee one question more; what hast thou to do to meddle
with the affairs of my family? to dispose of my estate, old boy?
LEWIS BABOON.--Just as much as you have to do with the affairs of Lord
Strutt.
JOHN BULL.--Ay, but my trade, my very being was concerned in that.
LEWIS BABOON.--And my interest was concerned in the other. But let us
drop both our pretences; for I believe it is a moot point, whether I am
more likely to make a Master Bull, or you a Lord Strutt.
JOHN BULL.--Agreed, old boy; but then I must have security that I shall
carry my broadcloth to market, old boy.
LEWIS BABOON.--That you shall: Ecclesdown Castle! Ecclesdown! Remember
that. Why wouldst thou not take it when it was offered thee some years
ago?
JOHN BULL.--I would not take it, because they told me thou wouldst not
give it me.
LEWIS BABOON.--How could Monsieur Bull be so grossly abused by downright
nonsense? they that advised you to refuse, must have believed I intended
to give, else why would they not make the experiment? But I can tell you
more of that matter than perhaps you know at present.
JOHN BULL.--But what say'st thou as to the Esquire, Nic. Frog, and the
rest of the tradesmen? I must take care of them.
LEWIS BABOON.--Thou hast but small obligations to Nic. to my certain
knowledge: he has not used me like a gentleman.
JOHN BULL.--Nic. indeed is not very nice in your punctilios of ceremony;
he is clownish, as a man may say: belching and calling of names have
been allowed him time out of mind, by prescription: but, however, we are
engaged in one common cause, and I must look after him.
LEWIS BABOON.--All matters that relate to him, and the rest of the
plaintiff's in this lawsuit, I will refer to your justice.