A Copy* of Nic. Frog's Letter to John Bull.
[John Bull reads.]
FRIEND JOHN,--What schellum is it that makes thee jealous of thy old
friend Nicholas? Hast thou forgot how some years ago he took thee out
of the sponging-house?** ['Tis true, my friend Nic. did so, and I thank
him; but he made me pay a swinging reckoning.] Thou beginnest now to
repent thy bargain that thou wast so fond of; and, if thou durst, would
forswear thy own hand and seal. Thou sayest that thou hast purchased me
too great an estate already, when, at the same time, thou knowest I have
only a mortgage. 'Tis true I have possession, and the tenants own me for
master; but has not Esquire South the equity of redemption? [No doubt,
and will redeem it very speedily; poor Nic. has only possession--eleven
points of the law.] As for the turnpikes*** I have set up, they are
for other people, not for my friend John. I have ordered my servant
constantly to attend, to let thy carriages through without paying
anything; only I hope thou wilt not come too heavy laden to spoil my
ways. Certainly I have just cause of offence against thee, my friend,
for supposing it possible that thou and I should ever quarrel. What
houndsfoot is it that puts these whims in thy head? Ten thousand last of
devils haul me, if I don't love thee as I love my life. [No question, as
the Devil loves holy-water!] Does not thy own hand and seal oblige thee
to purchase for me till I say it is enough? Are not these words plain?
I say it is not enough. Dost thou think thy friend Nicholas Frog made a
child's bargain? Mark the words of thy contract, tota pecunia (with
all thy money). [Very well! I have purchased with my own money, my
children's and my grandchildren's money--is not that enough? Well, tota
pecunia let it be, for at present I have none at all; he would not have
me purchase with other people's money, sure? Since tota pecunia is the
bargain, I think it is plain--no more money, no more purchase.]
And whatever the world may say, Nicholas Frog is but a poor man in
comparison of the rich, the opulent John Bull, great clothier of the
world. I have had many losses, six of my best sheep were drowned, and
the water has come into my cellar, and spoiled a pipe of my best brandy.
It would be a more friendly act in thee to carry a brief about the
country to repair the losses of thy poor friend. Is it not evident to
all the world that I am still hemmed in by Lewis Baboon? Is he not just
upon my borders? [And so he will be if I purchase a thousand acres more,
unless he gets somebody betwixt them.] I tell thee, friend John, thou
hast flatterers that persuade thee that thou art a man of business; do
not believe them. If thou wouldst still leave thy affairs in my hands,
thou shouldst see how handsomely I would deal by thee. That ever thou
shouldst be dazzled with the enchanted islands and mountains of gold
that old Lewis promises thee! 'Dswounds! why dost thou not lay out thy
money to purchase a place at court of honest Israel? I tell thee, thou
must not so much as think of a composition. [Not think of a composition;
that's hard indeed; I can't help thinking of it, if I would.] Thou
complainest of want of money--let thy wife and daughters burn the gold
lace of their petticoats; sell thy fat cattle; retrench but a sirloin
of beef and a peck-loaf in a week from thy gormandising. [Retrench my
beef--a dog! Retrench my beef; then it is plain the rascal has an ill
design upon me--he would starve me.] Mortgage thy manor of Bullock's
Hatch, or pawn thy crop for ten years. [A rogue! part with my
country-seat, my patrimony, all that I have left in the world; I'll
see him hanged first.] Why hast thou changed thy attorney? Can any man
manage thy cause better for thee? [Very pleasant! because a man has a
good attorney, he must never make an end of his law-suit.] Ah, John!
John! I wish thou knewest thine own mind. Thou art as fickle as the
wind. I tell thee, thou hadst better let this composition alone, or
leave it to thy
Loving friend,
Nic. FROG.
* A letter from the States-General.
** Alluding to the Rebellion.
*** The Dutch prohibition of trade.