Family.*
*Quarrels about some of the Articles of Union, particularly
the peerage.
It is an old observation that the quarrels of relations are harder to
reconcile than any other; injuries from friends fret and gall more,
and the memory of them is not so easily obliterated. This is cunningly
represented by one of your old sages called Aesop, in the story of the
bird that was grieved extremely at being wounded with an arrow feathered
with his own wing; as also of the oak that let many a heavy groan when
he was cleft with a wedge of his own timber.
There was no man in the world less subject to rancour than John Bull,
considering how often his good nature has been abused; yet I don't
know but he was too apt to hearken to tattling people that carry tales
between him and his sister Peg, on purpose to sow jealousies and set
them together by the ears. They say that there were some hardships put
upon Peg which had been better let alone; but it was the business
of good people to restrain the injuries on one side and moderate the
resentments on the other--a good friend acts both parts, the one without
the other will not do.
The purchase-money of Peg's farm was ill paid;* then Peg loved a little
good liquor, and the servants shut up the wine-cellar; but for that Peg
found a trick, for she made a false key.** Peg's servants complained
that they were debarred from all manner of business, and never suffered
to touch the least thing within the house; if they offered to come into
the warehouse, then straight went the yard slap over their noddle; if
they ventured into the counting-room a fellow would throw an ink-bottle
at their head; if they came into the best apartment to set anything
there in order, they were saluted with a broom; if they meddled with
anything in the kitchen it was odds but the cook laid them over the pate
with a ladle; one that would have got into the stables was met by two
rascals, who fell to work with him with a brush and a curry-comb; some
climbing up into the coachbox, were told that one of their companions
had been there before that could not drive, then slap went the long whip
about their ears.
* The equivalent not paid.
** Run wine.
On the other hand, it was complained that Peg's servants were always
asking for drink-money; that they had more than their share of the
Christmas-box.* To say the truth, Peg's lads bustled pretty hard for
that, for when they were endeavouring to lock it up they got in their
great fists and pulled out handfuls of halfcrowns, shillings, and
sixpences. Others in the scramble picked up guineas and broad-pieces.
But there happened a worse thing than all this: it was complained that
Peg's servants had great stomachs, and brought so many of their friends
and acquaintance to the table that John's family was like to be eaten
out of house and home. Instead of regulating this matter as it ought to
be, Peg's young men were thrust away from the table; then there was the
devil and all to do--spoons, plates, and dishes flew about the room like
mad, and Sir Roger, who was now Majordomo, had enough to do to quiet
them. Peg said this was contrary to agreement, whereby she was in all
things to be treated like a child of the family. Then she called upon
those that had made her such fair promises, and undertook for her
brother John's good behaviour; but, alas! to her cost she found that
they were the first and readiest to do her the injury. John at last
agreed to this regulation: that Peg's footmen might sit with his
book-keeper, journeymen, and apprentices, and Peg's better sort of
servants might sit with his footmen if they pleased.**
* Endeavoured to get their share of places.
** Articles of Union, whereby they could make a Scot's
commoner, but not a lord a peer.
Then they began to order plum-porridge and minced pies for Peg's dinner.
Peg told them she had an aversion to that sort of food; that upon
forcing down a mess of it some years ago it threw her into a fit till
she brought it up again. Some alleged it was nothing but humour, that
the same mess should be served up again for supper, and breakfast next
morning; others would have made use of a horn, but the wiser sort bid
let her alone, and she might take to it of her own accord.