The Honourable Mister Augustus Headerton, who lived once in yonder villa,
was the youngest of eleven children, and consequently the junior brother
of the noble Lord of Headerton, nephew of the Honourable Justice
Cleaveland, nephew of Admiral Barrymore, K.C.B., &c. &c. &c.; and cousin
first, second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, or seventh remove--to all the
honourables and dishonourables in the country.
When the old earl died, he left four Chancery suits, and a nominal estate
to the heir apparent, to whom he also bequeathed his three younger
brothers and sisters, who had only small annuities from their mother's
fortune, being assured that (to use his own words), "he might _depend_ on
him for the honour of the family, to provide for them handsomely." And so
he did (in his own estimation); his lady sisters had "the run of the
house," and Mr. Augustus Headerton had the run of the stables, the use of
hunters and dogs, and was universally acknowledged to possess "a proper
spirit," because he spent three times more than his income. "He bates the
world and all, for beauty, in a hunting jacket," exclaimed the groom. "He
flies a gate beyant any living sowl I iver seed, and his tallyho, my
jewel--'twould do y'er heart good to hear his tallyho!" said my lord's
huntsman. "He's a generous jontleman as any in the kingdom--I'll say that
for him, any day in the year," echoed the coachman. "He's admired more nor
any jintleman as walks Steven's Green in a month o' Sundays, I'll go bail,"
continued Miss Jenny Roe, the ladies' maid.
"Choose a profession!" Oh! no; impossible. An Irish gentleman choose a
profession! But the Honourable Mr. Augustus Headerton chose a wife, and
threw all his relations, including Lord Headerton, the Honourable Justice
Cleaveland, Admiral Barrymore, K.C.B., and his cousins to the fiftieth
remove, into strong convulsions, or little fits. She, the lady, had sixty
thousand pounds; that, of course, they could not object to. She had eloped
with the Honourable Mr. Augustus Headerton;--mere youthful indiscretion.
She was little and ugly;--that only concerned her husband. She was proud
and extravagant;--those (they said) were lady-like failings. She was
ignorant and stupid;--her sisters-in-law would have pardoned that. She was
vulgar;--that was awkward. Her father was a carcass butcher in Cole's Lane
market--death and destruction!
It could never be forgiven! the cut direct was unanimously agreed on, and
the little lady turned up her little nose in disdain, as her handsome
barouche rolled past the lumbering carriage of the Right Honourable Lord
Headerton. She persuaded her husband to purchase that beautiful villa, in
view of the family domain, that she might have more frequent opportunities
of bringing, as she elegantly expressed it, "the proud beggars to their
trumps;--and why not?--money's money, all the world over." The Honourable
Mister Augustus _depended_ on his agent for the purchase, and some two
thousand and odd pounds were consequently paid, or said to have been paid,
for it, more than its value. And then commenced the general warfare; full
purse and empty head--_versus_ no purse, and old nobility. They had the
satisfaction of ruining each other--the full purse was emptied by
devouring duns, and the old nobility suffered by its connexion with
vulgarity.
"I want to know, Honourable Mister Augustus Headerton"--(the lady always
gave the full name when addressing her husband; she used to say it was all
she got for her money),--"I want to know, Honourable Mister Augustus
Headerton, the reason why the music master's lessons, given to the Misses
Headerton (they were blessed with seven sweet pledges of affection), have
not been paid for? I desired the steward to see to it, and you know I
_depend_ on him to settle these matters."