"The King," says _The Manchester Courier_, "has returned all his German
Orders." So much for the taunt that Britain's object in taking part in
the War was to pick up German orders.
* * *
We hear that, in addition to lowering the lights at night, the
authorities intend, in order to confuse the enemy, to alter the names of
some of our thoroughfares, and a start is to be made with Park Lane,
which is to be changed to Petticoat Lane.
* * *
The KAISER is reported to have received a nice letter from his old
friend ABDUL ("the D----d"), pointing out that it is the fate of some
kind and gentle souls to be misunderstood.
* * *
Matches, it is stated, are required at the front--to put an end, we
believe, to Tommy Atkins' reckless habit of lighting his cigarette by
applying it to the burning fuse of a bomb.
* * *
A Sikh non-commissioned officer has, according to _The Central News_,
delivered himself of the following saying:--"Power is to kings, but time
belongs to the gods. The Indians know how to wait." This will no doubt
call forth an indignant rejoinder from the Teutonic Waiters'
Association.
* * *
"Property insured in London is valued at £1,320,000,000," according to
an announcement made by Lord PEEL last week. One can almost hear the
KAISER smacking his lips.
* * *
At last the authorities have acted, and the premises of a German firm
with concrete foundations have been raided. This bears out the promise
of certain high officials who declared that they would take action when
a concrete example was brought to their notice.
* * *
The official "Eye-Witness" in a recent despatch tells us how a British
subaltern saw, from a wood, an unsuspecting German soldier patrolling
the road. Not caring to shoot his man in cold blood, he gave him a
ferocious kick from behind, at which the startled German ran away with a
yell. This subaltern certainly ought to have figured in "Boots' Roll of
Honour" which was published last week.
* * *
Why, it is being asked, do not the French retaliate for the damage done
by the Germans to their cathedrals and drop bombs on Berlin? The persons
who put this question have evidently never seen Berlin or they would
know that you cannot damage its architecture if you try.
* * *
The KAISER has announced his intention of eating his Christmas dinner in
London. We trust that Mr. MCKENNA and his men will see to it that His
Majesty will, anyhow, find no mince pies here. [NOTE.--"Mince pies"
should be pronounced "mean spies." This greatly improves the paragraph.]
* * *
According to one report which reaches us the KAISER is now beginning to
quibble. He has pointed out that, when he said he would eat his
Christmas dinner at Buckingham Palace, he did not mention which
Christmas.
* * * * *