THE ADVENT OF THE ANGLES: CAUSES WHICH LED TO THE REHABILITATION OF
BRITAIN ON NEW LINES.
With the landing of Hengist and Horsa English history really begins, for
Caesar's capture of the British Isles was of slight importance viewed in
the light of fast-receding centuries. There is little to-day in the
English character to remind one of Caesar, who was a volatile and
epileptic emperor with massive and complicated features.
The rich warm blood of the Roman does not mantle in the cheek of the
Englishman of the present century to any marked degree. The Englishman,
aping the reserve and hauteur of Boston, Massachusetts, is, in fact, the
diametrical antipode of the impulsive, warm-hearted, and garlic-imbued
Roman who revels in assassination and gold ear-bobs.
The beautiful daughter of Hengist formed an alliance with Vortigern, the
royal foreman of Great Britain,--a plain man who was very popular in the
alcoholic set and generally subject to violent lucid intervals which
lasted until after breakfast; but the Saxons broke these up, it is said,
and Rowena encouraged him in his efforts to become his own worst enemy,
and after two or three patent-pails-full of wassail would get him to
give her another county or two, until soon the Briton saw that the Saxon
had a mortgage on the throne, and after it was too late, he said that
immigration should have been restricted.
[Illustration: ROWENA CAPTIVATES VORTIGERN.]
Kent became the first Saxon kingdom, and remained a powerful state for
over a century.
More Saxons now came, and brought with them yet other Saxons with yet
more children, dogs, vodka, and thirst. The breath of a Saxon in a
cucumber-patch would make a peck of pickles per moment.
The Angles now came also and registered at the leading hotels. They were
destined to introduce the hyphen on English soil, and plant the orchards
on whose ancestral branches should ultimately hang the Anglo-Saxon race,
the progenitors of the eminent aristocracy of America.
Let the haughty, purse-proud American--in whose warm life current one
may trace the unmistakable strains of bichloride of gold and
trichinae--pause for one moment to gaze at the coarse features and
bloodshot eyes of his ancestors, who sat up at nights drenching their
souls in a style of nepenthe that it is said would remove moths, tan,
freckles, and political disabilities.
[Illustration: ETHELBERT, KING OF KENT, PROCLAIMED "BRETWALDA."]
The seven states known as the Saxon Heptarchy were formed in the sixth
and seventh centuries, and the rulers of these states were called
"Bretwaldas," or Britain-wielders. Ethelbert, King of Kent, was
Bretwalda for fifty years, and liked it first-rate.
[Illustration: AUGUSTINE KINDLY RECEIVED BY ETHELBERT, KING OF KENT.]
A very good picture is given here showing the coronation of Ethelbert,
copied from an old tin-type now in the possession of an aged and
somewhat childish family in Philadelphia who descended from Ethelbert
and have made no effort to conceal it.
Here also the artist has shown us a graphic picture of Ethelbert
supported by his celebrated ingrowing moustache receiving Augustine.
They both seem pleased to form each other's acquaintance, and the
greeting is a specially appetizing one to the true lover of Art for
Art's sake.
For over one hundred and fifty years the British made a stubborn
resistance to the encroachments of these coarse people, but it was
ineffectual. Their prowess, along with a massive appetite and other hand
baggage, soon overran the land of Albion. Everywhere the rude warriors
of northern Europe wiped the dressing from their coarse red whiskers on
the snowy table-cloth of the Briton.
[Illustration: THEY WIPED THEIR COARSE RED WHISKERS ON THE SNOWY
TABLE-CLOTH.]
In West Wales, or Dumnonia, was the home of King Arthur, so justly
celebrated in song and story. Arthur was more interesting to the poet
than the historian, and probably as a champion of human rights and a
higher civilization should stand in that great galaxy occupied by Santa
Claus and Jack the Giant-Killer.
The Danes or Jutes joined the Angles also at this time, and with the
Saxons spread terror, anarchy, and common drunks all over Albion. Those
who still claim that the Angles were right Angles are certainly
ignorant of English history. They were obtuse Angles, and when bedtime
came and they tried to walk a crack, the historian, in a spirit of
mischief, exclaims that they were mostly a pack of Isosceles Try Angles,
but this doubtless is mere badinage.
They were all savages, and their religion was entirely unfit for
publication. Socially they were coarse and repulsive. Slaves did the
housework, and serfs each morning changed the straw bedding of the lord
and drove the pigs out of the boudoir. The pig was the great social
middle class between the serf and the nobility: for the serf slept with
the pig by day, and the pig slept with the nobility at night.
And yet they were courageous to a degree (the Saxons, not the pigs).
They were fearless navigators and reckless warriors. Armed with their
rude meat-axes and one or two Excalibars, they would take something in
the way of a tonic and march right up to the mouth of the great Thomas
catapult, or fall in the moat with a courage that knew not, recked not
of danger.
Christianity was first preached in Great Britain in 597 A.D., at the
suggestion of Gregory, afterwards Pope, who by chance saw some Anglican
youths exposed for sale in Rome. They were fine-looking fellows, and the
good man pitied their benighted land. Thus the Roman religion was
introduced into England, and was first to turn the savage heart towards
God.
[Illustration: EGBERT GAINS A GREAT VICTORY OVER THE FRENCH INVADERS.]
Augustine was very kindly received by Ethelbert, and invited up to the
house. Augustine met with great success, for the king experienced
religion and was baptized, after which many of his subjects repented and
accepted salvation on learning that it was free. As many as ten thousand
in one day were converted, and Augustine was made Archbishop of
Canterbury. On a small island in the Thames he built a church dedicated
to St. Peter, where now is Westminster Abbey, a prosperous sanctuary
entirely out of debt.
The history of the Heptarchy is one of murder, arson, rapine, assault
and battery, breach of the peace, petty larceny, and the embezzlement of
the enemy's wife.
In 827, Egbert, King of Wessex and Duke of Shandygaff, conquered all his
foes and became absolute ruler of England (Land of the Angles). Taking
charge of this angular kingdom, he established thus the mighty country
which now rules the world in some respects, and which is so greatly
improved socially since those days.
Two distinguished scholars flourished in the eighth century, Bede and
Alcuin. They at once attracted attention by being able to read coarse
print at sight. Bede wrote the Ecclesiastical History of the Angles. It
is out of print now. Alcuin was a native of York, and with the aid of a
lump of chalk and the side of a vacant barn could figure up things and
add like everything. Students flocked to him from all over the country,
and matriculated by the dozen. If he took a fancy to a student, he would
take him away privately and show him how to read.
The first literary man of note was a monk of Whitby named Caedmon, who
wrote poems on biblical subjects when he did not have to monk. His works
were greatly like those of Milton, and especially like "Paradise Lost,"
it is said.
Gildas was the first historian of Britain, and the scathing remarks
made about his fellow-countrymen have never been approached by the most
merciless of modern historians.
The book was highly interesting, and it is a wonder that some
enterprising American publisher has not appropriated it, as the author
is now extremely dead.
[Illustration: A DISCIPLE OF THE LIQUID RELIGION PRACTISED BY THE
SAXON.]