THE VARIOUS ROMAN YOKES: THEIR GROWTH, DEGENERATION, AND FINAL
ELIMINATION.
Agricola no doubt made the Roman yoke easier upon the necks of the
conquered people, and suggested the rotation of crops. He also invaded
Caledonia and captured quite a number of Scotchmen, whom he took home
and domesticated.
Afterwards, in 121 A.D., the emperor Hadrian was compelled to build a
wall to keep out the still unconquered Caledonians. This is called the
"Picts' Wall," and a portion of it still exists. Later, in 208 A.D.,
Severus built a solid wall of stone along this line, and for seventy
years there was peace between the two nations.
Towards the end of the third century Carausius, who was appointed to the
thankless task of destroying the Saxon pirates, shook off his allegiance
to the emperor Diocletian, joined the pirates and turned out Diocletian,
usurping the business management of Britain for some years. But, alas!
he was soon assassinated by one of his own officers before he could
call for help, and the assassin succeeded him. In those days
assassination and inauguration seemed to go hand-in-hand.
[Illustration: ASSASSINATION OF CARAUSIUS.]
After Constantius, who died 306 A.D., came Constantine the Great, his
son by a British princess.
Under Constantine peace again reigned, but the Irish, who desired to
free Ireland even if they had to go abroad and neglect their business
for that purpose, used to invade Constantine's territory, getting him up
at all hours of the night and demanding that he should free Ireland.
These men were then called Picts, hence the expression "picked men."
They annoyed Constantine by coming over and trying to introduce Home
Rule into the home of the total stranger.
The Scots also made turbulent times by harassing Constantine and seeking
to introduce their ultra-religious belief at the muzzle of the crossgun.
Trouble now came in the latter part of the fourth century A.D., caused
by the return of the regular Roman army, which went back to Rome to
defend the Imperial City from the Goths who sought to "stable their
stock in the palace of the Caesars," as the historian so tersely puts
it.
[Illustration: THE PICTS INCULCATING HOME RULE PRINCIPLES.]
In 418 A.D., the Roman forces came up to London for the summer, and
repelled the Scots and Picts, but soon returned to Rome, leaving the
provincial people of London with disdain. Many of the Roman officers
while in Britain had their clothes made in Rome, and some even had their
linen returned every thirty days and washed in the Tiber.
[Illustration: IRRITABILITY OF THE BARBARIAN.]
In 446 A.D., the Britons were extremely unhappy. "The barbarians throw
us into the sea and the sea returns us to the barbarians," they
ejaculated in their petition to the conquering Romans. But the latter
were too busy fighting the Huns to send troops, and in desperation the
Britons formed an alliance with Hengist and Horsa, two Saxon travelling
men who, in 449 A.D., landed on the island of Thanet, and thus ended the
Roman dominion over Britain.
[Illustration: LANDING OF HENGIST AND HORSA.]
The Saxons were at that time a coarse people. They did not allow
etiquette to interfere with their methods of taking refreshment, and,
though it pains the historian at all times to speak unkindly of his
ancestors who have now passed on to their reward, he is compelled to
admit that as a people the Saxons may be truly characterized as a great
National Appetite.
During the palmy days when Rome superintended the collecting of customs
and regulated the formation of corporations, the mining and smelting of
iron were extensively carried on and the "walking delegate" was
invented. The accompanying illustration shows an ancient strike.
[Illustration: DISCOMFORTS OF THE EARLY LABOR AGITATOR.]
Rome no doubt did much for England, for at that time the Imperial City
had 384 streets, 56,567 palaces, 80 golden statues, 2785 bronze statues
of former emperors and officers, 41 theatres, 2291 prisons, and 2300
perfumery stores. She was in the full flood of her prosperity, and had
about 4,000,000 inhabitants.
In those days a Roman Senator could not live on less than $80,000 per
year, and Marcus Antonius, who owed $1,500,000 on his inaugural, March
15, paid it up March 17, and afterwards cleared $720,000,000. This he
did by the strictest economy, which he managed to have attended to by
the peasantry.
Even a literary man in Rome could amass property, and Seneca died worth
$12,000,000. Those were the flush times in Rome, and England no doubt
was greatly benefited thereby; but, alas! "money matters became scarce,"
and the poor Briton was forced to associate with the delirium tremens
and massive digestion of the Saxon, who floated in a vast ocean of lard
and wassail during his waking hours and slept with the cunning little
piglets at night. His earthen floors were carpeted with straw and
frescoed with bones.
Let us not swell with pride as we refer to our ancestors, whose lives
were marked by an eternal combat between malignant alcoholism and
trichinosis. Many a Saxon would have filled a drunkard's grave, but
wabbled so in his gait that he walked past it and missed it.
[Illustration: THE SAXON IDEA OF HEAVEN.]
To drink from the skulls of their dead enemies was a part of their
religion, and there were no heretics among them.[A]
[Footnote A: The artist has very ably shown here a devoted little band
of Saxons holding services in a basement. In referring to it as
"abasement," not the slightest idea of casting contumely or obloquy on
our ancestors is intended by the humble writer of pungent but sometimes
unpalatable truth.]
Christianity was introduced into Britain during the second century, and
later under Diocletian the Christians were greatly persecuted.
Christianity did not come from Rome, it is said, but from Gaul. Among
the martyrs in those early days was St. Alban, who had been converted by
a fugitive priest. The story of his life and death is familiar.
The Bible had been translated, and in 314 A.D. Britain had three
Bishops, viz., of London, Lincoln, and York.