THE THREE PILCHARDS.
"Boo-oom!" echoed Un' Benny Rowett on the Quay, mocking the noise of
the cannonade. "War--bloody war, my hearties! There goes a hundred
pound o' taxpayers' money; an' there go all our pilchards for this
season, the most promisin' in my recollection."
"He'll be tellin' us," suggested a humourist, "that the British Navy
is firin' on pilchards, in the hope there may be a submarine
somewhere amongst 'em."
"I never rose to the height o' puttin' myself into the enemy's mind,"
retorted Un' Benny; "which they tell me, in the newspapers, is the
greatest art o' warfare. I be a modest man, content with
understandin' pilchards; and if you'd ever taken that trouble, Zack
Mennear--Boo-oom! there it goes again!--you'd know that, soon as they
hear gunfire, or feel it--for their senses don't tally with mine, or
even with yours--plumb deep the fish sink. Th' Old Doctor used to
preach that, when sunk, they headed back for Americy; but seein' as
they sunk, and out o' reach o' net, I never could see the matter was
worth pursooin'. The point is, you an' me'll find ourselves poorer
men by Christmas. And that's War, and it hits us men o' peace both
ways. Boo-oom!--plunk goes one hundred pounds o' money to the bottom
o' the sea; an' close after it goes the fish! You may take my word--
'tis first throwin' away the helve and then the hatchet. I could
never see any sense in War, for my part; an' I remember bein' very
much impressed, back at the bye-election, by a little man who came
down uninvited in a check ulster and a straw hat. The Liberal
Committee disowned him, and he was afterwards taken up an' give three
months at Quarter Sessions for payin' his board an' lodgin' somewhere
with a fancy cheque. But he was most impressive, even convincing
while he lasted; and I remember to this day what he told us about the
South African War. 'That War, my friends,' he said, 'has cost us,
first an' last, two hundred an' fifty millions of money--and 'oo
_paid_ for it? You an' me.' Boo-oom! once more! That's the way the
money goes,--an', more by token, here comes Pamphlett to know what
the row's about, an' with the loose cash, I'se wage, fairly skipping
in his trouser-pockets."
Sure enough, Mr Pamphlett, as the cannonade shook the plate-glass
windows of his bank, had started up in some alarm, and was sallying
forth to seek reassurance. For again the inner sheet of the
newspaper, with its reports of the mobilisation of armies and of
embassies taking flight from various European capitals, had engaged
all his attention, and he had missed the advertisement columns.
On his way to ask news of the group of fishermen at the Quay-head he
hurried--and almost without observing him--past Nicky-Nan; who
likewise had hobbled forth to discover the meaning of the uproar,
and, having discovered it, had retired to seat himself on the bollard
outside the "Three Pilchards" and nurse his leg. "What's this firing
about?" asked Mr Pamphlett, arriving in a high state of perspiration.
"I--I gather, from the cool way you men are taking it, that there's
no cause for alarm?"
Now Un' Benny, who found it hard as a rule to bear ill-will toward
any living creature, very cordially disliked Mr Pamphlett--as indeed
did most of the men on the Quay. But whereas the dislike of
nine-tenths of Polpier was helpless as the toad's resentment of the
harrow--since the banker held the strings of sundry Fishing
Companies, and was a hard taskmaster--Un' Benny, with a few chosen
kinsmen, had preserved his independence.
"The kings o' the earth rise up together, sir," answered Un' Benny
very deliberately; "an' by consikence the little fishes take hidin'.
'Tis a poor look-out for our callin'--a wisht poor job altogether!
Fishers and apostles always stood in together, an' War's the
ruination o' both. What with the Gospel gone scat, an' no dividends
this side o' Christmas--"
"I asked you," interrupted Mr Pamphlett, "what that firing means, out
there? It's friendly, of course? A British battleship?"
"As to that," replied Un' Benny, slowly ruminating, "I wouldn' call
it _friendly_ in any man to let off a big-inch gun at anything.
That's not the word I'd choose. And I don't grant 'ee that there's
no danger because we men, as you call us"--here Un' Benny distributed
the emphasis delicately--"happen to be takin' it cool. But if you
ask my opinion, she's a first-class cruiser; an' you hit it off when
you asked, 'What's this firin' about?' 'Firin' about,' that's _of_
it, as I reckon; and aboard of her, belike, the boys that left us o'
Sunday, takin' a little practice to get their hands in. But there!
A guess is a guess; and if you're anxious about it, and'll step into
my boat, sir, we'll put out and make sure."
Mr Pamphlett ignored this proposal. He turned on the other men.
"It's a fine day, anyhow," he said; "and the wind turning
nor'-westerly. If sure she's only a cruiser at practice, why are you
fellows loafing in harbour?"
"As for _that_"--Un' Benny intercepted the question blandly--"they
can answer for their-selves, them that's under obligation to 'ee.
But you started on _me_, an' so I'll be polite an' lead off.
In th' first place, with all this tow-row, the fish be all gone to
bottom; there's not one'll take hook by day nor net by night.
An' next, with a parcel o' reservists pickin' up the gunnery they've
forgot, for a week or so the firin' is apt to be flippant. Yes, Mr
Pamphlett, you can go back to your business an' feel all the easier
in mind every time a bangin' great shell makes ye bob up an' down in
your chair. 'Tis a fine thing to stand here an' feel we've a Navy
protectin' us all; but don't send these poor fellows out to be
protected _too near_." Un' Benny's eyes twinkled a moment. "It does
'em good, too, to take a rest now an' then, an' smoke a pipe, an'
praise the Lord that made 'em Englishmen."
Mr Pamphlett detested Un' Benny's conversation. It always struck him
as significantly meaningless. Again he addressed himself to the
other men.
"What Rowett says about the fish is true enough, I dare say.
When they hear all this noise--"
But Un' Benny took him up, blandly as before. "There's a man, down
to Mevegissey," he said, "that holds 'tis no question of hearin', or
of what you and I do call hearin'. Accordin' to him the fish have a
sixth sense, denied to ordinary Christians--"
"I don't want to hear what this or that fool says at Mevegissey--"
"He's a County Councillor," murmured Un' Benny. "But, to be sure, it
don't follow."
"What _I_ say," pursued Mr Pamphlett, shaking a forefinger at the
group, "is that Rowett may be his own master, but the rest of you
mustn't take it into your heads that because our country happens to
be at war you've an excuse to be idle. 'Business as usual'--that's
my motto: and I doubt if Rowett here will find you a better-paying
one, however long you listen to him." On secure ground now, Mr
Pamphlett faced about, challenging the old man.
"Heigh?" said Un' Benny with a well-affected start of surprise.
"There now!--and I was allowin' you'd had enough o' my chatter.
'Business as usual'"--he looked closely at Mr Pamphlett, and so let
his gaze travel down the street, till it rested meditatively on the
Bank doorway. "'Business as usual' . . . aye to be sure!
Well, well!"
There was nothing in this upon which Mr Pamphlett could retort.
So, after wagging his forefinger again at the group of men, he turned
and left them.
On his way back he came face to face with Nicky-Nan, still solitary
and seated on his bollard; and pulled up before him.
"Oh, by the way, Nanjivell!--I hope you understand that the ejectment
order still holds, and that I can take possession of the premises at
any time?"
"That's as may be," answered Nicky-Nan slowly. "You tell me so, and
I hear you."
"I tell you so, and it's the law. . . . But I've no wish to be hard,
even after the trouble you've given me; and moreover this War may--
er--tend to interpose some delay in one or two small matters I
was--er--projecting. 'Business as usual' is, and has been--as I have
just been telling those fellows yonder--my motto since the early days
of the crisis "--Mr Pamphlett could not accurately remember when he
had first come upon that headline in his newspaper--"'Business as
usual,' but with--er--modifications, of course. As I remember, I
told you yesterday that, if you behave yourself, I may relent so far
as to give you a short grace."
"Thank 'ee," said Nicky-Nan. "I'm behavin' myself--that's to say, so
far as I know."
"But I want to make one or two points very clear to you. In the
first place, what I'm about to say is strictly without prejudice?"
Mr Pamphlett paused, upon a note of interrogation.
"I don't rightly know what that means. But no matter: since you're
sayin' it and I'm not."
"Secondly, if I give you yet a few weeks' grace, it is on condition
that you bring me your rent regularly from this time forward."
"Go on."
"Thirdly, you are to understand plainly that, as I have the power and
the right, so I shall use my own convenience, in ordering you to
quit. Happen this War will last a long time."
"Then 'tis an ill wind that blows good to nobody."
"Happen it may be a short one. Or again, even if it lasts, I may
change my mind and decide to start work on the premises at once.
There may be a depression in the building trade, for example, and
even putting in hand a small job like that would help to restore
public confidence."
"You may give any dam reason you please to yourself," said Nicky-Nan
uncompromisingly, "so long as you don't start palmin' it 'pon me.
I paid Hendy the costs o' the order this morning--which is not to say
that I promise 'ee to act on it. Whatever your reason may be, the
point is you don't propose turnin' me out till further notice--hey?"
"Provided your rent is duly paid up to date."
"Right." Nicky-Nan slid a hand into his trouser-pocket, where his
fingers met the reassuring touch of half-a-dozen sovereigns he
carried there for earnest of his good fortune.
"And on the understanding that I claim possession whenever it suits
me. When I say 'the understanding,' of course, there's no bargain
implied. I am in a position to do as I like at any time. I want to
make that clear."
"Very thoughtful of you."
"Well, I'm glad you're grateful."
"Who said so?"
"At least," answered Mr Pamphlett with rising choler, "you must own
that I have shown you great consideration--great consideration _and_
forbearance." He checked his wrath, being a man who had severely
trained himself to keep his temper in any discussion touching
business. To the observance of this simple rule, indeed, he owed
half his success in life. (During the operation of getting the
better of a fellow-man, it was wellnigh impossible to ruffle Mr
Pamphlett.) "I'll leave you to think it over."
"Thank 'ee," said Nicky-Nan as the banker walked away; and sat on in
the August sunshine, the potable gold of which harmonised with the
tangible gold in his pockets, but so that he, being able to pay the
piper, felt himself in command of the tune. He had ballasted both
pockets with coins. It gave him a wonderful sense of stability, on
the strength of which he had been able to talk with Mr Pamphlett as
one man should with another. And lo! he had prevailed. Obedient to
some subtle sense, Pamphlett had lowered his usual domineering tone,
and was climbing down under the bluff he yet maintained. . . .
Nicky-Nan was not grateful: but already he felt inclined to make
allowance for the fellow. What a mastery money gave!
A voice hailed him from the doorway of the Three Pilchards.
"Mornin', Nicky!"
Nicky-Nan slewed himself about on the bollard, and encountered the
genial gaze of Mr Latter, the landlord. Mr Latter, a retired Petty
Officer of the Navy, stood six feet two inches in his socks, and
carried a stomach which incommoded even that unusual stature.
The entrance-door of the Three Pilchards being constructed in two
flaps, Mr Latter habitually closed the lower one and eased the upper
part of his facade upon it while he surveyed the world.
"Mornin', Nicky!" repeated Mr Latter. "I han't seen ye this couple
o' days; but I had word you weren't gone with the rest, your leg
bein' so bad. Step indoors, an' rest it over a drink."
"You're very kind, Mr Latter," Nicky-Nan answered somewhat stiffly.
"I was just then thinkin' I'd come in and order one for the good o'
the house." To himself he added: "One o' these days I'll teach
that man to speak to me as 'Mr Nanjivell'--though it come to
remindin' him that his wife's mother was my father's wet-nurse, and
glad of the job." But this he growled to himself as he hobbled up
the steps to the door.
"I didn't say anything about payment," Mr Latter remarked affably,
stepping back a pace as he pulled open the flap of the door, and
politely suppressing a groan at the removal of that abdominal
support. "I was askin' you to oblige me by takin' a drink, seein' as
how--"
"Seein' as how _what?_" Nicky-Nan asked with suppressed fierceness as
he pushed his way in, conscious of the ballast in his pocket.
(Wonderful--let it be said again--is the confidence that money
carries: subtle and potent the ways by which it asserts itself upon
the minds of men!)
--"Seein' as how," Mr Latter corrected himself, drawing back again
and giving such room in the passage as his waist allowed--"seein' as
how all true patriots should have a fellow-feelin' in times like the
present, an' stand shoulder to shoulder, so to speak, not refusin' a
drink when offered in a friendly way. It gives a feelin' of
solidarity, as one might say. That's the word--solidarity.
Still, if you insist," he paused, following Nicky-Nan into the little
bar-parlour, "I mustn't say no. The law don't allow me. A two of
beer, if I may suggest?"
"Brandy for me!" said Nicky-Nan recklessly. "And a soda."
"Brandy for heroes, as the sayin' is. Which, if Three Star, is
sixpence, an' two is a shilling, and a split soda makes one-an'-four.
'Tis a grand beverage, but terrible costly." Mr Latter took down the
bottle from its shelf and uncorked it, still with an incredulous eye
on Nicky-Nan. "What with the War breakin' out an' takin' away the
visitors, an' money certain (as they tell me) to be scarce all over
the land, I didn' reckon to sell another glass between this an'
Christmas; when in walks you, large as my lord, and calls for a
brace! . . . Sure ye mean it?"
"I never insisted 'pon _your_ choosin' brandy," said Nicky-Nan,
beginning to fumble in his left trouser-pocket. "You can make it
beer if you wish, but _I_ said 'brandy.' If you have no--"
He ended on a sharp outcry, as of physical pain.
For a dire accident had happened. The men of Polpier (as this
narrative may or may not have mentioned)--that is to say, all who are
connected with the fishery--in obedience to a customary law,
unwritten but stringent, clothe the upper part of their persons in
blue guernsey smocks. These being pocketless, all personal cargo has
to be stowed somewhere below the belt. (In Mrs Pengelly's shop you
may purchase trousers that have as many as four pockets. They cost
anything from eleven-and-sixpence to fifteen shillings, and you ask
Mrs Pengelly for them under the categorical name of "non-plush
unmentionables"--"non-plush" being short for _Non Plus Ultra_.)
Nicky-Nan, then, plunging a hand into his left trouser-pocket in
search of a florin which he believed to lie there amidst the costlier
cargo, and confident that by its size and his sense of touch he could
separate it from the gold, found that he must first remove his
pocket-handkerchief. As he drew it forth, alas! two golden
sovereigns followed in its fold, fell, and jingled on the slate-paved
floor. Not all the fresh sawdust strewn there could deaden the merry
sound of wealth. The two coins ran trickling, the one to clash
against a brass spittoon, the other to take hiding in a dark corner
under the counter. "You might," said Mr Latter that evening,
relating the occurrence to a circle of steady customers, "have
knocked me down with a feather. To see old Nicky, of all men,
standin' there before my very eyes an' sheddin' gold like a
cornopean!"
What Mr Latter did at the moment, or as soon as he recovered his
presence of mind, was to set down his bottle and dive under the
counter; while Nicky-Nan chased the coin which had ricochetted off
the spittoon and lodged against the wainscot. Their physical
infirmities made the pursuit painful for both, as the darkness in a
small room overcrowded with furniture made it difficult. Mr Latter
emerged panting, in audible bodily distress. His search had been
longer than Nicky-Nan's, but it was successful. He straightened
himself up and held out the coin to the light.
"A sovereign! . . . I'll have to go out an' fetch change.
A sovereign, send I may never!" He rang it on the bar-counter.
"I'll step along an' get change from the Bank."
"There's no hurry," stammered Nicky-Nan hastily and in confusion.
"Let's have the drink, an' maybe I can fish out something smaller.
. . . You keep your parlour very dark," he added, repocketing both
coins.
"I reckon now," observed Mr Latter thoughtfully as he measured out
the two tots of brandy, "that 'taty-patch o' your'n has been a
perfect gold-mine this season. Everyone tells me how agriculture is
lookin' up."
Nicky-Nan sought refuge in a falsehood.
"'Tis my rent," said he, "that I've been savin' up for Pamphlett.
Didn' you see him stop an' speak wi' me five minutes since?
Well, that was to make an appointment an' give me the receipt.
Between you an' me, I've been gettin' a bit to leeward with it
lately."
"Ay," said Mr Latter, opening the soda-water and pouring it.
"Everybody in the parish knows _that_. . . . Well, things are
lookin' up, seemingly, and I congratulate 'ee. Here's Success to
Agriculture! . . . Brandy for heroes! 'Tis a curious thing, how
this partic'lar drink goes straight to the heart an' kindles it.
Champagne has the same effect, only more so. A glass o' champagne
will keep kickin' inside o' ye for an hour maybe. With brandy 'tis
soon over and you want another go. I've noticed that often."
"You won't have a chance to notice it today." Nicky-Nan drained his
glass at a gulp, and searched again in his pockets. . . .
"And if you'll believe me," reported Mr Latter to a wondering
audience that evening, "the man pulled out of his pocket--his _right_
pocket, this time--a two-shillin' piece and a penny; and as he picks
out the two-shillin' piece, to pay me, what happens but he lets drop
another sovereign, that had got caught between the two! It pitched
under the flap o' the counter an' rolled right to my boot! 'What did
I say to en?' Well, I don't mind ownin' that for a moment it took me
full aback an' tied the string o' my tongue. But as I picked it up
and handed it to en, I says, says I, 'Mr Nanjivell,' I says, 'at this
rate I don't wonder your not joinin'-up wi' the Reserve.' . . .
What's more, naybours, I don't mind admittin' to you that after the
man had paid an' left, I slipped to the door an' keeked out after
him--an' that story of his about it bein' his rent-money was all a
flam. He went past Pamphlett's Bank, never so much as turnin' to
look at it."