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YOU'LL be glad most likely to hear what's going on in the
boot-blackin' world, of which I'm now a honarery member, havin'
bin thirty-five years at it come next Chrismas, and now retired to
Camberwell to do the rest of my life easy. Fact is, Sir, there's a
many young 'uns come on, and scarcely sufficient boots for 'em to get
a livin out of, more partikler with them new yaller boots, which
is pison to the honest boot-black. So thinks I to myself, I've bin
polishin' a long time and knows all the tricks of it, why shouldn't
I lend a 'and to them as is startin'. I'll write down what I knows
myself, and I'll get all the best blackers of the day to tell me what
they knows about it, and then I'll set the lot together and get it
printed. Fact is, I got put on the job by a feller who come to see me
'tother day--a tidy young sprig, full of all them new notions. Says 'e
to me, "BILL," 'e says, "'ow do you walk?" "Why," I say, "on two legs
like the rest of 'em; what do you think?" "No," 'e says, "that ain't
what I mean, you Juggins" (there's a pretty word to use to one old
enough to be his father); "what is the process you go through in
walking?" "Well," I says, "if that's what you're up to, I mostly puts
one foot in front of 'tother, and arterwards brings the back foot
forrard and leaves 'tother behind." "Ah," says 'e, "that's jest where
you make a bloomin' errer. Your brain sends a message through your
nerves, and then you set to work, movin' the extenser mussels and the
glutyus maksimus, and there you are." Well, I thought about that
a lot, and on the top of it I got 'old of a book called the Art of
Authorship, by Mister GEORGE BAINTON, who's agoin' to teach everybody
'ow to write things pretty and proper, and make no end of money out
of it. Pr'aps, thinks I to myself, there's more in blackin' boots than
meets the eye. I'll write about that on the same plan, gettin' all the
fellers I know to 'elp me. Fust, I drew up a lot of questions, and I
sent 'em round. Then when the ansers come in I got a young chap, who
writes for the _Camberwell Star_, to polish 'em up a bit with grammar
and spellin', asking 'im to do it like Mister GEORGE BAINTON. I've
jest dropped in a word or two of my own 'ere and there, to show what I
mean. So 'ere they are, Sir, and quite at your servis; and I knows
if you prints 'em, there's many a boot-black unborn, as'll bless your
name, not forgettin',
Yours truely,
the Author,
BILL THE BOOTBLACK.