When the first dawning characteristics begin to show, the spiritual
mother's study of heredity will begin to stand her in good stead, for
she must never forget that every expressed thought and action of a
small child shows the indication of some undeveloped instinct, and
should be watched by a sensible mother, so that she may decide which
one to encourage and which one to curb, and, if possible, eradicate.
Should there be some strong inherited tendency which is not good, then
her most careful care and influence will be needed. There is not the
slightest use in making rules and then leaving their enforcement to
servants and governesses--the true mother should see that her child
thoroughly understands what it is being asked to do, and why it is
being asked to do it. She should appeal to its intelligence from
earliest days, and make it comprehend it is for its own benefit. For
children cannot when very young be influenced by high moral
considerations which come with maturer years, but only by personal
gain or fear--and if ruled by fear they invariably become deceitful.
It is a spiritual mother's business to show interest in all her
child's tastes and occupations, and to supervise and direct them into
the best channels, and if she has several children she should watch
each one's idiosyncrasies and not imagine that the same method will do
for them all. What good gardener would treat a rose-tree in the same
fashion which he does a tulip bulb? The spiritual mother should think
out for herself, guided by what she sees are their personal needs, the
best method of instructing her children in true morality--that is,
honour and truth, and freedom from all hypocrisy and deceit. She
should not be influenced by any set-down rules of religion or dogma,
or by any precepts she may have been taught herself in her youth, if
they no longer convey conviction because of the change in time,
otherwise she will be following custom and losing sight of _the end_.
She should make her children understand that the soiling of their own
souls by committing mean actions is the greatest sin, and that what
other people think or do not think of them is of no consequence, but
the only vital things are what God thinks and they think of
themselves. Hundreds of children's afterlives are shipwrecked because
they were only taught all the dry dogmas and seemings of religion, and
the real meaning was never explained to them. I know a rigorously
strict clergyman's family where the children are taught and conform to
all the observances of their father's church, and yet a falser, more
paltry set of young creatures could not be found--they have never had
it explained to them that it is impossible to hoodwink God. For a
perfect example of the religious spirit _not to_ employ towards
children, all mothers ought to read the immortal scene between Trilby
before she dies and Mrs. Bagot--when the narrow woman expresses her
puny views and Trilby puts forth her broad and true ones. It is so
incredibly stupid to use obsolete methods which can never obtain the
desired end just because the dominion of custom is still strong upon
us, and we have not been intelligent enough to grasp and benefit by
the spirit of the age. For all mothers must realise that they can
never dominate the spirit of the age, and must either make vain fights
with it, and be conquered to their loss, or must make terms with it
and use it in its brightest and best aspect. The spirit of this age is
a totally different one to the spirit of their own childhood's age. It
is shorn of reverence and unquestioning obedience to elders, and is an
independent creature who will only obey through conviction of good or
personal benefit. Children are unerring and pitiless judges of those
placed over them, and how can a mother, just because she is a mother,
expect respect and reverence in her children if she earns their
contempt by her conduct and selfishness?
It is the spiritual mother's duty to instil chivalry towards the other
sex into her little sons from earliest years, by making them polite to
herself and to their sisters. She should, before they go to school and
when they return for the holidays, endeavour to influence them into
liking cleanliness and care of their persons, especially when with
ladies. She should try to make these little men so happy and
contented, so certain of sympathy and understanding that home spells
heaven for them and remains the dearest memory of their lives, and for
her little girls, over whom she has a far vaster influence, she should
polish their minds, explain all the true and pure principles of
life--teach them the value of self-control and self-respect, and watch
for and encourage all their graces, so that when they arrive at the
ages of seventeen and eighteen they may be fitted in all points to
shine in whatever world they belong to, and take their places among
the best of their class. Space forbids me to go on longer, although
the subject seems only just to have been begun, so large is its sphere
of action, but I must give one last concrete example of two women's
methods, to enforce my meaning of the importance of _the end_.
Both sent their girls to the same school, where every accomplishment
was taught and the highest tone prevailed that the masters could
inculcate. The first mother showed deep interest in the holidays, in
all her child's lessons, directed and encouraged her, opening her
understanding and broadening her point of view, while she attended to
every physical grace. She explained how her child should apply the
knowledge she acquired during term, so that it should grow
interesting, and as far as it lay in her power she endeavoured that
her daughter should be fitted with every charm and attraction which
could procure for her later on a larger selection from which to choose
her partner in life. The other mother let her girl run wild during the
holidays, and allowed her to feel that all she learned was just an
irksome duty to be forgotten the moment school was over. Her
appearance, her gentle manners, her refinement, her point of view,
were all left to take their own chance, from the mistaken idea that it
would encourage vanity and egotism in the girl to discuss these things
with her--and that she, the mother, had done all that was required of
her in simply providing a good education! This second mother had
completely lost sight of the end, you see, and was unconsciously only
thinking of herself and not of her child at all.
And this--to think of the welfare of the child and allow no other
point to obscure this--is the whole meaning of the responsibility of
motherhood.