_Before the Holidays_ (_an Anticipation_)
Really nothing so pleasant as packing. Such fun to see how many
things you can get into a portmanteau. Won't take any books as the
"Continong" will be enough for amusement.
Capital carriages to Dover. Everything first-rate. Civil guards.
Time-table not a dead letter. Splendid boats, smooth sea, and a
first-rate _buffet_ at Calais.
Dear Paris! Just the place for the inside of a week. Boulevards full
of novelties. Theatres in full swing. Evenings outside the _cafés_
perfect happiness. Splendid!
_En route._ Swiss scenery, as ever, lovely. Mountains glorious,
passes, lakes. Delightful. Nothing can compare with a jaunt through
the land of Tell.
Italy--dear old Italy. Oh, the blue sky and the _tables d'hôte!_ What
more glorious than the ruins of Rome? What more precious than the
pictures of Florence? What more restful than the gondolas of Venice?
And the people even! The French the pink of politeness. The Swiss
homely and kindly. The Italians inheriting the nobility of the Cæsars.
And all this to take the place of hard work. Well, it is to come.
Bless everybody!
_After the Holidays_ (_a Retrospect_)
What can be worse than packing? And after all the trouble of shoving
things in anywhere, you find you have left half your belongings
behind! And of course the books you half read during your weary
travels are stopped at the Custom House.
Beastly journey from Paris to Calais, and as for the crossing
afterwards--well, as long as I live I shall never forget it!
Dear Paris! Emphatically "dear," with the accent on the expense. Glad
to be out of it. Boulevards deserted. Theatres playing "_relâche_."
_Cafés_ deathtraps in the service of the influenza.
_En route!_ Who cares for Switzerland--always the same! Eternal
mountains--yet coming up promising year after year! Sloppy passes,
misty views. Beastly monotonous. The Cantons played out.
Italy! Who says Italy? Blue sky not equal to Wandsworth. Rome
unhealthy. Art treasures at Florence not equal to collection in South
Kensington. Mosquitoes at Venice.
And the people! Cheeky French, swindling Swiss, and dirty Italians!
And yet this is all to be supplemented by the same hard work. In the
collar again. Oh! hang everybody!
[Illustration: ALTOGETHER SATISFACTORY
_Aunt Fanny._ "I do like these French watering-places. The bathing
costume is so sensible!"
_Hilda._ "Oh, yes, auntie! And so becoming!"]
[Illustration: A MOUNTAINEERING INCIDENT
_Voice from above._ "For heaven's sake be more careful, Smith.
Remember, _you_'ve got the whiskey!"]
[Illustration: TOURING IN ALGIERS
_Arab_ (_as Mr. and Mrs. Smith appear_). "Sh! You vant a guide! I am
ze best guide in Alger! For five franc I take you to Arab café vare
Inglees not 'lowed. For ten franc I show you ze street vare it is
dangerous for ze Inglees for to go. And for twenty franc--sh!--I stand
you on ze blace vare ze last Inglees tourist vos got shot!"
[_Mr. and Mrs. Smith wish they were back in England._]
[Illustration: MR. 'ARRY BELVILLE, ON THE CONTINENT GENERALLY
_'Arry Belville._ "Yes! I like it extremely. I like the _lazy ally_
sort of feeling. I like sitting at the door of a _caffy_ to smoke my
cigar; and above all (_onter noo_) it's a great comfort to wear one's
beard without bein' larfed at!"]
[Illustration: MONSIEUR, MADAME, ET BÉBE]