_Or, The Legend of Lionel_
"Newhaven to Dieppe," he cried, but, on the voyage there,
He felt appalling qualms of what the French call _mal de mer;_
While, when the steward was not near, he struck Byronic attitudes,
And made himself most popular by pretty little platitudes.
And, while he wobbled on the waves, be sure they never slep',
While waiting for their Lionel, the Damsels of Dieppe.
He landed with a jaunty air, but feeling rather weak,
While all the French and English girls cried out "_C'est
magnifique!_"
They reck'd not of his bilious hue, but murmur'd quite ecstatical,
"Blue coat, brass buttons, and straw hat--c'est _tout-à-fait_
piratical!"
He hadn't got his land-legs, and he walked with faltering step,
But still they thought it _comme-il-faut_, those Damsels of Dieppe.
The Douane found him circled round by all the fairest fair,
The while he said, in lofty tones, he'd nothing to declare;
He turned to one girl who stood near, and softly whisper'd "Fly, O
Nell!"
But all the others wildly cried, "Give us a chance, O Lionel!"
And thus he came to shore from all the woes of Father Nep.,
With fatal fascinations for the Damsels of Dieppe.
He went to the Casino, whither mostly people go,
And lost his tin at baccarat and eke _petits chevaux;_
And still the maidens flocked around, and vowed he was amusing 'em;
And borrowed five-franc pieces, just for fear he should be losing
'em;
And then he'd sandwiches and bocks, which brought on bad dyspep-
-sia for Lionel beloved by Damsels of Dieppe.
As bees will swarm around a hive, the maids of _La belle France_
Went mad about our Lionel and thirsted for his glance;
In short they were reduced unto a state of used-up coffee lees
By this mild, melancholic, maudlin, mournful Mephistopheles.
He rallied them in French, in which he had the gift of rep-
-artee, and sunnily they smiled, the Damsels of Dieppe.
At last one day he had to go; they came upon the pier;
The French girls sobbed, "_Mon cher!_" and then the
English sighed, "My dear!"
He looked at all the threatening waves, and cried, the while
embracing 'em,
(I mean the girls, not waves,) "Oh no! I don't feel quite like
facing 'em!"
And all the young things murmured, "Stay, and you will find sweet
rep-
aration for the folks at home in Damsels of Dieppe."
And day by day, and year by year, whene'er he sought the sea,
The waves were running mountains high, the wind was blowing free.
At last he died, and o'er his bier his sweethearts sang doxology,
And vowed they saw his ghost, which came from dabbling in
psychology.
And to this hour that spook is seen upon the pier. If scep-
tical, ask ancient ladies, once the Damsels of Dieppe.
* * *
TO INTENDING TOURISTS.--"Where shall we go?" All depends on the "coin
of 'vantage." Switzerland? Question of money. Motto.--"_Point d'argent
point de Suisse._"
* * *
AT INTERLACHEN.--_Cockney Tourist to Perfect Stranger_. Must 'ave
been a 'ard frost 'ere last night, sir.
_Perfect Stranger_ (_startled_). Dear me! Why?
_Cockney Tourist._ Why, look at the top of that there 'ill, sir
(_points to the Jung Frau_). Ain't it covered with snow!
[Illustration: "NO PLACE LIKE HOME!"
_Smith_ (_meeting the Browns at the station on their return from the
Continent_). "Delighted to see you back, my boy! But--well, and how
did you like Italy?"
_Mrs. B._ (_who is "artistic"_). "Oh, charming, you know, the pictures
and statues and all that! But Charles had typhoid for six weeks at
Feverenze (our hotel was close to that glorious Melfizzi Palazzo,
y'know), and after that I caught the Roman fever, and so," &c., &c.
[_They think they go to Ramsgate next year._]
[Illustration: STUDY AT A QUIET FRENCH WATERING-PLACE
"Now, then, mossoo, your form is of the manliest beauty, and you
are altogether a most attractive object; but you've stood there long
enough. So jump in and have done with it!"]
[Illustration: Strange vagaries of a pair of moustaches. Sketched in
Holland on a windy day.]
[Illustration: SIR GORGIUS ON THE "CONTINONG"
_Sir G. Midas_ (_to his younger son_). "There's a glass o' champagne
for yer, 'Enry! Down with it, my lad--and thank 'Eaven you're an
Englishman, and can afford to drink it!"]