["The recent complaints of the rudeness shown to English
travellers in Switzerland by the natives has been officially
denied by the authorities of Lucerne."--_Daily Paper._]
_You are an idiot, a fool, and a rascal._ (_Official explanation._)
Terms of endearment denoting feeling of the utmost friendship.
_Why do you come here? Why don't you stay at home?_ (_Official
explanation._) Merely questions asked to stimulate pleasant
conversation.
_You are a rosbif, a boule dogue, and plum-pudding._ (_Official
interpretation._) Fine names intended to express the greatest possible
admiration for British institutions.
_If you speak we will knock you down._ (_Official interpretation._)
Merely a kindly expression of concern calculated to produce repose.
_You are one brutal, ugly-faced foreigner._ (_Official
interpretation._) A jocular salutation.
_You sell your wife at Smithfield--Long live the Boers!_ (_Official
interpretation._) A polite attempt to commence a courteous
conversation.
_Are you English?_ (_Official interpretation._) The highest praise
imaginable.
[Illustration: PERFECT TRANSLATION
_Youthful North Briton_ (_on honeymoon tour, proud of his French_).
"Gassong! La--le--le--cart----"
_Garçon._ "Oui, m'sieu', tout de suite!"
_Admiring Bride._ "Losh! Sandy, what did he say?"
_Youthful North Briton_ (_rather taken aback_). "Aweel, Jeannie, dear,
he kens I'm Scotch, an' he asked me to 'tak' a seat.'"]
[Illustration: DIEPPE--MOSSOO LEARNING TO FLOAT]
[Illustration: Our friend, 'Arry Belville, is so knocked all of a heap
by the beauty of the foreign fish girls, that he offers his 'and and
'art to the lovely Pauline.]
[Illustration: A SKETCH AT TROUDEAUVILLE
After the bath, the Count and Countess de St. Camembert have a little
chat with their friends before dressing; and Monsieur Roucouly, the
famous baritone, smokes a quiet cigarette, ere he plunges into the
sandy ripple.]