[Illustration: The Baron's Retainers, Mesdames Blythe and Gay, giving
him the results of their readings.]
In the Christmas Numbers of the numerous picture-papers it is at first
rather difficult to discover which is the genuine article illustrated,
and which the advertisement, likewise illustrated. In the outside
picture of the Christmas Number of _The Penny Illustrated Paper_,
which represents a couple dancing together, I am not yet quite sure
that the handsome Hebraic gentleman, dancing with a fair Anglo-Saxon
girl, is not assuring his frightened-looking partner that "Epps's
Cocoa is Grateful--Comforting," as stated in the paragraph immediately
beneath the aforesaid picture. On the next page is a sad illustration
entitled, "The Curse of Revenge. Lost to Human Aid." which turns out
to be not a Christmas story at all, but an advertisement for Fruit
Salt. Then opposite this commences a story by GEORGE R. SIMS; and at
the foot of this page some one replies, "Mr. DOOLAN! There's no one
of that name here now, Sir." Whereupon, being interested, the reader
turns over page 1 to find at the head of page 2, not the continuation
of the above interesting story in the shape of some remark on the part
of the inquirer, nor any account of what happened after this reply
had been given, but simply "Benson's Watches" followed by "Fry's
Chocolate," then a picture (not an advertisement) facing that, and
then on page 4 the remainder of the dialogue. It doesn't much matter
perhaps, as the excitement aroused by the story is not violent, and
the mistake of giving somebody else's card for your own does not occur
here for the first time as the motive of a plot. CUTHBERT BEDE's name
is to a "Christmas Carol," and Mr. JOHN LATEY's to a dramatically told
tale called "Mark Temple's Trial," in which the imaginary heroine
pays a visit to a very real person of the name of Madame KATTI
LANNER, whose pupils are represented as all assembled, with bouquets
and posies, to do honour to the birthday of their "well-loved
mistress," who is at the same time, "the acknowledged mistress of the
choreographic art." In this story, the author is to be complimented
on his invention of the name, "Lord Morgagemore" as an ancient looking
and highly aristocratic Irish title.
"Up to any game at Christmas, if it's not too high," says the Baron
of Hampershire, who detests all game that is lofty, but is glad to
welcome a Shakspearian Revival by MYERS & Co. in the shape of a _Nine
Men's Morris_, a title the Baron recommends to the notice of Mr.
WILLIAM MORRIS, yclept "BILLY," when he is making another bouquet of
poesies. By the way, BIM BROS.' Almanac Cards, one of the Baron's
Lady Helps describes as "decidedly dainty." Christmas is specially a
card-playing season, a time of _Pax_ to everybody.
From the _Gordon Stables_ of HUTCHINSON & Co. issues the nightmare
tale of _The Cruise in the Crystal Boat_; when finished, try their
_Family Difficulty_, by SARAH DOUDNEY. Send to the Deanery of DEAN AND
SON, ask for _Baby's Biography_ and _The Little One's Own Beehive_.
The Spindleside department of the Baron's Booking-Office recommends
both the above for the Tiny Trots; while the Spearside tells the
boys to go in for MANVILLE FENN's _Burr Junior_ and Mrs. R. LEE's
_Adventures in Australia_. Then for all-comers, procure BEATRICE
HARRADEN's _New Book of Fairies_, for, our "Co." thus puts it, "This
is all concerning those poor little Fairies, about whom no one takes
any trouble, and who are left out in the cold at Christmas time."
Thus for this week conclude the duties of Mesdames BLYTHE and GAY,
the Baron's Lady Assistant Perusers. "I trust my gentle Public will
benefit by their advice," quoth,
Theirs truly,