POST-OFFICE SITES.
Embarrassing duty--An exciting Question--A "Hard Case"--Decease of
a Post Master--The Office discontinued--The other side--Call at
the White House--The Reference--Agent's Arrival--Molasses
Incident--An honest Child--Slicking up--The Academy--Stuck
fast--The Shoe Factory--A shrewd Citizen--The Saw Mill--A
Tenantless Building--Viewing the "Sites"--Obliging Post
Master--The defunct Bank--A Funeral Scene--The Agent
discovered--Exciting Meeting--"Restoration Hall"--Eloquent
Appeals--A Fire Brand--Committee on Statistics--Generous
Volunteers--Being "put down"--Good-nature restored--The Bill
"settled"--A Stage Ride--Having the last Word.
Of all the troublesome matters that have to be passed upon and decided
by the Head of the Post-Office Department, the settlement of
controversies involving the location of small post-offices, is
undoubtedly the most perplexing, and difficult of adjustment.
By such cases we are forcibly reminded of attempts which we have
witnessed in our younger days, to soothe the troubled breasts of an
angry swarm of bees, destitute of a queen, and uncertain where to
"locate." Whoever tried to settle the question before _they_ settled,
was pretty sure to get well stung for his pains.
The difficulty above referred to arises from the conflicting,
contradictory representations made to the Department by interested
parties, governed by as great a variety of motives as the number of
individual whims and interests depending upon the settlement of the
"vexed question." Notwithstanding the voluminous documents and
geographical information usually tendered in these cases, those with
whom the final decision rests, often find themselves perplexed beyond
measure, to know what is for the true interests of a majority of the
citizens--that being the only object aimed at by the Department--and
deem it necessary, occasionally, to refer the subject to a Special
Agent, with instructions to visit the neighborhood, make a personal
inspection of the different sites proposed, and decide, if possible,
what the public interest and convenience demand.
In some instances, where the emoluments of the office itself would not
exceed the sum of fifty dollars annually, and where its entire
abolishment would not prove any serious inconvenience, a whole
neighborhood has been thrown into the most intense excitement, and
feuds and animosities have been engendered which the parties concerned
will perhaps carry with them to the grave.
But, like numerous other phases of post-office life, they furnish many
admirable and instructive illustrations of human nature _as it is_.
During his experience, the writer has himself been frequently charged
with the duty of becoming the medium for the settlement of local
disputes such as have been alluded to; and a difficult and unpleasant
duty has he often found it, though a better school for studying the
selfishness and other hard points of the human character, cannot be
desired.
But the Government official who is sent to ascertain the truth in one
of these post-office disputes, will sometimes find himself about as
much embarrassed as have been his superiors, and unless he is well
posted up in the shrewd dodges and ingenious appliances that he will
have to encounter, will find it quite as troublesome to give an
impartial and just recommendation. Decide satisfactorily he cannot of
course, for those whose ends are not answered are not only sure to
grumble, but to charge all sorts of unfairness upon him in conducting
the investigation.
The town of M., situated somewhere East of a line drawn across the
map, from New York city to Whitehall, N. Y., but out of the State of
New York, was recently the scene of one of these hotly contested
controversies; and it is proposed to give an outline of the
investigation, as it stands sketched among the author's official
notes, under the head of a "Hard Case," with, of course, some
additional comments and illustrations.
In extent of territory, the town referred to is about six miles
square, and contains three small villages, one comparatively new,
having sprung up at the rail road depôt near the West line of the
town. The second, about two miles to the Eastward of this; and the
third, about two miles still further to the East.
Village number two, in the order in which they have just been
mentioned, had for many years been the site of the only post-office in
the town, and continued in the uninterrupted enjoyment of this
monopoly until the office became vacant by the death of the post
master. This was the signal for a movement for some time privately
contemplated and discussed within a limited circle composed of a few
of the knowing ones residing in villages numbers one and three, which
movement involved nothing less than the establishment of a post-office
at each of those points, and the abolishment of the old established
one at village number two.
A petition to that effect was hastily drawn up and circulated chiefly
among those whose interests in the plan sought, would be apt to secure
secrecy, due care being taken to say quite as much in favor of the new
sites and against the old one, as the facts in the case would warrant.
This petition was dispatched to Washington in charge of an influential
person, whose hot haste for immediate action was rendered tolerably
reasonable by the fact, that the decease of the post master left the
community without any appointed guardian of its postal interests.
A fair case having been made out according to the meagre information
before the Department, and the aforesaid bearer of dispatches not
hesitating to supply verbally what seemed to be lacking in other
forms, with one fell swoop of the pen of the Post Master General, the
glory departed from village number two to its more fortunate rivals,
numbers one and three; and by the same trifling operation, two very
competent and suitable individuals were promoted from the condition of
private and unassuming citizenship, to the dignity and
responsibilities of deputy post masters of the United States of
America!
When the news of this sad calamity reached the staid and peaceable
villagers, who had thus been unexpectedly deprived of their ancient
postal privileges, rest assured it was no favorable time for the
organization of a Peace Society! Such oil would not still these waves!
Their late beloved and popular post master had become a "dead letter,"
though properly "addressed," as was fondly hoped, by the heavenly
"Messengers" who beckoned him away from other duties, to "wrap" and
"box up"--and now even the post-office itself had been prematurely
"taken away" also.
Not many suns had risen and set, however, before the other side of the
picture was prepared and presented at Washington, and now the ball had
fairly opened, with the orchestra in full blast. A formidable
remonstrance had received the signatures of all the "legal voters,"
and, as was charged on the other side, of many whose elective rights
were not so easily settled.
The customary accusations of unfairness, improper influence, stealing
a march, downright misrepresentations, &c., were called in requisition
to show the Department that this "outrage" on the citizens was
unwarrantable; and the important trust of conveying this evidence to
the seat of Government, fell to the lot of a certain gentleman well
known among political circles in that section of the country, and
supposed to possess a fair share of influence with the appointing
power. He repaired to Washington, made his first call at the White
House, and labored hard to enlist the feelings of the Chief Executive
in the case, but a few words from that distinguished official were
sufficient to show that such interference in a comparatively
unimportant matter could not reasonably be expected of him.
The President did however show his respect for his visitor, who
happened to be an old personal friend, by escorting him down to the
Department, and introducing him to the Post Master General. The
Governor of the State was also in the case, the two United States
Senators, and several of the members of Congress, as the files of the
papers, _pro_ and _con_, clearly demonstrated. Not that they felt any
personal interest in the result of the controversy, but because their
political relations with many of those who did, were such that they
could not well resist their importunities to come up to their relief.
On patiently listening to the statements of the representative from
the seat of war, and re-examining the documentary evidence, the Post
Master General declined to reverse his former decision, but suggested
sending one of the Department's Agents to investigate the whole
matter. This course was adopted, and the responsibility thus
transferred for the time being, to the shoulders of the to be author
of "Ten Years."
For many days before he arrived upon the ground, the excitement both
among the vanquished and the vanquishing, was at the highest pitch;
information that such reference of the case had been made, having been
conveyed to both parties on the return of the distinguished politician
from the Capital.
Post master number one, however, could not await the slow process of
that form of justice, so he dispatched a semi-official private note to
me, nearly as follows, if my memory serves me:
Sir:
Will you please inform me if you have been instructed to visit
this place in connection with our post-office controversy. If so,
I would like to be informed of the time of your visit, as I wish
to post you up as to certain parties here whose true position you
ought to understand before their testimony in the case is heard.
Yours truly,
F. B. S----.
P. S.--If I knew when you are to arrive, I would be at the cars.
To this I simply replied that I could not fix upon the precise day,
but would call upon him on my arrival.
One lovely afternoon of a lovely day in October, the "Agent" might
have been seen alighting from the car at the rail road station at M.,
fully impressed, of course, with the difficulty of the task before
him, but with a sincere desire to carry out, if possible, the
intention of Government, and to mete out equal and exact justice to
all parties.
A new and flourishing-looking store, the only one by the way in the
neighborhood, with a small sign over the door, with the words
"Post-Office" inscribed thereon, saved me the necessity of inquiring
for post-office site number one. In a few moments I found myself in
the presence of the merchant and post master, who proved to be a young
man of prepossessing and business-like appearance.
A few questions on my part served to apprise him of the official
character of the person by whom he was addressed, and also to cause
his momentary neglect of a young customer for whom he was just then
engaged in answering an order for a gallon of molasses. The little
damsel who was there upon the saccharine errand, regarded me with
open-eyed awe, having probably heard something of the Department in
the course of the all-pervading Post-Office controversies of the last
few months, and cast as many stolen glances at me as her modesty would
allow, thus securing a mental daguerreotype, to be displayed for the
benefit of her wondering parents, after her return home with the
double load of news and molasses.
In his embarrassment at my sudden arrival, the post master forgot the
molasses, and in a moment quite a torrent of the thick liquid had
overflowed its bounds, and formed a pool upon the floor.
"Post master," said I, "you have left your molasses running over." In
his eagerness to stop the leak, he went plump into the sweet puddle,
with both feet, and any time that day his tracks might have been seen
all over the store.
"Never mind," said he, "accidents will happen;" at the same time
drawing his feet across some waste paper upon the floor. The young
customer smiled, but during the running over process, she had said not
a word, for by the means she was getting "scripture measure." She
handed the post master a bank-note in payment, who, still laboring
under considerable excitement, made her the wrong change, doing
himself out of at least half the cost of the molasses, which, together
with the loss of the surplusage, made it anything but a profitable
business transaction for him.
But the little girl was honest. She counted and recounted the change
that had been given her, and with that peculiar expression that in one
like her attends the consciousness of an honest act, she threw it all
back upon the counter, remarking, "You have given me too much, sir."
The countenance of the post master gave evidence by this time of not a
little mortification at the occurrence of two such awkward blunders in
the presence of a dignitary all the way from Washington; and in his
hurry to turn my attention from them, he forgot even to thank the
child for her honest conduct, as he returned her the change "revised
and corrected."
But I did not. Wishing not to cast an implied censure upon sweet-foot,
I passed to the piazza of the store, to throw aside the stump of an
Havana, (or a "Suffield," as the case may have been,) and unobserved
by him, handed her a quarter, which she acknowledged by a blushing
smile, and a low courtesy.
Returning, I missed the post master for a moment, and stepping within
sight of the floor behind the counter, I could distinctly see the
molasses tracks going toward a small enclosure at the other end of the
counter. It proved to be the apartment used for the post-office.
Stepping a little further behind the counter, I spied my new and
confused acquaintance, arranging the books, letters, and papers,
apparently in great haste. Seeing that I had returned to the store and
now observed him, he advanced towards me a few paces.
"I usually keep things in better order in the post-office," said he,
"but I was away this forenoon, and my boy has got things a little
mixed up."
"Never mind that now," I replied; "I am in something of a hurry, and
want to enter at once on the business upon which I came. What is all
this fuss that the people of the old village are making about the new
post-office arrangements? By the row they are kicking up at
Washington, the Department are almost led to believe there was
something unfair in the means adopted to effect the change, and that
they may have erred in their decision."
This plain and informal opening of the case seemed to restore his
self-possession.
"Well, they have tried to make a fuss, that's a fact, but it's more
spunk than anything else. You see this is a new village, and although
there are not yet many buildings, business is fast centering here, and
it's bound to be _the place._ The folks up there have to come to the
depôt constantly, and if they only think so, can be just as well
accommodated here. They hate to lose a good place to loaf in, that's
all there is to it. They don't need a post-office no more than a rail
road wants a guide post.
"They will tell you a great deal about their Academy, and talk big
about other things. As to the Academy, it has got reduced, and most of
the pupils who do attend, either belong to the upper village where
they have a post-office now, or have to pass right by this door in
going to school. But few of them being from abroad, they have but
little correspondence any way. Then you will hear tall speechifying
about a flourishing hat factory which perhaps did something once, but
can hardly be said to be in operation now. I hear they claim to have
three extensive stores in the village. Now if you will look for
yourself, you will see two small affairs that don't both together sell
half the goods that I do, and as to the third, it was closed some time
ago, and if the owner went away in broad daylight, then common report
does him great injustice."
After a few remarks in the same vein, in the course of which he waxed
quite eloquent, he closed by offering to take me in his wagon and show
me the other two villages. He had been standing quite still during the
delivery of this speech, and considerable effort was required to raise
his feet to go in the direction of his hat, the adhesive qualities of
the syrup still holding out.
I thanked him for the offer, but said I must decline it, as I desired
to avoid all cause of jealousy in my mode of investigation, and
further remarked, that I would prefer to take a general view of all
the localities, without the aid or explanations of any of the parties
interested; and that after this had been done, I would give all hands
a fair and impartial hearing.
"Very well," said he, "all we ask is fair play, but you will have to
make a good deal of allowance for the extravagant statements of the
leaders in the old village. I can prove that they have got democrats
to sign to have the office restored, who are on our paper, and who say
they were deceived when they signed theirs."
Having heard about enough of this, I had gradually moved along to the
store door, when my eye rested upon a large wooden building near by,
several stories high, and with an unusual number of windows, about the
only building of any size in the vicinity.
"What is that?" I asked, at the same time pointing to it.
"That?--that is a shoe manufactory."
"How many hands are employed there?" I inquired.
Just then, a fine-looking, elderly gentleman, with an air which
denoted that he had a right to do pretty much as he pleased, stepped
upon the piazza, and was introduced to me by the post master as his
father-in-law, not omitting of course to inform his respected
relative that I was no less a personage than the identical gentleman
expected from Washington.
"Ah," said he, "I am glad the Department has seen fit to send so
competent a person to look into this business, and I hope, sir, it
will be thoroughly done."
This was said in a gentlemanly, dignified manner, and he passed into
the store without any further conversation. But the term "competent
person," as applied to me, warned me that I should probably find it
necessary to guard against "soft sodder" also, as one of the means of
persuasion, and made me half suspicious that he might not be the
impartial and disinterested individual that he appeared at first
sight.
The suspicion was just, for I afterwards learned that he was a wealthy
and enterprising whig citizen, owning a beautiful mansion and a good
deal of other property in village number three, (one of the new
sites,) and that he was the proprietor of a good share of the real
estate at the depôt village; and further, that he had been mainly
instrumental in getting the changes effected. His personal interests
in them footed up as follows: A post-office established at the village
of his residence, and a post-office at the depôt village, (where the
store in which it was kept belonged to him,) and his son-in-law
appointed post master! A shrewd Yankee operation that, though I could
discover the adoption of no dishonorable means in securing these
advantages. It was decidedly smart, though, and it isn't every body
who could have successfully executed such a programme, after it had
been arranged.
This interruption of the conversation between the post master and
myself, came in just in time to stave off an answer to my question
about the large building in view, and my friend no doubt considered
that an effectual stop was put to further inquiries on that subject.
But not so. Failing to discover any signs of thrift or vitality in or
about the huge edifice referred to, I now repeated the inquiry.
"I was asking how many persons are employed in that shoe factory?"
Before I had fairly finished the sentence, however, he had darted into
the store and returned with two Havanas, (?) saying, "Come, have a
smoke, and let's walk over and take a look at the saw mill," which by
the way happened to be in an opposite direction from the aforesaid
shoe establishment.
I consented, however. The mill was in operation, and the stream, such
as it was, kept up a pretty respectable roar, though you could hear
yourself converse, I noticed, quite as easily as by the side of old
Niagara just after a smart shower!
Feeling somewhat humorously inclined, owing to his persevering evasion
of my researches as to the boot and shoe enterprise, I remarked as we
stood observing the perpendicular thrusts of the saw through a
submissive-looking log, "This is the _board_ing house spoken of in
your post-office petitions, isn't it?"
He did not "take," however, but gravely replied that they _had_ turned
out stacks of boards since the mill was started, and that they had
thought of keeping it running nights as well as days.
As I could conceive of no very direct connection between a saw mill
and a post-office, and not caring to have too much saw dust thrown in
my eyes, nor to countenance any log-rolling operation, I moved off
toward the store again. But not a word was volunteered about the
"factory," so I marched straight over to it, and trying one of the
main doors, found it all fast as I had suspected. I was about to
repeat the attempt at another part of the building, but the post
master had now arrived on the ground, and his reluctant explanation
saved me further trouble on that head at least.
"Owing to the hard times, it is not occupied now, but until lately it
has employed some thirty or forty hands. They'll get agoing again
soon, and intend to employ some eighty workmen. The suspension is only
temporary."
"Worse off than the hat factory of which you spoke, at the other
village," I observed. He made no reply.
Finding I could obtain no independent conveyance by which to make the
tour of observation through the other parts of the town, I accepted
the offer of a young man who drove up to the store very opportunely,
to whom the idea was suggested by the post master, and who, it was
hinted, was in no way identified with this vexatious dispute.
During the first mile or so of our ride his neutrality seemed well
sustained, but it began rapidly to disappear as we came in sight of
the village which had been bereft of its post-office as well as its
post master, his answers to my questions betraying a decided bias
toward the "let well enough alone" policy as applicable in this case.
I did not propose to stop there at this time, but to pass through to
the upper village,--but my suspicions that I had after all committed
myself to the temporary keeping of one of the friends of the new
sites, were fully confirmed when I found him taking a narrow by-way
through the old settlement, poorly calculated to show off the place to
much advantage.
"Look here," said I, "don't go through this hollow, but take a turn
round by those spires, and let me see what they have got to brag
about."
Coming to a halt, and backing round in a somewhat spiteful manner,
during which manoeuvre we came near upsetting, he soon came upon the
route indicated.
Whether from a conviction that there was no use in trying to cheat me
any longer, or from the study requisite for the invention of some new
system of tactics likely to be more successful, he said but little
more during the rest of our ride.
I subsequently ascertained that he and the scheme of getting two
post-offices for one, rejoiced in one and the same paternity, or in
other words, that his mother was the wife of the enterprising and
wealthy gentleman before mentioned, and like a good and dutiful son,
he "went in" for whatever favored the "old man's" interest.
Passing through one of the main streets of the middle or
post-officeless village, I observed standing in front of a
respectable, ancient-appearing mansion, a solemn-looking hearse, and
a large number of other vehicles, indicating that funeral services
were being performed within, and through the open windows and doors I
could see the friends and mourners.
"A funeral, I perceive," said I to my companion.
A sullenly emphasized "yes," was all the notice vouchsafed to my
remark.
"A fine-looking lot of horses collected here," I continued.
"Yes, pretty fair," he rejoined, without, however, withdrawing his
attention from a large fly which was annoying our animal, and at the
same time proving himself anything but an expert marksman by his
repeated unsuccessful attempts to annihilate the insect with the lash
of his whip.
"This accounts for my seeing so few persons in the streets," I
remarked. "They must be attending the funeral."
"I suppose so," he answered, at the same instant striking the unlucky
fly dead, which neither he nor bob-tail had before succeeded in
choking off.
A quarter of an hour more found us at village number three, pleasantly
situated upon elevated ground, and consisting of an old-fashioned
country church, the fine establishment of the wealthy pioneer in this
post-office enterprise, already referred to, a store, and a few other
buildings.
The solitary merchant here was also the newly-appointed post master, a
very worthy man from all appearances, though of course deeply
impressed with the idea that the "balance of power" should not be
disturbed by a discontinuance of the recently established office, and
the restoration of the old one on its former site. And it appeared
very clear that he had done all in his power to make the inconvenience
of the late change fall as lightly as possible upon those more
directly interested, for he had arranged to extend every accommodation
in his power, and among other things to post a list of all the letters
for distant sections of the town, upon the "meeting-house" door every
Sabbath, and to keep his office open "between meetings," for the
delivery of all mail matter which should be called for.
His brief history, as related by himself, brought to light the fact
that he had served the Government as post master many years before,
having originally been appointed, as he said, by "old Hickory"
himself.
During half an hour's conversation, the information furnished at this
point was generally of a candid and impartial character, though the
explanations regarding a defunct bank, the remains of which stood
within a stone's throw of the post-office, proved the most troublesome
subject that was talked over. The expiration of its charter, if I
mistake not, was given as the reason for its closed doors.
The measured tolling of the church bell attracted my attention. The
funeral procession from the other village had reached the hill and was
just entering the burial-ground, through the church-yard, and after a
short interval passed out again on its return.
Having now obtained all the information I could in that quarter, I
suggested to my escort that I was ready to move, and we were soon on
our way back. About half way to the middle village, we came up with
the procession, and followed along at a slow pace, in fact forming a
part of the solemn cortege.
It had somehow leaked out that the "Post-Office Agent" was there, and
along the whole line, hats and even bonnets could be seen projecting
from the sides of such of the carriages as were provided with
coverings. Compared with the post-office question, the grave was
nowhere, and funerals were at a discount. Some of the most interested
happened to be in the nearest vehicles to us, and when they discovered
who my companion was, a number of the animals were suddenly relieved
of a good share of their burthen. Several of the deserters fell in the
rear, and without waiting for a formal introduction, began to
discourse eloquently upon the subject of their post office grievances.
I assured them that I would spend the night at the hotel in their
village, where I would be happy to meet them and their friends, for
the purpose of inquiry and investigation.
[Illustration]
Many a head of a family, I think, was missed that evening from the tea
tables, for although it was about the usual hour of that repast when I
reached the hotel, the citizens came flocking in in great numbers, and
filling the spacious audience room which the landlord had hastily
prepared on hearing of my approach, to its utmost capacity, and even
before I was fairly seated.
Most of them being still in the same dress in which they had attended
the funeral ceremonies, the "customary suit of solemn black," they
were about as well-looking a set of men as you will often see in
country or city. A more excited and anxious group of faces, I am sure
was never seen in a council of war on the eve of a great and decisive
battle. Nor will I attempt to assert that I was wholly free from
anxiety as to how I should acquit myself before this august assembly,
as the representative and embodiment of the Government, on this trying
occasion.
The scene, however, considered in reference to the real importance of
the interests at stake, was richly ludicrous. I felt that the dignity
of the Post-Office Department was for a time committed to my keeping,
and I flatter myself that I succeeded admirably in sustaining it,
though it required occasionally not a little effort.
One of the gentlemen whose acquaintance I had informally made in the
rear of the funeral procession, did the honors in the way of
introducing me to each of those who had assembled, and to such as came
in in the course of that ever-to-be remembered evening--I should have
said night, for it was not far from daylight, when I had listened to
the last eloquent appeal in behalf of restoring to them their lost
rights and privileges.
The whole thing was conducted in a way which, for parliamentary order
and decorum, would have put to the blush the lower House of Congress
near the close of the session; and I am not quite sure that the upper
branch of that Honorable body, with an exciting subject in hand, could
not have derived some useful hints from the manner in which business
was there enacted.
The room, which I understand was soon after christened and is now
known as "Restoration Hall," was about twenty-five feet by thirty, and
for most of the time during this eventful meeting, I chanced to occupy
the only rocking chair therein, at one side of the room facing the
door. Considering that most of the company were my seniors by several
years, that was hardly polite; but after several times insisting in
vain that some one else should take the post of honor, I settled down
without further misgivings.
Never did I so heartily regret my ignorance of the art of stenography
as now; for a _verbatim_ report of all that was here said, would prove
the richest and most amusing part of this narrative.
After some general and desultory conversation, and considerable
manoeuvring as to who should lead off, the responsible task fell
upon a somewhat venerable and prominent citizen, who, as I perceived
from his "opening," had enjoyed the honor of representing the town in
the lower House, as well as the Senate of the State. This gentleman's
indignation was so intense at the "shabby treatment" of the
Government, that at first he seemed to question the propriety of
condescending to enter into any argument or formal statement in
support of a speedy restoration of the post-office.
"I feel myself mortified and humbled," said he, "that anything more
should be required in this case in securing us justice, than a mere
glance at this assemblage, which, leaving out the speaker, cannot be
surpassed in respectability and intelligence, by any which could be so
readily convened in any community."
(A general sensation, and a modest assent all round, so far as looks
could indicate it.)
"You have before you, sir," continued he, "professional men--men who
have devoted all their lives to the training and education of
youth,--farmers, mechanics, and merchants,--all of them, sir, men who
know their rights, and knowing dare maintain them, sir. Many of them,
and I for one, sir, differ with the Administration in politics; but I
take it, sir, that has nothing to do with the settlement of this
business. Our Government will have arrived at a pretty pass, indeed,
when it makes a distinction between a whig or locofoco community, in
the granting of mail facilities."
The term "locofoco" proved for a moment a slight firebrand in the
camp--a six foot, plain farmer-looking individual, who had not I think
attended the funeral, and who, like the brave Putnam, had left his
plough in the furrow, on hearing of a chance to fight--starting to his
feet and interrupting the speaker,--
"Your Honor," said he, "I hope my whig friend, if he must speak of
politics, will consent to call democrats by their right names. What
would he say if I should apply the term 'federalists' to his side of
the house?"
The first speaker was evidently preparing for a broadside in return
for this interruption, but it was averted at once by the assurance
volunteered on my part, that the question of politics would have
nothing to do with this one; and that no harm was probably intended by
the use of the objectionable designation; whereupon our agricultural
friend quietly resumed his seat, his blood seemingly several degrees
cooler than when he left it.
"You're right, sir, no harm _was_ intended," good-naturedly responded
the pioneer orator. "It came so natural to say locofoco, that I hardly
noticed it myself. We all have one common object here, and the fact
that neighbour B. is the only loco--I beg pardon--democrat, who
happens to be present, should have suggested to me greater allowance
for his sensitive feelings."
There was a general laugh at the expense of our lone representative
of the democracy, and the discussion resumed its more legitimate
channel.
At a later period, a careful canvassing would have shown quite a
respectable sprinkling of the political friends of the gentleman who
took exceptions as above stated; and I have always mistrusted that he
managed in some way to procure their special attendance, being
evidently a little chagrined at the accidental exposure of the very
meagre representation of his party at the commencement.
The gentleman having the floor proceeded:--
"I am satisfied the Post Master General would never have decided as he
has, if he had waited for further information. And the indecent haste
with which certain men acted in this matter, is a downright shame and
disgrace. I doubt not, from what I can learn, that they had their
petitions secretly circulating, as soon as the sickness of our late
post master became known. Would to God he had lived to defeat their
selfish and illiberal schemes! But an overruling Providence ordered it
otherwise, doubtless for the accomplishment of some wise purpose!
"We are prepared to show you, sir, by the figures, (though we have
seen that, in the hands of unprincipled men, figures _will_ sometimes
lie,) that three-fourths of the mail matter for the town belongs to
persons of this village, who, by this wicked movement, are obliged to
send a distance of two miles for their letters and papers."
Here was a strong statement, exhibiting a greater difference in the
business and correspondence of the three villages than even the papers
on the official files of the Department had claimed. I was therefore
disposed to call for the proof, if it could be had, before proceeding
further.
"Is there any way of getting at what you have just stated as a fact?"
I inquired.
They were not to be caught napping, for the "Committee on Statistics"
was on the spot, to meet any such exigencies that might arise.
A slight nod of the gentleman's head toward the corner of the room was
promptly responded to by one of the company, whom I had observed
listening more intently, if possible, than the rest, to the opening
address.
He might be described as a gentleman about forty years of age, with
sharp features, and withal as active and keen-looking a body as you
will often come across. With a smile, and an air of self-reliance, he
drew from his hat a bundle of papers of different shapes, from an inch
wide to a full sheet of large size "cap," and, coming to the table,
placed them upon it. A moment's search, during which not a word was
spoken, produced the desired voucher, which was to confirm the truth
of the three-fourths assertion. It proved to be a certificate signed
by the assistant of the late post master, setting forth that, _in his
opinion_, only about one-quarter of all the letters arriving at that
office, during the last three months of its existence, went outside of
a circle of one mile.
The ex-assistant himself, being present, was appealed to, but although
he was willing, in general terms, to re-affirm what he had put upon
paper, yet he failed to furnish any very satisfactory data upon which
the calculation had been made. It was so much at variance with the
allegations contained in the petitions for the new sites, that the
impression could not be resisted that there had been truth-stretching
somewhere.
"Should the office be re-established here," said I to the
ex-assistant, "can the Department rely on the benefit of your
experience in its future management, as post master?"
My object of course was to fathom, if possible, the depth of any
personal interest he might have had in making the certificate referred
to.
"Well, sir, as to that," he answered, his face a little flushed, "I
hardly think I could attend to it; and besides, I may go to the West
in the Spring, if not before."
My unexpected inquiry as to a suitable candidate for the office,
produced a marked sensation. I observed that it had especially
disconcerted the "Committee on Statistics;" why it did so the reader
will learn in due time.
Apologizing to the gentleman whose speech had thus been interrupted,
he resumed, but in a few moments came to an abrupt close on the
arrival of two young gentlemen, both residing near village number
three, and therefore, except to a few, supposed to have come as spies
and reporters. A short consultation, in which I took no part, showed
that they were, as I inferred, all right on the main question,
notwithstanding their location. They were brothers.
If the actors in this scene had been engaged in a play upon the stage,
these two new characters could not have been introduced in a more
artistic or timely manner. What they had to offer was prefaced by a
few words from the gentleman who had just terminated his formal
discourse, informing me that they had magnanimously volunteered to
come here and throw their mite into the scale, on the side of truth
and right, and that private interest, even, could not blind _them_ to
the great injustice that had been perpetrated.
Their own testimony was very brief, and so was their stay, for,
believing I had seen their names on one of the petitions asking for
just what had been done, I unlocked my carpetbag, and on referring to
one of the original papers which for the time being had been placed in
my hands, I there found both their signatures, quite conspicuous among
the petitioners!
And I felt bound to give others a sight of them, too, if for no other
reason, to impart to the "injured" members of that community a slight
knowledge of some of the difficulties which the Post Master General
and his Assistant often have to encounter in these and similar cases.
It was all news to those present excepting to the two "magnanimous"
gentlemen interested. They had doubtless supposed that the evidence of
their double-dealing was very quietly sleeping in one of the snug and
obscure pigeon-holes of the Appointment Office.
On coming into the room again, after a quarter of an hour's absence
at the supper table, I missed these two generous volunteers, and
understood they left very soon after I withdrew. Their inconsistent
course was afterwards explained to me in this wise: After they had
signed for the change, and the papers had gone to Washington, it came
out that the three Select-men of the town had united in a letter to
the Department, on the same side of the question, all three of them
happening to live nearer the new sites than the old one; and the
brothers having become involved in a somewhat bitter quarrel with one
of those officials, had determined to get on the opposite side, in the
post-office struggle, and defeat their wishes if possible.
Among the speakers was the Principal of the Academy before alluded to;
a very intelligent gentleman, and one of dignified appearance. His
observations related mainly to the inconveniences resulting to the
members of that institution from the want of a post-office. After he
had concluded his remarks, I inquired,
"What is the present number of your pupils?"
Upon this, some one suggested obtaining a printed catalogue, and the
"Committee on Statistics" forthwith disappeared in search of the
required pamphlet. The zeal and efficiency of this gentleman may have
had no connection with his desire to fill the office of post master,
should the office be re-established. The reader will judge of this
when he learns who was finally selected for that position.
After a few moments' absence, he returned with a copy of the
catalogue.
Observing that it was for a previous term, I asked whether there were
as many pupils now as at that time.
"The school is not quite as large at present," said the Principal;
"but we expect even a larger number of pupils at the beginning of the
next term."
The hint furnished me (as the reader will remember) by my official
friend of molasses memory, in respect to the residences of the pupils,
happening to occur to my mind, I ran my eye over the column
containing that information, and found that, with few exceptions, they
belonged in town. Consequently, unless they carried on a more
extensive correspondence than is usual for such youth, the argument
maintained by the Principal would lose much of its force. I made no
allusion, however, to this discovery, and he soon closed his remarks,
expressing the hope that the loud complaints of the distant (?)
parents and guardians of the young ladies and gentlemen under his
charge would soon be effectually hushed by the restoration of their
former excellent mail facilities!
A few of those wise words, which, as Solomon assures us, are "as nails
fastened by the masters of assemblies," were driven, in conclusion, by
farmer G., who, as a person sitting near me whispered, was a Justice
of the Peace. His remarks were characterized by much good sense, but
an untoward circumstance occurred as he concluded, which interfered
with the gravity of the proceedings as well as with his own centre of
gravity. As the closing passage of his peroration fell from his lips,
he also fell at the same instant!
There was a scarcity of seats upon the present occasion, and our
oratorical friend had no sooner risen for the purpose of "pouring the
persuasive strain," than his chair was appropriated by a fatigued
neighbor, who "squatted" on the vacant territory, regardless of
"pre-emption" or pre-session.
Unconscious of this furtive proceeding, Mr. G. went on with his
remarks, and closed with the following sentence:--
"In conclusion, sir, I should like to know whether the people of this
village are to be put down in this way?"--at the same time attempting
to resume the seat he had vacated, in the full belief that it was
still where he had left it. As facts did not bear him out in this
opinion, he was obliged to yield to the force of circumstances, and
had gained such a backward impetus before he discovered the treachery
of his friend, that he descended to the floor with as much emphasis as
two hundred pounds of bone and muscle are capable of producing under
similar circumstances!
The illustration of his remarks was perfect. He thought that the
inhabitants of the village were to be "put down" in an underhanded
manner. Whether they were to rise again as rapidly as did he, remains
to be seen.
"That strain again; it had a dying fall,"
thought I after the orator descended so suddenly from his rhetorical
and personal elevation.
Business was for the moment swallowed up in a roar of laughter, to
which the ex-Senator, the dignified Principal, the energetic dealer in
Statistics, and the Agent, contributed; and even the fallen speaker,
whose title to the _floor_ no one was inclined to dispute, joined in
the chorus.
The person who had caused this catastrophe, apologized to Mr. G. by
remarking, "You got through quicker than I'd any idee of."
"Or I either," dryly returned Mr. G., brushing the dust from his
inexpressibles.
This occurrence seemed the signal for adjournment, and all retired in
good spirits, thanks to the gentleman who had thus, in spite of
himself, been made the instrument of producing such a pleasant state
of feeling.
A sort of informal levee was held on the following morning, when all
the forcible things bearing on the subject in hand were said which had
been forgotten at the meeting of the night previous, or were the
result of after cogitations.
As the time drew near for leaving, I called upon the landlord for my
bill.
"Oh, that's all settled," said he.
"Settled? by whom, pray?" I asked.
"Why, _they_ told me not to take anything from you, as they would make
it all right," he replied.
I called the attention of the landlord to the impropriety of such a
course under the circumstances, since in the event of the restoration
of the office to that village, it might be said, "Oh, it's easy
enough to see how that happened. They knew what they were about when
they paid the Agents' hotel bill."
For such reasons I declined the courtesy, and insisted on paying the
bill myself. The landlord finally yielded, remarking, "_they_ won't
like it when they find out that their directions were not followed."
Soon after, the stage arrived at the door of the hotel from a
neighboring town, on its way to the rail road depôt, and this was to
be my conveyance to that place. I took leave of such of the gentlemen
as were standing about the piazza, and mounted to the seat upon the
top of the stage, behind and above the driver's station. To this
elevated position I was unexpectedly followed by the "Committee on
Statistics," and another person whom I had not seen before. This move
on the part of the former gentleman was probably made not only to
secure my ear during the passage to the depôt, but to prevent the post
master there from gaining any advantage over him in the time which
would elapse between the arrival of the stage and the departure of the
cars.
Being placed, like men in general, between the known and unknown,--the
"Committee" on one side, and the stranger on the other, my attention,
soon after we had started, was attracted to the former individual by
sundry punches in the ribs, proceeding from his elbow, accompanied
with ominous winks and glances towards my other companion, who was
just then conversing with the driver.
"Look out what you say," whispered the vigilant Committee, "that
fellow is a spy; he is one of the Depôt boys."
"All right," I replied, in all sincerity, for I was not sorry to find
that my friend would be prevented by the presence of the "spy" from
executing the design which he undoubtedly had, of catechizing me in
reference to the report I should make to the Department.
Arriving at the station, I crossed over to the post-office, and there
remained until the whistle of the locomotive was heard.
"Well, good bye, Mr. W----," said I to the post master, offering my
hand.
"I think," said he, "that I will ride a little way with you, as far at
least as the next station."
He accompanied me across to the depot, and as we stepped upon the
platform of a car, we were followed by the "Committee" and one of his
most interested friends, who had come over in the stage with us, an
inside passenger.
These gentlemen were evidently bent on thwarting the plans of my
saccharine associate, but he had in an important particular greatly
the advantage over them, for, by virtue of his office, he was allowed
the privilege of riding in the mail car, to which we at once
proceeded, leaving our disappointed friends in the outer world, among
the undistinguished crowd whom the conductor indiscriminately calls
upon for "your money or your ticket."
My companion and his opponents alighted at the next station, to wait
for the return train, and as the cars moved on, I observed that they
were conversing together, the countenance of the former displaying a
radiant appearance of satisfaction which plainly showed his triumphant
state of mind.
I have no means of knowing what passed between them on their return,
but it is altogether probable that the "Committee" and his friend
employed the time in "pumping" or attempting to pump their associate,
unless he took refuge in the mail car.
The investigation resulted in restoring the post-office to the center
village, and in discontinuing the two others.
The reader will be pleased to learn that the "Committee on Statistics"
received the appointment of post master.