Bell-ringing by the monkeys.—Disorder in Monkey Villas.—Hungry,
I discover stores.—His Majesty in a jar of quinces.—Scrambling
for nuts.—Monkeys tipsy.—Fear of their intoxicated
revels.—Night falls as I am in the midst of a terrible
uproar.—I discover candles and lucifer matches.—The monkeys
find them also.—Candle-dance by the apes.
The fourth day of this singular penitential ordeal I was startled at
hearing a bell ring, and immediately fancied myself saved, for I could
attribute only to one of my own species the faculty of employing this
method of signalling. Flinging down my pen I abandoned my cruel labour,
and ran at the top of my speed towards the place whence I supposed the
sound proceeded. I decided to die rather than remain any longer in the
place where I had been kept by constraint and blows for three days
and nights. My guards did not dare to hold me back. I arrived without
halting at the foot of the post above which the bell was hung, when my
disappointment was complete at finding that it was not a man but an ape
who was pulling the rope.
The post of the bell was fixed at the corner of a large courtyard, the
four sides of which were composed of ranges of elegant apartments. This
courtyard received both air and light through an immense awning of
rose-coloured cloth, filled out by the wind, and enjoyed a perpetual
freshness arising from a natural basin of water which was situated in
the very centre of the square. Luxuriant turf, with beds of shrubs and
flowers, formed a border to this refreshing pool. Tied together in
bouquets by a kind of weed, a tropical hair-like plant, bamboos grew with
their delicate trunks and glossy foliage to a height of sixty feet. In
India this cool part of a house, where one really manages to breathe, is
called the verandah. Did India take the idea of verandahs from the Moors,
or did the Moors borrow verandahs from the Hindoos to introduce them into
Spain and Portugal? I cannot say. All I know is that the inhabitants dine
in these places during the heat of the day, walk in them of an evening,
and often make them their sleeping apartment for the night. Divans from
Cabul, carpets from Bagdad, mats from Ceylon, and Manilla hammocks are
the ordinary furniture of these verandahs.
Karabouffi, who had taken possession without ceremony of the finest house
of all, had the wit to choose the verandah for himself and court to
reside in. Profiting by the long tables laid out for the officers of the
station, he and his suite occasionally took their meals there, though to
be sure without ever thinking of changing the tablecloth.
On entering this verandah I found myself in the midst of the most
distressing disorder that one can possibly imagine. There were plates
scattered about in all directions, silver dishes lying here and there,
broken china, smashed decanters, forks stuck by the prongs into the
table, bottles lying on their sides, and glasses piled up one within the
other.
The bell which I had heard was to announce dinner.
Karabouffi strutted into the room and took a place in the very middle of
the table, between a soup-plate and cruet-stand; his favourites seated
themselves around—some on the table, others underneath.
I acknowledge that, owing to the hunger which I endured, I felt
indisposed to criticise the behaviour of the guests and the postures
in which they placed themselves too closely. Besides, I could not but
remember that among the nations of the world the etiquette of the
dinner-table has not yet been reduced to anything like a system of
uniformity. For instance, the English commonly dine without napkins;
the French invariably with; the Chinese eat with little ivory sticks;
Orientals with their hands instead of forks; the Thibetans eat standing
up; the Romans ate reclining; the American Indians eat with fish-bones
shaped like needles. Why, then, should I find fault with these creatures,
who simply ate as instinct taught them?
Only it was necessary to have something to eat. The vegetables which my
table companions eagerly devoured, and which they occasionally sought
to thrust into my mouth, were neither palatable nor satisfying. I was
suffering the most cruel hunger. Whilst casting my sad and haggard eyes
round the verandah, almost every window of which indicated a distinct
room, and thinking of the many capital repasts which the English
officers had here partaken of, an inscription over a window a little
way off met my sight. It consisted of these words, in black letters on
a white ground:—“Kitchens of the officers of the staff.” I rushed in
the direction far quicker than I had done to the sound of the bell.
Kitchens! a plurality of kitchens! There were of course several kitchens,
then! It is needless to say that I was followed in my impetuous rush
by Karabouffi’s staff, who were at this moment a curious rather than a
hostile crowd. This general curiosity was in fact my great protection
against the habitual perversity of my quadrumanous tyrants.
In my impetuosity I penetrated into a large and handsome apartment of
the verandah, evidently the reception-room, and which had been by no
means so badly treated as other parts of the building. The arm-chairs
appeared to be only half stripped of their coverings; the chandelier
and ormolu brackets of several branches still decorated the ceiling and
walls. Various articles of furniture, the use of which the ravagers had
no doubt been unable to divine, were left intact. These were a piano,
an accordion, and a guitar. I judged from these various signs that the
recollection of the beatings which they must have frequently received
at the hands of the cooks, their natural enemies, whom they are always
robbing, had induced the apes to keep clear of the kitchens.
From the reception-room I passed into the dining-hall, situated at the
back of the verandah, and from the dining-hall into the kitchen. Alas!
weeks, months, perhaps, had elapsed since the English settlers had
disappeared, and I ought not to have expected to have seen haunches
of venison, turkeys, pheasants, and hares roasting on the spit. The
kitchen fire was extinguished, and all was cold and desolate. My apes had
evidently passed through here. But, apes as they were, and will always
be, they had not found out how to open the cupboards. The claws of the
depredators had left their traces behind them, written in long furrows
across the doors—that was all. I opened one cupboard after another.
Providence had evidently guided me, for I found them filled with cases of
_pâté-de-foie gras_, and all kinds of preserved meats, poultry, fish, and
vegetables, with boxes of sardines and pots of jams, and jars of fruits
and sweetmeats. Guess if I didn’t seize with avidity on these treasures.
Prudence suggested to me not to be ungrateful. I therefore offered a
colossal jar of preserved quinces to his Majesty King Karabouffi, who
forthwith thrust his head into it right up to the shoulders; but his
subjects, envious and jealous at this proceeding, immediately commenced
to draw him out by the legs and tail. Karabouffi, however, held tight,
and he and the jar resisted their efforts with success. Nevertheless,
I am quite of the opinion that a prudent sovereign ought not to indulge
too freely in sweetmeats in the presence of his subjects. The strife
continued; the jar at length began to give way. A revolution was
inevitably about to spring from this trivial, this insignificant incident.
Now, for my part, I considered that a revolution at this particular
moment would in all probability not turn out to my advantage. One
Karabouffi dead, twenty other Karabouffis would spring up to succeed him.
This was easily to be perceived, and what was equally certain was that
the last Karabouffi would be sure to be worse than his predecessors; so
for the purpose of preventing such a catastrophe, this is what I did: I
emptied a bag of nuts on the ground. Suddenly courtiers and subjects,
leaving their lord and master to partake of the preserved quinces to his
heart’s content, rushed after the nuts, for which they scrambled like a
parcel of schoolboys. It is not a bad plan—indeed, it is rather a method
of sound policy—to throw from time to time a few handfuls of nuts among
people who are quarrelling.
In presence of the nuts the general discontent vanished. I profited by
this circumstance to taste a few of those delicious preserves which
had fallen into my hands. I was obliged while eating them to hold the
cupboard door only partially open, for fear that the spies by whom I was
surrounded should desire to share these dainties with me. Had I given
them the chance, they would have whipped everything off in the twinkling
of an eye. But I was only taking half measures of protection, as I am now
about to show. After having eaten my fill, I took a bottle of wine from
a hamper, broke the neck off it, and commenced to drink. I drank with
satisfaction, with pleasure—indeed, I may say with ecstasy. But in my
ecstasy I forgot myself, and left the cupboard door wide open. Whilst I
was counting the stars, after the manner of Sancho Panza, my companions
insinuated themselves into the cupboard, fell on to the hampers of wine,
seized the bottles as they had seen me do: the reader can divine the
rest.
Once intoxicated, they called one another names in ape’s language, which
was enough to make any one tremble; they sent plates flying at one
another’s heads, and somehow or other never missed their aim; they struck
one another on the back with the empty bottles until they shivered them
into fragments. “Ah,” said I to myself, “Nature has done well to indicate
to man the constant moderation which he ought to bring, and which he
really does bring, to the gratification of his desires. As a matter of
course he never falls into those scandalous excesses in which I saw these
miserable imitations of our species so readily indulge.”
I felt proud at this new proof of our superiority over the monkey tribe.
It has been said, I know, that men have occasionally forgotten themselves
at dessert, and behaved with less politeness than they ordinarily do.
People will cite, for instance, the cases of Alexander, who killed Clytus
after a drinking bout; and of Charles XII., who boxed his mother’s
ears on leaving table; and of King Christian of Denmark. But see how
rare the examples are! One is obliged to search history to its lowest
depths for them. I am aware it has been pretended that our most painful
diseases result from the too great fondness which we are said to have
for the pleasures of the table, and from our partiality for alcoholic
drinks. This proves, however, absolutely nothing, for these are at best
but mere suppositions. Tell me, if you please, where I shall look for a
counterpart of the frightful reality I have just described, and which I
saw passing before my eyes.
I might have hit upon even still more flattering comparisons for my own
species, but night was coming on, and I watched it approach with an
inexpressible fear; for I had no longer the resource of hiding myself in
the woods and escaping my enemies. They were all present, they were all
more or less intoxicated, and I was hemmed in by them on all sides.
It may be supposed that my position was anything but an agreeable one in
the midst of this maddened pandemonium, giving itself up in the darkness
of the night to the most frightful eccentricities. As this darkness
increased so did my fear. Every means of flight were cut off from me. I
expected to be strangled, choked, or torn in pieces on the spot. Not a
single avenue of escape was open to me—no, not one!
In the excess of my alarm the idea suddenly occurred to me of hiding
myself away in one of the cupboards, and by this means escaping the
fate which threatened me. It was while seeking to put in execution this
impossible project, considering the narrow space into which I should have
been obliged to squeeze myself, that I displaced the lid of a chest,
and found my hand in contact with some solid substance. I pass my hand
carefully over it, I examine it so far as a doubtful light permits me,
when judge of my delight at discovering that it was a packet of wax
candles. The chest was evidently filled with them. I immediately drew my
box of lucifers from my pocket and lighted one. Delivered from the horror
of darkness in the unhappy condition in which I was, I trembled all over
with emotion. What a delicious surprise! What joy! Unfortunately I did
not remark, when closing the cupboard that my spies might not play me
the same trick as they had done with the wine, that I had locked one of
them in. He uttered a cry of alarm, on hearing which I instantly opened
the door, or it might have turned out badly for me. All was over. My
captive, once free, placed himself in the opening of the door so that I
could not shut it without crushing him. The others, profiting by this
accident, immediately made a rush for the cupboard, and pillaged the
chest in the twinkling of an eye. Behold them all lighting their candles
at mine and waving them over their heads, dancing about with delight
at the continued repetition of these fantastic flames, with which their
little Satanic eyes were at once dazzled and fascinated. Alas! I only
fell from one state of fright into another. Now I stood a chance of being
burnt like a faggot, for they carried their lighted tapers so recklessly
that they had already commenced to singe the skins of each other. A happy
inspiration, drawn from the new danger which I had myself called down, at
this moment took possession of me.
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