I have now reached the northern extremity of England, and see, close to
my chamber-window, the Tweed gliding through the arches of that bridge
which connects this suburb to the town of Berwick.--Yorkshire you have
seen, and therefore I shall say nothing of that opulent province.
The city of Durham appears like a confused heap of stones and brick,
accumulated so as to cover a mountain, round which a river winds its
brawling course. The Streets are generally narrow, dark, and unpleasant,
and many of them almost impassible in consequence of their declivity.
The cathedral is a huge gloomy pile; but the clergy are well lodged.--
The bishop lives in a princely manner--the golden prebends keep
plentiful tables--and, I am told, there is some good sociable company in
the place; but the country, when viewed from the top of Gateshead-Fell,
which extends to Newcastle, exhibits the highest scene of cultivation
that ever I beheld. As for Newcastle, it lies mostly in a bottom, on the
banks of the Tyne, and makes an appearance still more disagreeable than
that of Durham; but it is rendered populous and rich by industry and
commerce; and the country lying on both sides the river, above the town,
yields a delightful prospect of agriculture and plantation. Morpeth and
Alnwick are neat, pretty towns, and this last is famous for the castle
which has belonged so many ages to the noble house of Piercy, earls of
Northumberland.--It is, doubtless, a large edifice, containing a great
number of apartments, and stands in a commanding situation; but the
strength of it seems to have consisted not so much in its site, or the
manner in which it is fortified, as in the valour of its defendants.
Our adventures since we left Scarborough, are scarce worth reciting;
and yet I must make you acquainted with my sister Tabby’s progress in
husband-hunting, after her disappointments at Bath and London. She had
actually begun to practise upon a certain adventurer, who was in fact
a highwayman by profession; but he had been used to snares much more
dangerous than any she could lay, and escaped accordingly. Then she
opened her batteries upon an old weather-beaten Scotch lieutenant,
called Lismahago, who joined us at Durham, and is, I think, one of the
most singular personages I ever encountered--His manner is as harsh
as his countenance; but his peculiar turn of thinking, and his pack of
knowledge made up of the remnants of rarities, rendered his conversation
desirable, in spite of his pedantry and ungracious address. I have often
met with a crab-apple in a hedge, which I have been tempted to eat for
its flavour, even while I was disgusted by its austerity. The spirit of
contradiction is naturally so strong in Lismahago, that I believe in
my conscience he has rummaged, and read, and studied with indefatigable
attention, in order to qualify himself to refute established maxims, and
thus raise trophies for the gratification of polemical pride.--Such is
the asperity of his self-conceit, that he will not even acquiesce in a
transient compliment made to his own individual in particular, or to his
country in general.
When I observed, that he must have read a vast number of books to be
able to discourse on such a variety of subjects, he declared he had read
little or nothing, and asked how he should find books among the woods
of America, where he had spent the greatest part of his life. My nephew
remarking that the Scots in general were famous for their learning, he
denied the imputation, and defied him to prove it from their works--‘The
Scots (said he) have a slight tincture of letters, with which they make
a parade among people who are more illiterate than themselves; but they
may be said to float on the surface of science, and they have made very
small advances in the useful arts.’ ‘At least (cried Tabby), all
the world allows that the Scots behaved gloriously in fighting and
conquering the savages of America.’ ‘I can assure you, madam, you have
been misinformed (replied the lieutenant); in that continent the
Scots did nothing more than their duty, nor was there one corps in his
majesty’s service that distinguished itself more than another.--Those
who affected to extol the Scots for superior merit, were no friends to
that nation.’
Though he himself made free with his countrymen, he would not suffer
any other person to glance a sarcasm at them with impunity. One of the
company chancing to mention lord B--‘s inglorious peace, the lieutenant
immediately took up the cudgels in his lordship’s favour, and
argued very strenuously to prove that it was the most honourable and
advantageous peace that England had ever made since the foundation of
the monarchy.--Nay, between friends, he offered such reasons on this
subject, that I was really confounded, if not convinced.--He would not
allow that the Scots abounded above their proportion in the army and
navy of Great-Britain, or that the English had any reason to say his
countrymen had met with extraordinary encouragement in the service.
‘When a South and North-Briton (said he) are competitors for a place
or commission, which is in the disposal of an English minister or an
English general, it would be absurd to suppose that the preference will
not be given to the native of England, who has so many advantages over
his rival.--First and foremost, he has in his favour that laudable
partiality, which, Mr Addison says, never fails to cleave to the heart
of an Englishman; secondly, he has more powerful connexions, and a
greater share of parliamentary interest, by which those contests are
generally decided; and lastly, he has a greater command of money to
smooth the way to his success. For my own part (said he), I know no
Scotch officer, who has risen in the army above the rank of a subaltern,
without purchasing every degree of preferment either with money or
recruits; but I know many gentlemen of that country, who, for want of
money and interest, have grown grey in the rank of lieutenants; whereas
very few instances of this ill-fortune are to be found among the natives
of South-Britain.--Not that I would insinuate that my countrymen have
the least reason to complain. Preferment in the service, like success
in any other branch of traffic, will naturally favour those who have
the greatest stock of cash and credit, merit and capacity being supposed
equal on all sides.’
But the most hardy of all this original’s positions were these: That
commerce would, sooner or later, prove the ruin of every nation, where
it flourishes to any extent--that the parliament was the rotten part of
the British constitution--that the liberty of the press was a national
evil--and that the boasted institution of juries, as managed in England,
was productive of shameful perjury and flagrant injustice. He observed,
that traffick was an enemy to all the liberal passions of the soul,
founded on the thirst of lucre, a sordid disposition to take advantage
of the necessities of our fellow creatures.--He affirmed, the nature
of commerce was such, that it could not be fixed or perpetuated, but,
having flowed to a certain height, would immediately begin to ebb, and
so continue till the channels should be left almost dry; but there
was no instance of the tide’s rising a second time to any considerable
influx in the same nation. Mean while the sudden affluence occasioned
by trade, forced open all the sluices of luxury and overflowed the land
with every species of profligacy and corruption; a total pravity of
manners would ensue, and this must be attended with bankruptcy and ruin.
He observed of the parliament, that the practice of buying boroughs,
and canvassing for votes, was an avowed system of venality, already
established on the ruins of principle, integrity, faith, and good order,
in consequence of which the elected and the elector, and, in short, the
whole body of the people, were equally and universally contaminated and
corrupted. He affirmed, that of a parliament thus constituted, the crown
would always have influence enough to secure a great majority in its
dependence, from the great number of posts, places, and pensions it
had to bestow; that such a parliament would (as it had already done)
lengthen the term of its sitting and authority, whenever the prince
should think it for his interest to continue the representatives, for,
without doubt, they had the same right to protect their authority ad
infinitum, as they had to extend it from three to seven years.--With a
parliament, therefore, dependent upon the crown, devoted to the prince,
and supported by a standing army, garbled and modelled for the purpose,
any king of England may, and probably some ambitious sovereign will,
totally overthrow all the bulwarks of the constitution; for it is not
to be supposed that a prince of high spirit will tamely submit to be
thwarted in all his measures, abused and insulted by a populace of
unbridled ferocity, when he has it in his power to crush all opposition
under his feet with the concurrence of the legislature. He said, he
should always consider the liberty of the press as a national evil,
while it enabled the vilest reptile to soil the lustre of the most
shining merit, and furnished the most infamous incendiary with the means
of disturbing the peace and destroying the good order of the community.
He owned, however, that under due restrictions, it would be a valuable
privilege; but affirmed, that at present there was no law in England
sufficient to restrain it within proper bounds.
With respect to juries, he expressed himself to this effect:--juries
are generally composed of illiterate plebeians, apt to be mistaken,
easily misled, and open to sinister influence; for if either of the
parties to be tried, can gain over one of the twelve jurors, he has
secured the verdict in his favour; the juryman thus brought over will,
in despight of all evidence and conviction, generally hold out till his
fellows are fatigued, and harassed, and starved into concurrence; in
which case the verdict is unjust, and the jurors are all perjured: but
cases will often occur, when the jurors are really divided in opinion,
and each side is convinced in opposition to the other; but no verdict
will be received, unless they are unanimous, and they are all bound, not
only in conscience, but by oath, to judge and declare according to their
conviction.--What then will be the consequence?--They must either
starve in company, or one side must sacrifice their conscience to their
convenience, and join in a verdict which they believe to be false. This
absurdity is avoided in Sweden, where a bare majority is sufficient; and
in Scotland, where two thirds of the jury are required to concur in the
verdict.
You must not imagine that all these deductions were made on his part,
without contradictions on mine.--No--the truth is, I found myself piqued
in point of honour, at his pretending to be so much wiser than his
neighbours.--I questioned all his assertions, started innumerable
objections, argued and wrangled with uncommon perseverance, and grew
very warm, and even violent, in the debate.--Sometimes he was puzzled,
and once or twice, I think, fairly refuted; but from those falls he rose
again, like Antaeus, with redoubled vigour, till at length I was tired,
exhausted, and really did not know how to proceed, when luckily he
dropped a hint, by which he discovered he had been bred to the law;
a confession which enabled me to retire from the dispute with a good
grace, as it could not be supposed that a man like me, who had been bred
to nothing, should be able to cope with a veteran in his own profession.
I believe, however, that I shall for some time continue to chew the cud
of reflection upon many observations which this original discharged.
Whether our sister Tabby was really struck with his conversation, or is
resolved to throw at every thing she meets in the shape of a man, till
she can fasten the matrimonial noose, certain it is, she has taken
desperate strides towards the affection of Lismahago, who cannot be said
to have met her half way, though he does not seem altogether insensible
to her civilities.--She insinuated more than once how happy we should be
to have his company through that part of Scotland which we proposed
to visit, till at length he plainly told us, that his road was totally
different from that which we intended to take; that, for his part, his
company would be of very little service to us in our progress, as he was
utterly unacquainted with the country, which he had left in his early
youth, consequently, he could neither direct us in our enquiries, nor
introduce us to any family of distinction. He said, he was stimulated
by an irresistible impulse to revisit the paternus lar, or patria domus,
though he expected little satisfaction, inasmuch as he understood that
his nephew, the present possessor, was but ill qualified to support the
honour of the family.--He assured us, however, as we design to return by
the west road, that he will watch our motions, and endeavour to pay his
respects to us at Dumfries.--Accordingly he took his leave of us at a
place half way betwixt Morpeth and Alnwick, and pranced away in great
state, mounted on a tall, meagre, raw-boned, shambling grey gelding,
without e’er a tooth in his head, the very counter-part of the rider;
and, indeed, the appearance of the two was so picturesque, that I would
give twenty guineas to have them tolerably presented on canvas.
Northumberland is a fine county, extending to the Tweed, which is a
pleasant pastoral stream; but you will be surprised when I tell you
that the English side of that river is neither so well cultivated nor
so populous as the other.--The farms are thinly scattered, the lands
uninclosed, and scarce a gentleman’s seat is to be seen in some miles
from the Tweed; whereas the Scots are advanced in crowds to the very
brink of the river, so that you may reckon above thirty good houses, in
the compass of a few miles, belonging to proprietors whose ancestors had
fortified castles in the same situations, a circumstance that shews what
dangerous neighbours the Scots must have formerly been to the northern
counties of England.
Our domestic oeconomy continues on the old footing.--My sister Tabby
still adheres to methodism, and had the benefit of a sermon at Wesley’s
meeting in Newcastle; but I believe the Passion of love has in some
measure abated the fervour of devotion both in her and her woman,
Mrs Jenkins, about whose good graces there has been a violent contest
betwixt my nephew’s valet, Mr Dutton, and my man, Humphry Clinker.--Jery
has been obliged to interpose his authority to keep the peace, and to
him I have left the discussion of that important affair, which had like
to have kindled the flames of discord in the family of
Yours always, MATT. BRAMBLE TWEEDMOUTH, July 15.
To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, Bart. at Oxon.