We made a precipitate retreat from Scarborough, owing to the excessive
delicacy of our ‘squire, who cannot bear the thoughts of being
proetereuntium digito monstratus.
One morning, while he was bathing in the sea, his man Clinker took it
in his head that his master was in danger of drowning; and, in this
conceit, plunging into the water, he lugged him out naked on the beach,
and almost pulled off his ear in the operation. You may guess how this
atchievement was relished by Mr Bramble, who is impatient, irascible,
and has the most extravagant ideas of decency and decorum in the
oeconomy of his own person--In the first ebullition of his choler, he
knocked Clinker down with his fist; but he afterwards made him amends
for his outrage, and, in order to avoid further notice of the people,
among whom this incident had made him remarkable, he resolved to leave
Scarborough next day.
We set out accordingly over the moors, by the way of Whitby, and began
our journey betimes, in hopes of reaching Stockton that night; but
in this hope we were disappointed--In the afternoon, crossing a deep
gutter, made by a torrent, the coach was so hard strained, that one of
the irons, which connect the frame, snapt, and the leather sling on the
same side, cracked in the middle. The shock was so great, that my sister
Liddy struck her head against Mrs Tabitha’s nose with such violence that
the blood flowed; and Win. Jenkins was darted through a small window in
that part of the carriage next the horses, where she stuck like a bawd
in the pillory, till she was released by the hand of Mr Bramble. We
were eight miles distant from any place where we could be supplied with
chaises, and it was impossible to proceed with the coach, until the
damage should be repaired--in this dilemma, we discovered a blacksmith’s
forge on the edge of a small common, about half a mile from the scene
of our disaster, and thither the postilions made shift to draw the
carriage, slowly, while the company walked a-foot; but we found the
black-smith had been dead some days; and his wife, who had been lately
delivered, was deprived of her senses, under the care of a nurse, hired
by the parish. We were exceedingly mortified at this disappointment,
which, however, was surmounted by the help of Humphry Clinker, who is a
surprising compound of genius and simplicity. Finding the tools of
the defunct, together with some coals in the smithy, he unscrewed the
damaged iron in a twinkling, and, kindling a fire, united the broken
pieces with equal dexterity and dispatch--While he was at work upon
this operation, the poor woman in the straw, struck with the well-known
sound of the hammer and anvil, started up, and, notwithstanding all the
nurse’s efforts, came running into the smithy, where, throwing her arms
about Clinker’s neck, ‘Ah, Jacob (cried she) how could you leave me in
such a condition?’
This incident was too pathetic to occasion mirth--it brought tears into
the eyes of all present. The poor widow was put to bed again; and we
did not leave the village without doing something for her benefit--Even
Tabitha’s charity was awakened on this occasion. As for the
tender-hearted Humphry Clinker, he hammered the iron and wept at the
same time--But his ingenuity was not confined to his own province of
farrier and black-smith--It was necessary to join the leather sling,
which had been broke; and this service he likewise performed, by means
of a broken awl, which he new-pointed and ground, a little hemp, which
he spun into lingels, and a few tacks which he made for the purpose.
Upon the whole, we were in a condition to proceed in little more than
an hour; but even this delay obliged us to pass the night at
Gisborough--Next day we crossed the Tees at Stockton, which is a neat
agreeable town; and there we resolved to dine, with purpose to lie at
Durham.
Whom should we meet in the yard, when we alighted, but Martin the
adventurer? Having handed out the ladies, and conducted them into an
apartment, where he payed his compliments to Mrs Tabby, with his usual
address, he begged leave to speak to my uncle in another room; and
there, in some confusion, he made an apology for having taken the
liberty to trouble him with a letter at Stevenage. He expressed his
hope, that Mr Bramble had bestowed some consideration on his unhappy
case, and repeated his desire of being taken into his service.
My uncle, calling me into the room, told him, that we were both
very well inclined to rescue him from a way of life that was equally
dangerous and dishonourable; and that he should have no scruples in
trusting to his gratitude and fidelity, if he had any employment
for him, which he thought would suit his qualifications and his
circumstances; but that all the departments he had mentioned in his
letter, were filled up by persons of whose conduct he had no reason to
complain; of consequence he could not, without injustice, deprive any
one of them of his bread. Nevertheless, he declared himself ready to
assist him in any feasible project, either with his purse or credit.
Martin seemed deeply touched at this declaration--The tear started
in his eye, while he said, in a faultering accent--‘Worthy sir--your
generosity oppresses me--I never dreamed of troubling you for any
pecuniary assistance--indeed I have no occasion--I have been so lucky
at billiards and betting in different places, at Buxton, Harrigate,
Scarborough, and Newcastle races, that my stock in ready-money amounts
to three hundred pounds, which I would willingly employ, in prosecuting
some honest scheme of life; but my friend, justice Buzzard, has set
so many springs for my life, that I am under the necessity of either
retiring immediately to a remote part of the country, where I can enjoy
the protection of some generous patron, or of quitting the kingdom
altogether. It is upon this alternative that I now beg leave to ask your
advice. I have had information of all your route, since I had the honour
to see you at Stevenage; and, supposing you would come this way from
Scarborough, I came hither last night from Darlington, to pay you my
respects.’
‘It would be no difficult matter to provide you with an asylum in the
country (replied my uncle); but a life of indolence and obscurity
would not suit with your active and enterprizing disposition--I would
therefore advise you to try your fortune in the East Indies--I will
give you a letter to a friend in London, who will recommend you to the
direction, for a commission in the company’s service; and if that cannot
be obtained, you will at least be received as a volunteer--in which
case, you may pay for your passage, and I shall undertake to procure you
such credentials, that you will not be long without a commission.’
Martin embraced the proposal with great eagerness; it was therefore
resolved, that he should sell his horse, and take a passage by sea
for London, to execute the project without delay--In the mean time he
accompanied us to Durham, were we took up our quarters for the night.
Here, being furnished with letters from my uncle, he took his leave of
us, with strong symptoms of gratitude and attachment, and set out for
Sunderland, in order to embark in the first collier, bound for the
river Thames. He had not been gone half an hour, when we were joined
by another character, which promised something extraordinary--A tall,
meagre figure, answering, with his horse, the description of Don Quixote
mounted on Rozinante, appeared in the twilight at the inn door, while my
aunt and Liddy stood at a window in the dining-room--He wore a coat,
the cloth of which had once been scarlet, trimmed with Brandenburgs, now
totally deprived of their metal, and he had holstercaps and housing
of the same stuff and same antiquity. Perceiving ladies at the window
above, he endeavoured to dismount with the most graceful air he could
assume; but the ostler neglecting to hold the stirrup when he wheeled
off his right foot, and stood with his whole weight on the other, the
girth unfortunately gave way, the saddle turned, down came the cavalier
to the ground, and his hat and perriwig falling off, displayed a
head-piece of various colours, patched and plaistered in a woeful
condition--The ladies, at the window above, shrieked with affright, on
the supposition that the stranger had received some notable damages
in his fall; but the greatest injury he had sustained arose from the
dishonour of his descent, aggravated by the disgrace of exposing the
condition of his cranium; for certain plebeians that were about the
door, laughed aloud, in the belief that the captain had got either a
scald head, or a broken head, both equally opprobrious.
He forthwith leaped up in a fury, and snatching one of his pistols,
threatened to put the ostler to death, when another squall from the
women checked his resentment. He then bowed to the window, while he
kissed the butt-end of his pistol, which he replaced; adjusted his wig
in great confusion, and led his horse into the stable--By this time I
had come to the door, and could not help gazing at the strange figure
that presented itself to my view. He would have measured above six
feet in height had he stood upright; but he stooped very much; was very
narrow in the shoulders, and very thick in the calves of his legs, which
were cased in black spatterdashes--As for his thighs, they were long
and slender, like those of a grasshopper; his face was, at least, half
a yard in length, brown and shrivelled, with projecting cheek-bones,
little grey eyes on the greenish hue, a large hook-nose, a pointed chin,
a mouth from ear to ear, very ill furnished with teeth, and a high,
narrow fore-head, well furrowed with wrinkles. His horse was exactly
in the stile of its rider; a resurrection of dry bones, which (as we
afterwards learned) he valued exceedingly, as the only present he had
ever received in his life.
Having seen this favourite steed properly accommodated in the stable, he
sent up his compliments to the ladies, begging permission to thank them
in person for the marks of concern they had shewn at his disaster in
the court yard--As the ‘squire said they could not decently decline
his visit, he was shewn up stairs and paid his respects in the Scotch
dialect, with much formality ‘Leddies (said he), perhaps ye may be
scandaleezed at the appearance of my heed made, when it was uncovered by
accident; but I can assure you, the condition you saw it in, is neither
the effects of diseases, nor of drunkenness: but an honest scar received
in the service of my country.’ He then gave us to understand, that
having been wounded at Ticonderoga, in America, a party of Indians
rifled him, scalped him, broke his scull with the blow of a tomahawk,
and left him for dead on the field of battle; but that being afterwards
found with signs of life, he had been cured in the French hospital,
though the loss of substance could not be repaired; so that the scull
was left naked in several places, and these he covered with patches.
There is no hold by which an Englishman is sooner taken than that of
compassion--We were immediately interested in behalf of this veteran.
Even Tabby’s heart was melted; but our pity was warmed with indignation,
when we learned, that in the course of two sanguinary wars, he had been
wounded, maimed, mutilated, taken, and enslaved, without ever having
attained a higher rank than that of lieutenant--My uncle’s eyes gleamed,
and his nether lip quivered, while he exclaimed, ‘I vow to God, sir,
your case is a reproach to the service--The injustice you have met
with is so flagrant’--‘I must crave your pardon, sir (cried the other,
interrupting him), I complain of no injustice--I purchased an ensigncy
thirty years ago; and, in the course of service rose to a lieutenant,
according to my seniority’--‘But in such a length of time (resumed the
‘squire), you must have seen a great many young officers put over your
head’--‘Nevertheless (said he), I have no cause to murmur--They bought
their preferment with their money--I had no money to carry to market
that was my misfortune; but no body was to blame’--‘What! no friend
to advance a sum of money?’ (said Mr Bramble) ‘Perhaps, I might have
borrowed money for the purchase of a company (answered the other);
but that loan must have been refunded; and I did not chuse to incumber
myself with a debt of a thousand pounds, to be payed from an income
of ten shillings a-day.’ ‘So you have spent the best part of your life
(cried Mr Bramble), your youth, your blood, and your constitution,
amidst the dangers, the difficulties, the horrors and hardships of
a war, for the consideration of three or four shillings a-day a
consideration--’ ‘Sir (replied the Scot, with great warmth), you are the
man that does me injustice, if you say or think I have been actuated by
any such paltry consideration--I am a gentleman; and entered the service
as other gentlemen do, with such hopes and sentiments as honourable
ambition inspires--If I have not been lucky in the lottery of life, so
neither do I think myself unfortunate--I owe to no man a farthing; I can
always command a clean shirt, a mutton-chop, and a truss of straw; and
when I die, I shall leave effects sufficient to defray the expence of my
burial.’
My uncle assured him, he had no intention to give him the least offence,
by the observations he had made; but, on the contrary, spoke from a
sentiment of friendly regard to his interest--The lieutenant thanked
him with a stiffness of civility, which nettled our old gentleman, who
perceived that his moderation was all affected; for, whatsoever his
tongue might declare, his whole appearance denoted dissatisfaction--In
short, without pretending to judge of his military merit, I think I may
affirm, that this Caledonian is a self-conceited pedant, aukward, rude,
and disputacious--He has had the benefit of a school-education, seems
to have read a good number of books, his memory is tenacious, and he
pretends to speak several different languages; but he is so addicted to
wrangling, that he will cavil at the clearest truths, and, in the pride
of argumentation, attempt to reconcile contradictions--Whether his
address and qualifications are really of that stamp which is agreeable
to the taste of our aunt, Mrs Tabitha, or that indefatigable maiden is
determined to shoot at every sort of game, certain it is she has begun
to practice upon the heart of the lieutenant, who favoured us with his
company to supper.
I have many other things to say of this man of war, which I shall
communicate in a post or two; mean while, it is but reasonable that you
should be indulged with some respite from those weary lucubrations of
Yours, J. MELFORD NEWCASTLE UPON TYNE, July 10.
To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS Bart. of Jesus college, Oxon.