The manner of living at Harrigate was so agreeable to my disposition,
that I left the place with some regret--Our aunt Tabby would have
probably made some objection to our departing so soon, had not an
accident embroiled her with Mr Micklewhimmen, the Scotch advocate,
on whose heart she had been practising, from the second day after our
arrival--That original, though seemingly precluded from the use of
his limbs, had turned his genius to good account--In short, by dint of
groaning, and whining, he had excited the compassion of the company so
effectually, that an old lady, who occupied the very best apartment in
the house, gave it up for his ease and convenience. When his man led him
into the Long Room, all the females were immediately in commotion--One
set an elbow-chair; another shook up the cushion; a third brought a
stool; and a fourth a pillow, for the accommodation of his feet--
Two ladies (of whom Tabby was always one) supported him into the
dining-room, and placed him properly at the table; and his taste was
indulged with a succession of delicacies, culled by their fair hands.
All this attention he repaid with a profusion of compliments and
benedictions, which were not the less agreeable for being delivered in
the Scottish dialect. As for Mrs Tabitha, his respects were particularly
addressed to her, and he did not fail to mingle them with religious
reflections, touching free grace, knowing her bias to methodism, which
he also professed upon a calvinistical model.
For my part, I could not help thinking this lawyer was not such an
invalid as he pretended to be. I observed he ate very heartily three
times a day; and though his bottle was marked stomachic tincture, he
had recourse to it so often, and seemed to swallow it with such peculiar
relish, that I suspected it was not compounded in the apothecary’s shop,
or the chemist’s laboratory. One day, while he was earnest in discourse
with Mrs Tabitha, and his servant had gone out on some occasion or
other, I dexterously exchanged the labels, and situation of his bottle
and mine; and having tasted his tincture, found it was excellent claret.
I forthwith handed it about me to some of my neighbours, and it was
quite emptied before Mr Micklewhimmen had occasion to repeat his
draught. At length, turning about, he took hold of my bottle, instead of
his own, and, filling a large glass, drank to the health of Mrs Tabitha.
It had scarce touched his lips, when he perceived the change which had
been put upon him, and was at first a little out of countenance. He
seemed to retire within himself, in order to deliberate, and in half a
minute his resolution was taken; addressing himself to our quarter, ‘I
give the gentleman credit for his wit (said he); it was a gude practical
joke; but sometimes hi joci in seria ducunt mala--I hope for his own
sake he has na drank all the liccor; for it was a vara poorful infusion
of jallap in Bourdeaux wine; at its possable he may ha ta’en sic a dose
as will produce a terrible catastrophe in his ain booels--’
By far the greater part of the contents had fallen to the share of a
young clothier from Leeds, who had come to make a figure at Harrigate,
and was, in effect a great coxcomb in his way. It was with a view to
laugh at his fellow-guests, as well as to mortify the lawyer, that he
had emptied the bottle, when it came to his turn, and he had laughed
accordingly: but now his mirth gave way to his apprehension--He began
to spit, to make wry faces, and writhe himself into various
contorsions--‘Damn the stuff! (cried he) I thought it had a villainous
twang--pah! He that would cozen a Scot, mun get oope betimes, and take
Old Scratch for his counsellor--’ ‘In troth mester what d’ye ca’um
(replied the lawyer), your wit has run you into a filthy puddle--I’m
truly consarned for your waeful case--The best advice I can give you, in
sic a delemma, is to send an express to Rippon for doctor Waugh, without
delay, and, in the mean time, swallow all the oil and butter you can
find in the hoose, to defend your poor stomach and intastines from the
villication of the particles of the jallap, which is vara violent, even
when taken in moderation.’
The poor clothier’s torments had already begun: he retired, roaring with
pain, to his own chamber; the oil was swallowed, and the doctor
sent for; but before he arrived, the miserable patient had made such
discharges upwards and downwards, that nothing remained to give him
further offence; and this double evacuation, was produced by imagination
alone; for what he had drank was genuine wine of Bourdeaux, which the
lawyer had brought from Scotland for his own private use. The clothier,
finding the joke turn out so expensive and disagreeable, quitted the
house next morning, leaving the triumph to Micklewhimmen, who enjoyed it
internally without any outward signs of exultation--on the contrary, he
affected to pity the young man for what he had suffered; and acquired
fresh credit from this shew of moderation.
It was about the middle of the night, which succeeded this adventure,
that the vent of the kitchen chimney being foul, the soot took fire, and
the alarm was given in a dreadful manner. Every body leaped naked out
of bed, and in a minute the whole house was filled with cries and
confusion--There was two stairs in the house, and to these we naturally
ran; but they were both so blocked up, by the people pressing one upon
another, that it seemed impossible to pass, without throwing down
and trampling upon the women. In the midst of this anarchy, Mr
Micklewhimmen, with a leathern portmanteau on his back, came running
as nimble as a buck along the passage; and Tabby in her underpetticoat,
endeavouring to hook him under the arm, that she might escape through
his protection, he very fairly pushed her down, crying, ‘Na, na, gude
faith, charity begins at hame!’ Without paying the least respect to the
shrieks and intreaties of his female friends, he charged through the
midst of the crowd, overturning every thing that opposed him; and
actually fought his way to the bottom of the Stair-case--By this time
Clinker had found a ladder by which he entered the window of my uncle’s
chamber, where our family was assembled, and proposed that we should
make our exit successively by that conveyance. The ‘squire exhorted his
sister to begin the descent; but, before she could resolve, her woman,
Mrs Winifred Jenkins, in a transport of terror, threw herself out at the
window upon the ladder, while Humphry dropped upon the ground, that
he might receive her in her descent--This maiden was just as she had
started out of bed, the moon shone very bright, and a fresh breeze of
wind blowing, none of Mrs Winifred’s beauties could possibly escape the
view of the fortunate Clinker, whose heart was not able to withstand the
united force of so many charms; at least I am much mistaken, if he has
not been her humble slave from that moment--He received her in his arms,
and, giving her his coat to protect her from the weather, ascended again
with admirable dexterity.
At that instant, the landlord of the house called out with an audible
voice, that the fire was extinguished, and the ladies had nothing
further to fear: this was a welcome note to the audience, and produced
an immediate effect; the shrieking ceased, and a confused sound of
expostulation ensued. I conducted Mrs Tabitha and my sister to their own
chamber, where Liddy fainted away; but was soon brought to herself.
Then I went to offer my services to the other ladies, who might want
assistance--They were all scudding through the passage to their several
apartments; and as the thoroughfair was lighted by two lamps, I had a
pretty good observation of them in their transit; but as most of them
were naked to the smock, and all their heads shrowded in huge nightcaps,
I could not distinguish one face from another, though I recognized
some of their voices--These were generally plaintive; some wept, some
scolded, and some prayed--I lifted up one poor old gentlewoman, who had
been overturned and sore bruised by a multitude of feet; and this
was also the case with the lame person from Northumberland, whom
Micklewhimmen had in his passage overthrown, though not with impunity,
for the cripple, in falling, gave him such a good pelt on the head with
his crutch, that the blood followed.
As for this lawyer, he waited below till the hurly burly was over, and
then stole softly to his own chamber, from whence he did not venture to
make a second sally till eleven in the forenoon, when he was led into
the Public Room, by his own servant and another assistant, groaning most
woefully, with a bloody napkin round his head. But things were greatly
altered--The selfish brutality of his behaviour on the stairs had
steeled their hearts against all his arts and address--Not a soul
offered to accommodate him with a chair, cushion, or footstool; so that
he was obliged to sit down on a hard bench--In that position, he looked
around with a rueful aspect, and, bowing very low, said in a
whining tone, ‘Your most humble servant, ladies--Fire is a dreadful
calamity’--‘Fire purifies gold, and it ties friendship,’ cried Mrs
Tabitha, bridling. ‘Yea, madam (replied Micklewhimmen); and it trieth
discretion also’--‘If discretion consists in forsaking a friend in
adversity, you are eminently possessed of that virtue’ (resumed our
aunt).--‘Na, madam (rejoined the advocate), well I wot, I cannot claim
any merit from the mode of my retreat--Ye’ll please to observe, ladies,
there are twa independent principles that actuate our nature--One is
instinct, which we have in common with the brute creation, and the other
is reason--Noo, in certain great emergencies, when the faculty of reason
is suspended, instinct taks the lead, and when this predominates, having
no affinity with reason, it pays no sort of regard to its connections;
it only operates for the preservation of the individual, and that by the
most expeditious and effectual means; therefore, begging your pardon,
ladies, I’m no accountable in foro conscientioe for what I did, while
under the influence of this irresistible pooer.’
Here my uncle interposing, ‘I should be glad to know (said he), whether
it was instinct that prompted you to retreat with bag and baggage; for,
I think, you had a portmanteau on your shoulder’ The lawyer answered,
without hesitation, ‘Gif I might tell my mind freely, withoot incuring
the suspicion of presumption, I should think it was something superior
to either reason or instinct which suggested that measure, and this on
a twafold accoont: in the first place, the portmanteau contained the
writings of a worthy nobleman’s estate; and their being burnt would have
occasioned a loss that could not be repaired; secondly, my good angel
seems to have laid the portmanteau on my shoulders, by way of defence,
to sustain the violence of a most inhuman blow, from the crutch of a
reverend clergyman, which, even in spite of that medium, hath wounded
me sorely, even unto the pericranium.’ ‘By your own doctrine (cried the
parson, who chanced to be present), I am not accountable for the blow,
which was the effect of instinct.’ ‘I crave your pardon, reverend sir
(said the other), instinct never acts but for the preservation of the
individual; but your preservation was out of the case--you had already
received the damage, and therefore the blow must be imputed to revenge,
which is a sinful passion, that ill becomes any Christian, especially a
protestant divine; and let me tell you, most reverend doctor, gin I had
a mind to plea, the law would hauld my libel relevant.’ ‘Why, the damage
is pretty equal on both sides (cried the parson); your head is broke,
and my crutch is snapt in the middle. Now, if you will repair the one, I
will be at the expence of curing the other.’
This sally raised the laugh against Micklewhimmen, who began to look
grave; when my uncle, in order to change the discourse, observed,
that instinct had been very kind to him in another respect; for it had
restored to him the use of his limbs, which, in his exit, he had moved
with surprising agility.--He replied, that it was the nature of fear to
brace up the nerves; and mentioned some surprising feats of strength
and activity performed by persons under the impulse of terror; but he
complained that in his own particular, the effects had ceased when the
cause was taken away--The ‘squire said, he would lay a tea-drinking on
his head, that he should dance a Scotch measure, without making a false
step; and the advocate grinning, called for the piper--A fidler being
at hand, this original started up, with his bloody napkin over his black
tye-periwig, and acquitted himself in such a manner as excited the mirth
of the whole company; but he could not regain the good graces of Mrs
Tabby, who did not understand the principle of instinct; and the lawyer
did not think it worth his while to proceed to further demonstration.
From Harrigate, we came hither, by the way of York, and here we shall
tarry some days, as my uncle and Tabitha are both resolved to make use
of the waters. Scarborough, though a paltry town, is romantic from its
situation along a cliff that over-hangs the sea. The harbour is formed
by a small elbow of land that runs out as a natural mole, directly
opposite to the town; and on that side is the castle, which stands very
high, of considerable extent, and, before the invention of gun-powder,
was counted impregnable. At the other end of Scarborough are two public
rooms for the use of the company, who resort to this place in the summer
to drink the waters and bathe in the sea; and the diversions are pretty
much on the same footing here as at Bath. The Spa is a little way beyond
the town, on this side, under a cliff, within a few paces of the sea,
and thither the drinkers go every morning in dishabille; but the descent
is by a great number of steps, which invalids find very inconvenient.
Betwixt the well and the harbour, the bathing machines are ranged along
the beach, with all their proper utensils and attendants. You have never
seen one of these machines--Image to yourself a small, snug, wooden
chamber, fixed upon a wheel-carriage, having a door at each end, and on
each side a little window above, a bench below--The bather, ascending
into this apartment by wooden steps, shuts himself in, and begins to
undress, while the attendant yokes a horse to the end next the sea, and
draws the carriage forwards, till the surface of the water is on a level
with the floor of the dressing-room, then he moves and fixes the horse
to the other end--The person within being stripped, opens the door to
the sea-ward, where he finds the guide ready, and plunges headlong into
the water--After having bathed, he re-ascends into the apartment, by the
steps which had been shifted for that purpose, and puts on his clothes
at his leisure, while the carriage is drawn back again upon the dry
land; so that he has nothing further to do, but to open the door, and
come down as he went up--Should he be so weak or ill as to require
a servant to put off and on his clothes, there is room enough in the
apartment for half a dozen people. The guides who attend the ladies in
the water, are of their own sex, and they and the female bathers have
a dress of flannel for the sea; nay, they are provided with other
conveniences for the support of decorum. A certain number of the
machines are fitted with tilts, that project from the sea-ward ends
of them, so as to screen the bathers from the view of all persons
whatsoever--The beach is admirably adapted for this practice, the
descent being gently gradual, and the sand soft as velvet; but then the
machines can be used only at a certain time of the tide, which varies
every day; so that sometimes the bathers are obliged to rise very early
in the morning--For my part, I love swimming as an exercise, and
can enjoy it at all times of the tide, without the formality of an
apparatus--You and I have often plunged together into the Isis; but
the sea is a much more noble bath, for health as well as pleasure. You
cannot conceive what a flow of spirits it gives, and how it braces every
sinew of the human frame. Were I to enumerate half the diseases which
are every day cured by sea-bathing, you might justly say you had
received a treatise, instead of a letter, from
Your affectionate friend and servant, J. MELFORD SCARBOROUGH, July 1.
To Dr LEWIS.
I have not found all the benefit I expected at Scarborough, where I have
been these eight days--From Harrigate we came hither by the way of York,
where we stayed only one day to visit the Castle, the Minster and
the Assembly-room. The first, which was heretofore a fortress, is now
converted to a prison, and is the best, in all respects, I ever saw,
at home or abroad--It stands in a high situation, extremely well
ventilated; and has a spacious area within the walls, for the health and
convenience of all the prisoners except those whom it is necessary to
secure in close confinement. Even these last have all the comforts that
the nature of their situation can admit. Here the assizes are held, in a
range of buildings erected for that purpose.
As for the Minster, I know not how to distinguish it, except by its
great size and the height of its spire, from those other ancient
churches in different parts of the kingdom, which used to be called
monuments of Gothic architecture; but it is now agreed, that this stile
is Saracen rather than Gothic; and, I suppose, it was first imported
into England from Spain, great part of which was under the dominion of
the Moors. Those British architects who adopted this stile, don’t seem
to have considered the propriety of their adoption. The climate of the
country, possessed by the Moors or Saracens, both in Africa and Spain,
was so exceedingly hot and dry, that those who built places of worship
for the multitude, employed their talents in contriving edifices that
should be cool; and, for this purpose, nothing could be better adopted
than those buildings, vast, narrow, dark, and lofty, impervious to the
sun-beams, and having little communication with the scorched external
atmosphere; but ever affording a refreshing coolness, like subterranean
cellars in the heats of summer, or natural caverns in the bowels of huge
mountains. But nothing could be more preposterous, than to imitate such
a mode of architecture in a country like England, where the climate
is cold, and the air eternally loaded with vapours; and where, of
consequence, the builder’s intention should be to keep the people dry
and warm--For my part, I never entered the Abbey church at Bath but
once, and the moment I stept over the threshold, I found myself chilled
to the very marrow of my bones. When we consider, that in our churches,
in general, we breathe a gross stagnated air, surcharged with damps
from vaults, tombs, and charnel-houses, may we not term them so many
magazines of rheums, created for the benefit of the medical faculty? and
safely aver, that more bodies are lost, than souls saved, by going to
church, in the winter especially, which may be said to engross eight
months in the year. I should be glad to know, what offence it would give
to tender consciences, if the house of God was made more comfortable,
or less dangerous to the health of valetudinarians; and whether it
would not be an encouragement to piety, as well as the salvation of many
lives, if the place of worship was well floored, wainscotted, warmed,
and ventilated, and its area kept sacred from the pollution of the
dead. The practice of burying in churches was the effect of ignorant
superstition, influenced by knavish priests, who pretended that the
devil could have no power over the defunct if he was interred in holy
ground; and this indeed, is the only reason that can be given for
consecrating all cemeteries, even at this day.
The external appearance of an old cathedral cannot be but displeasing to
the eye of every man, who has any idea of propriety or proportion, even
though he may be ignorant of architecture as a science; and the long
slender spire puts one in mind of a criminal impaled with a sharp stake
rising up through his shoulder--These towers, or steeples, were likewise
borrowed from the Mahometans; who, having no bells, used such minarets
for the purpose of calling the people to prayers--They may be of further
use, however, for making observations and signals; but I would vote for
their being distinct from the body of the church, because they serve
only to make the pile more barbarous, or Saracenical.
There is nothing of this Arabic architecture in the Assembly Room, which
seems to me to have been built upon a design of Palladio, and might
be converted into an elegant place of worship; but it is indifferently
contrived for that sort of idolatry which is performed in it at present:
the grandeur of the fane gives a diminutive effect to the little painted
divinities that are adorned in it, and the company, on a ball-night,
must look like an assembly of fantastic fairies, revelling by moonlight
among the columns of a Grecian temple.
Scarborough seems to be falling off, in point of reputation. All these
places (Bath excepted) have their vogue, and then the fashion changes.
I am persuaded, there are fifty spaws in England as efficacious and
salutary as that of Scarborough, though they have not yet risen to fame;
and, perhaps, never will, unless some medical encomiast should find an
interest in displaying their virtues to the public view--Be that as it
may, recourse will always be had to this place for the convenience of
sea bathing, while this practice prevails; but it were to be wished,
they would make the beach more accessible to invalids.
I have here met with my old acquaintance, H[ewet]t, whom you have often
heard me mention as one of the most original characters upon earth--I
first knew him at Venice, and afterwards saw him in different parts of
Italy, where he was well known by the nick-name of Cavallo Bianco,
from his appearing always mounted on a pale horse, like Death in the
Revelations. You must remember the account I once gave you of a curious
dispute he had at Constantinople, with a couple of Turks, in defence of
the Christian religion; a dispute from which he acquired the epithet
of Demonstrator--The truth is, H--owns no religion but that of nature;
but, on this occasion, he was stimulated to shew his parts, for the
honour of his country--Some years ago, being in the Campidoglio at Rome,
he made up to the bust of Jupiter, and, bowing very low, exclaimed in
the Italian language, ‘I hope, sir, if ever you get your head above
water again, you will remember that I paid my respects to you in your
adversity.’ This sally was reported to the cardinal Camerlengo, and by
him laid before pope Benedict XIV, who could not help laughing at the
extravagance of the address, and said to the cardinal, ‘Those English
heretics think they have a right to go to the devil in their own way.’
Indeed H-- was the only Englishman I ever knew, who had resolution
enough to live in his own way, in the midst of foreigners; for, neither
in dress, diet, customs, or conversation, did he deviate one tittle from
the manner in which he had been brought up. About twelve years ago, he
began a Giro or circuit, which he thus performed--At Naples, where
he fixed his headquarters, he embarked for Marseilles, from whence he
travelled with a Voiturin to Antibes--There he took his passage to
Genoa and Lerici; from which last place he proceeded, by the way of
Cambratina, to Pisa and Florence--After having halted some time in
this metropolis, he set out with a Vetturino for Rome, where he reposed
himself a few weeks, and then continued his route for Naples, in order
to wait for the next opportunity of embarkation--After having twelve
times described this circle, he lately flew off at a tangent to visit
some trees at his country-house in England, which he had planted above
twenty years ago, after the plan of the double colonnade in the piazza
of St Peter’s at Rome--He came hither to Scarborough, to pay his
respects to his noble friend and former pupil, the M-- of G--, and,
forgetting that he is now turned of seventy, sacrificed so liberally to
Bacchus, that next day he was seized with a fit of the apoplexy, which
has a little impaired his memory; but he retains all the oddity of
his character in perfection, and is going back to Italy by the way of
Geneva, that he may have a conference with his friend Voltaire, about
giving the last blow to the Christian superstition--He intends to take
shipping here for Holland or Hamburgh; for it is a matter of great
indifference to him at what part of the continent he first lands.
When he was going abroad the last time, he took his passage in a ship
bound for Leghorn, and his baggage was actually embarked. In going down
the river by water, he was by mistake put on board of another
vessel under sail; and, upon inquiry understood she was bound to
Petersburgh--‘Petersburgh,--Petersburgh (said he) I don’t care if I go
along with you.’ He forthwith struck a bargain with the captain; bought
a couple of shirts of the mate, and was safe conveyed to the court of
Muscovy, from whence he travelled by land to receive his baggage at
Leghorn--He is now more likely than ever to execute a whim of the same
nature; and I will hold any wager, that as he cannot be supposed to live
much longer, according to the course of nature, his exit will be as odd
as his life has been extravagant.
[This gentleman crossed the sea to France, visited and conferred with
Mr de Voltaire at Fernay, resumed his old circuit at Genoa, and died in
1767, at the house of Vanini in Florence. Being taken with a suppression
of urine, he resolved, in imitation of Pomponius Atticus, to take
himself off by abstinence; and this resolution he executed like an
ancient Roman. He saw company to the last, cracked his jokes, conversed
freely, and entertained his guests with music. On the third day of his
fast, he found himself entirely freed of his complaint; but refused
taking sustenance. He said the most disagreeable part of the voyage was
past, and he should be a cursed fool indeed, to put about ship, when he
was just entering the harbour. In these sentiments he persisted, without
any marks of affectation, and thus finished his course with such
ease and serenity, as would have done honour to the firmest Stoic of
antiquity.]
But, to return from one humourist to another, you must know I have
received benefit, both from the chalybeate and the sea, and would have
used them longer, had not a most ridiculous adventure, by making me the
town-talk, obliged me to leave the place; for I can’t bear the thoughts
of affording a spectacle to the multitude. Yesterday morning, at six
o’clock, I went down to the bathing-place, attended by my servant
Clinker, who waited on the beach as usual--The wind blowing from the
north, and the weather being hazy, the water proved so chill, that when
I rose from my first plunge, I could not help sobbing and bawling out,
from the effects of the cold. Clinker, who heard me cry, and saw me
indistinctly a good way without the guide, buffetting the waves, took it
for granted I was drowning, and rushing into the sea, clothes and all,
overturned the guide in his hurry to save his master. I had swam out
a few strokes, when hearing a noise, I turned about and saw Clinker,
already up to his neck, advancing towards me, with all the wildness of
terror in his aspect--Afraid he would get out of his depth, I made haste
to meet him, when, all of a sudden, he seized me by one ear, dragged me
bellowing with pain upon the dry beach, to the astonishment of all the
people, men, and women, and children there assembled.
I was so exasperated by the pain of my ear, and the disgrace of being
exposed in such an attitude, that, in the first transport I struck him
down; then, running back into the sea, took shelter in the machine where
my clothes had been deposited. I soon recollected myself so far as to do
justice to the poor fellow, who, in great simplicity of heart, had acted
from motives of fidelity and affection--Opening the door of the machine,
which was immediately drawn on shore, I saw him standing by the wheel,
dropping like a water-work, and trembling from head to foot; partly from
cold, and partly from the dread of having offended his master--I made
my acknowledgments for the blow he had received, assured him I was
not angry, and insisted upon his going home immediately, to shift his
clothes; a command which he could hardly find in his heart to execute,
so well disposed was he to furnish the mob with further entertainment
at my expence. Clinker’s intention was laudable without all doubt, but,
nevertheless, I am a sufferer by his simplicity--I have had a burning
heat, and a strange buzzing noise in that ear, ever since it was so
roughly treated; and I cannot walk the street without being pointed at;
as the monster that was hauled naked a-shore upon the beach--Well, I
affirm that folly is often more provoking than knavery, aye and more
mischievous too; and whether a man had not better choose a sensible
rogue, than an honest simpleton for his servant, is no matter of doubt
with
Yours, MATT. BRAMBLE SCARBOROUGH, July 4.
To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, Bart of Jesus college, Oxon.