I mentioned in my last, my uncle’s design of going to the duke of N--‘s
levee; which design has been executed accordingly. His grace has been
so long accustomed to this kind of homage, that though the place he now
fills does not imply the tenth part of the influence, which he exerted
in his former office, he has given his friends to understand, that they
cannot oblige him in any thing more, than in contributing to support
the shadow of that power, which he no longer retains in substance; and
therefore he has still public days, on which they appear at his levee.
My uncle and I went thither with Mr Barton, who, being one of the duke’s
adherents, undertook to be our introducer--The room was pretty well
filled with people, in a great variety of dress; but there was no more
than one gown and cassock, though I was told his grace had, while he was
minister, preferred almost every individual that now filled the bench of
bishops in the house of lords; but in all probability, the gratitude of
the clergy is like their charity, which shuns the light--Mr Barton
was immediately accosted by a person well stricken in years, tall, and
raw-boned, with a hook-nose, and an arch leer, that indicated, at least,
as much cunning as sagacity. Our conductor saluted him, by the name of
captain C--, and afterwards informed us he was a man of shrewd parts,
whom the government occasionally employed in secret services. But I have
had the history of him more at large, from another quarter. He had been,
many years ago, concerned in fraudulent practices, as a merchant, in
France; and being convicted of some of them, was sent to the gallies,
from whence he was delivered by the interest of the late duke of Ormond,
to whom he had recommended himself in letter, as his name-sake and
relation--He was in the sequel, employed by our ministry as a spy;
and in the war of 1740, traversed all Spain, as well as France, in the
disguise of a capuchin, at the extreme hazard of his life, in as much as
the court of Madrid had actually got scent of him, and given orders to
apprehend him at St Sebastian’s, from whence he had fortunately retired
but a few hours before the order arrived. This and other hair-breadth
‘scapes he pleaded so effectually as a merit with the English ministry,
that they allowed him a comfortable pension, which he now enjoys in his
old age--He has still access to all the ministers, and is said to be
consulted by them on many subjects, as a man of uncommon understanding
and great experience--He is, in fact, a fellow of some parts, and
invincible assurance; and, in his discourse, he assumes such an air
of self-sufficiency, as may very well impose upon some of the shallow
politicians, who now labour at the helm of administration. But, if he is
not belied, this is not the only imposture of which he is guilty--They
say, he is at bottom not only a Roman-catholic, but really a priest; and
while he pretends to disclose to our state-pilots all the springs that
move the cabinet of Versailles, he is actually picking up intelligence
for the service of the French minister. Be that as it may, captain
C-- entered into conversation with us in the most familiar manner, and
treated the duke’s character without any ceremony--‘This wiseacre (said
he) is still a-bed; and, I think, the best thing he can do, is to sleep
on till Christmas; for, when he gets up, he does nothing but expose his
own folly.--Since Grenville was turned out, there has been no minister
in this nation worth the meal that whitened his peri-wig--They are so
ignorant, they scarce know a crab from a cauliflower; and then they
are such dunces, that there’s no making them comprehend the plainest
proposition--In the beginning of the war, this poor half-witted creature
told me, in a great fright, that thirty thousand French had marched
from Acadie to Cape Breton--“Where did they find transports? (said I)”
“Transports (cried he) I tell you they marched by land”--“By land to the
island of Cape Breton?” “What! is Cape Breton an island?” “Certainly.”
“Ha! are you sure of that?” When I pointed it out in the map, he
examined it earnestly with his spectacles; then, taking me in his arms,
“My dear C--! (cried he) you always bring us good news--Egad! I’ll go
directly, and tell the king that Cape Breton is an island.”’
He seemed disposed to entertain us with more anecdotes of this nature,
at the expense of his grace, when he was interrupted by the arrival
of the Algerine ambassador; a venerable Turk, with a long white beard,
attended by his dragoman, or interpreter, and another officer of his
household, who had got no stockings to his legs--Captain C-- immediately
spoke with an air of authority to a servant in waiting, bidding him go
and tell the duke to rise, as there was a great deal of company come,
and, among others, the ambassador from Algiers. Then, turning to
us, ‘This poor Turk (said he) notwithstanding his grey beard, is a
green-horn--He has been several years resident in London, and still is
ignorant of our political revolutions. This visit is intended for
the prime minister of England; but you’ll see how this wise duke will
receive it as a mark of attachment to his own person’--Certain it is,
the duke seemed eager to acknowledge the compliment--A door opened,
he suddenly bolted out; with a shaving-cloth under his chin, his
face frothed up to the eyes with soap lather; and running up to the
ambassador, grinned hideous in his face--‘My dear Mahomet! (said he) God
love your long beard, I hope the dey will make you a horsetail at the
next promotion, ha, ha, ha! Have but a moment’s patience, and I’ll send
to you in a twinkling,’--So saying, he retired into his den, leaving
the Turk in some confusion. After a short pause, however, he said
something to his interpreter, the meaning of which I had great
curiosity to know, as he turned up his eyes while he spoke, expressing
astonishment, mixed with devotion. We were gratified by means of the
communicative captain C--, who conversed with the dragoman, as an old
acquaintance. Ibrahim, the ambassador, who had mistaken his grace for
the minister’s fool, was no sooner undeceived by the interpreter, than
he exclaimed to this effect ‘Holy prophet! I don’t wonder that this
nation prospers, seeing it is governed by the counsel of ideots; a
series of men, whom all good mussulmen revere as the organs of immediate
inspiration!’ Ibrahim was favoured with a particular audience of short
duration; after which the duke conducted him to the door, and
then returned to diffuse his gracious looks among the crowd of his
worshippers.
As Mr Barton advanced to present me to his grace, it was my fortune to
attract his notice, before I was announced--He forthwith met me more
than half way, and, seizing me by the hand, ‘My dear Sir Francis! (cried
he) this is so kind--I vow to God! I am so obliged--Such attention to
a poor broken minister. Well--Pray when does your excellency set
sail?--For God’s sake have a care of your health, and eat stewed
prunes in the passage. Next to your own precious health, pray, my dear
excellency, take care of the Five Nations--Our good friends the Five
Nations. The Toryrories, the Maccolmacks, the Out-o’the-ways, the
Crickets, and the Kickshaws--Let ‘em have plenty of blankets, and
stinkubus, and wampum; and your excellency won’t fail to scour
the kettle, and boil the chain, and bury the tree, and plant the
hatchet--Ha, ha, ha!’ When he had uttered this rhapsody, with his usual
precipitation, Mr Barton gave him to understand, that I was neither Sir
Francis, nor St Francis, but simply Mr Melford, nephew to Mr Bramble;
who, stepping forward, made his bow at the same time. ‘Odso! no more it
is Sir Francis--(said this wise statesman) Mr Melford, I’m glad to
see you--I sent you an engineer to fortify your dock--Mr Bramble--your
servant, Mr Bramble--How d’ye, good Mr Bramble? Your nephew is a pretty
young fellow--Faith and troth, a very pretty fellow!--His father is
my old friend--How does he hold it? Still troubled with that damned
disorder, ha?’ ‘No, my lord (replied my uncle), all his troubles are
over--He has been dead these fifteen years.’ ‘Dead! how--Yes faith!
now I remember: he is dead sure enough--Well, and how--does the
young gentleman stand for Haverford West? or--a what d’ye. My dear Mr
Milfordhaven, I’ll do you all the service in my power I hope I have some
credit left’--My uncle then gave him to understand, that I was still a
minor; and that we had no intention to trouble him at present, for any
favour whatsoever--‘I came hither with my nephew (added he) to pay our
respects to your grace; and I may venture to say, that his views and
mine are at least as disinterested as those of any individual in this
assembly.’ ‘My dear Mr Brambleberry! you do me infinite honour--I shall
always rejoice to see you and your hopeful nephew, Mr Milfordhaven--My
credit, such as it is, you may command--I wish we had more friends of
your kidney.’
Then, turning to captain C--, ‘Ha, C--! (said he) what news, C--? How
does the world wag? ha!’ ‘The world wags much after the old fashion, my
lord (answered the captain): the politicians of London and Westminster
have begun again to wag their tongues against your grace; and your
short-lived popularity wags like a feather, which the next puff of
antiministerial calumny will blow away’--‘A pack of rascals (cried the
duke)--Tories, Jacobites, rebels; one half of them would wag their heels
at Tyburn, if they had their deserts’--So saying, he wheeled about;
and going round the levee, spoke to every individual, with the most
courteous familiarity; but he scarce ever opened his mouth without
making some blunder, in relation to the person or business of the party
with whom he conversed; so that he really looked like a comedian, hired
to burlesque the character of a minister--At length, a person of a very
prepossessing appearance coming in, his grace ran up, and, hugging him
in his arms, with the appellation of ‘My dear Ch--s!’ led him forthwith
into the inner apartment, or Sanctum Sanctorum of this political temple.
‘That (said captain C--) is my friend C-- T--, almost the only man of
parts who has any concern in the present administration--Indeed, he
would have no concern at all in the matter, if the ministry did not find
it absolutely necessary to make use of his talents upon some particular
occasions--As for the common business of the nation, it is carried on in
a constant routine by the clerks of the different offices, otherwise the
wheels of government would be wholly stopt amidst the abrupt succession
of ministers, every one more ignorant than his predecessor--I am
thinking what a fine hovel we should be in, if all the clerks of the
treasury, the secretaries, of the war-office, and the admiralty, should
take it in their heads to throw up their places in imitation of the
great pensioner--But, to return to C-- T--; he certainly knows more
than all the ministry and all the opposition, if their heads were laid
together, and talks like an angel on a vast variety of subjects. He
would really be a great man, if he had any consistency or stability of
character--Then, it must be owned, he wants courage, otherwise he would
never allow himself to be cowed by the great political bully, for whose
understanding he has justly a very great contempt. I have seen him as
much afraid of that overbearing Hector, as ever schoolboy was of his
pedagogue; and yet this Hector, I shrewdly suspect, is no more than a
craven at bottom--Besides this defect, C-- has another, which he is
at too little pains to hide--There’s no faith to be given to his
assertions, and no trust to be put in his promises--However, to give
the devil his due, he’s very good-natured; and even friendly, when close
urged in the way of solicitation--As for principle, that’s out of the
question--In a word, he is a wit and an orator, extremely entertaining,
and he shines very often at the expence even of those ministers to whom
he is a retainer. This is a mark of great imprudence, by which he has
made them all his enemies, whatever face they may put upon the matter;
and sooner or later he’ll have cause to wish he had been able to keep
his own counsel. I have several times cautioned him on this subject;
but ‘tis all preaching to the desert--His vanity runs away with his
discretion’--I could not help thinking the captain himself might have
been the better for some hints of the same nature--His panegyric,
excluding principle and veracity, puts me in mind of a contest I
once overheard, in the way of altercation, betwixt two apple-women
in Spring-garden--One of those viragos having hinted something to the
prejudice of the other’s moral character, her antagonist, setting her
hands in her sides, replied--‘Speak out, hussy--I scorn your malice--I
own I’m both a whore and a thief; and what more have you to say?--Damn
you, what more have you to say? baiting that, which all the world knows,
I challenge you to say black is the white of my eye’--We did not wait
for Mr T--‘s coming forth; but after captain C-- had characterised all
the originals in waiting, we adjourned to a coffeehouse, where we had
buttered muffins and tea to breakfast, the said captain still favouring
us with his company--Nay, my uncle was so diverted with his anecdotes,
that he asked him to dinner, and treated him with a fine turbot, to
which he did ample justice--That same evening I spent at the tavern with
some friends, one of whom let me into C--‘s character, which Mr Bramble
no sooner understood, than he expressed some concern for the connexion
he had made, and resolved to disengage himself from it without ceremony.
We are become members of the Society for the Encouragement of the Arts,
and have assisted at some of their deliberations, which were conducted
with equal spirit and sagacity--My uncle is extremely fond of the
institution, which will certainly be productive of great advantages to
the public, if, from its democratical form, it does not degenerate into
cabal and corruption--You are already acquainted with his aversion to
the influence of the multitude, which, he affirms, is incompatible with
excellence, and subversive of order--Indeed his detestation of the mob
has been heightened by fear, ever since he fainted in the room at Bath;
and this apprehension has prevented him from going to the Little Theatre
in the Hay-market, and other places of entertainment, to which, however,
I have had the honour to attend the ladies.
It grates old Square-toes to reflect, that it is not in his power to
enjoy even the most elegant diversions of the capital, without the
participation of the vulgar; for they now thrust themselves into all
assemblies, from a ridotto at St James’s, to a hop at Rotherhithe. I
have lately seen our old acquaintance Dick Ivy, who we imagined had died
of dram-drinking; but he is lately emerged from the Fleet, by means of
a pamphlet which he wrote and published against the government with some
success. The sale of this performance enabled him to appear in clean
linen, and he is now going about soliciting subscriptions for his Poems;
but his breeches are not yet in the most decent order.
Dick certainly deserves some countenance for his intrepidity and
perseverance--It is not in the power of disappointment, nor even of
damnation, to drive him to despair--After some unsuccessful essays in
the way of poetry, he commenced brandy-merchant, and I believe his
whole stock ran out through his own bowels; then he consorted with a
milk-woman, who kept a cellar in Petty France: but he could not make his
quarters good; he was dislodged and driven up stairs into the kennel by
a corporal in the second regiment of foot-guards--He was afterwards the
laureat of Blackfriars, from whence there was a natural transition to
the Fleet--As he had formerly miscarried in panegyric, he now turned his
thoughts to satire, and really seems to have some talent for abuse. If
he can hold out till the meeting of the parliament, and be prepared
for another charge, in all probability Dick will mount the pillory,
or obtain a pension, in either of which events his fortune will be
made--Mean while he has acquired some degree of consideration with the
respectable writers of the age; and as I have subscribed for his works,
he did me the favour t’other night to introduce me to a society of those
geniuses; but I found them exceedingly formal and reserved--They
seemed afraid and jealous of one another, and sat in a state of mutual
repulsion, like so many particles of vapour, each surrounded by its own
electrified atmosphere. Dick, who has more vivacity than judgment, tried
more than once to enliven the conversation; sometimes making an effort
at wit, sometimes letting off a pun, and sometimes discharging a
conundrum; nay, at length he started a dispute upon the hackneyed
comparison betwixt blank verse and rhyme, and the professors opened with
great clamour; but, instead of keeping to the subject, they launched
out into tedious dissertations on the poetry of the ancients; and one
of them, who had been a school-master, displayed his whole knowledge of
prosody, gleaned from Disputer and Ruddiman. At last, I ventured to say,
I did not see how the subject in question could be at all elucidated by
the practice of the ancients, who certainly had neither blank verse
nor rhyme in their poems, which were measured by feet, whereas ours are
reckoned by the number of syllables--This remark seemed to give umbrage
to the pedant, who forthwith involved himself in a cloud of Greek and
Latin quotations, which nobody attempted to dispel--A confused hum of
insipid observations and comments ensued; and, upon the whole, I never
passed a duller evening in my life--Yet, without all doubt, some of them
were men of learning, wit, and ingenuity. As they are afraid of making
free with one another, they should bring each his butt, or whet-stone,
along with him, for the entertainment of the company--My uncle says, he
never desires to meet with more than one wit at a time--One wit, like a
knuckle of ham in soup, gives a zest and flavour to the dish; but more
than one serves only to spoil the pottage--And now I’m afraid I have
given you an unconscionable mess, without any flavour at all; for which,
I suppose, you will bestow your benedictions upon