Lady Griskin’s botler, Mr Crumb, having got ‘squire Barton to frank me
a kiver, I would not neglect to let you know how it is with me, and the
rest of the family.
I could not rite by John Thomas, for because he went away in a huff,
at a minutes’ warning. He and Chowder could not agree, and so they fitt
upon the road, and Chowder bitt his thumb, and he swore he would do him
a mischief, and he spoke saucy to mistress, whereby the squire turned
him off in gudgeon; and by God’s providence we picked up another
footman, called Umphry Klinker; a good sole as ever broke bread;
which shews that a scalded cat may prove a good mouser, and a hound be
staunch, thof he has got narro hare on his buttocks; but the proudest
nose may be bro’t to the grinestone, by sickness and misfortunes.
0 Molly! what shall I say of London? All the towns that ever I beheld
in my born-days, are no more than Welsh barrows and crumlecks to this
wonderful sitty! Even Bath itself is but a fillitch, in the naam of
God--One would think there’s no end of the streets, but the land’s end.
Then there’s such a power of people, going hurry skurry! Such a racket
of coxes! Such a noise, and haliballoo! So many strange sites to be
seen! O gracious! my poor Welsh brain has been spinning like a top ever
since I came hither! And I have seen the Park, and the paleass of Saint
Gimses, and the king’s and the queen’s magisterial pursing, and the
sweet young princes, and the hillyfents, and pye bald ass, and all the
rest of the royal family.
Last week I went with mistress to the Tower, to see the crowns and wild
beastis; and there was a monstracious lion, with teeth half a quarter
long; and a gentleman bid me not go near him, if I wasn’t a maid; being
as how he would roar, and tear, and play the dickens--Now I had no mind
to go near him; for I cannot abide such dangerous honeymils, not I--but,
mistress would go; and the beast kept such a roaring and bouncing,
that I tho’t he would have broke his cage and devoured us all; and the
gentleman tittered forsooth; but I’ll go to death upon it, I will,
that my lady is as good a firchin, as the child unborn; and, therefore,
either the gentleman told a fib, or the lion oft to be set in the
stocks for bearing false witness agin his neighbour; for the commandment
sayeth, Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.
I was afterwards of a party at Sadler’s-wells, where I saw such tumbling
and dancing upon ropes and wires, that I was frightened and ready to
go into a fit--I tho’t it was all inchantment; and, believing myself
bewitched, began for to cry--You knows as how the witches in Wales fly
upon broom-sticks: but here was flying without any broom-stick, or thing
in the varsal world, and firing of pistols in the air, and blowing of
trumpets, and swinging, and rolling of wheel-barrows upon a wire (God
bless us!) no thicker than a sewing-thread; that, to be sure, they must
deal with the devil!--A fine gentleman, with a pig’s-tail, and a golden
sord by his side, come to comfit me, and offered for to treat me with
a pint of wind; but I would not stay; and so, in going through the dark
passage, he began to shew his cloven futt, and went for to be rude: my
fellow-sarvant, Umphry Klinker, bid him be sivil, and he gave the young
man a dowse in the chops; but, I fackins, Mr Klinker wa’n’t long in
his debt--with a good oaken sapling he dusted his doublet, for all his
golden cheese toaster; and, fipping me under his arm, carried me huom, I
nose not how, being I was in such a flustration--But, thank God! I’m
now vaned from all such vanities; for what are all those rarities and
vagaries to the glory that shall be revealed hereafter? O Molly! let not
your poor heart be puffed up with vanity.
I had almost forgot to tell you, that I have had my hair cut and
pippered, and singed, and bolstered, and buckled, in the newest fashion,
by a French freezer--Parley vow Francey--Vee madmansell--I now carries
my head higher than arrow private gentlewoman of Vales. Last night,
coming huom from the meeting, I was taken by lamp-light for an iminent
poulterer’s daughter, a great beauty--But as I was saying, this is all
vanity and vexation of spirit--The pleasures of London are no better
than sower whey and stale cyder, when compared to the joys of the new
Gerusalem.
Dear Mary Jones! An please God when I return, I’ll bring you a new cap,
with a turkey-shell coom, and a pyehouse sermon, that was preached in
the Tabernacle; and I pray of all love, you will mind your vriting
and your spilling; for, craving your pardon, Molly, it made me suet
to disseyffer your last scrabble, which was delivered by the hind at
Bath--0, voman! voman! if thou had’st but the least consumption of what
pleasure we scullers have, when we can cunster the crabbidst buck off
hand, and spell the ethnitch vords without lucking at the primmer. As
for Mr Klinker, he is qualified to be a clerk to a parish--But I’ll say
no more--Remember me to Saul--poor sole! it goes to my hart to think
she don’t yet know her letters--But all in God’s good time--It shall go
hard, but I will bring her the A B C in gingerbread; and that, you nose,
will be learning to her taste.
Mistress says, we are going a long gurney to the North; but go where we
will, I shall ever be,
Dear Mary Jones, Yours with true infection WIN. JENKINS LONDON, June 3.
To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, of Jesus college, Oxon.